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My Two Boys

1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic (by 5 people)   Your rating: 1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic

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Rated G. (Control what you see)

 

I am a SAHM wanting to be a WAHM. I am a mom of one blond angel from Arkangelsk, Russia who lights up my life.

My Two Boys 

Make sure to check out the other pages...adoption, sensory systems, biomedical, autism, and toy and book reviews! There is always great information there!

Adopt Two Boys Adoption Page 

When One Just Isn't Enough

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Attachment Checklist 

Reactive Attachment Disorder Checklist
By: Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D.
A professional assessment is necessary to determine whether or not a child has an Attachment disorder. At the Center we use several tests as part of a comprehensive assessment to determine what attachment issues are causing problems and what will be the most effective treatment plan. We work very closely with the parents to develop a plan to help remediate attachment problems. This checklist can help you identify areas of potential problem. This checklist is not meant to substitute for a professional assessment and treatment plan.

Circle the items if they are frequently or often true.

1. My child acts cute or charms others to get others to do what my child wants.

2. My child often does not make eye contact when adults want to make eye contract with my child.

3. My child is overly friendly with strangers.

4. My child pushes me away or becomes stiff when I try to hug, unless my child wants something from me.

5. My child argues for long periods of time, often about ridiculous things.

6. My child has a tremendous need to have control over everything, becoming very upset if things don't go my child's way.

7. My child acts amazingly innocent, or pretends that things aren't that bad when caught doing something wrong.

8. My child does very dangerous things, ignoring that my child may be hurt.

9. My child deliberately breaks or ruins things.

10. My child doesn't seem to feel age-appropriate guilt when my child does something wrong.

11. My child teases, hurts, or is cruel to other children.

12. My child seems unable to stop from doing things on impulse.

13. My child steals, or shows up with things that belong to others with unusual or suspicious reasons for how my child got these things.

14. My child demands things, instead of asking for them.

15. My child doesn't seem to learn from mistakes and misbehavior (no matter what the consequence, the child continues the behavior).

16. My child tries to get sympathy from others by telling them that I abuse, don't feed, or don't provide the basic life necessities.

17. My child "shakes off" pain when hurt, refusing to let anyone provide comfort.

18. My child likes to sneak things without permission, even though my child could have had these things if my child had asked.

19. My child lies, often about obvious or ridiculous

Adopt Two Boys Biomedical Issues and Autism 

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Parenting an Adopted Child 

Adopted or not... Your past matters when parenting your child.
By: Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Kid out of control? Maybe how you were parented factors in.

Do you cave to your child's tantrums or protests? Does your child out-talk you or hold you emotionally hostage by telling you he or she doesn't love you when held accountable for behaviour? Is your child out of control? Were you yourself harshly or abusively disciplined as a child?

If you answer yes to the last question and most of the first questions, it may just be that your parenting compass is off kilter, the result of your own childhood experience of parenting.

Some parents who suffered harsh or abuse at the hands of their own parents seek to avoid confrontation with their own children having vowed not to parent as they experienced. As such some of these parents adopt a submissive parenting style. In other words, when the child pushes back against parental expectations, the parent backs down. Thus the child is not held accountable to behaviour or expectations. The child winds up in control of the parent and situation.

Such parents may be afraid to show when they are upset and so they water down the message that the child's behaviour was truly unacceptable. Other parents may confuse using discussion and talk with true consequences. For children who do not experience meaningful consequences for poor behaviour, talk can become meaningless.

In these situations parents lament that their children do not really listen or are out of control. Parents may try to affect some control and hold the child accountable, but in the long run, these children eventually undermine the parent's authority and problems continue. Hence the child feels even more emboldened in their behaviour, the parent feels less in control and the child is eventually in more serious conflict and not following any rules.

Parents in this situation need to learn that the exercise of parental authority in and of itself is not abusive. Rather, how the authority is exercised can be abusive and so, they have to learn appropriate strategies for managing child behaviour. Further, displaying upset is not the same as shouting or losing control of oneself. Kids need to see and understand that their behaviour touches us emotionally too.

There is a big difference between the "authoritarian" parenting style they likely grew up with versus a reasonable "authoritative" parenting style which is appropriate. An authoritarian parenting style can be abusive

Adopt Two Boys Sensory Systems 

Where Kids Won't Play in the Sand

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Developmentat Assessment 

Initial developmental evaluation of an internationally adopted child: is it important?
By: Boris Gindis, Ph.D.
Practically all internationally adopted children upon arrival go through a medical examination for possible medical rehabilitation or prevention. Unfortunately, psycho-educational and speech and language assessments of a school age child are the exception rather than the rule. Too often, school districts assume a "wait-and-see" attitude, rejecting request for such an evaluation and suggesting "to wait until the child learns more English." In many cases, however, parents cannot afford losing any time without proper assessment and remediation of an internationally adopted child.

A psycho-educational assessment is a must if there are "red flags" in medical records of your child, such as

"delay in language and psychological development,"
"a child did not start school at age 7 or was retained in elementary school,"
"a child was a student in special school," or
"a child received remedial services in school in the native country."

Let's look at the reasons why the initial evaluation is essential for these children.

First of all, your school-age child has to be appropriately placed at school. But there are no "one-size-fits-all" recommendations regarding grade placement, specific educational programs, remediation, and support services. The decision should always be highly individualized and based on thorough consideration of many factors. School districts have a tendency to place newly-arrived school-age internationally-adopted children in a grade according to their age, which is the usual practice for children from immigrant families in the United States. However, it may not be appropriate for many adopted children. Your pediatrician, who, as a rule, is not familiar with the specifics of the school system, may recommend "age-appropriate placement" based on his view of general health of the child. However, age that guides your school district and physical soundness that guides your pediatrician are only two of many factors to be considered. What about language development, social skills, self-regulation, mastery of age-appropriate cognitive skills, ability and willingness to participate in shared activity? An "academic readiness" in relation to an adopted child must be thoroughly examined and properly understood. The academic pressure in an "age-based" classroom along with general adjustment, acculturation and language acquis

Adopt Two Boys Book Reviews 

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Learn More About Autism & Nutrition 

Let's Eat Out!: Your Passport to Living Gluten And Allergy Free (Let's Eat Out!) (Let's Eat Out!) by Kim Koeller

Let's Eat Out!: Your Passport to Living Gluten And Allergy Free (Let's Eat Out!) (Let's Eat Out!) by Kim Koeller

The first book dedicated to eating around the corn more...0 points

created by badmsm

Must Pack Items 

Share Your Story: Must Pack Items
We asked our readers which items no adopting family should leave home without.

* Keep copies of all your paperwork in a binder for your trip. When the emotional impact of what you're doing hits home, it's great to have all the documents you'll need in one place, right at your fingertips.-Libby Anne Russler (U.S.)
* The most essential items were, by far, our video and still cameras-our in-country photos of our children are priceless.-Marcy McKay (Guatemala)
* Adoption travel journal. This was a must! It occupied our down time and is now a wonderful keepsake for our daughter.-Ken & Kelly Bagnasco (Belarus)
* I went through so many Ziploc baggies on our trips, I wish I had stock in the company! I pack complete baby outfits in gallon bags-just grab a baggie when you need to change your baby. -Kim Marie Nicols (U.S.)
* Don't forget to bring an electrical converter, not just the two-prong plug adapter. And I used my pocket money cheat sheet so much, it was well worn after a week.-Molly Thomas (Russia)
* Snugli backpacks are comfortable to carry and have lots of storage pockets, eliminating the need for diaper bags.-Cynthia Butcher (China)
* Prescription antibiotics were a lifesaver when my daughter developed an ear infection just before flying home.-Nancy Allaire (China)
* Buy a separate seat for your child on the plane. The price of the seat will reward you two-fold in peace and quiet.-Bozena Syska (Russia)
* Contact information for people in your child's birth city. When you adopt domestically, you never know how long you'll have to be there, but our friends of friends of friends did a lot to ease our stay.-Janelle Siders (U.S.)
* Palmolive dish wipes-just wet and use. They worked wonderfully to clean bottles and dishes in our hotel room, and saved us from toting around a bottle of dish soap.-Sasha Mahoney (China)
* The willingness to explain your special situation. People will often go out of their way to help you. The airline clerk found us seats together on a crowded plane, and even gave us a discount coupon for a future flight.-Ann (U.S.)
* When anyone asked where we came from, we gave away postcards of our hometown. The people we met loved them.-Ken & Kelly Bagnasco (Belarus)
* We asked the orphanage staff to write something about our child on blank note cards. We now have a packet of beautiful notes, hand-written in Russian, with stories about our children, their likes

Adopt Two Boys Toy Reviews 

Where Pickel finds toys for Kids who Won't Play in the Sand!

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Meltdowns...how to deal 

Strategies to Deal with Major Meltdowns

The process of attachment and knowing when to draw near vs. moving away from a child is a difficult one. It's often challenging to know what's best--especially when a child does not give verbal feedback such as what I got from Leah. Here are some tips that may help you determine how to respond when your child seems to overreact to circumstances beyond his control:

1. Stay calm. This is hard to do, but realize that you may be dealing with underlying issues that may not immediately be apparent. You may have to think the situation through carefully to realize what's going on in your child's head. Sometimes using a very quiet voice (which is the polar opposite of what you most likely want to be doing) helps to prevent a meltdown from picking up steam.

2. Consider using "time in", and modify your technique for "time out". Again, our adopted children have been dealt a hand from a slightly different deck of cards. The traditional "Go to your room" may not always send the message that you hope to convey. "Time out" does not have to mean exclusion from other family members or separation from a parent. It can often be delivered to a child effectively by telling her that she is in "time out" and then by ignoring her negative behavior completely until it stops. The second that there is a break in the action, tell your child that she is making a good choice by stopping her behavior and turning things around. Praise her for getting back on track, and immediately bring her into your current activity by giving her "time in". This gives her the guidance and structure that she may need to make better choices, and allows her to practice a positive alternative that is incompatible with the negative behavior. It also communicates the message that you are not sending her away, and you are not leaving her. Powerful stuff.

There are two things critical to the success of time out and time in. First, explain the procedure to your child before it is needed and make sure he understands that it will help guide him in making good choices. Second, make every effort to praise and connect with your child throughout the day when he is doing what you want him to do. He needs to see the stark difference between "time out" and "time in"--and he won't see it if you don't provide an encouraging environment outside of the moments that you need to dish out discipline.

3. Put yourself in your child's shoes. Why might she be pushing you away? Could her b

Adoption Blogs & Websites 

non commercial only please-list businesses below

Add the link to your blog or website here! Remember, this lens is for adoptive and waiting parents. Only blogs related to that will be accepted.

Forever Parents

The official blog of Forever Parents1 point

Weebles Wobblog

Thoughts on adoption and adoptive parenting, attem more...1 point

Drama 2B Mama

The story of how, once I met my Mr Wonderful, we s more...1 point

Adoption Forums

A private forum for adoptive and waiting parents1 point

Hoping to Adopt Blog

The blog is for hopeful adoptive parents. It cover more...0 points

:: adventures in daily living ::: adoption round-up

Adoption Round-up #1 a collection of 40+ blog post more...0 points

:: adventures in daily living ::

Our daily adventures parenting our two children ad more...0 points

Four Feet More

The life and times of a family with two children a more...0 points

Production, Not Reproduction

I am an adoptive parent in a domestic, open adopti more...0 points

http://snipssnailsandpigtails.blogspot.com/

Adopting from the Foster Care System0 points

Open Adoption Support | we support families

A resource site for families and individuals who s more...0 points

this woman's work

writing, mothering and writing about mothering (an more...0 points

Adoptive Parenting the Joy of being a Family with your Adopted Infant or Child

Adoptive parenting. Creating successful, well-func more...0 points

Adoption Under One Roof | Covering adoption from every angle, every view, for everyone

This adoption site presents viewpoints from ALL an more...0 points

Exploring Adoption

Exploring the many facets of adoption0 points

WAITING FOR BABY on aPARENTly Speaking

Waiting is the hard part. An open adoption journey more...0 points

created by JoanneGreco

PTSD 

Post-traumatic stress and its manifestation in the young institutionalized child
By: Dr. Mark Lerner of Adoptiondoctors.com
Unfortunately, a significant number of young institutionalized children are exposed to traumatic events. These include, but are certainly not limited to, neglect, physical and sexual abuse and various degrees of abandonment. By having an understanding of traumatic stress and how it impacts young children, we can identify posttraumatic stress reactions and address the unique emotional and behavioral needs of these children.

It's important to understand that traumatic stress, and posttraumatic stress, are not synonymous with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The former are very normal human reactions that are experienced in the face of abnormal events. The latter, PTSD, it a mental disorder marked by a significant disruption in functioning over time (e.g., recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, distressing dreams, flashbacks, difficulty concentrating, hypervigilance, an exaggerated startle response, and a host of avoidance behaviors).

Traumatic stress typically refers to the emotional, cognitive, behavioral and physiological experience of individuals who are exposed to, or who witness, events that overwhelm their coping and problem-solving abilities. These events are often unexpected and uncontrollable. They compromise an individual's sense of safety and security and leave people feeling insecure and vulnerable. Traumatic stress disables people, causes disease, precipitates mental disorders, leads to substance abuse, and destroys relationships and families. In the case of the young institutionalized child, immature behaviors, behaviors that were typically abandoned in the past, are often manifested (e.g., thumbs sucking, bed wetting, fear of the dark, loss of bladder control, speech difficulties, decreases in appetite, clinging and whining, and separation difficulties). As these children become older, they may manifest periods of sadness and crying, poor concentration, fears of personal harm, aggressive behaviors, withdrawal/social isolation, attention-seeking behavior, anxiety and fears, etc.

Since preschool-age children do not yet possess the cognitive skills to understand a traumatic experience and since they lack the coping strategies to deal effectively with it, they look to adults in their environment for support and comfort. Unfortunately, the young institutionalized child may not find that comfort

Reader Feedback 

j3nny3lf

I have six kids, each with varying disabilities. Four of my kids are adopted by me, after I married their widowed father. Of my four adopted boys:

One has RAD, PTSD, schizophrenia, ADHD and Asperger's, one has OCD, ADHD and Aspie's (this one is grown and does not live at home), one has Aspies and ADHD, and one has ADHD.

I knew what I was getting into, and it has been both a challenge and a joy!

Thank you for this wonderful lens! Five stars and lensrolled to my Disabled Issues lens!

Posted January 15, 2008

International-Investor

Hi Fellow Member of Rate Exchange. Very Nice Lense. A 5 star-er. Stocks and ETF's from Emerging Markets. Make Money Over There.

Posted July 13, 2007

glossym

Welcome to the Kids Activities Group

Posted June 09, 2007

pickel

Posted June 07, 2007

Great Stuff on Amazon 

Plan Toys Shape & Sort

Amazon Price: $18.99 (as of 07/25/2008)

Hoberman Mini Sphere- Rainbow

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COUNTING BEAR CUPS 50CT BEARS 5 CUP

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Educo Wood Magnetic Maze, Fun Farm

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Melissa and Doug Sports Throw Pillows - Plush

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Great Stuff on Amazon 

The Bean Trees: A Novel

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On the Night You Were Born

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Run

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Reunion (Redemption Series-Baxter 1, Book 5)

Amazon Price: $11.19 (as of 07/25/2008)

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

Amazon Price: $10.20 (as of 07/25/2008)

Great Baby Registries on Amazon 

Everything you need for your baby to come home!

BabyBjörn Baby Carrier Original - City Black

Amazon Price: $56.47 (as of 07/25/2008)

Miracle Blanket - Blue with Green Trim

Amazon Price: $29.99 (as of 07/25/2008)

Burt's Bees Bundle of Joy Gift Basket

Amazon Price: $24.95 (as of 07/25/2008)

Netflix Kids Movies 

001- Night at the Museum

Chaos reigns at the natural history museum when night watchman Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) accidentall...
002- The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe

Based on C.S. Lewis's classic novel, this enchanting tale follows four London children who are sent...
003- Cars

Prepare to peel out with this revved-up animated adventure featuring classic automobiles, plenty of...
004- Ratatouille

Brad Bird (The Incredibles) co-directs this Oscar-winning Pixar offering, following the antics of a...
005- Happy Feet

Living with his colony in the Antarctic, young emperor penguin Mumble is aptly named: While his frie...
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Great Stuff on eBay 

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pickel

About pickel

I am a SAHM working on my second adoption. This time we are heading to Guatemala. Check out the blog for more information on Little Pickel and Little Pickel II.

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