friends with benefits...

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Do friends with benefits make the 'best' friends?

Friends with benefits is defined by UrbanDictionary.com as "Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment"

FWB relationships are very common today especially among teenagers.  But what happens when a lonely 40something girl finds herself in one. A good thing? Or maybe not so much...

40s singleness-my own experience with FWB... 

Part I

Thanksgiving weekend I was out with two of my best friends. We were out playing pool and having a few beers. After a couple of games, two guys came by and started talking to my friend. One, who I'll call China, was oh so hot and happened to be a long time friend of my friend, K. We all went to a private party after the bar closed. By the time we left the party, China and I were getting to know each very well. Long story short, I took him home about 7:30 the next morning. The end. Or so I thought.

I really didn't think I'd see or hear from him again, so imagine my surprise when, out of nowhere, he emailed me the following Monday. Thus began our FWB relationship. I convinced myself it was not only what I wanted, but also what I needed. I'd been single almost 3 years, alone almost 3 years. I yearned for someone's touch, for the physical closeness. I wanted to be in someone's arms even if it was without strings.

It went along beautifully right up until it didn't. One night the end of December, we were sitting in hot tub after a few too many beers. We were discussing relationships. Next thing I know, he says that his problem in relationships is that he always chooses the wrong girl; he should be with someone loving and caring like me. Before falling asleep, he told me I was perfect. Shit! What was he trying to do? Didn't he know that saying such things to a woman you're sleeping with is a fatal error? It was downhill from there.

40s singleness-my own experience with FWB... 

Part II

Downhill sucked. We still talked regularly--daily really. We just didn't see each other much. During one of our daily email conversations, I admitted that I had begun developing feelings and wondered what his thoughts were. He, of course, wanted to keep things as they were. Downhill began to accelerate. Soon we weren't talking as much and saw each other even less. Finally, sometime in February, we were out at a local club. He was extremely drunk and, the next thing I knew, he was gone. Ditched me. That was enough for me. I was completely crushed, devastated. It was the beginning of the end.

40s singleness-my own experience with FWB... 

The end...

We had reached the bottom of the hill. I emailed and told him I was done. That my heart wouldn't let me invest anymore of myself in him. I ran into him two weekends ago at the club. He was all over me right up until fakeboobgirl showed up and then, he wasn't. Once again my heart crumbled. I told K that China was a fucker and I wanted to go home. At 2 a.m., China texted wondering where I was. Said he thought he must have lost me. He has no idea.

There are two very sad parts to this story. The first is that in all of this, we lost each other as friends. The friendship has been completely destroyed. Last week, it seemed he was actually almost hiding from me at the club. But even more sad? What could have been. We lost whatever might have been. And something in my heart tells me that what might have been would have been wonderfully incredible.

China--Part Deux 

Find out the latest news about things with China...

China...Part Deux

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FWB--your experiences... 

Care to share?

Lensmaster

justmegirl wrote

I am in a FWB myself and relate totally with Melly Mel. Jealousy and feeling extreme highs when treated like a girlfriend and extreme lows when treated just as a "friend". As soon as I feel I am ok in the friend zone, he drags me back in by the sweet things that you would only tell a girlfriend. I went on a date with him and now I am helping him get over his ex girlfriend from 6 months ago. Seems like the guys in this situation always make out better than the girls. Us girls just get heartache out of it. Is it possible to even remain friends? We have talked everyday for 3 months and spent time with his family. Any other thoughts please?

Reply Posted August 10, 2008

Lensmaster

Melly Mel wrote

I'm in a FWB right now, and i really do like the guy and he tell me he likes me to, and I do believed what he is telling me, but its so hard to deal with wondering what he is doing, if he thinking about you or not or if he talking so messing with other girls, he tells me he's not but I can't help thinking about it and a lot of other stuff, its funny how a girls and womens let there emotion run there lives, when he don't call I'm thinking "he he talking to someone else" and u sit in bed thinking, wondering, stressing yourself out to the point of not going to sleep, then the next morning or later that night he call and tell you he had a lot of work to do and knock out early, then you feel like crap because you miss judge him. Gosh I have problem to deal with.

Reply Posted June 07, 2008

Lensmaster

confused wrote

I have had a friend I haven't seen in 12 years I started something then but left because I had a boyfriend it was just a kiss....well last night we kissed again only this time it went further he was talking about the future now he is saying he sucks at relationships but yet he downloaded his fav music on my pc oh gosh what does this mean does anyone know or do i chop it up to great sex and never again??

Reply Posted May 17, 2008

Lensmaster

datingtips93 wrote...

I guess it can't be helped. When you feel really good with someone you begin to grow a bond that will often lead to heartbreak. I think the degree of heartbreak will depend on how important you had made him or her in your mind. Yet connecting then disconnecting will hurt.

ReplyPosted November 22, 2007

Lensmaster

Genius Girl wrote

Friends with Benefits is both hard and easy at the same time. It is so easy to be with someone you like and to forget the world in their arms. But it is so hard to love them, even as just a friend, and have them so afraid of commitment that they won't even admit having any feelings at all.

Reply Posted October 21, 2007

 
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