Helping Others Through Miscarriage

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Helping Others Through Miscarriage

Miscarriage happens in about 25% of pregnancies (most very early on and un-noticed), yet it is rarely mentioned or discussed. This lens outlines my experience with the horrible world of miscarriage and what useful suggestions I have for friends and family.

Please keep in mind, I am just a dad. I have no formal credentials except to say that I know what it is to loose a child and I have had to learn fast because many of the professionals that I had to deal with were not helpful. I am hoping that not only will this lens help me to come to grips with things, but hopefully it will help others who are forced to take this journey as well.

Listen and Understand 

Often just being there to listen is great. Keep in mind that people going through this may feel guilty for dumping on you. They may be afraid to upset you.

Bring Food and Help Out 

When we went through this, I would be at the hospital all day. There were several times when I came home and just found a package of frozen food on the doorstep (it was winter, so that was fine). We also had a couple of family members who cooked for us. It was a great help. It doesn't need to be fancy. I know for us, we really didn't want to eat anyways. I ate because I knew that I had to, and I had to feed the kids. It took a while for us to want to eat again or enjoy it.

Take The Kids 

I don't know what we would have done without my Mother-In-Law who took the kids for several days while my wife was in the hospital. It allowed me to just focus on being there for my wife. Our parents also just took the kids away and gave them attention. This gave them the attention that we had trouble giving them, and gave us a break.
Keep in mind that some people may feel the need to keep their kids closer and may not like this.

Give a hug 

What can I say, sometimes the best things are the simplest.

I remember the first time that my Dad saw my wife, he just gave her a big hug and told her that if she needed any more, there were plenty more. He said that a friend had told him to just be quite and give her a hug.

Respect Boundaries 

Keep in mind that at this time, people will be far more touchy than usual. Unfortunatly, there is no easy answer as to where the boundary will be. Some people will need to talk and others will need to just carry on. All you can do is to be there for them and try to respond to what they need.

Give them time 

It is going to take quite some time to get through this. Longer than you would think. I often hear from Mums who still have a lot of pain many years later. The thing to remember is even if the parents never got to meet the child, it is a huge loss that they will eventually learn to bear, but will never truly "Get over it". In many cases, people learn to get back to life, and it affects them less and less, but then something triggers their thoughts (mother's day is really bad) and the feelings of loss all come back.

So, all I can really say is be there, be supportive, and above all, please be patient.

Miscarriage Information From Wikipedia 

Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the spontaneous end of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or fetus is incapable of surviving, generally defined in humans at prior to 20 weeks of gestation. Miscarriage is the most common complication of early pregnancy.

read the rest of the Wikipedia article

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by MarkBentley

I am a Dad with 2 kids and a wonderful wife.

By day I am a computer programmer at a small company.

I also occasionally write at:
My wife Paula's Bl... (more)

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