The 4 Steps of Making a Connection With People
Connecting with other people is the first step in building a relationship with them. Whether you meet people at a business networking meeting, the grocery store, or in your office; you have to connect with them to build a working relationship with them.
This lens contains insights into what it takes to really connect with another person. This is a companion to my Building Rapport lens. The thoughts and concepts in this lens were developed in cooperation with Jean Brun, Jim Carty, and Dave Weimar.
For additional insights, you can also check The DISC Model of Human Behavior.
What You'll Find In This Lens
- Complete or Compete?
- The 4INGs to Connecting with People
- The Most Important Thing To Remember About Connecting With Others
- A Key Resource To Help You Develop Insight To Connect With Others Better
- Free DISC Personality Test
- Other Relevant Lenses
- Some More Relevant Lenses
- Resolving Conflict in Teams Blog
- Positive Principles Newsletter
- Recommended Reading
- Relevant Links Including Some FREE Resources
- What is your experience here? Does this make sense to you? What input can you give me to make this a better lens?
Complete or Compete?
In every interaction with other people, we either COMPLETE them or we COMPETE with them.
The difference is the letter "L"
The 4INGs to Connecting with People
As we work and interact with other people in business and team settings, we work to develop rapport with them to improve our effectiveness. At the rapport stage, we work without doubts or questions about the other person's motives, and they do the same with regard to us.The first step to building rapport is connecting. To truly connect with another person, we must engage in four separate activities.
Four Steps to Connecting
1. Listening
Listening communicates that we care and it gives us information to better understand the other person and their perspective.
2. Observing
Observing is the act of carefully considering the other person's spoken and unspoken messages.
3. Discerning
Discern the right words and actions to take based on the information we gathered in the first two steps.
4. Speaking
Speaking communicates our thoughts so that we show our understanding of the other person. It also gives the other person information they can use to understand us.
Each of the four INGs is important to build a connection with another person. Failure to apply any of the four INGs could lead to a disconnect.
Four Common Disconnects
1. Spectating
When we spectate rather than listen, we just watch what the other person is doing without actively engaging in the listening process. Spectating usually happens when we withdraw from another person.
2. Critiquing
When we critique rather than observe, we make quick judgments about the other person and their intentions without carefully considering their perspective.
3. Deciding
When we decide rather than discern, we make a quick decision about how to respond without considering all of the information available to us. This implies a "snap" decision rather than a considered decision.
4. Interrupting
When we interrupt rather than speak, we stop the other person before they are finished expressing themselves. We by-pass the opportunity to really understand the other person.
When we apply the 4 INGs instead of the four disconnects, we supply the "L" in complete.
The "L" in complete is:
Love
This is not a "touchy-feely" type of love. It is not an overly emotional sort of love. It is the type of love that shows we really care what other people think and feel. The type of love that proves we see others as people to be understood and not as objects to be manipulated or moved to our will.
Learn
The attitude that we can learn from other's experiences and perspectives.
Listen
We're back to the first ING - listening. When we really listen to other people, we supply the "L."
Picture courtesy www.sxc.hu
The Most Important Thing To Remember About Connecting With Others
Work to compLete them rather than to compete with them.
Here's my favorite link:
A Key Resource To Help You Develop Insight To Connect With Others Better
Free DISC Personality Test
Try this Free DISC Profile to get insights to help you connect with others better.
Other Relevant Lenses
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How to Have More Fun When You Interact With Others
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If you communicate in a friendly, light-hearted way; this lens is for you. If this description fits you, you probably want to have fun when you interact with other people. You probably feel frustrated when other people do not engage with you. In thi...
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High Value Communication Skills
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If you communicate in a factual, unemotional manner; this lens is for you. You probably like for people to communicate with you in a logical and straight-forward fashion. You may get frustrated when they do not deliver high value communication with y...
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Communicating To Create Peace and Harmony
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If you communicate in a warm, friendly, and patient way; this lens is for you. If this describes you, you probably like to interact with people in a way that creates peace. You probably do not like intense or fast-paced conversations. This lens cont...
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Connecting With People Better
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Some More Relevant Lenses
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Introduction to the DISC Human Behavior Model
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Your leadership style, communication style, and parenting style are heavily influenced by your personality style. The same is true for other people. How you communicate with people, build relationships, raise your kids, network at business meetings,...
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Five Ways to Become a Great Listener
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Great leaders. Great parents. Great supervisors. Great team members. They are all great listeners. Lots of people are great at hearing. Fewer people are great listeners. Listening is a skill, and skills can be learned. Learn great listening skills b...
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How to Build Rapport With Other People
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Rapport is the deepest level of relationship, and different people move from initial connection to rapport in different ways. Since different people reach rapport by different routes, your success at building rapport with someone can be somewhat hit-...
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Strengths and Blind Spots for Each DISC Style
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When you work with other people, your personality style will interact with their's in some pretty predictable ways. As you build a team, these interactions can have a major impact on team effectiveness. Everything from what job requirements feel comf...
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Personality Profile Tests For All Ages
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Personality Assessments provide objective and descriptive rather than subjective and judgmental ways to understand our behaviors and behaviors of other people. Taking an online personality assessment gives you the opportunity to learn more about your...
Positive Principles Newsletter
Fetching RSS feed... please stand byRecommended Reading
Positive Personality Profiles: Discover Personality Insights to Understand Yourself and Others
Amazon Price: (as of 11/12/2009) 
How to Win Friends & Influence People
Amazon Price: $10.20 (as of 11/12/2009)
Becoming a Person of Influence: How to Positively Impact the Lives of Others
Amazon Price: $10.19 (as of 11/12/2009)
Silver Boxes: The Gift of Encouragement
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Relevant Links Including Some FREE Resources
- Principle Driven Consulting
- Our website. We specialize in teaching this information. We also offer executive coaching and consulting services.
- Resolving Conflict in Teams Blog
- Our blog.
- FREE DISC Personality Test
- This short, FREE DISC personality test will give you a quick estimate of your primary personality style. It's quick. It's fun. It's FREE.
Check DISC Personality Testing for information on more complete online personality assessments.
- JJ Communications
- JJ and I developed this basic concept together. He is an expert at reading and understanding the unspoken message in what people say and do. JJ runs Personality Insights training programs in Canada.
- Personality Insights
- My friends and colleagues. I work with them as a master trainer. Check this page for seminar dates in the U.S.
- AltiMark Business Group
- This is Jim Carty's website. Jim really gets the credit for teaching us the concept of compete vs. compLete.
- Weimar Enterprises
- This is Dave Weimar's website. Dave contributed insights into the blindspots associated with each of the four steps.
What is your experience here? Does this make sense to you? What input can you give me to make this a better lens?
by recoveringengineer
Hi, my name is Guy Harris. I am a trainer, speaker, author, and consultant. I am a certified human behavior specialist and a workplace conflict re... (more)
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