A list of things I just don't want.
I spend a lot of time on Amazon.com. My time is probably split in three parts: shopping, learning, and listening. During this time, I have stumbled upon several items that I absolutely do not want. I have kept track of this list, so that it can be used as a guide for anyone planning to give me a gift. I think it will also be useful to the general population.
So, if you are planning on getting me something, first check my wish-list, and if you don't want to go with something from that, just make sure it is not on this list. And, thanks ahead for the gift. I love it. It's just what I wanted.
Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray
Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray
Amazon Price: $11.99 (as of 07/12/2009)
Poop Freeze Aerosol Freeze Spray POOP FREEZE is the first freeze-spray aerosol made for animal waste pick-up. Poop happens- just freeze it! Just frost and toss! Completely non-flammable. Cools surfaces down to 62° F. No CFCs to destroy the ozone . Does not harm vegetation and can be used indoors or outdoors.Totally environmentally friendly! Spray and then wait 10 seconds and a white crusty film solidifies the waste. Clean ... easy ... quick ... affordable solution to nasty waste clean-up problems
Things I Don't Want for My Backyard
Bird GrubTM Package of 1250
The reason I don't want this is obvious...I need 1275 grubs.
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
Dave's Gourmet Spray on Hot Sauce & Garden Spray Tastes Great & Protects Your Garden. Spray On Your Meat While Grilling or Barbecuing. Spray on your Roses Veggies and Other Garden Plants That Animals Can't Resist. One of the Most Diverse Products Available Anywhere!
At first, I thought I didn't read that right. GOURMET Hot Sauce & GARDEN SPRAY. Nope, not for me.
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
Deer Fly Defense ?!?!?!
Deer Fly Defense Pkg of 12 patches
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
OMG WTF!
Does that kid have fly-paper on the back of his head?!?!?
A few things I just don't want
No thanks.
Fetal Pig Coloring Book: A Laboratory Manual
Oh, but I already have a fetal pig coloring book. Thanks.
Amazon Price: $15.56 (as of 07/12/2009)
Dr. Frank N Furter from Rocky Horror Celebriduck Limited Edition Collectible Rubber Duck
This is a rubber duckie. A Rocky Horror Picture Show Dr. Frank N Furter rubber duckie. I'm quite sure this would scare the crap out of children.
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
Owl Puke
Owl Puke: Book and Owl Pellet
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
Yeah, see, here's the thing, owl puke is not something I am particularly interested in. I know everyone has their own THING that they are into, but if your thing is owl puke, then I think you may have some issues to sort out.
Durango Bully Boys 12 Inch Chews
Durango Bully Boys 12-Inch Beef Chews (Pack of 24)
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
12-inch beef chews for dogs --- okay.
All natural, no preservatives --- okay.
Fully digestible --- okay.
Promotes dental health --- okay.
Only one ingredient, bull pizzle --- (gasp) Oh NO NO NO
Things I Don't Want for My Home
Golfers Toilet Paper Holder
Two creepy dudes watching you go? No, I can do without that.
Amazon Price: $21.95 (as of 07/12/2009)
A few more treasures that can be crossed off
VINTAGE STYLE COLORFUL PETALS LATEX SWIM BATHING CAP
I don't want any swim cap, but this one especially.
Amazon Price: $14.99 (as of 07/12/2009)
Finger Nose Hair Trimmer
Look closely...this is a nose hair trimmer disguised as a finger. I don't want this for at least 5 different reasons.
Amazon Price: $9.27 (as of 07/12/2009)
Stuff I Don't Want From eBay
Just in case you prefer the auctions, I don't want this either.
Fetching new data from eBay now... please stand by
Quote
We are in the process of creating what deserves to be called the idiot culture. Not an idiot sub-culture, which every society has bubbling beneath the surface and which can provide harmless fun; but the culture itself. For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norm, even our cultural ideal.
~ Carl Bernstein
Things I Don't Wish to Waste My Time On
Doing Nothing: A History of Loafers, Loungers, Slackers, and Bums in America
Sounds riveting.
Amazon Price: $18.26 (as of 07/12/2009)
Boring Postcards USA
Pretty much anything with boring in the title...
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 07/12/2009)
Gothic Bellydance
Hmm. Isn't bellydancing pretty much against all that goth stands for? I would think Gothic Bellydance would be an oxymoron.
Amazon Price: $13.49 (as of 07/12/2009)
The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead
What a bargain for such a useful aid.
Amazon Price: $10.94 (as of 07/12/2009)
Harrius Potter et Philosophi Lapis (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Latin Edition)
Wow...how much of a nerd can you be?
Illegitimi non carborundum
Amazon Price: $16.29 (as of 07/12/2009)
Bacon Band-Aids
Bacon Adhesive Bandages in Tin Box with Free Toy Inside
Amazon Price: $2.99 (as of 07/12/2009)
Oh! You cut your finger. You better put a strip of bacon on that!
Things I Don't Want for My Kids
Everyone Poops (My Body Science Series)
Amazon Price: $7.95 (as of 07/12/2009)
The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts (My Body Science)
Amazon Price: $7.95 (as of 07/12/2009)
Breasts (My Body Science)
Amazon Price: $11.19 (as of 07/12/2009)
Knife Set
The Ex 5-Piece Stainless-Steel Knife Set with Unique Holder, Black
Amazon Price: $69.95 (as of 07/12/2009)
Now, what does this teach the children?
No thanks, I'm not hungry.
Buffalo Bills Beef Jerky Chew 6-Pack Cooler (filled with 36 assorted cans of shredded beef jerky chew)
How much beef jerky can a person eat? And, does it need it's own case?
Amazon Price: $42.99 (as of 07/12/2009)
Eternal Cross Nipple Shield
Crystalline Gem ETERNAL CROSS Dangle Nipple Shield
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
Cross Nipple Shield? What is it shielding you from...nipple vampires?
Yodelling Pickle
PICKLE - YODELING *COC
Amazon Price: $6.99 (as of 07/12/2009)
ACTUAL DESCRIPTION:
Are you sick and tired of trying to convince a jar of pickles to yodel using melodious mind bullets and sheer force of will? So were we. At last, the Electronic Yodelling Pickle that you have always hoped for! Each 6-1/2" (16.5 cm) long plastic pickle yodels its little heart out at the push of a button. Batteries included.
Uranium Ore
More Money than Brains?
Relaxman Relaxation Capsule
I'd rather save the forty grand and climb into my car trunk.
Amazon Price: $39,995.00 (as of 07/12/2009)
Wedding Chapel - 10 x 18 With Wood Roof
And the day after, what do you do with the church you just bought?
Amazon Price: $21,420.47 (as of 07/12/2009)
JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
It just looks prone to rust. I want a shiny pretty tank.
Amazon Price: (as of 07/12/2009)
Betty Color for the Hair Down There
Hair Dye!
The Eggo Chair...no I'm sorry...The Ergo Chair
Doctor Riter's Ergo Chair
Amazon Price: $189.00 (as of 07/12/2009)
This is a chair. A chair. A chair???
Is it just me? Maybe it's just me that's nuts and the rest of the world is normal? Am I the only one that has never felt the need to sit on an egg? Maybe it's just me....but I don't think so.
Guestbook
What is on your Anti-Wish List?
AllHorses wrote...
Absolutely fabulous!! Can't give it any more than 5 stars, but would like to! :)
Posted November 24, 2008
Mortira wrote...
Hilarious! So very well done - I just loved your humor. Although I would have Zombie Survival Guide on my wish list. It's actually a really funny book, and informative if you're the kind of person that worries about an outbreak of zombies. It could happen. 5 very big stars and a lensroll!
Posted November 19, 2008
JessicaOffSetMedia wrote...
Thats just awesome how much of this crap is actually out there! Just one question....what words did you type in to get these? Holy Crap! 5stars definitely!!! :o)
Posted November 18, 2008
Spook wrote...
Never ever would it have occurred to me to buy my kids a book on whoopsie poopsies.
Posted November 18, 2008
tandemonimom wrote...
THANK YOU for putting "Everybody Poops" and "The Gas We Pass" on your anti-wish list. They are definitely on mine! I have four kids so I see these books a LOT and in 13 years of parenting I have managed to avoid reading them to my kids. Thanks for a fun list! 5 stars and lensrolled to Battle Hymn of the Toilet.
Posted August 15, 2008
SilvaraWilde wrote...
This is great! I've often wondered why people came up with these things on Amazon. Have you seen the Worlds Largest Book about the Smallest Country? (otherwise known as "Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey Across the Last Himalayan Kingdom") It's 5' tall by 7' wide, takes months to be made, and costs more than that land-tank you say you don't want!
Posted June 17, 2008
BFuniv.com wrote...
You've put me off online shopping for at least a week. Maybe eating too. Ah, a new lens -- "the anti-wish list diet.
Posted May 23, 2008
