Difficult Conversations

What makes difficult conversations difficult? Difficult conversations arise in our daily lives. What makes them difficult is that they tend to be the most emotional ones. Emotions make us feel awkward and out of place. They make us feel very uncomfortable. We are very concerned with how our words will affect the person that we are speaking to. It's basically because we don't know how to approach a particular topic with someone, isn't it? Realizing that helps you see the first step you nedd to take in order to hold a difficult conversation.

1. Practise!
Think what you are going to say and try it out in your head
first of all. That will give you some idea about how you
will sound in this conversation.

2. Get your tone right. Perhaps the best way to start a
difficult conversation is to acknowledge that it is
difficult! So few people remember to do that and it can
really help. Just think about it - if you know someone
really doesn't want to tell you this and they feel awkward
about it, but they feel they need to tell you for your sake
- wouldn't you be more receptive?

3. Tell the person you're talking to that you will be honest
and that you would like them to be honest in return. That
hekps to make people fel safe in airing their true thoughts.
That's teh best way to have a successful conversation -
difficult or not.

4. Listen when the other person is talking. If you don't
understand what they're thinking and feeling you won't get
to know why the situation arose that needed this difficult
conversation. That'll have you right back to Square 1 in
double quick time.

5. Think before you speak - especially when reacting to what
the other person says. They may be defensive, and if you
reat in anger, you'll make things worse.

6. Keep calm. Keep in mind your aim for having this
conversation in the first place. If you get angry and the
person you're talking to feels attacked and becomes
defensive - what will you have achieved?

7. Be tactful. If you're talking to someone about a problem
they've caused, keep in mind that people rarely cause a
problem on purpose. They may be quite unaware of the problem
and your comments may come like a bolt from the blue.

8. Show empathy with how the other person might be feeling.
Once you've broached the difficult topic, give the other
person time and space to respond to you. If they have to
bottle up their thoughts and feelings they will just be
concentrating on that and they won't concentrate on what
you're saying. Also, they may become bitter and resentful.
That's not good if you want something constructive to come
out of this situation.

9. Try the sandwich approach. This is often used in work
situations where you need an employer to improve in some
aspect of their performance. This technique means telling
the person something they do well:

"I really like the way you ______."

Then you tell them the thing you want them to improve.

Lastly, you finish on a positive note:

"I'm sure that with the way you ______ you'll be able to
____________."

That's just an example, but you get the idea. What you
need to so is be clear what you want to achieve in your
conversation and keep in mind also the feelings of the
other person at all times. Make sure you both are able
to get out of the conversation with your dignity intact.
Difficult conversations don't need to be difficult!

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