Coping With Adultery

An affair causes emotional trauma beyond the realization that your partner has been intimate with someone else. You aren't thinking clearly right now. Don't leave or ask your spouse to leave until you can discuss the issues rationally. I know that's tough, but you are less likely to regret whatever decision you make if you make it rationally. If, later, you decide to end the marriage, you will at least know you made a clear, reasoned decision.

Right now you are probably sill confused. That's normal. The human brain has defense mechanisms that help prevent it from becoming overloaded. Eventually, you will be able to think and act clearly. Then you should discuss your feelings with your spouse. Ideally, this is done with a councilor, but if you both remain calm, it may be possible with just the two of you.

You are not to blame for the affair, but before you can fully cope with the adultery you have to take an honest inventory of yourself as well as your spouse. In almost every instance, there were underlying causes of the affair. You need to acknowledge your own shortcomings as a spouse instead of immediately getting defensive when your partner explains his or her feelings.

This is the toughest thing you will ever do, but you have to make a conscience, deliberate choice to trust your partner again. It won't come easily or quickly. In fact, it will probably take years, but without trust, your marriage will not survive.

If you find you are completely unable to forgive your spouse, please consider visiting this link.
Forgiveness: let hypnosis help you forgive today

Anger is a normal human emotion, and it is normal to be angry, but you must be responsible about how you manage your anger. Don't "drown your sorrows" with alcohol or other drugs. Do not attempt to "get back" at your spouse by having your own affair. No matter what, do not resort to violence. The affair was not your fault. How you handle your anger is your responsibility.

If you need help dealing with your anger:
Anger Management with hypnosis

Men especially may try to deal with their emotions on their own. You should find a close friend, councilor or pastor to help you deal with the wide range of emotions you are experiencing. Don't go this one alone.

As much as I'd like to wave a wand and make everything okay, we both know that isn't possible. You are in for a bumpy ride. If you are serious about saving your marriage, you'll need to make an investment. You will have to invest a lot of time. If you can afford professional counseling, you should consider it. Otherwise, you should seriously consider getting a book written by a professional with years of experience in saving marriages after and affair. You can look at your local book store, or library. You can also visit amazon.com.

If you want to start right away, and I wouldn't blame you, you can download an excellent book by Dr. Frank Gunzburg.

Read about couples who have survived an affair and how you can too.