How to Cure Brain Freeze

Brain Freeze. Two words in the English language, in any language for that matter, that strike fear in the hearts of mankind. And womankind. It hurts. Like hell. As a matter of fact, it feels like your head is going to implode. Or explode. I forget which. It has been awhile since I felt that awful sensation. Wait a minute, now I remember. It feels like someone is smashing a huge chunk of ice against your head repeatedly. No, wait, it feels like the Ice Cream you just ate is flowing through the veins in your head. Yeah, that's it. For about a 45 seconds or so...it feels like days... you literally want to die. Your life passes before your eyes. You curse every cold item you have ever ingested quickly. You curse your short memory. You curse anyone that is around you. ("Hey, why the @#$! did you make me eat that soooo fast?")

Has it been awhile since YOU had brain freeze? It doesn't matter, you still remember it. Don't you? Of course you do. You remember where you were, who you were with, and the exact string of oaths that came out of your mouth.

I am here to make sure that you never suffer with this again. I am going to give you the secret cure, discovered by the Eskimos way back when, and passed down through the ages.

But first, the requirements to acquire brain freeze. You will need three things:

1. A brain (this is pretty important)

2. Something very cold. Ice cream is a good example.

3. The desire or need to ingest this something very cold quickly.

Once you have the above three items, you have the recipe for brain freeze.

And now...the cure.

You must do these thing in exact order. do them out of order and they will not have the desired effect. I will number them and perhaps you can memorize them easier. If this doesn't work, maybe you can come up with some kind of word association to remember the steps.

Here they are:

1. Close your mouth. You must stop cussing right now. You cannot cuss with your mouth closed either as you will be using your tongue in a few milliseconds.

2. Line up the front of your teeth and clench them.

3. Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth right behind your front teeth.

4. Push hard with your tongue. I mean HARD. I can't get into how hard descriptions, as this is a G rated lens. Just push HARD.

5. If you are a normal person, your brain freeze episode should pass in about two seconds. If you are abnormal, all bets are off. Sorry.

And there you have it. Satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back.

While "brain freeze" isn't the most common ailment, almost EVERYBODY gets the hiccups now and then. So, here is the cure for hiccups:

The Cure For HIccups!

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