12 Step Suite by Dream Theater

This interview with Song Facts was part of the publicity tour for Black Clouds and Silver Linings.

SF: "The Shattered Fortress" is dedicated to Bill W., and all of his friends. Who is that?

Mike: Bill W. is the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, and "The Shattered Fortress" is the fifth and final chapter in a series of five songs that I've been writing over the past 5 Dream Theater albums. I've been clean and sober with the help of AA now for over 10 years, and the 12 steps of recovery has been a huge, huge part of my life. When I got sober 10 years ago, I decided I wanted to start writing songs about the 12 steps. And rather than just writing one song about everything, I had this idea of writing one song that was steps 1, 2 and 3, then the next album continue with the song that was step 4 and 5, and so on and so forth. And "The Shattered Fortress" off the latest album is the final chapter, which is steps 10, 11 and 12, and ultimately these five songs that have taken 5 albums to complete ultimately will fit together and they all have running common themes and melodies and riffs and lyrics, and it all ties together like one giant puzzle that hopefully we'll be playing live someday.

SF: There's some really great lyrics about being responsible for your actions: "I am responsible when anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want my hand to be there."

Mike: That's actually a line taken right out of AA meetings and the 12 steps. And if you listen to all five of these songs, there's so much stuff that I wrote about that's taken directly out of AA meetings, or taken directly out of the Big Book (the Alcoholics Anonymous guidebook). That was a big part of what was behind the songs, and what's behind me still being alive today.

SF: Sounds like the AA concept is not just good advice for people that have addictions, but good advice for anyone as far as how to be a good citizen.

Mike: That's absolutely true. I mean, the 12 steps of recovery, you don't even see the word "alcohol" or "drugs" mentioned anywhere in that. It's all about bettering yourself and it's not only a program of learning to be sober, it's a program of learning to live to be a better human being. That's why it's been a huge, huge help and a big part of my life for the last 10 years.

Cunning, Baffling, Powerful
Been beaten to a pulp
Vigorous, Irresistable
Sick and tired and laid low
Dominating, Invincible
Black-out, loss of control
Overwhelming, Unquenchable
I'm powerless, have to let go

I can't escape it
It leaves me frail and worn
Can no longer take it
Senses tattered and torn

Hopeless surrender
Obsession's got me beat
Losing the will to live
Admitting complete defeat

Fatal Descent
Spinning around
I've gone too far
To turn back round

Desperate attempt
Stop the progression
At any length
Lift this obsession

Crawling to my glass prison
A place where no one knows
My secret lonely world begins

So much safer here
A place where I can go
To forget about my daily sins

Life here in my glass prison
A place I once called home
Fall in nocturnal bliss again

Chasing a long lost friend
I no longer can control
Just waiting for this hopelessness to end

Run - fast from the wreckage of the past
A shattered glass prison wall behind me
Fight - past walking through the ashes
A distant oasis before me

Cry - desperate crawling on my knees
Begging God to please stop the insanity
Help me - I'm trying to believe
Stop wallowing in my self pity

"We've been waiting for you my friend
The writing's been on the wall
All it takes is a little faith
You know you're the same as us all"

Help me - I can't break out this prison all alone
Save me - I'm drowning and I'm hopeless on my own
Heal me - I can't restore my sanity alone

Enter the door
Desperate
Fighting no more
Help me restore
To my sanity
At this temple of hope

I need to learn
Teach me how
Sorrow to burn
Help me return
To humanity
I'll be fearless and thorough
To enter this temple of hope

Believe
Transcend the pain
Living the life
Humility
Opened my eyes
This new odyssey
Of rigorous honesty

Serenity
That I never knew
Soundness of mind
Helped me to find
Courage to change
All the things that I can

"We'll help you perform this miracle
But you must set your past free
You dug the hole, but you can't bury your soul
Open your mind and you'll see"

Help me - I can't break out this prison all alone
Save me - I'm drowning and I'm hopeless on my own
Heal me - I can't restore my sanity alone

Way off in the distance I saw a door
I tried to open
I tried forcing with all of my will but still
The door wouldn't open

Unable to trust in my faith
I turned and walked away
I looked around, felt a chill in the air
Took my will and turned it over

The glass prison which once held me is gone
A long lost fortress
Armed only with liberty
And the key of my willingness

Fell down on my knees and prayed
"Thy will be done"
I turned around, saw a light shining through
The door was wide open

Hello mirror, so glad to see you my friend, it's been a while.
Searching, Fearless - where do I begin to heal this wound of self-denial

Face yourself man!
Brace yourself man! and trace your hell back

You've been blinded, living like a one way cold existence all the while
Now it's time to stare the problem right between the eyes you long lost child

I wanna feel your body breaking
Wanna feel your body breaking and shaking and left in the cold
I want to heal your conscience making a change to fix this dying soul

Born into a broken home
Surrounded by love yet all alone
Forced into a life that's split in two
A mother and a father both pulling you

Then you had to deal with loss and death
Everybody thinking they know best
Coping with this shit at such an age
Can only fill a kid with pain and rage

Family disease pumped through your blood
Never had the chance you thought you could
Running all the while with no escape
Turning all that pain in to blame and hate

Living on your own by 21
Not a single care and having fun
Consuming all the life in front of you
Burning out the fuse and smoking the residue

Possessive obsessions selfish childish games
Vengeful resentments
Passing all the blame

Living out a life of decadence
Acting without thought of consequence
Spreading all your lies from coast to coast
While spitting on the ones that matter most

Running power mad with no control
Fighting for the credit they once stole
No one can ever tell you what to do
Ruling other's lives while the can't stand the thought of you

A living reflection seen from miles away
A hopeless affliction having run astray

I wanna feel your body breaking
Wanna feel your body breaking and shaking and left in the cold
I want to heal your conscience making a change to fix this dying soul
This dying soul

Now that you can see all you have done
It's time to take that step into the kingdom
All your sins will only make you strong
And help you break right through the prison wall

Come to me my friend (Listen to me)
I'll help this torture end (Help to set me free)
Let your ego go (I can't carry this load)
You can't go through this alone (I feel so hopeless and exposed)
You'll find your peace of mind (Give me some direction)
You can no longer hide (Break out of this isolation)
Let humility (Openness, honesty)
And become what you can be (A healing tranquility)

Help me
Save me
Heal me
I can't break out of this prison all alone

These tormenting ghosts of yesterday
Will vanish when exposed
You can't hold onto your secrets
They'll only send you back alone

Your fearless admissions
Will help expel your destructive obsessions
With my help I know you can
Be at one with God and man

Hear me
Believe me
Take me
I'm ready to break through this prison wall

Proud enough for you to call me arrogant
Greedy enough to be labeled a thief
Angry enough for me to go and hurt a man
Cruel enough for me to feel no grief

Never could have just a part of it
I always need more to get by
Getting right down to the heart of it
The root of all evil has been running my whole life

Dirty enough for me to lust
Leaving nothing left to trust
Jealous enough to still feel envious
Lazy enough to sleep all day
And let my life just waste away
Selfish enough to make you wait for me

Driven blindly by our sins
Misled so easily
Entirely ready to leave it behind
I'm begging to break free

Take all of me
The desires that keep burning deep inside
Cast them all away
And help to give me strength to face another day
I am ready
Help me be what I can be

Self-centered fear has got a hold of me
Clutching my throat
Self righteous anger running all through me
Ready to explode

Procrastination paralyzing me
Wanting me dead
These obsessions that keep haunting me
Won't leave my head

Help to do for me what I can't do myself
Take this fear and pain
I can't break out of this prison all alone
Help me break these chains

Humility now my only hope
Won't you take all of me
Heal this dying soul

I can feel my body breaking
I can feel my body breaking
I'm ready to let it all go
I can feel my body shaking
Right down to the foundation
The root of it all

Take all of me
The desires that keep burning deep inside
Cast them all away
And help to give me strength to face another day
I am ready
Help me be what I can be
I am ready
Come to me
Take me away

Hello Mirror, so glad to see you my friend
it's been a while...

Staring at the empty page before me
All the years of wreckage running through my head
Patterns of my life I thought adorned me
Revealing hurtful shame and deep lament

Overwhelming sorrow now absorbs me
As the pen begins to trace my darkest past
Signs throughout my life
that should have warned me
Of all the wrongs I've done for which I must repent

I once thought it better to regret
Things that I have done than haven't
Sometimes you've got to be wrong
And learn the hard way
Sometimes you've got to be strong
When you think it's too late

Staring at the finished page before me
All the damage now so clear and evident
Thinking about the dreaded task in store for me
A bitter fear at the thought of my amends

Hoping that the step will help restore me
To face my past and ask for forgiveness
Cleaning up my dirty side of this unswept street
Could this be the beginning of the end?

I once thought it better to regret
Things that I have done than haven't
Sometimes you've got to be wrong
And learn the hard way
Just when you're through hanging on
You're saved

Freedom--calls my name
Serenity--keeps me sane
Happineses--it dulls the pain

Honest--to see my place
Open--to other ways
Willingness--to understand

Justice--but do not judge
Courtesy--for others' flaws
Kindness--it's not that hard

Self-restraint--of toungue and pen
Inventory--my daily friend
Analysis--let down your guard

Look in the mirror
What do you see?
The shattered fortress
That once bound me

Fateful ascent
Through darkest fires
I've found the path
To take me higher

You're smart enough for me to trust go live your life now
Just keep these steps in your life and you'll know how
If you're not sure, ask yourself
"Have I done to them
As I would have them do to me?"

Look in the mirror
What's that you see?
The shattered fortress
Fly now be free

Fateful ascent
Through darkest fires
I've found the path
To take me higher

I once thought it better to be right
But now I have finally seen the light
Sometimes you've got to be wrong
And learn from mistakes
I live with serenity now
Not self-righteous hate

Help me be a channel of Thy peace
That where there is hatred I may bring love
That where there is wrong I may bring the spirit of forgiveness
That where there is discord I may bring harmony
That where there is error I may bring truth
That where there is doubt I may bring faith

Now that you can see all you have done
That where there is despair I may bring hope
That where there is shadow I may bring light
It's time to take that step into the kingdom
That where there is sadness I may bring joy

All your sins will help to make you strong
That I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted
That I may seek to understand rather than to be understood
And help you break right through the prison wall
That I may seek to love, rather than to be loved
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven

Now that you can see all you have done
It's time to take that step into the kingdom
All your sins will help to make you strong
And help you break right through the prison wall

Keep all of me
The desires that once burned me deep inside
Help me live today
And help to give me grace
To carry out your way

I am ready
Help me be all I can be
I am ready
Help guide me and keep me free

I am responsible
When anyone, anywhere
Reaches out for help
I want my hand to be there

I am responsible
When anyone, anywhere
Reaches out for help
I want my hand to be there

Temptation-
Why won't you leave me alone?
Lurking Every Corner, everywhere I go

Self Control-
Don't turn your back on me now
When I need you the most

Constant pressure tests my will
My will or my won't
My Self Control escapes from me still...

> Hypocrite-
How could you be so cruel
and expect my faith in return?

Resistance-
Is not as hard as it seems
When you close the door

I spent so long trusting in you
I trust you forgot
Just when I thought I believed in you...

"What're you doing?
What're you doing?"

It's time for me to deal
Becoming all too real
living in fear-
Why did you lie and pretend?
This has to come to an end
I'll never trust you again
It's time you made your amends
Look in the mirror my friend

"That I haven't behaved as I should"

"Everything you need is around you.
The only danger is inside you."

"I thought you could control life,
but it's not like that. There are
things you can't control."

Let's stare the problem right in the eye
It's plagued me from coast to coast
Racing the clock to please everyone
All but the one who matters the most

Reflections of reality
are slowly coming into view
How in the hell could you possibly forgive me?
After all the hell I put you through

It's time for me to deal
Becoming all too real
living in fear-
Why'd I betray my friend?
Lying until the end
Living life so pretend
It's time to make my amends
I'll never hurt you again