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My Amazon Anti-Wish List

Ranked #23,449 in Entertainment, #260,952 overall

A list of things I just don't want.

I spend a lot of time on Amazon.com. My time is probably split in three parts: shopping, learning, and listening. During this time, I have stumbled upon several items that I absolutely do not want. I have kept track of this list, so that it can be used as a guide for anyone planning to give me a gift. I think it will also be useful to the general population.

So, if you are planning on getting me something, first check my wish-list, and if you don't want to go with something from that, just make sure it is not on this list. And, thanks ahead for the gift. I love it. It's just what I wanted.

Full Body Leotard

Complete Body Unitard,8999ROYL,Royal,Large

Amazon Price: $67.50 (as of 02/15/2012)

Thanks, Mom. But Next time, just stick with a sweater for me, ok?

Things I Don't Want for My Backyard

Okay, lets kick things off with the great outdoors. These are a few items that I do not need for spending time in the backyard.

Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray

I think this is unarguable evidence that the end of the world is very near.

Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray

Amazon Price: $13.20 (as of 02/15/2012)

Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray POOP FREEZE is the first freeze-spray aerosol made for animal waste pick-up. Poop happens- just freeze it! Just frost and toss! Completely non-flammable. Cools surfaces down to 62%uFFFD F. No CFCs to destroy the ozone . Does not harm vegetation and can be used indoors or outdoors.Totally environmentally friendly! Spray and then wait 10 seconds and a white crusty film solidifies the waste. Clean ... easy ... quick ... affordable solution to nasty waste clean-up problems

A few things I just don't want

No thanks.

Owl Puke

Owl Puke, the Book

by: Jane Hammerslough

Amazon Price: $11.10 (as of 02/15/2012)

Yeah, see, here's the thing, owl puke is not something I am particularly interested in. I know everyone has their own THING that they are into, but if your thing is owl puke, then I think you may have some issues to sort out.

Bully Sticks 12 Inch Chews

12" Bully Sticks Thick Select Single with UPC

Amazon Price: $2.49 (as of 02/15/2012)

12-inch beef chews for dogs --- okay.
All natural, no preservatives --- okay.
Hormone and Antibiotic Free --- okay.
Fully digestible --- okay.
Promotes dental health --- okay.
Only one ingredient, bull pizzle --- (gasp) Oh NO NO NO

Things I Don't Want for My Home

A few more treasures that can be crossed off

Stuff I Don't Want From eBay

Just in case you prefer the auctions, I don't want this either.

Quote

We are in the process of creating what deserves to be called the idiot culture. Not an idiot sub-culture, which every society has bubbling beneath the surface and which can provide harmless fun; but the culture itself. For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norm, even our cultural ideal.
~ Carl Bernstein

Things I Don't Wish to Waste My Time On

Fetus Cookie Cutter

Bacon Band-Aids

BACON shaped themed Adhesive Bandages

Amazon Price: $1.70 (as of 02/15/2012)

"Oh! You cut your finger. You better put a strip of bacon on that!"

UFO Detector

It would ruin the element of surprise.

The Guardian Angel

(Not a sex toy)

Promotes organ regeneration?!?!?! What organ?!?!?!
It says it eliminates pain, but I suspect it would cause it.
Spring loaded tip for added specific point therapies????? Oooowwwww!!!!

Please don't buy this for me.

Guardian Angel

Amazon Price: (as of 02/15/2012)

Eliminate Chronic Pain
Stimulates 344 points of pressure in the hand
Produces the same benefits of traditional acupuncture without a costly visit to the Dr. or the use of needles
Relieves fatigue, stress, insomnia
Promotes organ regeneration
It has a spring loaded tip for added specific point therapies.

Things I Don't Want for My Kids

Now, I just don't think this is necessary. I am certain children can grasp the concept of pooping without graphics and labels involved. And, do we really need to devote more of our children's time with farts? Shouldn't we be teaching them something useful? Won't they learn enough about farts once they get to public school? And, frankly, I don't have it in me to address the Breasts book.

Knife Set

The Ex 5-Piece Knife Set with Unique Black Holder Designed By Raffaele Iannello

Amazon Price: (as of 02/15/2012)

Now, what does this teach the children?

No thanks, I'm not hungry.

Eternal Cross Nipple Shield

Passion Pink Gem ETERNAL CROSS Dangle Nipple Shield

Amazon Price: $8.99 (as of 02/15/2012)

Cross Nipple Shield?
What is it shielding you from...nipple vampires?

Doggie High Chair

Yodelling Pickle

For me, this is wrong on SO many levels.

Accoutrements Yodelling Pickle

Amazon Price: $6.98 (as of 02/15/2012)

ACTUAL DESCRIPTION:
Are you sick and tired of trying to convince a jar of pickles to yodel using melodious mind bullets and sheer force of will? So were we. At last, the Electronic Yodelling Pickle that you have always hoped for! Each 6-1/2" (16.5 cm) long plastic pickle yodels its little heart out at the push of a button. Batteries included.

Uranium Ore

Amazon Price: $39.95 (as of 02/15/2012)

HOW IS THIS LEGAL?????

More Money than Brains?

If you are considering getting me one of these, I'd just rather the cash. Thanks.

Betty Color for the Hair Down There

Hair Dye!

You have absolutely got to be kidding me!

The Eggo Chair...no I'm sorry...The Ergo Chair

Ergo Ball Exercise Wii Erogonomic Office Chair

Amazon Price: $169.00 (as of 02/15/2012)

This is a chair. A chair. A chair???

Is it just me? Maybe it's just me that's nuts and the rest of the world is normal? Am I the only one that has never felt the need to sit on an egg? Maybe it's just me....but I don't think so.

Guestbook

What is on your Anti-Wish List?

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Starving_Artist Dec 31, 2011 @ 5:38 am | delete

Love it!

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KimGiancaterino Dec 28, 2011 @ 6:34 pm | delete

So funny -- you definitely had me laughing out loud with your remarks. Especially the one about climbing into your car trunk. I think the hot sauce/garden spray is supposed to repel raccoons. Ours are smarter than the average raccoon, so I won't waste my money trying it.

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ZodiacImmortal Dec 21, 2011 @ 6:18 pm | delete

Great lens! Had a nice laugh at the retorts about the gifts etc. can also be called What NOT to give someone (tho I do LOVE the Knife holder... for a variety of reasons. adding to a future lens (winter holidays)

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Pukeko Feb 24, 2011 @ 1:47 am | delete

LOL - what fun. Clever idea. While I share you sentiment on most of these items, we did own two of the three kids books (and liked them). Blessed by the humor angel, please add a link to my humor angel lens.