COFFIN WAR

Once, in an isolated Nevada mining town a man died, and his brother ordered a handsome coffin from a man named Hotchkiss. The mother-in-law of the dead man, not knowing this, ordered a coffin, too - a cheap one from a man named Sudberry.
Hotchkiss arrived to measure the body, followed a short time later by Sudberry who was mistaken as Hotchkiss' assistant.

Hotchkiss returned in the afternoon with the coffin. It fit like a glove. As he was taking care of the finishing touches and making the corpse comfortable, Sudberry arrived with his cheap, wooden coffin.

Sudberry saw that Hotchkiss' coffin was not only a very handsome one, but he had arranged things so that the corpse looked proud of being dead.

Hotchkiss and Sudberry had words.

Sudberry blurted out: "You've taken a mean, sneakin' advantage of me."

Hotchkiss: "The coffin was ordered of me in a reg'lar way."

Sudberry: "I'd like to furnish a coffin to bury you in."

Hotchkiss: "I'd rather live forever than be buried in one of your cheap coffins."

Sudberry: "I'll cut down the price of coffins until you have to pack your blankets out of town."

Hotchkiss: "Cut away."

Continued...

Sudberry proceeded to cut his prices so low that he took all of Hotchkiss' business so Hotchkiss cut his prices below Sudberry's.

Sudberry cut again.

Hotchkiss matched the cut.

Then Sudberry began paying $1 for the privilege of undertaking a corpse and his business livened up. The increase in the death rate in town was very noticeable.
It became cheaper to die than to live.

Old Gudsey, who as a matter of economy, ate only one meal a day, took this occasion to get off and avoid the expense of even one meal a day.

Teddy O'Flynn, who had a partner he could not get along with, availed himself of this opportunity to dissolve the partnership and make $1. His partner died very unnaturally.

Hotchkiss, too, began to offer a reward of $1 per corpse with a drink of whiskey thrown in. Yankee Bill, a desperate character of the town, stopped before Hotchkiss' shop with four dead Chinamen in a wagon wanting $4 and four drinks. When Hotchkiss objected because he didn't like Chinamen, Bill said he could take them or be dumped in with them and taken to Sudberry's. Hotchkiss took the Chinamen and Yankee Bill collected his $4 and whiskey.

Now Hotchkiss had a large family dependent on him and could not go on this way. Sudberry had no family at the time. He had previously buried several members of his family, as it came right in time, and he did it at first cost.

Hotchkiss approached Sudberry to discuss restoring the old prices. Sudberry refused but offered to sell. Hotchkiss bought.

Hotchkiss, in order to retrieve his losses, knowing it would be weeks before anyone else could deliver coffins to the remote town, put up his coffins to exorbitant prices. There was a great falling off in the mortality that had prevailed. None but the wealthy could afford to die - die decently, that is.

Continued...

There was a great deal of dissatisfaction and people expostulated with Hotchkiss. They said it was perfectly legitimate to make a corner in any other article of trade, but to make it in coffins was sacrilegious and ought not to be endured. He answered by saying that he had as much right to put up the price of his wares as a baker or butcher had to put up prices in his business. He said he did not cause the death of people and was under no obligation to bury them. He said, though, that he would bury all he killed. He further explained there was no overwhelming necessity for a man to have a coffin or even be buried; that no man would make a complaint if he were not buried.

Old man Eli Stone was taken sick before the undertakers had compromised matters, and was not keeping abreast of the coffin war. He was known to be the most contrary man in Nevada. He was old and failing rapidly. The doctors told him to make whatever preparations he desired, as the end was not far off. A lawyer being called in, was writing the old man's will. The dying man's words were scarcely audible, and he would have to stop speaking at short intervals to catch his fleeting breath. As the writing of his will continues he heard his friends in the adjoining room talking about the increased charges for coffins. He told the lawyer to stop right where he had got. Said he was not going to die. He didn't.

The feelings of hostility against Hotchkiss increased and there were mutterings for a day or two. Finally a mob gathered in front of his establishment. The men composing the mob did not appear to be suffering for coffins, either. They were healthy looking, and some of them weighed 200 pounds. One Dutchman - he was very mad - weighed 400 pounds. No one ever thought of his being in a coffin. The men hardly knew how to proceed, their knowledge of mobbing coffin shops being quite limited. It was at first proposed to burn the building and contents. This was objected to, as it would leave the town without coffins, and consequently, without inducements to the citizens to die.

Then one infuriated little man shouted: "We can use his coffins."

"I don't want to use one," said another.

"Me nuther," chimed in a man dressed in buckskin.

And "me nuther" seemed to be the general feeling.

At last Hotchkiss spoke through an auger-hole in the door and agreed to a compromise. He would reduce prices for poor people, and where a whole family died, allow them excursion rates.

Old Eli Stone got well. It was thought he would put up an opposition undertaker's shop to punish Hotchkiss for his meanness. No; he presented him with a $200 gold watch inscribed, "Yours, gratefully.