What Matters to You? Family Matters for Tween Parenting & Blended Families

What is Important to You?

If you answered, "Family Matters!" you've arrived at the right place. While I'll address many family issues, my lens will focus on tweens and step-parenting. I will be adding more articles and resources -- If there's a topic you'd like to see, please contact me.

I love connecting with other parents. Sharing tips gives us the closest thing we can find to that elusive instruction manual on parenting.

What Makes a Family?

That may be a loaded question, but the nuclear family is hardly the American family norm anymore. Families include step-parents, half-siblings, step siblings, same sex parents, single parents and grandparents as parents.

Here's some Single Parent stats from the U.S. Census Bureau:

The U.S. has approximately 14 million single parents.

Single parent households are due to a number of factors: divorce, unmarried, separated, widowed, or a grandparent.

Divorced parents make the largest group while households with unmarried parents are rising fast.

For this lens, I'd like to concentrate on blended families and parenting tweens.

Blended families deal with their own set of challenges, such as ex-spouses, step children, custody, visitations, discipline, financial obligations - all while maintaining a healthy marriage. Blended families may see these challenges as roadblocks, but open communication will improve healthy and happy relationships.

Tween Rules

Did your tween's double digit age go to her head? Is she ready to rule the house? Don't let go of the reins yet; Your tween still needs you ... even if she promises her tween life would be complete if only she had the latest-wish-list-MP3 player.

Remember the terrible two's? Your little one jerked his hand free from yours and with a defiant 'no', he stumbled across the living room to build his own castle. He plopped down and built a home of LEGOs. If your attention turned to a pot of boiling potatoes on the stove, he would cry out, "Watch this!"

While your tween can manage far more complex tasks, she still looks to you for guidance. She glances back for support as she races towards independence. Your tween may give you the cold shoulder as 'parents' suddenly cramp her style. Don't be fooled. Underneath the grumpy glare sits an uncertain kid. Remember this stage will pass; stay active in your tween's life.

Parents may find themselves in a high wire balancing act: placing your tween with either too many guide wires or no protective nets at all. You know your child - let them test their independence but keep them safe.

What should be the rules or responsibilities for your tween? That's up to you. Every family has expectations, values and morals. Remind your tween of the family's values.

Does your tween beg for the latest tech gadget, like a cell phone or an MP3 player? Teach them more responsibility and tie consequences to their choices. Let them earn points for independent and responsible choices. Choose an appropriate number of points to earn use of the phone, download a song or get new minutes added to a phone card.

Does your tween want the coolest shoes in every rainbow color? Decide that you will buy school shoes or clothing, while she will have to save for the wish-list items. Or you could contribute to her savings with a 50/50 deal.

Social life is king with tweens. More friends and more places can equal increased need for dealing with new situations. Use this time to teach your tween about appropriate behavior, finances and family expectations.

Inappropriate behavior has its own consequences. Your tween could lose time on the phone, miss computer time or lose their gadgets for a pre-determined time, like over a weekend.

Set up rules in a family meeting. It's unfair to punish them with a rule you make five minutes after they stroll home late when there's never been a curfew. Keep communication open with your tween.

Recommended Parenting Books

These are great parenting books - some of which I reviewed on MyShelf.com. Others are recommendations from close friends. Find help on blended families, raising boys, and a parent guide on pre-teens and teenagers.

If you know other helpful parenting books, please leave me a note so I can add them.

For Parents Only: Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid

by Shaunti Feldhahn, Lisa A. Rice

Amazon Price: $10.19 (as of 10/12/2008)

Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family

by Dr. Phil McGraw

Amazon Price: $10.20 (as of 10/12/2008)

Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different-And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

by Steve Biddulph

Amazon Price: $10.48 (as of 10/12/2008)

Happily Remarried: Making Decisions Together * Blending Families Successfully * Building a Love That Will Last

by David Frisbie, Lisa Frisbie

Amazon Price: $10.39 (as of 10/12/2008)

Jessica's Two Familes: Helping Children Learn to Cope with Blended Households (Let's Talk)

by Lynne Hugo

Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 10/12/2008)

Share your knowledge. Make a difference.

What Matters to You? Family Matters for Tween Parenting & Blended Families

Rate this Lens

What is Important to You?

Explore related pages

What Makes a Family?

Tween Rules

Recommended Parenting Books

Cell Phone Accessories for Tweens

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

Voila: Just copy and paste this code into your own site. Have fun!

Oopsey! Please login to Squidoo in order to add this module to your lens.

Celebrities in the Spotlight

What Do You Tell Your Tween?

Do you shield your tween from news, like teenager pregnancy, alcohol or drug abuse by celebs?

I turn celebrity behavior into a 'teachable moment' - we discuss how to make good choices.

LaraineRose says:

I don't allow my tween to watch TV, videos, movies or news with poorly behaved, so-called 'role models'.

The_Homeopath says:

iPod, MP3, Accessories

Vote Your Favorite

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

#11

#12

Voila: Just copy and paste this code into your own site. Have fun!

Oopsey! Please login to Squidoo in order to add this module to your lens.

Tweens Want Everything

Parenting eBook - from Parenting.org

MAKE IT Blog

Things To Do With The Kids

My Story

Family Resources

Parenting News

All in a Name

Ways to Help Our Child in a Blended Family

#1

Open Communication

#2

Regular Drop-off Time

#3

Not Saying Anything Bad About The Other Parent or Family

#4

Establish Family Rules

#5

Do Not Discuss Finances, such as Child Support

#6

Voila: Just copy and paste this code into your own site. Have fun!

Oopsey! Please login to Squidoo in order to add this module to your lens.

What's New in Your Family?

^#1

^#2

^#3

^#4

^#5

^#6

^#7

^#8

^#9

^#10

^#11

^#12

^#13

^#14

^#1

^#2

^#3

^#4

^#5

^#6

^#7

^#8

^#9

^#10

^#11

^#12

^#1

^#2

^#3

^#4

^#5

^#6