How To Get Over A Divorce

One reason was that I had to get far enough away, so that he couldn't reel me back in. I knew that our relationship was bad. I don't think that either of us are bad people, but I do think that we didn't bring out the best in each other. I truly believe that if you are meant to be then you will always bring out the best in each other. If you truly love someone you try to be better for them and they for you.

The other was because of how he treated me. I was so afraid my daughter would grow up thinking that is how a man should treat a woman. I didn't want my life to end up being hers. I felt that if I stayed I was doing wrong by her. That was the first time in the whole relationship where I was strong enough to do the right thing.

I don't want anyone to think that my marriage was all bad, because it wasn't. I loved my husband more than anything at the time. Before we were married things weren't really right with us in the first place, but I was too blinded by love to realize it. It was almost like we were addicted to each other. We were together or at least knew each other for 10 years before we got married. We broke up so many times during those 10 years. When we would get back together things would be great for a few months and then they would go bad. During our breakups we both dated other people. He always broke up with me. I never left him, and when we did break up I would honestly always "beg" him to come back. I was so weak. I hated myself when I was with him, but for some reason I couldn't let him go no matter what he did or how badly he treated me.

When we were together he always had a way of making me feel stupid, worthless, and ugly. He said subtle things that I always took as helping me. I got to the point that when I had to make a decision I didn't feel like I could make a good one. I always went to him, so he could tell me what to do. I could no longer think for myself. The funny thing is that he did this to me without me even knowing. I just thought I was truly worthless, and I could do no better. All I could think was that I needed to be thankful that he loved me, because no one else ever would. He even convinced me that my family was bad, and it would be good for me to keep my distance. I actually listened.

I am sure some people that read this are probably saying, "you are an idiot." Trust me, I feel like I was. We have been separated/divorced for over 2 years, and I still have flash backs of things that happened and wonder what was I thinking. I get angry at myself sometimes for being so stupid, but then I remind myself that it is a great lesson learned. Like I told myself many times during pregnancy and labor, "this too shall pass!"

Believe it or not there are actually emotional stages that people go through after a divorce or separation.

* Of course the first stage is Mourning: This is when both parties mourn the loss of the marriage relationship. This means that you miss have someone there, and the security of it. Also guilt and anger come with it too. The guilt of why you left or why you were left. The anger is mostly what you feel against yourself believe or not. Everyone feels anger for the other person, but what they don't realize is that they are angry at theirself as well. You could be angry for not seeing the signs earlier or angry for something the other person did. When you are the one that was left anger is a great part of the first stage for you. These are all normal feelings.

*The next stage is the stage where you have to learn independence. You have to learn how to do everything yourself with no help from your spouse. Daily decisions, cooking, cleaning, finances, taking care of the children, and much more. To me this stage was the best, because it helped me feel like I was getting a part of me back.

*Moving on. Now you have gone through all the emotions and you just have to pick your head up and enjoy your new life. Take your kids to the park, join a gym, go shopping, go to a movie, make friends, find a hobby, listen to music, or just do something. Walking around the neighborhood listening to music took me away from it all. When I walked I was happy, and felt like everything was going to be ok.