Conflict Between Husband / Wife

Bad communication can destroy a marriage. And the tough part is that much of the time we can not even recognize that we are communicating so poorly. It is with an open mind, and a willing attitude that you can begin to see areas that need improved. Once you see this, you can start to make changes.

Here are some great things to do:
1. Replace criticism with praise
2. Replace accusations with attempts at understanding
3. Replace talking with listening
4. Replace defensiveness with openness
5. Replace silence with sharing,

...you'll be amazed at the difference it makes in your marriage.

Are you and your spouse great communicators? If you're thinking "Not even close..." take heart! Communication skills are easy to learn and to put into practice.

Here are some insights from Dr. Greg Smalley:
Good communication begins with good listening.

He outlines the four foundations of good communication:
1. Listening - By listening to your spouse, you communicate that they are a person of worth and what they say is important.

2. Understanding- You may have to paraphrase back to your spouse what you hear them saying so that you clearly understand what has been said: "What I just heard you say was%u2026"

3. Validating - Then your spouse can verify or correct until he is saying and you are hearing exactly what he means. You can affirm your spouse by understanding what is communicated and validating the communication.

4. Responding- At this point, you can decide how to respond to what your spouse has said.

This is just a brief sample of what you will learn in the Unlocking The Secrets of Marriage course, but a very effective way to make positive changes in your communication style.

No one is saying that your marriage isn't difficult. It might even be miserable. But an interesting set of statistics shows that people who take divorce off the table as an option not only resolve their issues, but end up being happier than ever. If your marriage is feeling troubled, and you're considering divorce, consider trying alternate therapies instead, marriage counseling, or just some open communication. But whatever you do, don't bring up the "D" word as an option, because doing that will change the rules of the game.

Now, of course it's important to acknowledge that there are a lot of influences on you to get a divorce. Your friends who don't like your spouse, legal advertisements, even popular culture. It's a common statistic that most marriages end in divorce, and so it seems like an acceptable, even normal way to resolve problems in a marriage.

But let's look at some statistics. Of all the couples surveyed who were contemplating divorce and then decided not to go through with it, 80% claimed to be happily married only five years later. In all likelihood this is due to two elements. The first is that those couples who decide not to consider divorce had no choice but to deal with the conflict between themselves head on. This is a powerful and proactive tactic that will lead to acknowledgment of the problems the couples face, and maybe even to solutions.

The other element is that once divorce is considered, the dynamic of the relationship is changed. This is a more subtle, though far more destructive product of considering divorce. The dynamic of this is simple. When a fundamental disagreement develops in a marriage - as it will in almost all relationships - those who never consider divorce are forced to deal with the disagreement. Those who do consider divorce preserve an "out" that can be used without ever addressing the issue. As the problems in the marriage mount, or the fundamental issues become more divisive, the easy out of divorce can become more and more appealing.

This thinking will take both of you, however. When both people in a marriage are actively searching for a solution to a problem, and both accept that divorce is not - and will not be - an option, a solution will almost surely be found. You and your spouse will be asking what you can do to make things better, rather than asking if it's worth it, or if you should cut your losses and run. This, is one of the Secrets of Marriage.

Remove divorce as an option and choose to seek out help of some kind from an authority who knows what they are talking about. It seems simplistic, but statistically it also seems to work. Those who deny divorce as a viable end to a committed marriage will also be more motivated to work on that
marriage, and work through the problems that could, without communication and understanding, put an end to something that was supposed to be a lifetime commitment and bond.