Elena Solomon

• Life Coach
  
• Certified Master of NLP
  
• Qualified Philosopher
  
• International Bestselling Author
  
• 'Best-of-The-Best' Expert of AllExperts.com
  
• Author of 12 Simple Rules Ebook

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex.
Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex.

Women blame men they don't know how to love.
Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it.

Whether you are a man or a woman, reading this article can change your life - finally, you will be able to get rid of your frustrations about the opposite gender.

The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female's.

In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels the same way as a female after more than a year without sex.

Knowing this simple difference, you can already understand the pain of the opposite gender. It's NOT their fault: they are made this way! It's in our genes! This is the reason why men are men and women are women.

Men and women are DIFFERENT.
Not better or worse, just different.

A man can father a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only mother a child every two years or so. This means, a woman HAS TO be picky about who she allows to have sex with her.

For generations women were paying too high a price for making a wrong choice. Women that have chosen men with bad genes had a weaker offspring and their children struggled to survive. Women that have chosen men with good genes had a stronger offspring and their children survived disproportionally. Those children were carrying their picky mother's genes and this is why those female genes were passed to us.

On the other hand, men never had adverse consequences of making a wrong choice. The more children they produced, the higher was their chance to pass their genes to future generations, as some of them would certainly survive. While men were determined to seek better genes too, they had to grab all chances to procreate coming their way to ensure their genes would be passed forward. The men that ONLY stuck with one woman (even a high quality woman) were losing genetically to the men that used all of their opportunities and had many more children that survived. Those children were carrying their father's promiscuous genes, and this is why those male genes were passed to us.

By Nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can spread their seed wider.

By Nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they can make a better choice and get the best seed.

Men seek quantity - women seek quality.

This is why men seek sex and women seek love.

Love is the proof that a woman needs to have some assurance that the man will stick around and help her with the upbringing of the offspring. For a woman, sex is the culmination of her emotional commitment to a man.

For a man, sex is a physical act that eases the testosterone pressure he experiences constantly. Only after this tension has gone, can a man feel love towards a woman. This is why it often happens that men disappear after they got what they wanted: it wasn't love; it was the testosterone pressure. Sex for men is the reality check of their passion.

This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a future relationship - and love.

Men fall in love through sex; women fall in sex through love.

All of this happens on the unconscious level - we do NOT realize what's going on.

But the reason why you are here today and alive is because each and every of your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their instincts and managed to attract at least one sexual partner and produce an offspring.

So, there is no need to be bitter about men wanting sex and women wanting love. Those two are the necessary pieces of the puzzle called Survival Of The Species.

And you'll be better off understanding what the other gender is going through and giving them exactly what they want: a mind-blowing sex or exhilarating love.

Go get 'em! :-)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Elena Solomon is a dating coach.

Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It shows you EXACTLY how you can utilize the natural laws of attraction and our in-built sexual strategies to win in the game of love.

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

Have you ever thought WHY men's and women's sexual strategies are so different?

- Why men want sex and women want love?
- Why there are NO books teaching women how to get one-night stands?
- Why women complain about men not loving them enough - but refusing to make love?

If you've ever been frustrated with the opposite gender, I feel for you. I've been there, too. In fact, for nearly two decades of my life I was completely clueless on what was going on between men and women - with disastrous results.

Then I decided I'd had enough and I wanted to learn what the other gender was REALLY looking for and HOW one could master that. In short, I wanted to know what makes men and women tick.

This is what I learned and what every man and woman must know.

Our sexual strategies are deeply imprinted in our SUBCONSCIOUS.
We cannot CHANGE what is there.
We cannot CHOOSE whom we feel attracted to.
We just FEEL it.

Why?

Because, from Mother Nature's point of view, the purpose of life is LIFE itself. It's procreation. In other words, to keep the human race thriving, men and women should have sex and have children.

To make men and women have sex Mother Nature created a mechanism, which drives males and females towards one another. This mechanism is what we routinely call LOVE, or attraction.

Attraction is actually a cocktail of certain hormones generated in our bodies in the presence of someone who appears to be good genes - in other words, a person of the opposite gender who seems to have the capacity of producing a healthy offspring that will survive.

Those hormones make us feel euphoric and excited, and we feel an enormous urge to get in close contact with the person we are attracted to.

This is really what love is all about.
It's just the means of making us have sex with each other and make babies.

All those poems about the wonders of love are written about the condition of a human being under the influence of a powerful mix of natural drugs.

And yes, it hits high!
Anyone who's been in love can confirm that.

The thing you must understand is that this process is COMPLETELY UNCONTROLLABLE.

We cannot CHOOSE who we fall in love with.

This is because the purpose of procreation is so important that Mother Nature cannot rely on our recently developed intellectual capacities to make the right choice. Instead, it uses the wisdom of generations BEFORE us to make the choice FOR us. The mechanism of sexual attraction is firmly imprinted in our GENETIC MEMORY.

We are attracted to certain patterns of behavior and physical characteristics. When we come across those patterns in real life, we feel attraction to this person - and we cannot help it.

With all advances in modern science and birth control, we still have the same biological hardware as our pre-historical ancestors. Scientists say that we have the same bodies as our forebears some 50,000 years ago.

It means that when you fall in love (or lust), you do it the same way as cavemen and cavewomen did. You simply FEEL it. You cannot CONVINCE yourself to fall in love - you either feel it, or not.

So, why men and women use such different sexual strategies?
Why men want sex and women want love?
Because men and women ARE different.

Not better or worse, but different.

A man can produce a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only produce a child only every second year or so.

So for a man, there are no adverse consequences for having sex with as many women as he wants - the more children he produces, the higher his chance to procreate.

For a woman, it's different. She needs to be selective to secure the best genes for her child. If she makes a wrong choice and falls pregnant from a man with bad genes, her offspring may not survive into adulthood. And she can only produce about 10 children during her lifetime.

This is why men's and women's sexual strategies are so different.

Men seek quantity; women seek quality.
Men seek abundance of sex, women - abundance of admirers.

This is absolutely NATURAL.

This is the reason why you are here today and alive - because your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their natural aspirations. Millions of dead ends of your species vanished into oblivion - and every single one of YOUR ancestors managed to find a sexual partner and produce an offspring that survived into adulthood.

- If your female ancestors weren't picky, you wouldn't be here today.
- If your male ancestors weren't trying to get laid at every opportunity, you might as well never be born.

STOP wining about the tricks of the opposite gender.

The battle of the sexes is the battle for the survival of HUMANITY.

We are made this way.
Accept it.

And learn to use it to your advantage!

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

A while ago, a guy wrote to me saying that if he knew what women wanted, he would write a book and retire rich.

What women want was a secret to a man for a long, LONG time.

Mel Gibson and his famous movie "What Women Want" haven't quite answered this question. In fact, this is exactly the answer to the question in his own words:

"After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate."

I don't know about you but this answer doesn't quite cut it for me. If I were a guy, I would need something more specific to succeed with women!

Fortunately for you, after reading this article, it will no longer be a mystery. Because I am going to tell you EXACTLY what women want.

(I was thinking about writing a book and retiring rich%u2026 but decided to give this secret away for free for the good of the humanity.)

OK, let's get to our nitty-gritty, shall we?

Generally, women want many things, including hot gossip and Italian shoes, but as far as men-women relationships are concerned, this is the one and the only women's request:

They want strong, powerful, overwhelming EMOTIONS.

They want to be swept off their feet.

If you manage to deliver THAT, all other women's desires and requirements become irrelevant: money, looks, height, education, status, or anything else men habitually put on the list of desired attributes - NONE of this really matters.

YES! A woman can fall hopelessly in love with a man who isn't good looking, doesn't have money, doesn't have education, who is short, bald and old, as long as he manages to deliver these powerful EMOTIONS that women are craving.

Why?

Because her requirements for money and status come from intellectual, or CONSCIOUS part of the brain - and the emotion of love, or attraction, comes from emotional, or SUBCONSCIOUS part of the brain.

In other words, she cannot help it.
She cannot decide NOT to be in love.
(Have you ever tried it yourself, to stop loving the person who you know isn't good for you and who only brings you suffering and problems? How successful were these attempts?)

She doesn't 'step into' love - she 'falls into' it.

It is absolutely imperative for you as a man to evoke strong emotions in a woman in order for her to fall in love with you.

And they don't have to be positive emotions only - vice versa, an emotional roller coaster works the best. In other words, hate is NOT the opposite of love - it's its associate and partner. Indifference is the opposite of love. It is easier for you to make a woman that hates you, to fall in love with you, than a woman who has no feelings whatsoever towards you.

What most men do not realize is that a woman does not have to LIKE you, in order to fall in LOVE with you. Yes, you've read it right: she may NOT like you but still fall in love with you. Quite often, the reason why she doesn't like you is the very reason why she falls in love with you.

Confused?

You should be.

What I realized is that although we LIKE people that are 'like us', we LOVE people that have something that we DON'T HAVE. We are powerfully attracted to people that are DISTINCTIVELY DIFFERENT from us. The MORE different they are, the STRONGER is our attraction to them.

Since they are different from us, which means they aren't 'like us', chances are this difference is something that we don't actually like.

The powerful emotion of attraction that overrides all women's requirements to a potential partner and makes her do the things she would not tell her mother about, is only evoked in a female by a DOMINANT MALE. In other words, the male she cannot control.

Women have in-built mechanism that reacts on the dominant male by making them weak at their knees and feeling swept off their feet - experiencing these all-powerful EMOTIONS they are after.

They respond to a predetermined pattern of behavior by falling in love with the person who exhibits this behavior. And this pattern can be learned - this is what is commonly known as 'dating skills'.

Do you want to drive women crazy about you - to the extent they disregard your looks, finances and social status?

It is possible and attainable.
And the best thing, you CAN do it.

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

Those days everybody talks about body language - performance experts, life coaches, gossip columnists and dating gurus.

But do you know what body language is?

The dictionary gives this definition to 'body language': "The gestures, postures, and facial expressions by which a person manifests various physical, mental, or emotional states and communicates nonverbally with others."

I have been interested in body language for years, and after reading a few dozens of books, all you need to know can be summarized in 4 simple points:

1. Body Language Is A Form Of Communication

Whether you realize it or not, your body sends unmistakable signals to people around you. You DO communicate VOLUMES of information about yourself with your posture, face expression and position of your arms and legs. You do it ALL THE TIME.

In other words, before you even open your mouth, the people around you have already made a certain opinion about you - and as you know, first impressions last.

Body language accounts for 55% of your communication with the people you actually talk to (and nearly 100% of your communication with the people you don't know yet). The other 45% of your interactive communication is the VOICE TONE and ACTUAL WORDS. The words themselves account for only 7% of your communication.

All in all, your body language and the tone of your voice make up a whopping 93% of your communication with other people!

This means that HOW you say it is 13 times MORE important than WHAT you say.

Most people are spending all their time thinking of WHAT to say. While they could have learned only once HOW to say it - and say nearly anything with grandiose success.

What to know how?
Read on.

2. There Is OPEN Body Language and CLOSED Body Language

The definitions are transparent: 'open' body language makes you look like an open, accepting and friendly person, and 'closed' body language makes you look reserved, distant and unwelcoming.

When you want people to be attracted to you, use open body language. When you want people to go away, use closed body language.

It's THAT simple.

3. OPEN Body Language Means NO Crossing, Covering or Hiding

Open body language is easy to master: look them in the eyes, don't cross your arms or legs, don't cover your body, and don't hide your palms and eyes.

That's it!

This is not too complicated, is it?

Let me break it down into pieces for you:

- LOOK THEM IN THE EYES: maintain eye contact at all times during your conversation.

Looking people in the eyes is the most important part of the open body language. It has been scientifically proven that long gazes evoke the release of the same hormones that are produced when we are in love - they will feel attracted to you and won't even know why.

- KEEP YOUR PALMS OPEN: Keep your hands on the sides of your body; don't hide your hands in your pockets and don't sit on them.

Don't fold your arms or clench your fists. Don't cover your body with your arms. Don't grab a drink or handbag with both hands. Don't touch your face, ears or neck - this shows insecurity and anxiety.

If you need to hold something in your hands, hold it with ONE hand only and keep it to the side, so your arm doesn't cover your body. If the conversation is going to be longer than a couple of replicas, put down anything you hold. Get a shoulder bag to keep your hands free at all times.

- KEEP YOUR LEGS UNCROSSED: Don't cross your legs on any level. Keep them apart.

- TURN YOUR BODY TOWARDS THEM: Turn your whole body to face them. Point your feet towards them; turn your torso face-to-face, so the angle between you and them is minimal.

- STAND TALL: You appear more confident and assured when you do.

- REMOVE BARRIERS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM: Don't put chairs, or glasses, or anything else between you and the person you are talking to. Keep it open.

- SMILE EASILY: There is a world of difference between smiling easily and smiling all the time.

Smiling all the time means you are feeling tense and trying to cover it up. Smiling easily means you feel comfortable and can open up into smile any time you want.

If you tend to smile all the time when meeting strangers, try to deliberately DON'T smile. Look them in the eyes, and keep a friendly, tall, and open posture - but DON'T SMILE. When you master that, start smiling after a minute or two in your conversation.

Start practicing open body language with shop assistants and bank tellers: they are PAID to be nice to you. Notice what a difference it has on your communication.

4. CLOSED Body Language Means Crossing, Covering or Hiding

Sometimes you don't want to attract certain people; this is what you need to do in such cases:

- Don't look them in the eyes;
- Fold your arms or hide your hands in the pockets;
- Turn your body away from them;
- Cross your legs and point your feet away from them;
- Put barriers between you and them;
- Frown, or smile all the time a strained smile.

This will make them feel uncomfortable and they will try to avoid you.

You see, body language is not complicated at all.

In any social situation, you can see how the people around you feel. Most of them will display 'closed' body language - and you know what does it mean, they feel uncomfortable and apprehensive.

Which means that if you display the 'open' body language, you will be irresistibly attractive. They won't know why but feel drawn to you. People usually describe it as, "You have something special about you", or "a presence".

If you start consciously 'open' yourself to other people, you will notice the change in your communication almost immediately. Open body language makes you appear more approachable and trustworthy. It will also make you feel more comfortable and relaxed in any situation.

Remember, your body language tells MORE about you than your words.

Use it to your advantage!

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

For many people, starting a conversation with a stranger is an intimidating task. But for you, after reading this article, it will be a breeze.

The best beginning for the conversation is, "Hi".
(I am sure you can master that!)

The second step is to introduce yourself, "Hi, I am Jim."
(Not too tricky, is it?)

Then it goes depending on circumstances.
The three most popular and foolproof conversation-starters are:

- Make a comment about the surroundings;
- Enquire about something unusual in their appearance;
- Ask for a comment from a woman's/man's point of view.

Let's talk about those conversation-starters in more detail.

1. Making a comment about the SURROUNDINGS.

This is the safest and universal conversation-starter. Wherever you are, something's always happening around you. There are people, or cars, or queues, or something else. Even if there is nothing happening, you can make a comment about that! Use a bit of humor in your comment and most of the time you will get a favorable answer.

For example:

- Hi, what a chilly/hot day today (on a hot day, say it's chilly, on a chilly day, say it's hot -- it's VERY funny). I see you are also shivering/sweating. By the way, my name is Jim. What is your name?
- Hi, you know, you look very pretty with these awesome roses as the backdrop. By the way, my name is Jim. What is your name?
- Hey, this queue doesn't seem to be moving, does it? Since we are going to spend the next few hours here together, I guess I should introduce myself: I am Jim. What is your name?

2. Enquiring about something unusual in their appearance.

This requires some skill but after a while you will be able to pick up something in an instant. It can be a tattoo, a piece of jewelry, a handbag, or even an unusual color. People don't buy things at random. They buy them and wear them because they LIKE them, or because they MEAN something to them. They have some pleasant emotion attached to it. If you mention this thing, you can tap into this pleasant emotion and they will consider your advances more favorably.

For example:

- Hi! I could not help but noticed this interesting ring. It isn't an engagement ring, is it? If it is, I will have to end my life in a monastery. And by the way, my name is Jim.
- Hi, I was looking at your earrings; they are exactly what I was looking for, as a present for my sister. Where did you get them? And by the way, my name is Jim.
- Hi, I could not help but noticed the book you are reading, "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". So, what do you think about it? And by the way, my name is Jim.

3. Asking for a comment from a woman's/man's point of view.

This is my favorite!
For some mysterious reason, we just LOVE rendering our opinion as a woman/man. This is such a successful conversation-starter; you can use it anywhere, on anyone. Even 90-year-old grannies will be happy to answer your enquiries.

For example:

- Hi! I am Jim. My friend and I were talking about what women value the most in men they date, and could not agree. Could you please help us out with a woman's opinion?
- Hi, I am Jill. My friend and I were talking about what men value the most in women they date, and could not agree. Could you please help us out with a man's opinion?
- Etc, etc.

It doesn't matter what you are asking about. The point is, we all understand that men and women think differently and we appreciate a thoughtful stranger who makes an effort to learn from the source.

That's it!

You see, it's not scary at all. Just go and try it - first on the people you don't care about, and then on the people you like. You will see that men and women alike generally respond very positively to a friendly stranger.

Start with the service personnel at the shops and cafes. They are PAID to be nice to you. Look them in the eyes and strike a conversation. You will see how easy it is.

Once you learn the skill of starting a conversation with strangers, your life is never going to be the same. You will be able to feel at home wherever you go - simply because you know how to talk to people you never met.

Try it.
It feels fantastic!

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

Before you even think about online dating, you must know about dating scams.

This is serious: if you get too deeply involved, a dating scam can significantly hurt not only your heart, but your finances, too.

Make sure you know how to protect yourself from fraud when using dating sites!

Internet personals, online introduction agencies and matchmaking sites allow anyone to join for free, and they usually do not screen their members. It means you never know who is behind this pretty photo: a real beautiful woman or a con artist who downloaded a photo of an unknown model from the Internet.

There are four types of online dating scams:

1. Prostitute scam;
2. Phone scam;
3. Travel scam;
4. Nigerian postal scam.

Let me tell you more about these scams.
------------
1. Prostitute scam

Prostitutes are straightforward: they place profiles on dating sites to solicit business. Such profiles are usually easily recognized by sleazy user names and steamy self-descriptions. They don't waste time letting you know what they are after.

2. Phone scam

This is the variation of the old phone scam: the person asks you to call them, and when you do, you get a bill in the mail for hundreds of dollars (1900 number).

3. Travel scam

The person resides overseas and asks you to help them with travel expenses to visit you.

4. Nigerian postal scam

The person pretends to be a relative of a diseased government official who asks for your help in a financial transaction.
------------
So, how can you protect yourself from being taken by Internet con artists using online personals to reach their victims?

Here is the simple guidance that will make your use of online dating sites safe and secure.

First, when you view a profile, look out for the things like a sleazy user name, especially if it's a woman: guys cannot stop thinking about sex 24/7 (and it's normal) - but women normally don't do it. Sincere women don't choose user names like "the_sweetest_sin", "ms_right_now" etc.

Second, read what the profile says: people milking others for money will say something vague that can fit anyone.

Third, look at the photos: gorgeous professional photos in combination with vague profile almost always mean trouble. People with beautiful photos receive LOTS of mail, so they become VERY selective and include many requirements in their profiles (especially women).

Basically, any woman who talks about loving sex and experimenting in bed is most likely not for real.

Any man who talks about being a millionaire isn't for real either.

It doesn't mean there are no women who love sex and experimenting in bed or millionaires on the site - they just DO NOT talk about that in their profiles.

And any person who does, is a liar.

Simple.

Another HUGE warning is overseas profiles. Often people would list their location as being local and when you start talking to them, they reveal they are from overseas (Niger.ia, Russia, etc).

Such profiles should be treated as potential scams - always.

If the location in the personal profile doesn't match what the person says about him/herself, my advice is to drop it altogether and don't waste your time.

If you decide to proceed, do it for entertainment purposes only and don't get emotionally attached.

What will happen, sooner or later you will get a money request in some form - they need money for a sick relative, they want to visit you and need money for tickets, etc - whatever the reason, there WILL be a money request.

When this happens, you can play along and have some fun, asking for instructions and promising to send them money - just don't actually SEND it.

If you do, there are two variants: they will disappear or ask for MORE money (hey, if you were so stupid to send it once, why not try again!) - and keep asking for more money until you stop sending it.

Don't even HOPE this is for real.
Because it's NOT.

You may want to believe it is, but better believe ME: I am a real person and you can ring me and have a chat with me. With those people, you can't.

So, who would you choose to believe: me, who tells you this is a scam - or them, who ask you for money (which you can NEVER recover)?

I work in online dating since 1999 - I KNOW.

Trust me on that.

Long distance + request for money = SCAM.

Forget any sweet stories you've heard in between - and any sweet pictures, too. Most likely, the pics are downloaded from the Net and belong to some model. (Hey, there were even scammers using MY OWN pictures! ;-))

Guys are more vulnerable to this one than girls: I have never heard about a woman who wired thousands of $$$ to some guy to come and visit her - but the Internet is PLASTERED with stories of men sending money to their non-existing female admirers.

How wonderful... this perfect female specimen cannot wait to get hold of your zip and provide you with the greatest pleasure you ever experienced!! OF COURSE she sincerely loves you and is different from any woman you met before (and probably a couple of generations younger than you as well).

C'mon mate: those perfect Playboy-type exemplars dying to try your new sheets exist only in the virtual reality of your correspondence.

They are as real as Santa Claus or Niger.ian millions. You know this one: you get a mail from a relative of a deceased top government official who begs your assistance in transferring large sums of money (stolen from the country's people obviously) - and easily promising to give you a few millions if you simply allow them to use your bank account. The people may list themselves as being from Nigeria, or any other African country.

This one is as clear as daylight, so if anyone starts talking about money transfers, honesty and trust, simply BLOCK them.

Remember the formula:

Long distance + request for money = SCAM.

I hope this article will help you protect yourself from dating scams and you will only meet honest, sincere and genuine singles from now on.

Happy hunting! :-))

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

These days you seldom meet a single person who never tried online dating - unless they aren't Internet users.

Since you are reading this, I assume you ARE online - so this information can be crucial for your online dating success.

Most people placing personal ads on Internet dating sites seem to do everything to RUIN any of their chances for success. Are you one of them?

Here is how to ruin your online dating campaign:

1. CHOOSE A SLEAZY USER NAME

Dating sites usually display your user name in your personal profile. So, if you choose something like "hardcoreXXX" or "badgirl_69", you are sure to mess up your chances dramatically.

2. WRITE A TIMID MESSAGE

Every day I see people writing in their messages things like, "I hate this part but here it goes", "I never know what to write here" or simply "Ask me". Your personal message is the only thing in your profile that is UN-structured - the rest are usually just tick boxes. Make sure you don't say anything interesting here, so no one will feel compelled to learn more about you.

3. DON'T HAVE ANY PARTNER REQUREMENTS

Your requirements for a partner say VOLUMES about YOU. If you do not have any requirements for a partner, you will sound absolutely desperate. No one is attracted to desperate people.

4. DON'T UPLOAD A PHOTO

Most users of dating sites search for profiles with photos. If you do not upload your photo, no one will find your ad. It will also severely damage the chances of your "Hi's", "Virtual Kisses" or "Smiles" being answered.

5. DON'T PAY FOR PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP

Usually online dating sites will allow you to place your personal ad for free, but to write to other singles, you have to buy a subscription. Although the price of subscription is cheaper than the price of a movie ticket and popcorn, you should not be tempted. By sticking with the free membership, you ensure you cannot contact anyone. Also some sites place ads of premium members on top of the search results. If you do not pay, your ad will appear on the page 247 of the search results - which will make it nearly impossible to find.

6. DON'T CONTACT OTHER MEMBERS

Most online dating services will allow you to contact other members for free by sending a "Hi", "Virtual Kiss", "Icebreaker" or "Smile" - an expression of interest, to which the other member can respond. Don't send any of those to anyone, or they may just answer positively. Think only about how bad would you feel if they rejected your advances.

7. DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING IN YOUR AD

Don't attempt to change anything in your ad. If you change something, it may just start working. Keep with what doesn't produce any results.

8. DON'T LOGIN TO THE WEBSITE - EVER

Once you placed your personal ad, immediately forget about it - and forget your user name and password, too. Don't login to the website again. If you do, your ad may jump to the top of the search results and someone may write to you. Don't take this risk. Just place the ad and forget about it.

If you follow this simple guidance, I can guarantee that you will flawlessly ruin any chances for success with online dating sites and your love life will stay just the way it is!

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

I have used and worked for several dating sites, both free and paid.
I know Internet personals from A to Z.
And I came to realize that free dating sites were awfully expensive.

Want to know why?

First, free dating sites attract all types of rubbish: Nigerian scammers, Russian "mail order brides", and all types of unstable and wicked people that were banned from quality services. Those people have too much time on their hands (or it is their full-time Internet rip-off occupation) and this is why they don't mind to hang there.

On the other hand, since the website is free, they do not have much staff on hand to look after it, and check on possible scams. So scammers are free to go wild there.

Second, free dating sites usually make their revenue from the ads they show to their members. In other words, they aren't really interested in you actually FINDING someone on their site: they would rather have you frustrated and clicking on the ads you see on their site.

Another venue is selling your email address to mass-mailing companies, or running mass-mailings themselves. It means you risk being bombarded with hundreds of commercial emails, day after day.

Third, I find it appalling that a person cannot find some twenty bucks to pay for a subscription. As a woman, I want to KNOW that the guy I am talking to is at least capable of paying his own rent.

If I were a guy, I would also prefer a woman who is capable of looking after herself and doesn't think a man is there to provide for her.

Forth, the software on free sites is often inconvenient and the customer support sucks. I prefer things that work as they are supposed to.

Fifth, for a busy person like you and me, filtering through heaps of bogus profiles can be maddening. My time is valuable. I'd rather spend it meeting someone for coffee than talking to people that aren't even real.

On a paid dating site people have invested something in the process, so they are more serious and don't play games.

Sixth, for all the reasons outlined above, quality people tend to avoid free dating services. Their time is too valuable. If you want to meet a quality person, you are unlikely to meet them on free sites.

All in all, I have realized that using a free dating site is awfully expensive. I simply cannot afford it. It costs me more in time and effort, which I could use more productively - like running a dating coaching session, or writing an article.

I'd rather pay for subscription and have ten times less frustrations and ten times more results.

What about you?

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

Any online dating site will tell you that uploading your photo can increase your chances tenfold.

Why should you have a photo in your personal ad online?

Here are top 4 reasons:

1. You get more responses to your ad
2. People are more likely to answer your messages
3. You appear more credible
4. You can influence people's opinion about you

Now let's consider those four points in more detail.

1. YOU GET MORE RESPONSES TO YOUR AD

Most members only view ads of members who have photos in their profiles. If your profile does not have one, you are not even in the search results.

Some online dating sites also send newsletters to members with ads of new members who joined recently. If your ad does not have a photo, you may not make it.

2. PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO ANSWER YOUR MESSAGES

Good-looking people (who obviously have photos in their personal profiles) receive lots of mail. If you are writing to someone attractive and don't have a photo in your profile, your message is likely to be ignored.

3. YOU APPEAR MORE CREDIBLE

When you do not have a photo in your personal ad on the dating site, it looks like you are either hiding something or you are too lazy to have one taken. Either way, it's not good for your success on the dating site. If you are concerned about privacy, you can take a photo in sunglasses or from a distance, this will be better than having no photo at all.

4. YOU CAN INFLUENCE PEOPLE'S OPINION ABOUT YOU

This is the biggest advantage of all. When people view personal ads online, photos are the most interesting part, both for men and women. Men mostly look for physical beauty, women for personality shining through.

People try to figure out your personality by looking at your photos. If you appear happy, easygoing, open and warm, they will be naturally drawn to you. If you appear stiff, reserved, timid and insecure, they will feel repulsed. Look at your photos from this point of view, and if your photos don't flatter you, get new pictures.

You can use a webcam or take a photo of yourself with your mobile phone camera - this will only take you a couple of minutes. This is what most people do.

But if you want BETTER than average results, then consider going an extra mile - this always pays off.

Spend a day to get the right photos, and you may set up your love affair for life! Don't you think it's worth it?

Get a friend with a digital camera to take a few hundreds of photos of you in different settings. Make sure you are dressed neat and stylish, and use open body language (no crossed legs or arms, no barriers between you and the viewer, relaxed, comfortable pose, and a lovely smile).

Choose a dozen or so photos where YOU like yourself the most, and then show them to your friends of the OPPOSITE gender. Usually there will be one or two favorites: use them in your Internet personals ads.

Having the right photo in your online dating campaign is crucial. It can make a difference between choosing from dozens of people competing for your attention and not having a date for the Saturday night.

Update your photo in your Internet personals ad and check the difference - it can be staggering!

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

Personal ads are hundreds of years old.
There were already personal ads in newspapers at the beginning of 19th century.

Now, with the invention of Internet, you can place your personal ad in front of hundreds of thousands of available singles. In terms of reaching the widest audience for your personal ad, nothing can compare with online dating services.

Should you even bother with placing a personal ad in newspapers those days?

I have been placing personal ads in newspapers, and I have been placing personal ads online, and my experience is that online dating services beat traditional personals every time.

This is why:

1. You can reach many more people through your online ad.

I have said about it in the very beginning but this is worth repeating: newspaper ads can NEVER compare with the audience you can reach online. Virtually every one has connection to the Internet these days, and since you are reading it online, I am sure you would prefer someone computer literate as your mate.

2. You can put much more information in your online ad.

To include as much information in your newspaper ad as you can in your online ad would cost you a fortune - and most dating sites will allow you to place your ad for free. Your online ad is nicely structured and easy to read, so the amount of information does not seem overwhelming, as it would be if you tried to include the same amount of information in your newspaper ad.

3. You can put a picture with your online ad.

A picture is worth a thousand words. All online dating services will allow you to place a photo, so people answering your ad already know how you look like. All things being equal, who would you prefer to contact, a person who has a photo in their personal ad, or a person without one?

4. You can change your online ad as often as you want.

You cannot change a newspaper ad - once printed, it's done. If you want to change something in your newspaper ad and see what works better, you have to place many ads - and you have to pay again every time. Online, you can change your ad as often as you please and check what works the best.

5. Your online ad has no expiry date.

How long do you keep newspapers on your desk? You are lucky if you keep receiving responses to your newspaper ad for two weeks. Your online ad can stay on the dating site forever, until you decide to remove it.

6. You can view ads of people that answer you online.

Offline, you have no information about people answering your ad - and it can be difficult to obtain answers to certain questions. Online, most of the basics are covered in the personal profile, and you can also view their photo, before answering them.

7. You can communicate anonymously online.

You can talk to people answering your online ads without giving away your personal contact details for as long as you want. Offline, you have to give away your contact information immediately. Online dating is safer.

8. Online dating is cheaper.

And the last but not the least, online personal ads will cost you less than traditional newspaper ads. Most dating sites will allow you to place a personal ad for free, and many will also allow you to receive responses from other members free. On most sites, you only pay when you want to answer ads of other members. If you decide to buy a subscription, the price is less than you would pay for a movie ticket and popcorn - and you can meet thousands and thousands of people.

As you can plainly see, online dating beats traditional personals every time.

So, the message is clear:
If you want to improve your love life - get online!

Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple Rules

There is only one secret to success in life, and it's NOT what you think it is.

It is NOT:

- Hard work;
- Persistence;
- Attitude;
- Confidence;
- Focus;
- Positive thinking;
- Trying lots of things and keeping what works;
- Finding what you love doing and becoming good at it.
-
It's none of the above!

Although all of those things are important, the one and the only secret to success in life is much simpler.

Ready?

I am about to tell you what it is.

Here we go:

To become truly successful in life, you must STOP doing what you don't like doing.

Think about it: you can do something that you are good at, and even become reasonably successful at it. But if you don't like doing it, are you truly successful?

With enough hard work you can become financially secure and well off. But if you don't like doing what you are doing, is it really worth it?

You can find what you love doing and become good at it. But if your life is full of other things that you *hate* doing, are you truly, ultimately successful?

Now, look at this definition:

Success is when you don't do anything you don't like doing.

What does it mean?

It means that your life is a continuous experience of joy and pleasure. When you don't do ANYTHING that you don't like doing, it means you enjoy EVERYTHING that you do.

Now, tell me if there can be a better way of living the life of happiness than only doing the things that you enjoy and never having the need to do anything you don't like.

You can tell me that it is impossible to never do the things you don't like: who will wash the dishes and clean the house?

But that's exactly what it's all about: if you don't like doing those things, you CAN arrange the world in such a way that somebody else will do the things you don't like doing. You simply PAY them for doing that.

So, the only secret to success is still about money?

No.
It's about DIRECTION.
It gives you clarity on what success really means.

Not success in general - your own, personal success.
The one and only secret to your one and only success.
You own it now.

"The less there are things in your life that you don't like doing, the more successful you are."

Simple.

Now you know.

You can look at the things in your life that you are doing and see how you can sort it out in such a way that you don't have to do anything you don't like. There IS a way. You must just think HOW.

It may take a bit of time. But you know what... Time is all we truly own in this life. We come to this world naked and leave it with nothing. Our time on this Earth is what we call, LIFE.

It is worth spending some time having the most of your time filled by only those things you LOVE, isn't it?

Your success is waiting for you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Elena Solomon is a dating coach.

Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It shows you exactly how you can have MORE love, MORE money and MORE success in your life.