Twelve Days of Christmas with Bob and Doug McKenzie

Bob: Okay, good day. This is the Christmas part of the album, you can play this at your Christmas parties, uh, or to yourself on Christmas Eve if there is nothing else to do.
Doug: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part.
Bob: Oh, I guarantee ya, you'd be on.
Doug: Okay, uh, this is our Christmas song, in case ya don't know what to get someone for Christmas.
Doug: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen, and don't get stuck. By the way, that's me on the organ.
Bob: Okay, jeez.
Doug: You start.
Bob: Okay ...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ Beer

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and a beer

Bob: 'K ...

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ 3 french toast
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and beer

Doug: ... 'K, that should be more there.
Bob: Where?

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ 4 pounds of back bacon
~ 3 french toast
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and beer ... ii-in a tree

Bob: Oh.
Doug: See? Ya need more.
Bob: Yeah.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ 5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
~ 4 pounds of back bacon
~ 3 french toast
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and beer ... in a tree

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ 6 packs of two-four
~ 5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
~ Bob: Beauty.
~ 4 pounds of back bacon
~ 3 french toast
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and beer in a tree

Bob: Okay.
Doug: Okay?

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ 7 packs of smokes
~ Doug: Nice gift. Oh ...
~ 6 packs of two-four
~ 5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
~ 4 pounds of back bacon
~ 3 french toast
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and beer ... in a tree

Bob: Ah man, I keep forgettin'.
Doug: Whew! This should be just the two days of Christmas. It's too hard for us!
Bob: Um ...
Doug: Go, hoser.
Bob: Oh!

On the eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
~ 8 comic books
~ 7 packs of smokes
~ 6 packs of two-four
~ 5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
~ 4 pounds of back bacon
~ 3 french toast
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and beer on my ...

Bob: Wow, that beer's empty. Okay, day ...
Angelic Chorus: TWELVE!
Bob: Ahh, twelve.
Doug: Good day, and welcome to day twelve.
Bob: Yeah.

~ 5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
~ 4 pounds of back bacon
~ 3 french toast
~ 2 turtlenecks
~ and be-ee-er in a tree-ee-ee

Doug: Where did you learn to do that?
Bob: Uh, albums.
Doug: Go'on. So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas ...
Bob: Merry Christmas!
Doug: ... and good day.
Bob: Good day everybody.

Most countries have their own slanguage, and Canada is no exception. Here is some of the slang used in this song:

toque: pronounced t'yewk; this is a knit cap, sometimes called a toboggan

two-four: pronounced toofer; this is a 24-pack of beer

hoser: pronounced hozer; this is a loser, harking back to the days when the loser of a hockey game would have to hose down the rink

For more Canadian slanguage, check these sites:
How to Understand Canadian Slang
Canadian Slanguage

This is part of the banter leading up to the song, which was deleted from this video version. But it is very important information!

Bob: Hey, hoser! Here's a quiz ... quiz for Doug.
Doug: Okay, I got my thinking toque on!
Bob: Yeah, right. What are the twelve days of Christmas?
Doug: Um.
Bob: Cuz figure it out, right? Christmas is when?
Doug: The 25th.
Bob: Right. Well, what's the 24th? Christmas Eve, right.
Doug: That's two.
Bob: Then, what's after that?
Doug: Wrestling Day?
Bob: No.
Doug: Boxing Day.
Bob: That's three. Then what's after that? Nothin'.
Doug: New Year's.
Bob: Four.
Doug: New Year's Eve.
Bob: Five. Where d'ya get twelve?
Doug: Uh ... there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there, four. Thats nine, and three other days which I believe are the Mystery Days.