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Dating an Alien
It is always a challenge when you want to bridge the cultural divide between humans and aliens. Just like most college aged humans, aliens have a very strong sex drive. This is important to know, as they do not always know how to express their desires in culturally acceptable ways, much like many male humans between the ages of 12 and 55.
Alien Dating Information Clearinghouse
So you don't miss any alien anything
- Recognizing Alien Desires and Intentions
- Polishing the Alien Date to Perfection
- Aliens Like T-Shirts and Accessories
- Alien Pick-up Lines
- Aliens Are Turned On By...
- Amazon Has Great Alien Accessories
- In Case You Take This Alien Stuff Seriously
- Psssstttttt....
- Alien Stuff on eBay
- Do Not Mess With the Alien Mind
- Aliens on Zazzle
- Alien Responses
- Aliens Have Bad Smelling Gas
- Visit My Blogs and Cafepress Stores
- See My Other Wacky Squidoo Lenses
- Do You Squidoo?
Recognizing Alien Desires and Intentions
Aliens need love, too
Aliens make their desires known in a number of strange and exotic ways. Let's explore some of these.1. Aliens have small LED chaser lights around their large, slanting eyes. You probably don't know this, because when they are normally filmed going about their business, these lights are tuned to a part of the light spectrum humans cannot see. However, get one of these little buggers aroused, and the lights begin to glow a yellowish green. The faster they chase, the more, um, uplifted these little guys are getting. Knowing this will help you help them pace their evening. It is important that they do not peak before paying the check at dinner.
2. Aliens crave human nasal mucus. This is a little known fact. They like to glare at your nostrils and vaporize the nasal mucus there. That's just their way of showing affection. So if you are hanging out with an alien, and you begin to feel a warm and tingling sensation in your nasal cavities, you can bet he's getting frisky, not merely staring at that large pimple you're trying to cover. You should seek out an alien when you have a cold; they will be instantly attracted to you, and you will be able to get a good night's sleep afterward without having to resort to Nyquil. 
3. Aliens have a dark side, too. That would include the always difficult to discuss anal probe. If you are going to be hanging out with these guys, it is important to watch what you eat. Jumbo pepperoni pizzas with double jalapenos will invariably bring out this dark side in them. Try following any meal with jalapenos with some Cold Stone Creamery ice cream or a quart of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia and you will probably be OK. This has not worked in all cases, however, and some people actually like the anal probe thing. You know who you are. Polishing the Alien Date to Perfection
Keep your alien dating expectations realistic
Finally, it is always wise to sit down and discuss with aliens your own personal fantasies and feelings. It is possible they may share several of these fantasies with you, especially if those fantasies include grape jelly or unicycles. Aliens typically do not willingly go for long walks on the beach. They do not enjoy playing with puppies, eating tiramisu, or meeting your parents.Dating aliens can be a great experience as long as you go into it fully prepared. I hope this guide will help you past most awkward moments so you can enjoy a full and meaningful alien dating experience.
Aliens Like T-Shirts and Accessories
Aliens look good in t-shirts
All the cute little aliens you see here on my lens can be found on a variety of cool and groovy products over on Cafepress.
Alien Pick-up Lines
Aliens have pick up lines that may be very familiar to you. Aliens Are Turned On By...
Polka dot underpanties
Toenail fungus
Ear cuffs with little dangly thingies
Tramp stamps with mermaids
Overplucked eyebrows
Amazon Has Great Alien Accessories
Because you can never have too much alien stuff
See Amazon for great products you can use to make your alien visitors feel more comfortable and at home. You'll find they warm up quickly to your hospitality, if you know what I mean
Cult Classics Presents: Classic Alien Action Figure
List Price: $29.99
Used Price:
Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Alien Quadrilogy (Alien/ Aliens /Alien 3 /Alien Resurrection)
List Price: $59.98
Used Price: $21.94
Usually ships in 24 hours
![Alien: 20th Anniversary Edition [Award Series]](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41GkJ24FuXL._SL75_.jpg)
Alien: 20th Anniversary Edition [Award Series]
List Price: $14.98
Used Price: $1.50
Usually ships in 24 hours
Classic Alien 18-Inch Action Figure
List Price: $59.99
Used Price:
Usually ships in 1-2 business days
In Case You Take This Alien Stuff Seriously
You know who you are
- UFO Communication: The Stunningly Simple Secret to Making Contact
- Will you make contact when you learn the secret?
- The Ultimate Sex Manual of the Zodiac
- Sort of helps level the playing field
Psssstttttt....
Aliens have flower shaped moles on their hinies.
Alien Stuff on eBay
eBay is a great place to find gifts for that very special alien in your life.
Fetching new data from eBay now... please stand by
Do Not Mess With the Alien Mind
They've been bad, bad boys to that alien
You should never mess around with aliens; they can turn on you in a hurry if they think you are trying to make fun of them. If your roommates screw around with this stuff, you should find new roommates.
BTW - Aliens do not make good roommates as they don't pick up after themselves and always need you to reach things in the high cabinets.
BTW - Aliens do not make good roommates as they don't pick up after themselves and always need you to reach things in the high cabinets.
Roommate Alien Prank Goes Bad
Chad hates aliens. A lot. http://www.chadmattandrob.com
curated content from YouTube
Aliens on Zazzle
Identify yourself as a believer
How will an alien force know you are interested in making contact? Try an alien t-shirt or hat from Zazzle!
powered by Zazzle.com
Alien Responses
Say something out of this world
submit
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Reply
- lou16 lou16 Mar 12, 2009 @ 7:42 am
- This is priceless........I smell a tv series coming on 'Dating Aliens' brought to you by Showtime!
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Reply
- MattTaylor MattTaylor Feb 11, 2009 @ 2:19 pm
- This explains why I can't pick up any aliens...
Matt
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Reply
- Snozzle Snozzle Feb 9, 2009 @ 10:49 am
- Fascinating, what a knowledge you have - obviously you have dated one or two or more. Thanks for the smiles.
Mike.
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Reply
- Ramkitten Ramkitten Feb 8, 2009 @ 1:05 pm
- JUST the information I've been looking for! I was thinking of cheating with an alien, and now I know everything I need to to attract one. I'm heading out now to buy polka-dot undies and will then come home and pluck out my eyebrows. Thanks SO much!
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Reply
- Shindig Shindig Feb 8, 2009 @ 3:50 am
- i give you props for putting the effort into this crazy lens that you did :) 5 stars! Keep up the creativity
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Aliens Have Bad Smelling Gas
Try to keep them from injesting any toothpaste.
Visit My Blogs and Cafepress Stores
Because you never know what I'll do next
- ottoblotto's blog
- Art, commentary, more art
- Consumer Humor
- Product reviews for improving my life, one website at a time
- Psychic Edna's Daily Rant
- Weird stuff
- ottoblotto on Cafepress
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- Retro sexual, alien sex, recycling, and a little Latin
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- Bird lovers' paradise
- Bird Geek on Cafepress
- Great designs from my 13 year old daughter
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In Search of the Elusive Retro Sexual Woman
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Do You Squidoo?
You know you want to
I'll bet you know plenty of stuff about a lot of things. Why not sign up to do your own squidoo pages? There is no cost to join, you can make as many pages as you want, and you can earn money.
by ottoblotto
I am a writer/designer/artist/web entrepreneur. At present, I am "between homes," which is not quite the same as homeless, but it's not a picnic, eith... (more)
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