How Tischke Invented the Bagel

Tischke Goldberg is a fictional character. Any resemblance Tischke may have to actual persons living or dead is coincidental.

Dear Uncle Richard,
At last, after all our exhaustive searches, I've finally obtained more detailed intelligence about our remarkable 17th-century relative Tischke Goldberg. Quite by chance, I made the acquaintance of several descendants of the original Plymouth Rock Pilgrims, who had kept their ancestors' journals documenting their voyage.

But what was surprising: said descendants knew all about Tischke. For they told me that previously unknown, neglected Pilgrim diaries had been accidentally discovered in an attic last year, under an accumulation of dust. Included among these diaries, they said, was a diary and letters written by Tischke Goldberg, the only Jewish Pilgrim.

And, within her previously long lost diary and among her formerly lost letters, Tischke describes how she invented the bagel! What an extraordinary discovery! These treasures, you'll be relieved to hear, have since been restored and relocated to more suitable environs in a Plymouth Society library, where they're now receiving the scholarly attention they deserve.

Here then is a more accurate account of Tischke's unprecedented escapades, based on new information I've been privileged to glean from the recently discovered diaries and Tischke's letters:

Our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great aunt Tischke Goldberg was the youngest of 3 sisters. Her industrious father was a tailor by trade, while her thrifty and comely mother embroidered and took in laundry on occasion. The Goldberg household was by no means wealthy, but it was well-kept and cheerful. Tischke grew up happy and well-loved, in the relative comfort of early 17th-century London.

This was the time of the English Separatists, whom later became known as the Pilgrims. Like many of her generation, Tischke had heard about the Separatists and their rather [for the time] egalitarian ideals, which she admired. Tischke had also been intrigued by tales of the New World, such as: Sir Francis Drake's exploration of California, Sir Walter Raleigh's Virginia colony, John Smith and the American Indian Tisquantum (or Squanto), and other similar stories. As a result, she longed to go to the New World more than anything. So, while yet a young girl, Tischke determined to do just that.

Being a quick study, she learned the tailoring and embroidery trades within a relatively short time, which she demonstrated a natural aptitude for. She availed herself of as many books as she could lay her hands on and taught herself arithmetic, geography, history, Latin, comparative religions, and the practical sciences above and beyond what her family could provide in the way of education. In short, she diligently applied herself, with the ultimate goal of emigrating to America.

In 1620, when Tischke was 17 years of age, the Mayflower set sail for America and thus began the great Pilgrim exodus. Many ships followed the Mayflower to the New World and, by now, Tischke had almost saved up enough money for passage. She knew she would join the exodus within a year or two.

In the spring of 1623, a ship called the Little James was scheduled to set sail for New England that summer. Tischke intended to be onboard. She quickly made the necessary arrangements, bid her farewells to her family, and booked steerage.

Upon setting sail, the Little James docked in Massachusetts roughly one month later. Tischke was finally in the land of her dreams where destiny awaited. With money she'd saved and the little extra money she'd earned during the voyage doing embroidery, she was able to find suitable lodging and begin her tailoring trade. However, and this is where the story gets murky....

The Pilgrims' account of Tischke ends with the landing of the Little James. But Tischke's letters to her family back in London describe in some detail what her first years in Massachusetts were like. In one letter, in particular, she briefly outlines how she got the idea for the bagel, which later became a such big hit in the colony. She says she had initially intended to make donuts. But, lacking the right ingredients, she was forced to improvise and rethink the recipe: So she decided to make bread instead. Drawing upon the idea of donuts for inspiration, Tischke cooked the bagel dough in the round and added the hole in the center.

Anyway, based on her letters, it's abundantly clear that Tischke did indeed invent the bagel, as we'd always been told, and that she made a small fortune from it as well. Plus, one or two newspapers of the day wrote up articles about it, which Tischke cited in her letters to her family. And now, as a result of the recently discovered journals, we have the articles and letters to prove it!

Although some historians would have us believe that the bagel was intended as a tribute to King John III Sobieski of Poland for having driven back the Ottoman Turks. According to legend, in 1683, a Viennese baker fashioned his bread dough in the shape of a stirrup in honor of the King, who was a skilled horseman. [Some etymologists further claim that the word bagel derives from the German word beugel, which means stirrup.] Other historians note that the first written account of beygls occurred earlier: in 1610, in Cracow, Poland. According to this theory, women were given beygls as a gift during childbirth. But I don't think there's much evidence to support either theory. Tischke's version of events are much more plausible and better documented.

Our family has every right to be proud and claim the bagel as part of our heritage. And consider, once the bagel was invented...it took on a life of its own. By 1880, vendors on the streets of Manhattan were selling bagels everywhere. In 1920, Breakstone began marketing "cream cheese" as a bagel topping. In 1960, Murray Lender was selling frozen bagels to every toaster in America. And so on and so forth! Dear Uncle Richard, just think, it all began with our intrepid and amazing great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great aunt Tischke Goldberg!

If you'd like to learn more about Tischke please visit this website, which has the only image of Tischke known to exist carved in stone.

Dear Uncle Richard,
In my ongoing examination of the Pilgrim diaries, journals, and papers, as well as Tischke's own journals and letters...I've happened upon a small Plymouth Colony intrigue. In the spring of 1624, Tischke was selling a lot of bagels. That same spring, however, the Plymouth Gazette reported that several Plymouth Colony members were none too happy about Tischke's bagel success. So, in an effort to thwart any future bagel sales, these colonists formed a group called the Donut Anti-Defamation League. The League claimed that they owned the copyright to the donut and that the bagel constituted copyright infringement. Below please find a letter they wrote, which appeared in the Plymouth Gazette, asking Tischke to stop making bagels:

"Dear Madame,
In this letter we request that you, Tischke Goldberg, do hereby cease and desist infringing upon the registered trademark rights of the Donut Anti-Defamation League, the sole proprietary owners of the donut, by making and/or selling bagels, which resemble donuts, within Plymouth County...."

The letter goes on to detail British laws governing copyright infringement, but I'll spare you the details. Of course the Donut Anti-Defamation League's claims that they held a registered trademark on the donut were baseless. However, this group nonetheless was taken seriously for a while. And they had some success in creating a small rift within the community, if only briefly, which affected bagel sales adversely.

You'll be pleased to hear that Tischke was not to be undone by a small band of opportunistic rascals. Here is a brief synopsis of her public counter-argument, also published in the Plymouth Gazette, which in the end carried the day and eventually increased bagel sales exponentially:

Dear Donut Anti-Defamation League,
The Donut Anti-Defamation League's request that I cease and desist making and/or selling bagels is without legal merit. Because they do not own a registered trademark on the donut. Indeed, the donut shape predates written history and it is not known who first invented the donut.

For example:

-- 80,000 B.C. Cro-magnon hominids invent the wheel after eating donuts.

-- Circa 2500 B.C. The line drawings of Nazca, Peru, were intended to guide Martians to the nearest donut shop.

-- 800 B.C. In a first draft of the Iliad, Homer wrote that Ulysses was able to appease Poseidon by casting donuts upon the sea. Although this version of events was later edited out.

-- 360ish B.C. Every morning Plato ate a donut before class, which inspired his unity of ideas theory.

-- Religious painting of the Middle Ages and the Renaissance often depict saints, madonnas and putti wearing halos--or donuts.

Dear Uncle Richard,
Your suggestion to retain the noted historian and author Sir Hugh R. Trevor-Roper Redwald to authenticate the "Tischke Chronicles" is much appreciated. However, even if Sir Hugh were still alive, it's doubtful that he'd be interested as his expertise was in modern history. Although, in keeping with the intent of your suggestion, it may be worthwhile to try and locate another academic scholar, who'd be willing to help me document the only known Jewish Pilgrim. With that thought in mind, I'll keep you posted as to my progress.

Meanwhile, here is another addition to the ongoing Tischke saga, which I've taken the liberty to title: Tischke and the Wampanoag.

In Tischke's journals, I discovered several pages of curious diagrams and drawings, which were a complete mystery. Until it became apparent that there was a chronology and a theme to them involving the great Wampanoag Chief Ahanu, who had fallen seriously ill during Tischke's second winter in Plymouth.

You'll recall that while Tischke was a student in London, she had read the medical journals of the day and she had studied anatomy, common illnesses and cures. Therefore, due to her medical experience, it was mutually decided by the Wampanoag and the Pilgrims that Tischke direct the Chief's recovery.

So Tischke helped Ahanu's wife, Kanti, and son, Kitchie, who was about Tischke's age, keep the Chief's fever down with plenty of liquids and cool towels to his head, lots of soup, warm blankets, a constant fire, and medicinal herbs and potions. Each day, Tischke would leave Plymouth town to go into the forest to the Chief's wigwam, wearing the customary nurses uniform of a white dress and white hooded robe. And, because the way was far, Tischke also wore roller skates, which she had obtained in Holland prior to leaving for the New World. [As you know, the Dutch loved to ice skate, but they couldn't during the summer. So that's how roller skates were invented.] Tischke also thought it wise to keep a record of the Chief's symptoms and his progress under her care for future reference.

I will describe to you the strange doodles, which appeared in her journal:

Day 1, a squiggle, a large V shape, then a sort of sideways W shape intersecting a whatchamacallit, then another squiggle, a box shape, and what looked like several bumps in a triangle

Day 2, a big curlicue, a large spike shape followed by another spike, wiggles and squiggles going in various directions

Day 3, a tiny squiggle, a small curlicue, a straight line, followed by one or two bump-like thingies

Day 4, a half circle, two large curlicues, what could be a hairy Z, several triangles in an odd formation, and some wavy vertical lines.

...and so on for some days, until...

Day 22, a long line, one or two tiny bumps, a slight curlicue, and then a long line.*

[*Please note: I was unable to find a legend for any of these symbols in Tischke's notes.]

Needless to say, Tischke's methods were a little unusual, if not incomprehensible. Although Ahanu, Kanti and Kitchie had no trouble deciphering her cryptograms. Because, whenever the chief's fever fell, Ahanu, Kanti, Kitchie and Tischke would go over her notes and discuss possible treatments and cures. But whenever the Chief's fever rose, Tischke would become worried and start swearing in Yiddish. In spite of his illness, Tischke's swearing invariably made Ahanu laugh. Since he was able to gather her meaning by her gestures and tone, even though he didn't know a word of Yiddish. So whenever she swore, Ahanu, Kanti and Kitchie would hurl Algonquin epithets and swear words as well.

And between them, the Chief's home was punctuated by raucous laughter, swearing in several languages [the likes of which I won't repeat], indecipherable cryptograms that only they could understand, and undescribable smells emanating from various brewing concoctions, all made possible by a roller-skating apparition which shimmered and flew through the forest.

Larry: "If the economy is heading into a recession--"
Josh: "No, no, no. We don't ever use that word around here."
Ed: "What word? Recession? ...What should we call it then?"
Josh: "I don't care. Call it a boat show or a beer garden or a bagel."
Larry: "So if it is a... bagel, the Fed thinks it's gonna be a mild bagel."

-- The West Wing, Season 5

Dear Uncle Richard,
You'll be thrilled to learn that I found Tischke's bagel recipe among her personal letters, and here it is:

Ingredients:
2 pkgs. (1/4 oz. each) active dry yeast
2 cups warm water
3 Tbsp's sugar
5 to 5 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, unsifted, divided
3 qts water with 1 Tbsp sugar
Cornmeal
1 egg yolk beaten with 1 Tbsp water

Directions:
In large bowl, dissolve yeast in water. Stir in sugar and salt; gradually add four cups of the flour. Beat well to make smooth batter. Mix in about 1 1/2 cups more flour to make a stiff dough. Turn out onto floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 10 to 15 minutes. Add more flour if necessary to keep dough from sticking to surface. (Dough should be firmer than most yeast breads.) Turn dough over in well-greased bowl; cover with towel and let rise until doubled in bulk, about 60 to 90 minutes.

Punch dough down, knead lightly to release the air and divide in 16 to 18 equal pieces. To shape, knead each piece into a round ball. Holding ball with both hands, poke thumbs through center. With one thumb in the hole, work around edge of dough, shaping it into doughnut form about 2 1/2 inches across. Place bagels on floured surface, cover with towel and let rise about 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, in 5 qt. pot, bring the water with the sugar to a gentle boil. Lightly grease baking sheets and sprinkle with cornmeal; set aside. Gently lift one bagel at a time and slide into boiling water. Boil five or six bagels at a time for five minutes, turning often with spatula. Lift out with slotted spatula and drain briefly on towel. Place bagels on prepared baking sheets. Brush bagels with egg yolk mixture and bake at 400 degrees F. 25 to 30 minutes, until well browned and crusty. Cool on rack. Makes 16 to 18 bagels.

Recipe from Epicurean.com

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