In my opinion, deciding a course of cancer treatment is a very personal and individual matter that should be decided by the patient and their loved ones without judgment from those outside of that circle. In this article, I am going to discuss what factors went into my decision to go through chemotherapy for my Stage 3 Hodgkin's Disease (Lymphoma). As you are well aware, many of the treatments recommended by the medical establishment are incredible taxing on your body and can cause an enormous amount of damage to the patient. When people ask me what chemotherapy was like, I tell them it felt like there was a nuclear war going on inside of me. There is a lot of truth to that. Many types of chemo and radiation kill healthy cells right along with the cancer.

The first things I wanted to know when talking to my doctor about his suggested treatment, ABVD (short for the names of the 4 nasty chemicals in the cocktail) Chemotherapy, was 1) What are my odds of survival? and 2) What are the side effects of this treatment? For me the odds of survival were 50% and the side effects were many. The most significant side effect was that there was about a 5% chance of developing a secondary cancer, like Leukemia. I decided that going through the chemo was worth the 50% chance of survival. I also believed that I could increase those odds significantly if I exercised, changed my diet, added natural supplements to my daily diet, maintained a positive attitude, prayed a lot, and asked others to pray for me.

Having been through the chemo, I can guarantee you that I would not go through that for a 10 or 20% chance of survival! To me, the lower the chance of survival and the greater the side effects, the more open I am to alternative treatments.

A note about clinical trials:

Clinical trials can also be an excellent treatment choice in some circumstances. One of the common misconceptions about clinical trials is the fear that you may receive a placebo (useless sugar pill). However, clinical trials typically compare today's common treatment with a newer, experimental treatment. So, you will get one or the other. Just make sure your understand the risks and odds of the treatment options within a clinical trial so you can make an informed decision.

I originally published this article here:

Factors to Consider in Deciding on your Cancer Treatment

It was February 2003. I hadn't been feeling well, and things were getting worse by the day. I had lost a lot of weight; I was so achy that I was in tremendous pain and I took Advil all day like it was candy. I was also very fatigued and had severe night sweats and chills. On March 18 - my daughter's 10th birthday - I heard the worst news of my life. I had lymphoma - a cancer of the immune system. It had gone undetected for a long time and had spread throughout my lymphatic/immune system. I will never forget the feeling of hopelessness I felt on that beautiful, sunny day.

In the months that followed, I was constantly reminded of my frailty and mortality. I had been a young, healthy person all of my life. Now, I was a shell of my former self. It was disheartening how much effort it would take just to get up the stairs. I would lie in bed alone, listening to my children play downstairs, desperately wanting to be with them, to pick them up, wrestle with them, to hug and kiss them, but I couldn't muster the energy. It was devastating and surreal.

If you have been through a life-threatening situation, you can certainly relate to the whole "life flashing before your eyes" thing. If you haven't, it probably isn't too hard for you to imagine or conjure up the feelings you might have if your world came crashing down on you. We go through life hoping that the bad things going on around us will keep their distance. But suffering is an inevitable part of everyone's life. It is a matter of WHEN, not if.

As is often the case with people who have been chronically ill, I had a lot of time to think - to philosophize, if you will. I did a lot of soul searching. I faced the situation head on, with no delusions that I was definitely going to live through it; the doctor gave me 50/50 odds, which is pretty good for cancer. I didn't expect to have to face my own mortality at age 32. What may surprise you is that I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. The lessons learned and the perspectives I now have on life are priceless. I am currently in remission and my life is back to "normal", although life will never really be normal again for me. I will never be the same.

The conclusions I have come to as a result of literally hundreds of hours of study and soul searching can in their most basic form be distilled into a few brief paragraphs. My goal was to find the truth. I have no use for believing anything that isn't true just to make myself feel better. That is worthless in death. We all die alone. When life is over, it's just us and God. And, what He thinks of us is all that matters at that point.

It was obvious to me even before I got cancer that something is desperately wrong with this world and with so many of the people in it. There is evil in the world, and something is severely broken.

How do we make sense of this world and all of the suffering, both at the hands of men and through the natural law of decay that each of us is subject to? Over the years, I have studied many of the world's religions - in a college classroom setting, as well as extensive research and study on my own. However, since my cancer diagnosis, I've spent countless hours seeking to understand God and my relationship to Him with a high degree of intensity -as if my life depended on it.

I have come to the conclusion that the Bible is unique among all books due to its insight into human nature and the nature of the world we live in, it's archeologically proven historical accuracy, and its many specific prophecies - written hundreds of years before the actual events occurred. I could talk for hours about the specifics of these claims and would be happy to do so with you if that would be helpful.

Believe it or not, the Bible actually provides the explanation for why the world is filled with such contradictions as beauty and suffering. I will explain%u2026but first, think about the following questions. Your objective answers will help in the explanation:

Do you consider yourself to be a good person? Most people answer this question "Yes". Let me ask you a few questions to see of you are in fact a good person%u2026

Do you keep the 10 Commandments, which are the showcase of God's moral law? Let's look at a couple of them and see%u2026

- Have you ever told a lie?
- Have you ever stolen anything, no matter how small?
- Have you ever committed adultery? Jesus said that whoever looks upon another person with lust has committed adultery with them in their heart.
- Have you used God's name in vain - flippantly, or as a curse word?

These are just 4 of the 10 commandments. If you are like me, you have violated most if not every single one of these listed above, and probably most of the remaining commandments as well. At this point, most people think something like: "Yeah, I've broken God's law. But so has everyone else. God is good. He will forgive me and let me into heaven anyway." Imagine that you were before a judge having been found guilty of a crime, any crime. Would you say to the judge, "I know that I am guilty of this crime, but you are a good man. So, let's just forget that this crime ever happened. I won't do it again." A good judge would find that line of reasoning absurd. And, according to the Bible, THE Good Judge is no different.

Let's look at this from another angle. The average person doesn't care a thing about God. They regularly lie, consider themselves as more important than their neighbor, use God's Holy Name as a cuss word, and don't give a second thought about living their lives in a way that is pleasing to God. Do you think that the Eternal, All-Powerful God that created all of this amazing earth will shrug that off as if it never happened?

No. The Bible says "%u2026man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment." (Hebrews 9:27-28)

Also, did you know that the Bible says that all of us 1) are hostile to God, 2) are unwilling to submit to His law, and 3) cannot please God? (See Romans 8:7) The suffering and evil we must endure in this life is PROOF that something is radically wrong with our relationship with our Creator.

So, if God were to use the 10 commandments as the standard on Judgment Day, would you be found guilty or innocent? God is a God of love. But, love has no place in a courtroom. It's all about finding guilt or innocence. And, the Bible says that all of us are guilty of breaking God's law.

If you now realize that you are guilty before God, what should your proper response be, fear? Yes, fear. The Bible says that "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom." (Proverbs 9:10) And, listen to what Jesus said: "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." (Matthew 10:28)

So, where DOES love enter the picture? God loves us, but He also loves justice. Here is the good news. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." (1 John 3:16)

God loves us so much, that He sent His Son to die an excruciating death to pay the penalty that we deserve. Imagine being found guilty of a crime and the judge says "The punishment is a $5 million fine, or 50 years in jail". But, you don't have $5 million. So you are looking at doing the time when someone walks into the courtroom and offers to pay the fine for you! You are free to go! How do you feel about the person who paid the fine for you? One word comes to mind%u2026gratitude.

What Jesus did for you is so much higher than my illustration above. He gave His very life for you. He is offering you a complete pardon in God's courtroom. He offers eternal life to you as a free gift. But in a paradox that is hard to explain, this gift, while free, will cost you everything. All that you have to do is believe. But, true belief in the real Jesus will result in a changed life. True belief means not only making Jesus the Savior of your soul, but also the Master of your life. In fact, Jesus says "You must be born again." (John 3:7) In other words, saving faith in Jesus will result in a transformation. Over time, you will care less about what you want and more about what He wants. And this new attitude will be accompanied by actions that reflect your new desires.

So, if you want to be forgiven and become a follower of Jesus, ask Jesus to be the Savior and Master of your soul. It's a package deal. Don't just ask Him for the "fire insurance" and go on living the same way you always have. This is worthless, and such a prayer WILL NOT save your soul. Rather, honestly confess your sins to God. Be specific. (Obviously, you can't confess them all. None of us has the time or even a memory good enough to remember the thousands of sins we have committed.) But take some time to mourn your disobedience to God. Speak to Him from the heart and express your desire to repent (turn away) from your sins. Next, acknowledge that there is nothing you can do to earn your way to heaven, but you accept Jesus blood as the sacrifice to pay the penalty for your sins. Invite Him into your life as Savior and Master.

If you have made a decision to follow Christ, take it seriously. Find a good, Bible-believing church, attend regularly, and serve in ministry. . There are a lot of people out there that claim to be speaking for God, but are really just out for themselves, so always verify what a pastor says by reading and studying the Bible daily for yourself.

This article was originally published here:
Lessons Learned from my Battle with Cancer (The Brief Version)

I started having symptoms about the spring of 2002. They were what we thought to be stress related; hives, panic attacks, breathing difficulties, and fatigue. We called 911 in the summer of 2002 because I thought that I was having a heart attack. They didn't even take me into the hospital because they thought it was just stress related. In the fall we went to the emergency room for that same reason, but they didn't do a chest x-ray. By February of 2003, I had the night sweats, cold chills, weight loss, and fatigue and weakness. I started out weighing 205 and went down as low as 175.

In February 2003, I had a horrible week where I experienced terrible night sweats, chills, and overheated times as well. I finally went to my primary care doctor again and had blood drawn to determine what the problem was, insisting on extensive blood-work being done. We received startling news that the inflammation markers in my blood were through the roof. I was malnourished and had low iron. We were sent to a GI doctor because they thought that it was related to my GI tract. They were afraid of internal bleeding. The GI doctor asked if I had chest pains and difficulty breathing, which he did. He mentioned that sometimes parasites can cause respiratory problems. He ordered a chest X-ray for the next day and this is when something showed up in between my diaphragm. A cat scan was scheduled for the following day and revealed a lot of inflamed lymph nodes in my chest, near my clavicle, and in my abdomen. The radiologist stated that this could be only one of two things, most likely some kind of lymphoma. He didn't really take the time to explain the other possibility, therefore dismissing it in his mind as unlikely. We were very distressed that the word "cancer" was being thrown out there as a very real possibility.

I was referred to an oncologist and hematologist, but they couldn't get me in for nearly two weeks at the Kensington office. We told them to put me on a cancellation list, and they called back about two hours later saying they could get me into the Shady Grove office the following Thursday. This was something that we had prayed for specifically, so as not to have to wait for almost two weeks!

Our initial visit with the Oncologist went well. It was on a Thursday. It was very difficult being there and seeing the "world of cancer" up front and personal. Seeing the patients bald and devoid of energy was quite a shock. Laurie (my wife) left discouraged, but I was encouraged. Maybe there was hope to beat this thing. The doctor gave us pretty good treatment odds for cancer. He explained that if it was Hodgkin's disease, it was very treatable. They couldn't biopsy the lymph nodes with a needle because they couldn't feel any. They did do a bone marrow biopsy on both sides, and this was the most painful thing that Mark had to do in his life. It was terrible. The doctor literally puts all of his weight onto your hip to drive a large needle through the bone. To make matters worse, the medicine that was supposed to numb the pain had not yet started to work when the doctor started on my left hip. It affected my ability to walk directly after, and left me weak, in pain, and shocked at what I went through.

The oncologist had ordered a PET scan, and wanted me to see a surgeon. We were able to get the scan on Monday and see the surgeon on Tuesday morning. The PET scan went well. They injected radioactive glucose into my vein, then scanned me for an hour. The glucose is literally sucked up by the cancer cells that are present, causing them to "light up". We requested a copy for the doctors. They needed to keep the CAT scan films so the radiologist could interpret the PET scan. We needed both for the next morning with the surgeon, so Laurie went back later to pick up the CAT scan.

The appointment with the surgeon was the most disheartening and shocking one yet. He was very matter of fact in his delivery when he very simply stated that Mark had stage 3 cancer, maybe stage two but most likely no less than stage three. He told us briefly how the surgery would go, and sent us on our way. An incision near his windpipe would be made and the tissue removed.

(Laurie Writing)

Up to this point, we were shocked and somewhat numb. I knew that my life may never be the same. Then we left the office we couldn't talk to one another until we entered the elevator. By the time we got to our car, I was in tears and Mark was in shock. This was the worst moment of our lives. I cried the whole way home, and on the way Mark had to stop in and pick up his referral for the oncologist as they lost the first one. We went home and just cried and talked. It was the most difficult time of our lives as far as I can see. I told Mark that if the Lord got us through this, that we would be changed forever. We would never look at life or each other the same again.

I went to get my daughter Kailey from school a little later. She was at a field trip and her teacher drove her because I couldn't make it. I got there early and waited in the parking lot. I was okay until I got Kailey and was driving away and Mrs. Ellis came out to give me her backpack that she forgot and asked how the appointment went. I said not good and started to cry. She held my hand and quoted Jeremiah 17:7 and 8 to me.

An hour later we had to drop her off at my friend Ann-Marie's house so we could go see the oncologist. He still did not have the bone marrow test in, so couldn't tell us if it was in his bone marrow or not. He told us stage three, possibly Hodgkin's disease, and that it was in his spleen as well. He gave Mark 50-50 odds of being cured the first go around. The salvage treatment would be another 50-50 odds. After this appointment we did call people to let them know, having waited until the final word from the oncologist. I cried the whole day, until about 4pm when I had cried out most of my tears, although some still came. People were in shock, and couldn't believe that it had gotten so advanced. Anytime I spoke with someone or saw someone, I started to cry. I couldn't even go into Ann-Marie's house to get Kailey after the oncologist appointment.

We scheduled Mark's surgery for Shady Grove Hospital for that Friday. We were praying for it to be sooner and that his bone marrow was cancer free. Very quickly we received a call that his bone marrow was free of cancer. Soon after that we rescheduled his surgery for the following afternoon! God was so good to us in giving us hope and instant encouragement. Before we knew that Mark was so sick, we had scheduled a slumber party for my daughter Anna's 10th birthday for that Friday. God was in all the details.
A big dilemma for us was when to tell the kids. The day Mark was diagnosed with some type of cancer was March 18, Anna's 10th birthday. We were going to tell the kids after school the next day, but the surgery was scheduled so quickly we had to tell them before school. We would be at the hospital when they got home. I talked with our friends Dave and Peggy Smith to get some practical advice on how to tell them, having gone through cancer with Dave 12 years ago. We had Kailey play and took the kids into our sitting room and told them after breakfast. They were very quiet and took it well. We gave them the choice to stay home that day, but they wanted to go to school. Tyler said that he wasn't scared or worried, and wanted to go to school. Anna took a little while to decide about going to school. Mark read to them from the Bible in James 1:2-3 and Phillipians 4:4-7. We told them that Dad has been sick and going to a lot of Doctors, and they found out that he has a type of cancer. Because it is very strong, they need to give him stronger medicine called chemotherapy to make it go away. We said that a lot of people get better with this medicine. We explained the side effects and what to expect. We told them about Mark's surgery that day to find out exactly what kind of cancer it is so we can treat it the best way. We told them that others may tell them things that scare or confuse them but to come to us and we will be honest with them. They went to school and I sent in notes to their teachers explaining the situation and to let them call if they need to.

My friend Iris met us at the hospital that day for Mark's surgery. We had to be there at 2pm for a 4pm surgery. I really did feel God's peace and strength. Everything went well. He was taken back and prepped for surgery before they would let me come back and sit with him. They had tried twice to get the IV in, but failed. The technician took blood and left for the lab, but they spilled it and wanted to do it again. Mark was very upset. The anesthesiologist and surgeon said to forget the blood work (to check for his clotting capabilities), and got the IV in on the first try. I left him as he was rolled out to surgery. It was very hard leaving him at that point. I went into the bathroom to collect myself but did not cry and was fine. It was a difficult time waiting. His surgeon came out after about one hour and said everything went well and there is definitely cancer. He said they would have the results in two days. I waited about 1½ hours to go back and see him. We went down to the second stage recovery together. It was so hard to see him so out of it. I could tell that the Lord gave me abundant grace for the day. I held it together and never even cried. We got home at 8pm that night. My mom had the kids and brought them home. They were there when we arrived home. Iris brought us dinner.

(The complete journal can be found here:)

My Story (A Journal of Fighting and Surviving Cancer)

The next few days were tough with Mark trying to recover. By Friday, it hit us that we really needed to pray with others. Mark kept turning down opportunities to pray with others. Anna was having her previously scheduled slumber party that night. We had our friend Joe picking up the pizza for us, and asked Iris to come with him and pray with us. When the girls went down to watch a video, we talked and prayed. It was very emotional for all of us, and the first time we had prayed with anyone else besides each other. All of us cried openly.

That Sunday, March 23rd, we had our pastors and friends, Paul Abbott, Ken Jackson, Mark Kreslins, and Joe and Iris come and anoint Mark with oil and pray, laying hands on him. It was very powerful and emotional.

We decided to do the following through this:

Know that God is good
Trust him for the outcome
Pray without ceasing
Pray with others often
Be honest with our kids.
To not forget how to laugh
To have fun together
To not hang our hope on what the doctors say, or despair over the odds and bad news
To pray for complete healing

We still waited for the biopsy results to no avail. Our Oncologist, Dr. Walmark told us that he thought it was probably Hodgkin's Disease.

Our friend John Baker came over on Monday, March 24 and prayed with us before our date night. He really encouraged us to go to NIH (National Institutes of Health) and have treatment there. We determined that we would get our slides from the biopsy over to them as soon as we could. We were on an emotional high with the thought that we could go to NIH.

The next day, March 25th, we went to the appointment at Dr. Walmark's office and there were still no test results. They did say it was 90% sure to be Hodgkins. We asked him to send them over to NIH as they were talking of doing so anyway. He told us that Mark may have cancer in his adrenal gland, and it is in his pelvis as well. He said it was stage 3 or 4. He also mentioned all of the terrible side effects of the chemo other than hair loss, nausea, and fatigue. Heart problems, lung issues, infections, (a 100.05 fever being an emergency), possibility of leukemia down the road, and the next eight years, especially the next five being the time the cancer can come back. It was disheartening and hard to hear.

We called NIH (An acquaintance of ours was a doctor there and he did the legwork and lab work for us with Mark's biopsy) two days later and confirmed that he received it. His initial impression of it was Hodgkin's nodular sclerosis. This is a more easily treated form of cancer. He told us that we would know on Monday the 31st of March. We did hear then that it was confirmed to be the Hodgkin's NS (Nodular Sclerosis). The Lord answered that prayer as well. This day was particularly hard because I took Anna to her 10- year checkup and found out that a bump on her lower back needs to be removed and that she has scoliosis. We have determined to give all of this to the Lord.

Monday I took Anna to her ten-year checkup only to find out that she has mild scoliosis, a cyst on her tailbone, and tremors in her hands and legs that she had been complaining about. We were very disheartened about it and struggle to get our minds and hearts around the Lord allowing this. It seemed to be the first struggle we truly had with the Lord, but He was faithful to get us through it.

On that Wednesday Mark went back to Dr. Levin's, the surgeon, to have a follow-up appointment to check his incision. Everything was fine.

Thursday we took our son Ty into Johns Hopkins for his six-month checkup. We thought that everything went well.

That Saturday, April 5th, was hard. Tyler had his opening ceremony and first game, while Anna had a riding lesson. It was cold, damp, and rainy. Mark was not feeling well and I was struggling with his fight to not be upset. We did have a good talk and cleared the air.

That Sunday Mark stayed home from church, but I went. It was the first time that I had stayed after the service instead of leaving right away. I was so nervous about it that my stomach had butterflies. Anna and Tyler had to practice for singing on Palm Sunday. Mom and Carolyn (Mark's mom) got the kids while I got Kailey's car seat into Jim's car. They stayed with the kids and I went home. Everyone was very nice and supportive. Hugging me and telling me that so many are praying for us. It really went well. Mark's parents took the kids out to lunch and then home while we had some more people come and lay hands on Mark, anoint him with oil, and pray. It was Paul and Sharon Abbott, Dave and Peggy Smith, Ken Jackson, and the Mehailescus. It was another very emotional time, with most of us crying. They prayed for Anna, as well as Kailey and Ty too.

On Monday I took Anna to the surgeon who said that she will definitely need to have the cyst removed with general instead of local. The encouraging thing was that when I shared with him about Mark's illness and chemo, he said that he didn't care when we remove the cyst. He was very casual about the whole thing. Praise God! We will go ahead and schedule it for 6 months to a year.

Tuesday April 8th was the big day. Mark was very nervous and struggling with not knowing how much the Lord will let happen to him. This made me nervous. We prayed on our way over to the appointment. This helped some, but we realized that I forgot to pick up the referral! I called Chris Miller who works in the same office complex as our primary care doctor and he picked it up with permission from me. He dropped it by the office as we were back talking with Dr. Walmark. The Lord took care of us again!

Dr. Walmark said that this form of chemo, ABVD, is about a 5 or 6 on a scale of 10 for aggressiveness. We discussed some of our questions and concerns with him before Mark went back to the treatment room. I scheduled his next two appointments before going back. When the nurse was getting ready to put the IV in, I went to the bathroom! After, they still didn't have it in, so I made a phone call in the hallway outside the office to Chris to say thank you. After that, when I went back it was in! Thank goodness! I really didn't want to see it happening.

The oncology nurse first started a saline drip, then added Benadryl to offset a possible allergic reaction and Tylenol to offset a fever from one of the drugs. They gave him Ativan to calm him and keep him from getting nauseous, and a triple dose of Zofran for the nausea. He received the first three chemo drugs IV push with a needle through the IV line. One is bright red and turns your pee red. One is so toxic that if it gets on your skin it kills it and you need to see a plastic surgeon. They have an antidote to draw it out of your skin if it does happen. It is very harsh on your veins. The last chemo medication is put in saline and IV dripped for 2 to 2 1/2 hours. Then they took off the IV and gave him a pneumonia vaccination. The chemo can harm his lungs and heart, his white and red blood cell counts will drop, a fever from infection of 100.5 or over is an emergency, his veins can become damaged or shutdown, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, chills, malaise, hair loss, nail darkening, secondary cancers. This is all very daunting.

Mark really did well. All the medications calmed him and made him very sleepy. He was able to dose off a few times. We were the only ones for treatment most of the time so I was able to sit back with him the whole time in the neighboring chemo chair. They are very comfortable!

When we could finally go home we had been there for 5 1/2 hours. We were very tired and Mark was kind of out of it. We went home and grabbed a quick lunch, then I ran and got his prescription filled. Mark took one Zofran right way because he was starting to feel nauseous. He felt kind of yuck the rest of the evening, but less tired after a nap. That night he had to take more medicine due to extreme nausea at 2:30 in the morning. He woke up feeling poorly, but able to go into work until about 4pm that day. He came home feeling very tired and pretty nauseous, so he took a nap.

(The complete journal can be found here:)

My Story (A Journal of Fighting and Surviving Cancer)

We have had some people come pray with us throughout the week. Ken Jackson and Mark Kreslins put together a list of those who could come to our home and pray. So far, John Baker, Mark, and Ken, as well as Joe and Iris have come. John and the Mehailescues have been very consistent. This has been a real blessing, and had taught Mark of his need for the body, and has taught me to be real in my prayer with others an not to fear my emotions and making them known.

On the Wednesday after the chemo, Mark actually went to work. He ended ups being very tired that night and nauseous, but feeling okay. Thursday, his stomach and intestines were on fire. He hadn't gotten more than two hours of sleep the night before. He was exhausted and couldn't go into work. The doctor prescribed a drug for him that would calm that down. It helped a little. He was very sick that day. Joe and Iris came to pray with us and he fell asleep during the prayer! Anna was with us for the first part of the prayer time as I was praying. This was a huge step for her as she had turned down all previous offers to join us for these prayer times.

Thursday was another difficult day, and Mark really didn't start to feel better until Monday. Tuesday he worked some, as well as Wednesday and Thursday. Tuesday he went in to see Dr. Walmark and they did blood work. His counts were low, but that was expected. He will certainly need shots to boost his white and red blood cell counts. He lost five pounds. Not too bad. By Wednesday, he was able to go without Advil and take a walk at 7pm. This was unheard of for him. Thursday he worked until 6pm. It was the first time he felt better than even before he went on the chemotherapy. The cancer was starting to be affected by the drugs. Praise the Lord! Unfortunately, Sunday night Tyler started a fever, and by Tuesday I was sick with a fever. We both threw up and did everything that we could to keep Mark un-exposed. We cleaned and disinfected all the surfaces. We kept Ty confined to his room or the basement. I wore a mask. Anna developed a fever on Thursday night. The whole thing was scary and at the same time very sad and upsetting. Mark's blood counts dropped right when we all got sick. We knew this to be a dangerous time for Mark to be exposed to anything. We were sad because it was the kid's spring break from school and we had to cancel everything. It also really separated us as a family and isolated Mark. We had been wanting to get our family picture done before Mark loses his hair. We had to put that off as well.

Saturday came with everyone seeming to be doing fine. I had not been sleeping well for three nights, and was exhausted. We loaded everyone up and went for our pictures, which were great! This was an answer to prayer. Kailey spiked a fever about 15 minutes after the pictures when we were in the middle of lunch. I know that God is good and in all the details. I wanted that picture and had been praying. I also wanted Kailey to be healthy. The Lord gave us the picture (important because Mark would lose his hair and if he didn't survive) and we needed to trust that Mark would remain healthy and not get this. God has shown me Psalm 62 and given me a new hope and peace in Him. He is our stronghold and if we simply let go of what we are holding onto so tightly, we will gain peace and strength. If we let go, all we are holding onto is Him.

Sunday April 20th is Easter. We were told that Paul Abbott will make an announcement about us and tell people how they can help. My sister in law, Angie wants him to tell them to write their email addresses down if they want a once-a-week email with updates and info, etc. We do not want to be there for that announcement, but I do a little. I want to know what was said. We will have to go early to church instead of our usual being late and leaving early. We feel that we need to avoid the large groups of people for a while due to all of the questions and well-meaning comments.

We did not make it to church on Easter Sunday due to Laurie and Kailey being sick with the flu. Paul decided to hold off on making the announcement until the following Sunday. Mark went with Anna and Tyler to mom and dad's house for dinner. I struggled immensely with discouragement with us getting sick and the dangers of Mark getting sick too. The Lord really protected Mark, though. He remained untouched by the germs without even moving out temporarily. Our friends Ken and Leanne Malnar prayed with us on Monday night.

On Tuesday April 22, Mark had his second chemo treatment. They got the IV in four times before finally getting the fifth one to take. It was very painful and difficult for Mark. I had such a hard time seeing Mark go through that. He did get it in the crock of his arm on the right side this time. They worry about leakage there, but it worked out fine. His white counts are low now and he will need to go in Thursday, Friday and Monday of next week for Nupogen shots. It is amazing that even with the low white counts he did not get the flu from us.
The chemo, except for the IV, was uneventful. Mark was a little nervous about all of that toxic medication going into him again, so he received Ativan in his IV. This and the Benadryl calmed him and made him sleepy. He dozed a little, but was very antsy and fidgety. The whole process took over an hour shorter this time, and we were home by 1:15. We ate lunch and I ran to get our dinner from Ann at church because Tyler had a game that night. I ran to the grocery store and got some things. Mark went up to nap, due to being tired. Dave Smith came and prayed with Mark before we left for the game. Mark was able to join us later and stay for 2/3 of the game. He was somewhat nauseous.

He had a good night and slept fine. He didn't need to get up and take any medications. When he woke up the next morning he felt okay. As with last time, it really hit him the Wednesday night after. He was nauseous and achy, as well as exhausted. He still has not thrown up yet. He worked Wednesday but not Thursday, and he worked a half-day on Friday. John Baker prayed with us Wednesday, then Joe and Iris came and prayed with us on Thursday night. I really feel that my perspective on suffering and pain had changed so much. Instead of a thing to be avoided and despised, it can be embraced as God's mercy and love is revealed to us through it. We are growing and drawing near to the Lord in ways we simply couldn't if things were going great. The last few years have prepared our hearts for this. The Lord had walked us through life for this moment. Pain is something to be embraced because we are choosing to remain in the Lord. His great mercy enables us to go through suffering and draw near to him and see his face. He WILL redeem this and we are trusting him to do just that. We are praying that he will receive glory, honor, and praise. We want to be a witness for him and emerge from this trial with a testimony beyond anything we could imagine. This is our prayer. We want to have a permanent change in our hearts and attitudes and perspective. We want our relationships to be forever changed.

On Saturday the 26th, four days after his chemo treatment, he was able to go with us to a store briefly, but after being out for an hour and a half he was exhausted. He really does feel better this time around. On Sunday the 27th he stayed home from church because Paul made an announcement about him due to the amount of phone calls to the church office of people who want to help and want information about us. It was hard to hear Paul talk about us, and when he mentioned that Mark had been diagnosed with Hodgkins, there was a collective "ahhhh". Paul said that we are okay with our bills, but to protect Mark with his immune system being compromised, we are going to have a few people coming in who can be paid to do the lawn and cleaning and that people can contribute to that. It was uncomfortable to hear but we know it is a good way for people to help out and get involved. Angie will be the family spokesperson and send out email weekly to those who want updates.

John came and prayed with us on Wednesday as usual. Lauren Beam has offered to baby sit for us every other week on Mark's off weeks for chemo. She came on Thursday night and we went to Joe and Iris' house to pray and have them witness our wills.

(The complete journal can be found here:)

My Story (A Journal of Fighting and Surviving Cancer)

This next week was difficult for Mark in so many ways. He started having a lot of heart palpitations and it was interfering with his sleep. He went into the oncologist's office on Tuesday as usual and the PA said that she heard the irregularities when she examined him. They sent him to Shady Grove Hospital on Friday and I was able to go with him. He had a MUGA scan to see if there was any heart muscle damage and to check the blood flow. We did not get any results from that after the scan. They had to put in an IV, but they got it in right away.

This was an especially had week because I was getting very burned out at home with no breaks since way before his whole thing started. Mark was struggling with facing death daily and worrying about his heart. He is just so tired of this whole thing and knows that he has so far to go. He is very worried about leaving us behind. He had a panic attack on early Saturday at 4am. He had to take the Xanax much more often lately.

We have been thinking that the trembling that Anna has been having in her arms, hands, and legs may be anxiety. It has abated somewhat. Even at one day shy of four weeks, Mark has not lost his hair yet. This past week it has thinned a lot, but nothing that others would notice right away. We have noticed. I had a talk with Anna about her fears with him going bald. I told her that there are many men who shave their heads and many in the church because it is very "in". I think she felt better after that, but she and Ty are still praying that he does not lose his hair.

Mark was starting to get nervous and dread his next treatment. By Monday the 5th, one day before is third treatment, his heart palpitations were very bad. He had to sleep sitting up on the couch so that he would not notice them as much. On Tuesday morning early mom took the kids to school and Dave and Peggy Smith prayed with us before we had to leave for the appointment. It was very comforting to pray with a couple who had been through what we are going through. That morning Mark was nauseous before we even left the house, and he told me that the color turquoise of the chemo chairs is starting to repel him. "I'm starting to hate that color".

Dr. Walmark said that even with a normal sedimentation rate (a marker for inflammation), he still had cancer. He said that Mark's liver did not seem enlarged. We asked about having an early scan and he said that it would not change how many minimum treatments that he does. The MUGA scan was normal.

We had specifically prayed for the IV to go in well because that last time it took five tries. This time we had the nurse Marina who was the first one to do Mark's chemo. She got it in on the first try. Praise God! Mark was queasy even before the chemo meds were administered. He has grown very weary of the whole process this week and dreads the week of chemo. Everything went fine and we were home by 1:30.

Iris brought over the lady to clean the home that night to give us an estimate. She was very understanding of the need to keep things sanitary and to not come sick. As usual, Mark went to work on Wednesday, and actually had a good night that night sleeping. The heart palpitations are much better! Praise God again! Also, he felt well enough to go into work on Thursday, although he ended up coming home by lunch. The sickness is getting better, or he is able to cope better, but he couldn't do a full day.
Today (5/8) I am trying to keep my mind stayed on the Lord in prayer and His word. I do not want to lapse into my old ways of hardly acknowledging my Lord and Savior throughout my days.

On Thursday I spoke to Anna's pediatrician about her tremors that she is experiencing. She thought that it most likely could be anxiety related, especially after I told her about Mark's health. She mentioned the possibility of therapy.

On Tuesday, May 13th Mark went for his weekly Oncologist visit and had blood work done to check his white and red blood cell counts. His red cells are doing great, but his white cells are low and he will need injections of Nupogen to enable him to have his next chemo treatment. He will need one on Saturday and one on Sunday. He will try to do them himself if the Insurance company will allow it. We saw the Cardiologist today as well and he thought that Mark's palpitations could be benign, but wanted to give him a device that will track the problems. He puts it on his chest every time there are palpitations and then calls it in and they make an EKG t track it over a month. If something serious come up they call right away and get Mark the meds or care he needs. He did not think that this was life threatening.

I took Anna to see a Neurologist today for her tremors. He did not think it is stress or anxiety related and thought it was physiological tremors. She needs to get blood work done and check her thyroid, which could cause this but he doesn't think that is it. He is not overly worried, saying that it could go away.

(The complete journal can be found here:)

My Story (A Journal of Fighting and Surviving Cancer)