If you are in a breakup be careful not to allow your feelings to overwhelm you, the emotional intensity you are in can inhibit clear thinking and allow a feeling of desperation to sink in.

The first thing to remember is DON'T PANIC! When you start to panic you may begin making relationship blunders like:

1. Calling to soon after the break up.

2. Sending your ex constant texting, email or phone messages.

3. Arguing with him or her about the break up, or bringing up past arguments and squabbles.

4. Telling your ex lover or spouse that they are making a huge mistake.

5. Telling them how depressed, sad or lonely you have been since the break up.

6. Professing your undying love over and over.

7. Apologizing over and over and over again.

If you are making any of these relationship blunders, you are seriously hurting your chances of getting your ex back. Now, I know these all seem like the natural thing to do. And I understand how you feel right now. But what I am trying to get across is that there is a much more effective way to win back your ex girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife's attention, mind and heart.

If you are making some or all of these mistakes the most common reason is that you have allowed your feelings to overwhelm you. The emotional intensity you are in can inhibit clear thinking, and soon a feeling of desperation sinks in and leads to these major mistakes you may be making right now. But you need to realize that you are pushing your ex away from you instead of winning their love back.

It's important if you want to be smart about getting your ex back that they get the idea that you are OK right now and perhaps even that you are too OK right now! Your ex really needs space and time to breath instead of being pushed against constantly.

Think about the simple act of pushing something, what happens when you push an object. It moves away from you doesn't it? Well when you keep up these desperate behaviors you are pushing and anything pushed against will move away, or it may push back harder. These types of behaviors are getting you nowhere, and you are widening the gap even further between you and your lost love.

You don't want to cause your ex to start despising you or feel like they have to hide from you. There is a great relationship resource I recommend called The Magic of Making Up and on the website you can watch a free video First Steps To Stopping a Break Up that goes over these and other common mistakes you may be making now and what to do about them.

Watch the video and it will make sense to you why these behaviors will definitely make it harder to get your ex back and you'll be so relieved that you finally know what to do to be in control of the situation instead of making all the wrong moves and saying all the wrong things.

Now perhaps you're the more melancholy type and instead of the obsessive pushy behaviors you allow yourself to become depressed.

You tell all your friends and family - and even your ex lover's friends and family how bad you are doing, how you don't know how you will make it without your ex.

There are a lot of movie and literature stereotypes of the moody and depressed lover, but in real life this kind of behavior isn't going to play well with your ex.

Even if you don't consciously realize you are doing it this falls under the category of manipulative behaviors - another serious relationship killer. You may get your ex to feel sorry for you and even succeed in getting them to come back, but would you rather have pity or real love?

Or maybe you start to lose confidence in yourself, wondering what can be so wrong with you that your lover could have left you?

This is a very emotional time and it may be hard to be objective, but endlessly obsessing about what you could have done differently or being miserable and unsure of yourself will only make you come across to your ex as needy, clingy and as someone who doesn't like themselves very much.

I'll let you in a little secret - people like people who like themselves, who are confident and happy and don't come across as needy and clingy and emotionally desperate. After all, if you don't like yourself, how can you expect your ex to like you either?

But don't despair, if you've fallen into this trap you can pull out of the depression, get your head on straight, stop the emotional pain and learn to like yourself again, I mean really feel good about yourself no matter what your ex does or doesn't do.

I know it's hard to get your emotional balance back when it comes to matters of the heart, but you have to understand that you just cannot attract someone back when you are being depressed, angry or extremely needy!

And it can even be physically bad for your health and your heart!

According to Wikipedia's How To Get Your Ex Back advice about heartbreak: "Heartbreak is usually associated with losing a spouse or loved one, though losing a parent, child, pet, or close friend can also "break one's heart". The phrase refers to the physical pain one feels in their chest as a result of the loss. Although the heart obviously is not harmed by the feeling, there is a condition (appropriately known as Broken Heart Syndrome) where a traumatizing incident triggers the brain to distribute chemicals that weaken heart tissue."

So you need to get a handle on your emotions simply to start feeling better about yourself both physically and mentally!

The Magic of Making Up includes the author's Fast Forward Technique to help you deal with the emotions you may be experiencing right now, and you also might want to check out Digital Drug

Enjoy a totally safe and exhilirating experience with this 60 minute recording. Digital Drug is a lot safer and healthier than taking prescription drugs or alcohol to change your mood. Simply relax as you listen to the binaural beats stimulating parts of your mind not touched by other CDs. A fantastically awesome inner-journey. Great for good moods, euphoria, and visualization.

If you are still feeling pretty emotional and desperate about getting your ex back and you are thinking thoughts like:

- My ex was my whole life
- I'm lost without them
- They were the best thing that ever happened to me
- I'll never find anyone as good as my ex lover
- I can never be happy without them
- If only I could have done things differently
- I don't know what to do now

These thoughts aren't helping you in the least right now and they really aren't true either.

You can absolutely be a happy person again without your ex, and if you don't understand this you're going to have a harder time whether or not you do succeed in getting your them back. If you go on thinking that you can't make it without this person or that you are afraid to be alone then you will have problems in this relationship and in any relationship in the future.

The truth is you have to be OK with yourself first. Not only will you be happier but you will be more attractive to your ex lover and to all men or women in general. So if the above list of reasons are the only ones you have for getting your ex back you need to think about whether you really do need them or you need to find yourself instead.

You see real love isn't desperate or clingy. Part of the genius of the Magic of Making Up is that it helps you to work on yourself so you can become the type of person that will be not only more attractive to your mate, but experience a genuine change that results in more self confidence and a sense of being a complete person in yourself.

A relationship between two complete persons is a wonderful thing to experience, but sadly many relationships are made up of two people who think that they must find their "other half" in order to be happy.

Now it's not wrong for a man or woman to want to feel needed, but if this is the only basis for the relationship, you are laying the seeds for a co-dependent relationship instead.

So instead of wondering how you can get your ex back, perhaps the question to ask yourself instead is do I need them back or do I want them back because I love them?

And if the answer really is love than you are much more likely to experience a healthy union of two well-adjusted, self confident people who want to share their lives instead of be dependent on each other.

But I want you to be totally honest with yourself and if you feel at all like you may be settling for any reason than you need to learn how to Deserve What You Want! I have written a letter especially for you if you are in this situation and need to ask yourself Are You Settling For Your Ex?

Please don't try and get your ex back because you don't think you can do any better or it just seems easier than trying to find a new or better relationship. A lifetime of mediocre relationships and unfilled dreams is what awaits you if you do that and you deserve better. Never Ever Settle!

So now that you know what not to do, what should you do instead? Well you may have picked up some clues already. But the best advice is to agree with the break-up for now. What!!! That doesn't make any sense. Why Should I agree with something I don't want?

In the free break up advice video on the Magic of Making Up Website that I mentioned the author talks about why this works even though it's so counter-intuitive and completely against the way you might feel right now.

Using the logic behind "Why People Want What They Can't Have" he helps you to understand why it's in your best interests to do the very thing you don't want to do right now.

By agreeing to the breakup you appear more in control and less needy, and that you like yourself enough not to plead with someone to stay with you.

In fact, this is the perfect time to send the "Second Chance Letter" from the Magic of Making Up. The goal of the letter is simply to show your ex that you are fine with the break up. This creates a vacuum in their mind since they were expecting you to continue to be upset and allows them to start to miss you and want you again.

Humans tend to take things for granted and they also tend to want what they can't have. They will also fight harder to keep from losing something than to gain something, and they will tend to want even more...what is JUST out of their grasp!

But the letter has to be worded correctly. When used in the right way and using a few other elements such as curiosity and intrigue this is a powerful psychological tool that will get your ex curious about how you could be handling the break up so well and get them wondering if they are losing something they may not want to lose after all.

If you want to know more about why this works watch the video now and be way ahead of the curve in knowing how to get your ex back.

Just about anything you read about getting an ex back advocates a "cooling off period" before getting in touch with your ex again. This can last anywhere from a month or longer and this time is important for a number of reasons.

Staying away from your ex allows you to work through the panicky feelings and move into a more strategic mode. You need at least a month or more to you get your head on straight, work on yourself and plan your strategy well.

It also helps both of you to cool off from the intense emotions that always surround a break up. You both may still be very raw from the experience and this makes it harder to analyze what went wrong and what needs to change.

Now you might be afraid that if you don't do something soon, if you don't show your ex how much you care as soon as possible - it might be too late to ever recover. The truth is you will cause them to feel alienated and even angrier with you.

So while your initial reaction may be to keep in constant contact, it will only make things worse instead of better. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder." If you want to get back with your ex you need to give them time to miss you, and how can they miss you if you won't leave them alone?

You want your ex to feel like you respect them, that you understand their concerns, and begin to miss you. Taking a real break allows all of these things to happen. Giving your ex the room they need to breath right now also helps you to appear more mature, calm, and collected, even if you aren't there yet and these are all attractive qualities in a mate. And it will be much easier to reopen the lines of communication when there's been some time and distance between you both.

So take that step back and use this cooling off time to get your head on straight, pull your emotions together and start researching and planning the next steps in your strategy to get your ex back.

Now even though it's in your best interests to have a cooling off period before getting in touch with your ex again, as I mentioned already you might panic and think that in the short time frame of a month you might lose them for good.

Well time is your worst enemy right now, and in my ezine article Why Time Is Your Worst Enemy If You Want To Get Your Ex Back I go into this into a little more detail.

But you have to remember that taking a cooling off period or what is commonly called a "no contact" time is actually part of your strategy and helps time work in your favor. And if you're using this time wisely to fix the problems you felt you caused in the relationship and improving yourself to become a better partner than this time is going to reap dividends for you.

But if you are still in a depressed state and not taking any smart actions to get momentum going for a reunion then time is working against you and the longer you wait to put a smart strategy into action the more possible it becomes that you will be dealing with a love rival for your ex's affections, or even worse that they have had time to heal and get over you and are ready to move on. You don't want to allow too much time to let indifference set in.

Now this may or may not happen, for some people it can happen more quickly than others. It depends on the length of your relationship and the depth of your connection.

But it's important that you start following the steps I've outlined here if you really want time working in your favor instead of against you.

In order to plan a smart strategy for winning your ex back you need to understand why they wanted the break up in the first place.

Men and women leave a relationship for many different reasons and it can be quite confusing to try and sort out what went wrong or what might really be going on behind the things your ex has told you about why they wanted the break up.

Now if you cheated on your lover that's an obvious reason for them to want to leave, but even then the problems would have been occurring before the cheating actually took place.

Or perhaps you are the one that strayed but you realize you made a big mistake and you want desperately to get your ex back. You have to ask yourself why you decided to look for greener pastures in the first place.

As I said it can be quite complicated to try and figure it all out, but to simplify things it helps to understand that there is a usually a pretty cut and dried reason why men or women check out of their relationship.

It really helps to understand what men and women want.

Men don't leave a relationship to find someone prettier, thinner or sexier. They leave to feel admired and wanted again.

You may hear a man complaining about how sick he is of being nagged at all the time, but it's not really the nagging that's the problem. It's the fact that the nagging indicates to him that his girlfriend or wife is unhappy with who he is and what he has to offer and that will drive him out of the relationship.

Now that doesn't mean as a woman you can't express how you feel, but it's important to balance that with expressing love and admiration for the things you do find attractive and pleasing in your mate.

Now women leave men for a completely different reason. A woman will continue to be loyal, until they stop feeling appreciated by their boyfriend or husband. This doesn't mean that they are being needy and crave attention, what they need is the feeling that you appreciate everything they do.

Women pay attention to a thousand little details every day, whether they are single and putting the nurturing attention into their friends and job, or married with the added responsibilities of a household.

Isn't your girlfriend or wife usually the one reminding you to make that important phone call or helping you to pick out that perfect birthday gift for your mom? So if she left you for another man it was probably a guy who showed appreciation for a lot of the little (and big) things she did for him and for other people.

Understanding these two basic reasons why men leave women and women leave men will go a long way in helping your to analyze what went wrong with your relationship, and will be a critical part of your strategy when you formulate your plan to win your ex back.

There is a lot of confusing advice about what signs to look for that your ex wants you back.

Are they trying to make you jealous? Or ignoring you completely? Do you know if they are upset about the break up situation?

Or maybe you hear things from friends who are trying to feel out the situation for you, but it turns out to be even more confusing and conflicting information.

Or maybe you know for sure that your ex really hates you and curses every time your name is mentioned.

Well surprisingly these are all positive signs to some extent.

You could drive yourself nuts trying to find some kernel of hope in all the disinformation you are trying to sort through, but there really is only one thing you need to look for if you want to know whether you still have a chance with your ex.

Is there still some emotion that is being triggered when your ex hears about you or talks about you?

You see there is a thin line between love and hate. And hate, jealousy, game playing, and disrespect, however immature and distasteful still indicate that there is an emotional connection between you and your ex.

And that means you still have a chance!

In "The Magic Of Making Up" you'll learn more about why this is and you'll also find out what is the one thing that will really kill a relationship completely. If this has happened then it's time to move on, you'll only be wasting your time trying to get back your ex boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.

Another area that the Magic Of Making Up covers is how to make an effective apology. According to the author "An apology is like a scalpel, if used correctly it saves lives, loved ones and cuts away years of damage, but used incorrectly it swiftly severs the heart from the body PERMANENTLY!"

Now if you have hurt your ex in any way or are responsible for causing any of the problems that led to the break up you know you need to apologize. But you have to do it the right way or you will only make things go from bad to worse.

There is a formula for an effective apology and many times this has proven to be the "turn around point" in healing a relationship..

In the Magic of Making Up this formula is called the "Clean Slate Method" because it actually has the power to wipe the slate clean so your relationship can began to heal.

The Clean Slate Method will teach you what you need to know to make an effective apology including:

-what is the true purpose of an apology (just about everyone gets this wrong)

-why "I'm sorry...BUT," will only make things worse

-why you don't want to place too much emphasis on who's right or wrong

-why you need to be completely sincere when you apologize

-why you should not apologize too soon

Now even if you feel that the rift is too big or that you have blundered too badly there is hope. Apologizing correctly and sincerely has saved many relationships that seemed beyond repair. Learn how to make an effective apology and not only will you vastly improve your chances of winning your ex back but you will have acquired a skill that will serve you well the rest of your life.

Now that you know the big mistakes to avoid and what you should be doing instead you need really good advice on the next steps to take in getting your ex back.

I've mentioned the The Magic of Making Up throughout this article because I feel it's the best resource available to help you get smart about the process of getting your ex boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife back.

And if your confidence and self esteem have taken a beating you also get a really solid plan on how to not only act like you like yourself but also and more importantly how to get back to a place where you do REALLY like yourself again.

The Magic of Making Up up has the answers you are looking for and I promise they have worked for hundreds of others and can work for you too...and fast...

-Your attractiveness quotient will go from a zero to a 9 or 10.

-You will no longer be confused about what you should do.

-You will know WHEN and HOW to contact your ex and WHAT to say.

-You will learn the easiest and best way of getting your ex lover talking to you again.

-Many times soon after these principles are applied your ex will ASK YOU to take them back.

-Know exactly what to do if your ex is with someone else right now...NOT an impossible situation...in fact your odds are 7 in 10 in getting them back...if you know how to handle it correctly.

-And what to do if you have already made some or all of the relationship mistakes we talked about in the beginning of this article.

There are a lot of so called experts theorizing about what you should do when you want to get a loved one back, offering expensive and perhaps even well intentioned advice, but the author of the The Magic of Making Up knows his stuff!

He even has another video on his site that shows some of the many testimonials he has received from happy people who have succeeded in getting back with their ex.

I read through this book in one sitting, I couldn't put it down and I kept wishing I would have known all this when I was younger and wanting win back a lost love.

And one of the best things about the The Magic of Making Up is that not only do you learn the right things to do to get back your lost love, but you will actually become a better, happier and more self-confident person and a much better mate.

And when you do get back together you will have plenty of helpful information that will go along way in keeping the relationship intact and thriving now and in the future.

The Magic of Making Up has become incredibly popular in the short time it has been out, and the info really is helping people get their ex's back. I even checked on the number of refunds requested and they are practically non-existent so you know that means it really DELIVERS on its promises.

This is a proven guide that has the answers and strategies you need, and a solid plan that has won back love for hundreds of men and women...and now you can JOIN THEM too.

And after all...We are talking about LOVE right?

So if getting your ex girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife back is the most important thing to you right now....

Imagine having the answers and tools you need at your fingertips...Imagine how much better you will feel just having a proven plan...

And most importantly...
Imagine how you will feel when your ex opens up to you...starts talking with you again...and now you know you are on the right path!

Check out "The Magic Of Making Up" and Get Your Ex Back Now!

The Magic of Making Up

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