All Things Simpsons - Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart, plus more

Homer: Donuts.

Is there anything they can't do?11 points

Homer:

DOH!!10 points

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions.

Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blow more...8 points

Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)8 points

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again?

What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
more...7 points

What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh! Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.7 points

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

6 points

Homer: Who's going to watch the kids?

Marge: You are!
Homer: Me? But I'm the father! more...6 points

Marge: You are!
Homer: Me? But I'm the father!6 points

Homer: Here's to alcohol,

the cause of-and solution to-all life's problems.4 points

Homer: Note to self:

Stop. Doing. Anything.3 points

Homer Simpson: Marge, it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen.

3 points

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.

The lesson is, never try.2 points

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!

Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts more...2 points

Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!!2 points

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family

is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the more...2 points

is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.2 points

Homer: [Reading] Duff book of records:

Springfield is now the fattest city in the U.S.
Ho more...2 points

Springfield is now the fattest city in the U.S.
Homer: Woo Hoo! In your face Milwaukee!2 points

Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter?

Besides, every time I learn something new, it push more...2 points

Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?2 points

Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike.

You go in every day and do it really half-assed. T more...2 points

You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.2 points

Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power

like God must feel when he's holding a gun.2 points

Homer: In America, first your get the sugar,

then you get the power, then you get the women.2 points

Homer: You know, my kids think you're the greatest,

and thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally s more...1 point

and thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.1 point

Homer: Bad bees. Get away from my sugar!

Ow. OW! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow.1 point

Homer:

I've seen more interesting PLAYS, I mean PLAYS.... more...0 points

I've seen more interesting PLAYS, I mean PLAYS....!0 points

EAT MY SHORTS!

11 points

Bart: Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas?

You know, the birth of Santa.9 points

Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog?

Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't more...5 points

Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.5 points

Bart: Remember, you can always find East

by staring directly at the sun.3 points

Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?

Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a pup more...3 points

Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.3 points

Bart: Hey Duffman

Duffman: Please I'm not "Duffman!" anymo more...2 points

Duffman: Please I'm not "Duffman!" anymore, I'm just plain old Barry Duffman, oh yeah.2 points

Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse?

The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying more...1 point

The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding ...1 point

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?

Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.12 points

Lisa: If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.

4 points

Lisa: If anyone needs me I'll be in my room.

4 points

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.

Homer: You say that so often that it lost its mean more...10 points

Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.10 points

Marge: Do you notice something different about Bart?

Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No, he seems sad.
Homer more...5 points

Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No, he seems sad.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I'd ask him what's wrong, but I'm afraid I might smother him.
Homer: Yeah, then we'd get the chair.
Marge: Homer, that's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.5 points

Marge; Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?

Grandpa: I sure hope so...5 points

Marge: Homer, the plant called.

They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't both more...3 points

They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.3 points

Marge: I think you should do it, Homer, you might learn something new!

Homer: Oh, Marge, whenever I learn something new, more...2 points

Homer: Oh, Marge, whenever I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out. Remember that time I went to those duff brewery classes and I forgot how to drive?2 points

Grandpa: Are we there yet?

Homer: No
Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Gra more...11 points

Homer: No
Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: Are we there yet?
Homer: No
Grandpa: [lengthy pause]
Where are we going?11 points

Marge; Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?

Grandpa: I sure hope so...3 points

Grandpa: Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear.

It holds the answer to all the important questions more...3 points

It holds the answer to all the important questions.3 points

Grandpa: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked

by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Clev more...1 point

by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!1 point

Mr. Burns: (with tented fingers) Excellent.

8 points

Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship.

These are the three demons you must slay if you wi more...2 points

These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.2 points

Mr. Burns: No one will want to kiss me after this, eh, Smithers?

Smithers: Well, it's their loss, sir.2 points

Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!

Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Pre more...0 points

Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.0 points

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

7 points

Ralph: When i grow up,

I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.6 points

Ralph: I glued my head to my shoulder, now i have two owies

4 points

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

3 points

Ralph Wiggum: Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky.

1 point

Ralph (To a wolf): Will you be my mommy?

You smell like dead bunnies...0 points

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?

Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat more...0 points

Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens0 points

Ralph: I dropped my popstickle in your toy chest

0 points

Chief : Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.

8 points

Chief: Can't you people

take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't more...5 points

take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!5 points

Chief: Don't worry, that car thief can't hold his breath forever!

Cop: And if he can, Chief?
Chief: Then God help us more...2 points

Cop: And if he can, Chief?
Chief: Then God help us all!2 points

Chief: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh.

Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's &q more...0 points

Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Chief: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.0 points

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.

Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Ba more...8 points

Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?8 points

Apu: Thank you, steal again.

4 points

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog.

Actually, replace "accidentally"
with & more...3 points

Actually, replace "accidentally"
with "repeatedly"
and replace "dog" with "son."3 points

Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me

from such self-help tapes as %u201CSmoke Yourself more...3 points

from such self-help tapes as %u201CSmoke Yourself Thin%u201D and %u201CGet Some Confidence, Stupid!%u201D3 points

Wife: Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents?

Cletus: Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too...2 points

Ned Flanders: I've done everything the Bible says,

even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!2 points

Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make

you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn fo more...1 point

you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!1 point

Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable?

What a country.1 point

Mayor Quimby: Yes there is a comet and yes

it is heading for our town. (Scattered clapping) Y more...1 point

it is heading for our town. (Scattered clapping) You uh, don't need to applaud that.1 point

Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party

and lived to tell about it.0 points