The Divorce In United States

In American Society, people want only what is good for themselves, even if it's not the best for someone else. Society has changed from the importance of family to the importance of me. Statistics on marriage and divorce show that Americans have gotten lazier and more self-absorbed. This may explain why the U.S. has the highest divorce rate and the highest rate of solo parenting in the Western world. People have the attitude, "If the marriage doesn't work, I can get a divorce," because it's easier to fill out paperwork than to put in the time and effort to make the marriage work.

While there are many different reasons for divorce, a few are common: poor communication, financial issues, lack of commitment, infidelity and a change in priorities. With the exception of financial issues, the reasons point to the selfish attitude of one or more people in the relationship. Communication is only a problem when someone doesn't want to listen. Commitment to the marriage requires work and compromise, words that are not found in the lazy, egotistical American dictionary. Sneaking out on a spouse to be fulfilled by someone else is not only dishonest, but selfish.

People that cheat are looking for a quick fix to make themselves happier all while disregarding the feelings of their partner. Changing priorities is also a quick fix. People who give up on marriage feel that it can't be changed for the better, so they concentrate on changing something else in their lives, like concentrating on work or a new hobby. Having something else to concentrate their energy on creates temporary happiness and a way to escape the troubles at home.

According to The State of Our Unions, 2005, marriages have declined 50% from 1970, because more people are choosing cohabitation, or living together without a legal commitment, over marriage. Marriage is being replaced by cohabitation because it requires less of a commitment. Cohabitating couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples because there is less reason to work on the relationship. With cohabitation people don't have to worry about the legal repercussions of divorce and leaving is as easy as packing. Studies have proved that cohabitating before marriage increases the chances of divorce up to 85%, so even if live-in couples eventually marry, it is likely that they will divorce.

Parents don't take the needs of their children into consideration over their own needs as often as they should. 40% of cohabitating couples bring children into the relationship, creating less stability for the children and teaching them that relationships don't require commitment. Children from divorce are more likely to develop social problems and their grades are 20% lower than students living with both parents. The U.S. has the lowest number of children who grow up with both biological parents among Western nations, 63%.

Society should value family over the individual. The American attitude needs to be changed because commitment and responsibility are becoming second to personal needs. If people thought of "us" more then "me," there would be more happy marriages. People need to accept that relationships take time and work, not only for themselves, but for the well-being of their children.

The second most cited reason for divorce is martial conflicts and arguments. Thirdly, many divorced couples say infidelity led to divorce. While these are the primary reasons cited for divorce, statistics show that there are several underlying factors that contribute to these trends. These factors include, but are not limited to: age, education, income, religion, and cohabitation.

Age

Statistics show that those who get married in their mid to late-twenties are less likely to get divorced that those who marry at a younger age, and that this age group tends to be more satisfied in marriage than those couple who marry later in life. For divorced couples under the age of 20, the women are more likely to initiate the divorce; whereas for divorced couples over the age of 20, the men are more likely to initiate the divorce.

Education and Income

Education and income both play a role in divorce statistics. Data shows that a married couple with a higher education and a higher income is less likely to divorce than a couple with lower education and lower income.

Religion

While several religious denominations show a slightly lower divorce rate of 21-34 percent, other data suggests that those with no religious affiliation have a lower divorce rate than those with reported religious affiliations. It has also been suggested that pastors of local congregations, for various reasons, may not be aware of how many divorced couples are actually in, or have been part of, their congregations.

Cohabitation

Reports suggest that between 40 percent and 85 percent of couples who lived together before getting married had the marriage end in divorce.

Divorce statistics indicate that about one-fourth of adults in the United States have been divorced at least once in their lifetime. Characteristics of individuals that have a higher probability of divorce include:

Consequently, divorce has been generally frowned upon in America; hence it is imperative that we exhaust every possible avenue to avert the same.

the steps thus recommended involve the following:

1. Seek counsel from those who possess wisdom, experience, and knowledge and seek to solve the outstanding issues between yourselves after gaining insight and advice from them.

2. In the event that such efforts fail, both spouses must resort to Religion arbitration; in this arbitration one should have parties representing both sides. They should submit to abide by the decisions thus agreed upon.

The reason for this is that often humans become so preoccupied with their temporary personal likes and dislikes that they fail to see their own destructive behaviors and weaknesses. Thus they are encouraged to seek advice and wisdom from those with experience and knowledge, who may help them to empower themselves to take charge of rectifying their behavior and attitudes.

Having said this, divorce however, must not be considered a closed door. There are genuine cases when divorce is the only option available.

Here are a few valid reasons:

1. Physical, mental, or emotional abuse or torture. When one of the spouses becomes abusive and inflicts physical, mental, or emotional torture, and is not willing to change by taking practical measures through therapy or counseling, then it is a valid reason for seeking divorce, for the Islamic principle states, "There shall be no inflicting or receiving of harm." Zhulm (injustice) is not tolerated in Islam, regardless of who the perpetrator is.

2. Failure to fulfill the objectives and purposes for which marriage was initiated. This can be utter incompatibility between the partners, which may be expressed by their irreconcilable differences in temperaments, likes, and dislikes.

3. Marital infidelity. This can be a major cause for dissolution of marriage, for marriage is built on trust and confidence. Its main purpose is to preserve the chastity and modesty of those involved.Once this foundation is eroded and undermined and there is no chance to restore the same, then divorce is the way to go.

4. Failure of the husband to provide.When the man, who is considered the provider and maintainer of the family, fails to shoulder his responsibilities and the wife decides that she cannot continue tolerating his shirking of responsibility, this is grounds for divorce.

Any one of the above-mentioned reasons can be considered as a valid ground for divorce in Islam. If in a legitimate case warranting a divorce a husband refuses to divorce his wife, then she is certainly justified by Islamic Law to approach the proper legal authorities to get a divorce: The judgment of divorce thus rendered by such authorities can be deemed as valid in Religion.May Allah{God}help us all to conduct our affairs with sound wisdom, understanding, sincerity, and faith.

According to divorce statistics, it does not appear that only one factor contributes to a couple's decision to divorce. Although three primary reasons have been identified by divorced couples as the leading causes of divorce, it seems that underlying factors may contribute to these issues as well.

Every marriage needs a healthy dose of on-going romance to add spice, delight,and fun to the relationship. It's not enough to just start out with a sizzling romance. You have to find a way to keep the romance alive as the months and years accumulate.

One of the marital challenges many couples face is how to live together without losing that special romantic spark. It's all-too-easy to lose the role of lover along the way.When this happens, spouses often start relating to each other as they would to a friend or a sibling. Parents can begin to feel they are only "business partners" joined together to raise their children and keep the household running.

How can you keep romance alive when your daily work schedule is grueling,

you're always short on time and energy, and you're not sure what to do?

Sprinkle Romance into Your Marriage

Here are ten ideas to help you add a spark to your relationship:

1-Believe In God---

Why Believe In God?

Believe in God because of the physical universe, marvelous even beyond all knowing or imagining. Such complexity and perfection indicates a cause, and causes are always greater than their effects. It is incomprehensible that the carefully worked-out design in this universe could have come about with no supervising intelligence. To believe in no Creator is more absurd than to believe in an omnipotent God who called all these intricate scientific processes into being.

Believe in God because there has been an inclination in the entire human race and throughout history for persons to believe in a Supreme Being. Every culture, however remote or primitive, has recognized the presence of a higher power. Most individuals find some of that same intuition in themselves.

Believe in God because throughout the ages persons have tuned their hearts toward that higher power, seeking, studying, opening themselves to the possibility of a divine revelation. From the long history of religion, we have come to understand something about God, even though different cultures arrive at different views about his nature.The testimony of the ages points in the direction of God, rather than no God.

Believe in God because the Bible,Kur'an And taurat has stood all the tests of time, scholarship, and criticism and it is a valid record which is trustworthy, All intellectually reliable and spiritually satisfying.

Believe in God because he is not so obvious that he can be explained away, like an earthly phenomenon. In fact, knowledge of God really can only come by faith. It is so subjective that like most great truths, it can only be known from within. Consider how love or music or friendship or art or almost any other meaningful experience in life is not observable from the outside. You may observe something happening, but the genuine joy and appreciation comes from sharing the experience.

God might even be a figment of imagination if he were subject to analysis like pulling apart the petals of a daisy.Jesus said boldly to Nicodemus that unless a person views the Kingdom of God from the inside, from the perspective of faith, he can never understand the gospel message (John 3:3). It would be like trying to explain green to someone who is blind; it just can't be done.

2.Beleive In Friendship With Your Wife And Everyone---

Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.

A man must not divorce his wife to bring harm upon her,as this constitutes an act that demolishes this noble establishment, breaks the woman's heart, and possibly separates the woman from her children without any reason.Thus,the separation between a man and his wife [without just reason] was considered one of the major and grave sins, and one of the most beloved actions of Satan, as was narrated in a number of hadiths{Discussion}.It is also forbidden for a woman to ask for a divorce without a sensible reason.Just Be A Friend---

3-Beleive In Your Attitude--

What is that one attribute that counts the most in human existence? Hope, love, wealth, charity or is there something bigger? Yes,its attitude! It's not difficult to realize the impact of attitude in our day to day life.Sometimes,attitude is more important than facts. In fact, it is more important than any other thing like money, education,situations etc.the most important thing is we have a choice regarding the attitude we will wear for a particular day.It has been said that,life is all about 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we react to those happenings.

4. Pay attention when your spouse

Mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater/concert/sports tickets. Be on the lookout for ideas for birthday, holiday,and anniversary gifts, plus "no reason" surprise gifts. It's very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was just what you wanted.

5. Frequently offer foot massages

Shoulder massages, and full-body massages to your spouse. You'll get plenty of romantic brownie points in your "relationship bank account" if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your spouse's tired feet at the end of a long work day. Note: If you expect to be rewarded for your efforts by sex, you won't accumulate any points for being romantic. Your spouse will just think you have an ulterior motive when you offer a massage in the future.

6. Giving sweet cards and letters to your spouse can be romantic, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings and passion.

Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That's good for you because that means your spouse will think you're really romantic for taking the time to write a love letter by hand and mail it. That will make more of an impact than just sending an email if you want to get extra brownie points.

7. Another way to be romantic is to look for opportunities to pamper and spoil your spouse.

That might be letting a spouse sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your partner to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner. The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, "Nothing's too good for my sweetheart" or "You're such a love. It's fun to pamper you." You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss.

8. Talking in front of your spouse to someone else about your partner's good points is romantic.

Take full advantage of opportunities to say, 'I'm so lucky to have such a supportive wife (or husband)—she's such a treasure. I'm a lucky man." You can also do this when you're talking on the phone and know that your spouse is within listening range. If you're not sure your partner heard you, when you get off the phone ask, "Did you hear me telling my sister what a great husband you are? I was really bragging on you!"

9. In the romance department, flowers, plants, candy, or a special home-cooked meal never go out of favor.

Many females love to receive beautiful fresh flowers or a box of delicious chocolate candy. Both husbands and wives can appreciate the efforts of a partner to put together an intimate, special home-cooked meal by candlelight with music playing and flowers on the table.

10. Surprise your spouse with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories.

Another option is to frame a picture of your spouse that shows him or her in a flattering way and let your partner know how much you love the photo. Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your spouse see you looking at it admiringly.

11. Take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing. Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time.

The outing doesn't have to be expensive or complex. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your spouse is in the shower.Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.

12. Music that you and your spouse both like can set a romantic tone.

If you see a movie that you both enjoyed a lot, you might consider buying the sound track as a surprise gift the following week. You could also select a song that you both like and decide to make it "your song." Or you could pick a song and tell your spouse that it reminds you of him or her for some positive reason.

13. Celebrate every occasion you can think of.

the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your marriage anniversary, your birthdays,seeing the full moon, and anything else you can come up with. You can toast with champagne (or a non-alcoholic beverage) and perhaps have a celebration meal.But it can be just as fun to make a big deal out of going out for an ice cream cone to celebrate.