10 Tips: How To Understand Your Husband

"Men are not mind readers".

The interesting thing is that as women, we think that we can hint at things, or act a certain way to get our message across. But that's not how it works, our men need us to be direct with them. It's not because they are dumb, it's just how their minds work. Woman tend to manipulate things rather than just come right out with it...now don't get mad at me, think about it, we are manipulative sometimes, aren't we? I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule, but generally, this is true...don't agree? Head down to the "duel" lens and tell us about it.

"Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down."

If you can't resolve this issue between yourselves, maybe this automatic no-touch toilet seat will help Wave at the seat to get it to open, and it will close automatically.

NOTE: We now have a whole page devoted to the "Automatic Marriage Saving Toilet Seat".

"Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!"

I guess this one is a nice follow-up to tip #1, makes it a little clearer. Personally, when I cry, I really mean it...I don't just cry to get my way, what about you? Let us know in the "duel" section below...and in the meantime, hand me a box of tissues!

"Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

There really is some truth in that, men tend to be problem solvers. They aren't necessarily interested in hearing our sad tales of woe. As woman, it's good for us to understand that not all men are "in touch with their feminine side"...even if we wish they were...they will hear a problem, and offer an immediate solution to fix it, even if all we want is for them to feel sorry for us, or comfort us. It's an area men can grow in, but until that happens, it's good to have compassionate trustwothy girlfriends that you can confide in.

"If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one."

Another one related to Communication, probably one of the most challenging aspects of any marriage. Do you agree with this quote...no? Head on down to the "duel" section and let us know why.

"You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."

Okay, this is fair. I am known to ask for something to be done, then to give advice, or criticize after, because things don't turn out the way I hoped. Sometimes I should consider how tired my husband must be after working all day (we still live the old fashioned way...me at home, he at work) and ask the right thing at the right time without complaining, or learn to do some things myself.

"Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials."

This is a real big issue in our house. When hubby comes home from work, we sit down to dinner right away, and since the children are grown, watch TV while we eat. I want to talk about the day, he wants to "chill" after a long day at work, eat, watch TV.

We've come to a fairly good compromise, we use a DVR w/ Tivo, and can stop programs as they are playing or that have been recorded to talk, then start them right up again where we left off.

Still, I try to be understanding when he comes home tired and give him his space.

"If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear" and "Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports."

Communication once again...that first one really makes you think...what kind of questions could the writer be referring to, "Do you think I look fat?", "Can I go spend $1000 on shoes", I don't know.

As for the second question, woman often think "below the surface", more deeply about things. When we ask "what are you thinking", it's often not just to generate conversation (though it can be), but because we want to communicate on a deeper level. So I think what our friend is trying to get across is that we shouldn't be disappointed if their response is a surface one. I don't know much about sports, so I wouldn't be able to communicate back with a husband interested in talking sports, but maybe I can learn to...just like maybe our husbands can learn to communicate on a deeper level under the right circumstances.

I am a little suspicious, because sex was never mentioned once in the list I received by email, either someone deleted it thinking that mention of it wasn't appropriate, or the list was actually written by a woman...it's a rare man who wouldn't include something about sex in a list of this kind. So we're going to take a look at it ourselves.

Oh, and money too, sex, communication and money are said to be among the top issues that trouble our marriages.

Most men would put sex on the top of their list of what is important to them. Most woman would not. And yes, there are exceptions to the rule.

BOOK REVIEW:

I've had the "pleasure" of listening to the author of the following book speak...and she has a great way of sharing how men view sex as opposed to how woman view in a way that's easy to listen too. "Slattery takes a comprehensive approach to re-igniting sexuality, discussing gender differences, body image, and the exhaustion of having young children. Her light doses of humor and honesty pull the reader along." --Library Journal, July 2009

BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Both husbands and wives can be extremely frustrated by the differences in sexual needs and expectations between them. This frustration manifests itself as fighting, resentment, feelings of either guilt or rejection, and general marital strife. There are few safe and appropriate places to ask the questions about sex that frustrate and confuse women most. In "No More Headaches", Juli Slattery provides that place with honest answers that target women's specific needs. Her warm and compassionate style comes through as she examines the underlying issues that prevent couples from having a satisfying sex life. Helping husbands and wives understand and address the sexual relationship with their spouse will improve the marriage by reducing stress and frustration in that area, which will reduce stress in other areas of marriage as well. Each chapter contains questions for reflection and questions for couples to discuss. Juli Slattery has extensive experience speaking to women about marriage, parenting, and family issues at retreats and conferences as well as on television and radio."

August 2011 Update - I got the Fireproof book and am going to give the daily suggestions for 40 days a try.