Suggestions for Helping Domestic Violence Victims

Do you know someone in a battering relationship? Do you suspect that a friend, relative, or someone you know is being abused? If so, don't be afraid to offer help - you just might save someone's life. Here are some basic steps you can take to assist someone who may be a target of domestic violence.

Approach her in an understanding, non-blaming way. Tell her that she is not alone, that there are many women like her in the same kind of situation, and that it takes strength to survive and trust someone enough to talk about battering.

Acknowledge that is it scary and difficult to talk about domestic violence. Tell her she doesn't deserve to be threatened, hit or beaten. Nothing she can do or say makes the abuser's violence OK.

Share information. Show her the Warning List, Violence and Non-Violence Wheels. Discuss the dynamics of violence and how abuse is based on power and control.

Support her as a friend. Be a good listener. Encourage her to express her hurt and anger. Allow her to make her own decisions, even if it means she isn't ready to leave the abusive relationship.

Ask if she has suffered physical harm. Go with her to the hospital to check for injuries. Help her report the assault to the police, if she chooses to do so.

Provide information on help available to battered women and their children, including social services, emergency shelter, counseling services, and legal advice. To find this information, start with the Yellow Pages.

Inform her about legal protection that is available in most states under abuse prevention laws. Go with her to district, probate, or superior court to get a protective order to prevent further harassment by the abuser. If you can't go, find someone who can.

Plan safe strategies for leaving an abusive relationship. These are often called "safety plans." Never encourage someone to follow a safety plan that she believes will put her at further risk. And remember that she may not feel comfortable taking these materials with her.

Questions About Leaving

Many victims of domestic violence ask these questions about leaving.

Can I take my children with me when I leave?

Yes. If you can do it safely, definitely take your children with you. It may be more difficult later.
Get legal custody of them within a few days. This is very important. Many of the groups listed in this book may help you find assistance.
If you do not have your children with you, it may be difficult filing for temporary custody of your children. The parent who has physical possession of the children may have an advantage getting temporary custody.
Your partner may try to kidnap, threaten or harm the children in order to get you to return.
If you are in immediate danger and cannot take your children, contact the police immediately to arrange for temporary protective custody. (This does not mean you will lose custody. Permanent custody will be decided later by a judge.)
Where do I go?

Stay with a friend or relatives.
If you are a woman, do not stay with a man unless he is a relative. (Living with a man you are not married to could hurt your chances of getting custody of your children and spousal support. It could also cause conflict with your abuser.)
Go to a battered women's shelter with your children. The staff there can help you get legal and financial help as well as provide counseling and emotional support for you and your children.
Or call 911 because it is a good start.
Your life and your safety are most important. Trying to bring your children with you is important. Everything else is secondary.

Personal Protection Orders - PPO's

What is a Personal Protection Order?

A personal protection order, or PPO, is an order issued by the Circuit Court. It can protect you from being hit, threatened, harassed, or stalked by another person. The PPO may also stop someone from coming into your home or bothering you at work. It can stop them from buying a firearm or finding your address through school records. It can also stop them from taking your minor children unless required by the court.

Where can I get a PPO?
You can get the forms at the Juvenile Intake Office on the ground floor of the Oakland County Courthouse at 1200 North Telegraph Road in Pontiac. The Women's Survival Center's PPO Assistance Office, located at the Juvenile Intake Office, can help you fill out the forms.

Who can get a PPO?

Anyone who has been physically, emotionally or sexually abused or threatened by someone they have been married to, lived with, have a child with, or dated. Some examples may include: a current or former spouse, family member, partner, other parent of your child, current or former roommate, or current or former person you have dated.
Anyone who has been stalked. Stalking is repeated harassment that makes you feel scared or upset. A stalker can be someone you know or a stranger. They often bother people by giving them attention they do not want. This can be unwanted phone calls or gifts, or following people by going to where they work or live. It can also be threats to you or your family.
What should I bring?

A letter telling the court what has been going on. Make sure to tell them everything. Include dates and details the best you can.
Police reports, medical records, photographs, or witnesses if you can get them.
Any information about the abuser - current address, date of birth or age, hair color, eye color, height, weight, address, Social Security number, or driver's license number.
Any court papers you have if you can get them. For example, custody and/or parenting time orders, lease agreement, divorce papers, or criminal case records.
What should I expect when I get there?

There is no cost to file a PPO.
It may take up to a half day to have a judge review your request. Please be at the Courthouse no later than 2:00 p.m.
The Juvenile Intake Office has the PPO forms. They will direct you to the PPO Assistance Office where staff can help you fill out the forms.
If there is any information you would like to be kept private, such as your address, do not include it when filling out your forms. Ask the Court Clerk for a confidential address form.
Once you complete the forms, a Deputy Clerk in the County Clerk's Office will look them over and give you a judge and a case number. They will ask you about any other cases either of you may have.
You will then meet with a referee (attorney). They will review your forms, ask you questions, and report to the judge.
You will then go to the judge's office to meet with the judge's clerk. The judge and/or clerk may ask you more questions. The judge will review your request and either sign your order, set it for a hearing, or deny it.
Take the paperwork to the Clerk's Office on the ground floor for filing. If the judge has signed the order, the County Clerk will give you copies of the order. The order will be put into a computer system that lets the police know there is a PPO.
If a hearing has been set, the Clerk will explain how to 'serve' the paperwork.
The PPO is in effect as soon as the judge signs it. The court may have problems enforcing the PPO if the abuser has not been served. The abuser must be served with copies of everything you file with the Clerk's Office. The PPO Assistance Office can explain this to you.
You must file a Proof of Service form with the Clerk's Office. The court may have problems enforcing the PPO if Proof of Service is not in the court file.
You do not have to let the abuser in your home because a court order says he/she can see the children. You can make other plans, such as having a friend or family member pick up and drop off the children. Or you can also meet at a police station or other public place. You may also ask for supervised parenting time through the court when you file your PPO.
If you want your PPO removed, you must return to the courthouse where the PPO was given. You cannot change or remove the PPO by saying you no longer want the PPO. Only the court can change or remove a PPO. The abuser can be arrested for violating the PPO until it expires or until the court removes the order. An abuser violates the order if he does something the PPO does not allow. Do not agree to anything the PPO restricts, or invite the abuser to violate the PPO until the PPO expires or the court changes the PPO.
CARRY A COPY OF YOUR PPO WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES!! This will help police enforce the PPO if there is a violation.

Remember, while PPOs do work, it is important to be careful and have a safety plan.