4 Sure Fire Steps to Connecting With People

As we work and interact with other people in business and team settings, we work to develop rapport with them to improve our effectiveness. At the rapport stage, we work without doubts or questions about the other person's motives, and they do the same with regard to us.

The first step to building rapport is connecting. To truly connect with another person, we must engage in four separate activities.

Four Steps to Connecting

1. Listening
Listening communicates that we care and it gives us information to better understand the other person and their perspective.

2. Observing
Observing is the act of carefully considering the other person's spoken and unspoken messages.

3. Discerning
Discern the right words and actions to take based on the information we gathered in the first two steps.

4. Speaking
Speaking communicates our thoughts so that we show our understanding of the other person. It also gives the other person information they can use to understand us.

Each of the four INGs is important to build a connection with another person. Failure to apply any of the four INGs could lead to a disconnect.

Four Common Disconnects

1. Spectating
When we spectate rather than listen, we just watch what the other person is doing without actively engaging in the listening process. Spectating usually happens when we withdraw from another person.

2. Critiquing
When we critique rather than observe, we make quick judgments about the other person and their intentions without carefully considering their perspective.

3. Deciding
When we decide rather than discern, we make a quick decision about how to respond without considering all of the information available to us. This implies a "snap" decision rather than a considered decision.

4. Interrupting
When we interrupt rather than speak, we stop the other person before they are finished expressing themselves. We by-pass the opportunity to really understand the other person.

When we apply the 4 INGs instead of the four disconnects, we supply the "L" in complete.

The "L" in complete is:

Love
This is not a "touchy-feely" type of love. It is not an overly emotional sort of love. It is the type of love that shows we really care what other people think and feel. The type of love that proves we see others as people to be understood and not as objects to be manipulated or moved to our will.

Learn
The attitude that we can learn from other's experiences and perspectives.

Listen
We're back to the first ING - listening. When we really listen to other people, we supply the "L."

Picture courtesy www.sxc.hu