How I Fell In Love and The Out of Love With a Black Hawk Pilot

I met my favorite pilot in high school. I walked in the door and I felt his eyes land on me. He would not stop staring! He and his friends followed me all the way to my seat with their eyes. It was a little creepy. No...creepy is not the right word...yes, yes it is.

I assumed they were not welcoming of women in the NJROTC, but I misunderstood their stares. After what seemed a very long stare down, my favorite pilot, then a very skinny pimply guy, came up to me and began to talk to me. He was very nervous. Later he wrote me a note asking me for my number.

Fifteen years later he helps me change our baby's diapers. This is our 3rd baby. In fact our first two babies are not babies anymore.

He has taught me how to enjoy life, to look on the bright side, to be strong and believe in myself, to be happy with what I have and best of all to love.

It doesn't hurt to ask. The worst that can happen is they say no.

When I think about it, really think about it I love him because of the way he loves me, but there are a number of other reason why I'm still in love with my pilot. Most of my answers are cheesy and cliche, but they are true.

Reason Why I Love Him:
He is a kind person.
He makes me laugh.
When he falls asleep with one of our children in his arms my heart melts. Then I giggle because he sleeps with his mouth open.
He'll takes me as I am and loves me.
He enjoys my sarcasm.
He helped me make beautiful babies. Our children are a perfect combination of our best features.
Every now and then he makes a very tasty meal. I love his homemade pizza.
He's really sexy when he repairs something that needs to fixed around the house and he thinks its humorous that I think that.
He puts up with jobs he hates to support his family.
I really LOVE some of his bodily features.
He's a good dad, more patient than I am...

He came home. Safe and healthy. We loved it. He loved it, but finally several months later, he has had to go back to work. Nope! not flying. Beggars can't be choosers so he is working at a restaurant as a manager for now. He misses the air though. A few helicopter contacts have told him to call back when the hiring freeze is over or when he builds more hours. We'll see what happens...

He has had a few opportunities to fly. He's getting closer and he has a lot more hours and certification to add to his resume now. We're hoping he can find something in the state.

A part of me is embarrassed and ashamed to even write this, but I'm learning that some of my best work happens when I allow people in. So, here is my short story update about my Pilot and I. The story is sad and lonely and complicated. It involves his unhappiness, his greed, his selfishness and his infidelity. This is the way I see it anyways. I'm sure I had my faults and there is always more sides to a story than one, but in short this is mine. He did many things he can't undo and in doing so left us in a state of poverty and pain and confusion (he'll refute this). I came to the realization that the Pilot I grew up with and learned to love over the years was either never there or stopped being there, or never came back. Was I blinded by love? He still chases after his dreams. I hope he reaches them one day and that despite the pain he has caused that he does find happiness, but somewhere between here and there our marriage fell apart and it is now over. I am mourning now, but I will find my wings and move on.