If it's not fun, you're not doing it right!

Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
but I just couldn't sleep...
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned...the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
stuffing with gravy, green beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees...
Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please.

A man in Adelaide calls his son in Sydney and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing... forty-five years of misery is enough." Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says calmly. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Brisbane and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and then hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife... "Okay," he says, "They're coming for your birthday and paying their own airfares."

From a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite =
thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

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From a Cat's Daily Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, w hile the other inmates
and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In
an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since
it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Monsters.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the
event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn
what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate
one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I
must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies
and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously
retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my
every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an
elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

But as anyone in the corporate world knows, it's part of being in cubicle world. Stay awake and look interested. Appearing interested and active is what's most important in the corporate world. Perception is king.

Meetings, especially business meetings can be mind numbing. Here's a few tricks I have used over the years to get me through the worst of them. Practicing these techniques does help deal with the frustrations of putting your work aside to sit through yet another meeting. If you can't avoid it, do your best to get through it without any action items.

1. Spend a few minutes on the itinerary before you go in. Scan to the most boring speaker. Get with a trusted and like minded co-worker(s) and create a pool measuring and betting on how many times the speakers says a chosen word, or better yet, says ah, ah.

2. When someone speaking that you don't agree with or that you flat out just don't like, practice the oobi or for a more aggressive jester, practice the smash his head jester. Slowly put your thumb and forefinger together extended. Put your other three fingers in a loose fist. As the speaker continues on simply mock his or her speech with your fore finger and thumb. Obviously, this should be done discretely. This seems silly but it actually works and allows you to appear attentive for extended periods of time.

For a more aggressive action, reserved for those speakers that cause your blood to boil, use a slower motion and hold contact for a few seconds. This is smashing her or his head. This silly technique combined with a sincere smile will get you through the worst meetings keep you out of trouble.

3. Practice alert inattention. This one is truly the hardest of them all and requires the most practice. First, make sure you have at least 3 good canned responses to questions. Some good examples are: "That sounds interesting, but I'm not sure how that will gel with our long term goals. I'm leaning towards yes, but I'd like to see the numbers first. It sounds like you've put a lot of work into it. What do you see as your barriers to success?" Looking alert is key for this to work.