ApologetiX: The Christian Parody Band

Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs
Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa
I'm a lamb- in God's hand- I'm a lamb
He's got a flockof lambswho know him
Robbers can not steal `em from his hand
Baa Baa Baa Baa We're Lambs
We went through the fence, looking for some friends
God saw me scram so He brought me back again
Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand
You got to follow were He's goin'
God'll take you to the Promised Land
CHOURUS
Tried many moves- Tried getting loose
Tried petting zoos but knew they wouldn't do
Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand
You got to follow where He's goin'
God'll take you to the Promised Land
Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs
CHORUS
Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs...

Follow along in the Bible
Follow along in the Bible
You'll never read any book that is better
Genesis, Exodus and Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy
Joshua, Judges and Ruth and 1 and 2 Samuel and Kings and Chronicles
Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther
And then Job, Psalms and Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, then
Song of Solomon, Song of Solomon
Then Isaiah
Jeremiah
Lamentations
Uh-huh
Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea
Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk
Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah and after this is Malachi

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Acts (of the Apostles) and Romans, 1, 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians
Philippians, Colossians, 1, 2 Thessalonians and 1, 2 Timothy
Titus, Philemon, Hebrews, James, 1, 2 Peter, 1, 2, 3 John, Jude, Revelation
That's the Bible
I like Bibles
Try my Bible
Bye-bye Bible

As he came up to the window, heard the sound of, Barry Manilow
He came into her apartment, smelled the Ben Gay, and the chocolate
She was sitting at the table, he could see she, had a Bible
Then she ran into the bedroom, got her teeth down, and her perfume

Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny? (4X)

Granny's not an old maid, She's a zealot, with a bold faith
She's a kind-hearted widow, and she bought you, a Nintendo, last week
You came into her apartment, left the mud stains, on the carpet
And then she ran into the bedroom, she was knelt down, it was for you
Granny likes to crochet, and croquet, and quote Dear Abby
Granny causes road rage, in slow lanes, she's no Andretti
Granny's got the whole day, to go pray, for all her family
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmamma

She came into the hallway, it was Sunday, had a snack made
Then the book of Revelation, was the topic, of conversation
Granny says you know babe, the Lord say, in verse 3:20
He's standing at the doorway, so don't waste, a moment honey
And you gotta go pray, or else babe, you won't gain entry
Then you told her OK, I want saved, I'll go pray Granny

Granny told you OK, first you tell Him, that you're sorry
Believe He died or your sins though
And accept, Him and repento -- Whammy!
He came into your heart then, you were prostrate, on the carpet
Then she ran you to the next room
You were sat down, there was more food
Granny karaokes, to old tapes, of Sandi Patty
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama

(BRIDGE)

Granny had a roast made, and potatoes, that were homemade
And she buys Poppin' Fresh Dough
So she baked you, some crescent rolls, lets eat!
You came into her apartment, and the blessings, only started
And then your Granny took and fed you
You were stuffed now; it was her food
Granny brought you cold grapes, and poached eggs, and bowls of candy
Granny brought you milkshakes, and fruitcake, keep Rolaids handy
Granny's artichokes make, your throat gag, so don't take any
And before you go babe, you must take, a roast beef sandwich

May I have your repentance please?
May I have your repentance please?
Will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up?
I repeat ... will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up?
We're gonna have to prophet here
Y'all act like you never seen a nice person before
You oughta hope in the Lord
Your panting tongue is just thirstin' for more
You started lookin' around searchin' cause you're
Uncertain you're sure you know where you're goin' eternally
If you return to God ... ah, wait, no, wait, we're sinning
We couldn't get saved with the things we did, can we?
And Dr. J. says -- nothing you did is such a grave sin
It costs you salvation
Ha Ha Heavenly livin's above every man
"Chick-a-chick-a-chick-a he's crazy!
I'm sick of them â%u20AC%u02DCborn agains'
Walkin' around askin' if you know God â%u20AC" speakin' of You Know Who
Yeah, but there's no proof though"
Yeah, probably got a couple of you who think I lack proof
But no worse than what's goin' on in America's classrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just spread the truth
But can't -- but the school can tell me we come from evolution
"My mama was a fish -- my mama was a fish"
"And if we're monkeys you might as well forget original sin!"
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to question on their own if God exists
Of course they're gonna wonder if the Lord's fake
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Easter Bunny and Santa don't they?
We ain't shinin' examples
Well some of the scandals are caused by people posin' as evangelists
But if Jesus loved His enemies and Pharisees
Then there's no reason that you can't get another chance and believe
But if you feel a slight chill -- I got the anti-freeze
This is not a fantasy -- it's important and it's free
I've sinned greatly, but Christ's for real, baby
It's a wonder He saved me and just didn't hate me
So won't you tell Him "Save me"
Please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Yes, I've been crazy, yes, I've been real shady
Always wanted Him to save me, but just didn't say it
So won't you tell Him "Save me"
Please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Will Smith don't gotta discuss the Christian path to salvation
Well, I do -- it affects him and affects you too
You think I give a care if he likes my parodies
Half of you kiddies won't even look at me, let alone stare at me
But J., what if we pray? Wouldn't we be weird?
Why? Would you guys reject Christ just to fit with your peers
So you can live in fear for the next 60 years
This ain't imaginary better get prepared
The price of sin yes it costs us dearly with death first
And when that part is over if you ain't saved it gets even worse
Little chance they'll put me now on MTV
Yeah, it's true, but I think he'd scare all the kids -- ree ree!
I said now's when they oughta know and John 3:3
It shows the whole world how they need born again to be free
I'm singin' you little girls and boys spoofs
All you do is ignore me
Though I have been sent here to inform you
And there's a million of us just like me you judge like me
Were just like triple fudge ice cream; we're just quite sweet
You watch Saul in Acts 9:3
You just might see you're just like him -- You're not fightin' me
I've sinned greatly, but Christ He still saved me
From a hundred temptations and death, sin and Hades
So won't you tell Him "Save me"
Please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Yes, my sinned shamed me, yet I've been healed lately
God the Father forgave me from messin' with Satan
So won't you tell Him "Save me"
Please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
I'm like a breath mint you listen to but I'm only givin' you
Things you thought about in your head with my religious group
The only difference is I got the call to say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be Paul -- the Book I quote has it all
I just get out a Bible and read it and whether you like it you need it
As sure as I can see that better than 90 percent of you happen to doubt me
Then you wonder how can kids give up their values I tell you it's funny
Cause at the place I'm goin' when I'm buried
I'll see the only person in the world I know who's worthy
He's the first and last and I'm J. Jackson I'm the worst
And I'm a jerk and Jesus knows that but my braggin' wasn't workin'
And every single person needs a sin savior urgently
You could be working on a burglary or sittin' in a nunnery
Or keepin' part of the law perfectly screamin' "I don't sin that much"
Puttin' Christians down sayin' "It's just a crutch"
So if you're still waiting please stand up
Cause this wonderful singer's time is eaten up
And it's time to get off your behind and out of the row
Come on down -- now is your chance -- how do I know?
CHORUS
I guess there's a sin Savior for all of us
Let's all stand up

The devil went down to the Jordan
He was lookin' for a show to steal
He was in a bind 'cause Jesus came to find
The people willing to make it real

And he came across the Son of Man
Saw Him in the desert and prayin' to God
Then the devil jumped upon the chance to tempt Him
Said, "Boy, let me tell ya, it's hot!"

"I guess you wouldn't show it, but I can tell you're cravin' food
"And kid I'm scared this desert air might get the best of you
"Now you ain't been eatin' your vittles boy
"But now, your dinner is due
"So if you're really God's son, then turn these stones
To bread and I'll butter it for you."

The Lord said, "I am hungry, but that would be a sin
"Cause it ain't by bread man's gonna be fed
"But by the Word God's given him."

John the Baptist washed the Lord and there's where it all starts
Cause Jesus left the Jordan and the devil hit Him hard
And if He wins we get to walk on Heaven's streets of gold
But if He sins the devil gets your soul

The devil took Him up in space and said, "Why don't You throw
"Yourself off of this temple top as I watch You from below
"Cause I'm sure You know that God will send
"All His angels to assist
"And man would believe that You are Him
"If the saw you did somethin' like this"

When the devil finished, Jesus said
"Well, you're temptin' God, old son
"And it's written down in that book right there
"That thing should never be done"

Shout from the mountain what God's done
The devil ain't a match for the rising Son
You can never tempt God, did you not know
Man, he doesn't live by bread alone

The devil finallly said, "Jesus, if You'll just worship me
"Then I'll give you gold that glitters
"Every crown, and all You see"

Jesus said, "Devil, just turn on back
"Cause I'm never gonna buy your scam
"I love God too much, I'm gonna resist
"I suggest you'd better scram!"
And we say

Shout from the mountain what God's done
The devil ain't a match for the rising Son
You can never tempt God, did you not know
Man, he doesn't live by bread alone