10 signs that your husband is NOT listening to you -- and ideas to try
Ranked #685 in Relationships & Family, #92,015 overall
Your husband can hear what you have to say
The situation is universal. Maybe you just caught him at a bad time. Perhaps the two of you want to work together to learn to interact and listen more efficiently. You may want to think about when to suggest that couples retreat to your man, though. There are exceptions to every rule, and what works once may not work the next time.
Whether you've been together for a year or for decades you and your spouse may have trouble communicating. Are you talking to him the way you would want someone to talk to you? Is your man really from a different planet? Is he from Mars or from Ork?
Do you expect him to listen to you the way your sisters and your girlfriends listen? Would his interests be the same? Does he have the same issues, say the same things your women friends say?
I can't remember a single time that my husband asked, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"
There are studies that show differences in the male and female brains. Every person and couple is different. No style of communication is better, and anyone can change his or her way of communicating and listening.
There are classic signs to look for to see if your husband is not listening to you. If you pass these points and continue to talk, well.... What's going to change if we keep doing things the same way over and over?
Ten Signs That Your Husband Isn't Listening To You
2. You start to realize he's simply nodding and agreeing with you exactly every 2.4 seconds. Even the old trick of saying something like, "The guy said the damage to the car shouldn't be that expensive to repair," gets nothing but an empty stare and another nod.
3. He casually answers or makes a cell phone call while you're speaking to him
4. His head is cocked to the side and his eyes are glazed over with a far-away look in them. The only feedback you're getting from him is the occasional heavy sigh.
5. He's paying a lot of attention to a piece of lint on his sleeve, continually checking his watch and/or looking out the window. (Do you get a tiny feeling that he'd rather be mowing the lawn right now?)
6. Suddenly he
a) Asks, "You talking to me?"
b) Says, "Blah, blah, blah" or
c) Begins doing that mocking cobra gesture with his hand, fingers talking as if he was wearing an invisible sock puppet
7. You realize that he's had earbuds in his ears. He wasn't nodding at you after all but really keeping time to his favorite music.
8. He turns the channels on the tv. You thought that intense gaze meant he was listening to what you were saying. Really he was paying attention to the quarterback, the weather-girl and the water-skiing squirrel on the screen.
9. He gets up and walks away. Even the dog follows him out of the room.
10. His snoring drowns out the best part of the point you're trying to make!
Speak so you'll be heard: 10 Ideas
Unless it's a lecture... and how fun is that?
2. Choose the time you talk. Is he just arriving home or doing something now and would rather not be interrupted? It might be better to wait and approach him later? That's the same respect and common sense that I'd appreciate from someone about to start a conversation with me.
3. Get to the point: They like it when people get to the point of a discussion rather than just having a chat. Men seem to need fewer details. When I'm telling a story, I've learned that my husband rarely cares what anyone was wearing. Now I leave that part out.
4. Don't always mix feelings with it: The amount of affection they have for us cannot necessarily be measured by how well we think he's paying attention to our story about how our friend said you-know-what about you-know-who.
5. Asking or nagging someone to listen probably won't work: Grown people tend to be set in their ways and change when and how they want to change. Pushing for change may get just the opposite reaction that you want. Think about what we can do to change our half of the interaction, too. Think about how the way we're presenting what he has to hear. It isn't just his problem and you can't change anyone. They have to want to change.
6. Try stopping, asking a question and waiting for his response: "Did you have a bad day today?" Maybe, "Would there be a better time for us to talk?" He may well be simply distracted by something and it has nothing at all to do with you. Heck, maybe he'd like to talk about it!
7. Minimize the chatter in his airspace: If you're a bubbly, enthusiastic, friendly sort who enjoys observing the little things in life, maybe that should be toned down around the hubby. Some men may put in a pair of invisible ear plugs. You may find that he's giving up listening all together. This can include trying to distinguish when you're pointing out the funny article in the paper and the fact that Mom is coming over for an extended visit. He won't hear a thing we say. We can always email friends. :-)
8. Ask yourself what you really want and don't think you're getting from him: Do you think he isn't listening to you or do you worry that you're not getting the attention you crave? Are you not being taken seriously overall in the relationship? Take time to evaluate the other people and activities that are in your life besides your man. It's best for us to have multiple interests and multiple places to go, people we know who can give us support and listen.
9. Remember that what you focus on expands: Do you say or think things like, "You never listen to me!" Or, "You're always doing A when I need you to be doing B!" Neither of those statements is probably true and it's probably best to leave words like never and always out of it. You may convince yourself that a situation is worse than it is. As Judge Judy often tells people, "You picked him." Try to remember why you did that.
10. Try taking a deep breath and counting to ten before speaking. This can be a good idea regardless of the circumstances.

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Contents at a Glance
- Ten Signs That Your Husband Isn't Listening To You
- Speak so you'll be heard: 10 Ideas
- 'Inside your man's mind' :: Dr. Oz Show
- How to truly connect with your partner
- Old Time Radio Dramas 1940s-50s dealing with Marriage MP3
- "I'll turn off my phone for you" T-Shirt
- Jennifer Aniston's Room 10 with Kris Kristofferson
- Happy Baby Daddy Daddy :: Baby Mama Mama : Customize Grandparent Shirts
- Nintendo Love Tester: Retro couple passion detector
- Happy Wife, Happy Life
- 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man'
- Special Items that fit into the theme
- They need to sing
- 'A Man Who Actually Listens'
- An Ideal Husband
- Fair & Square : John Prine
- Male / Female Talk on YouTube
- Guestbook
'Inside your man's mind' :: Dr. Oz Show
video and quiz 08/23/2010
The Dr. Oz Show had a feature called Inside your man's mind in late August 2010. This link is to some information and a video from that show.Also on that site is an interactive quiz, How well do you know your man's mind?
[image from Dr. Oz segment]
Hubands need a Man Lair

Every husband needs his Man Lair! by ImagineMDD
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"Listen" by Kelly Halpin by AVALON7
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How to truly connect with your partner
This link will take you to a video segment from the show featuring Nikki Anderson.
"Nikki Anderson is a Senior Partner with Think Feel Know, USA, a global coaching organization. She has been coaching for the past decade with a focus on empowering women through one-on-one coaching, group facilitation and speaking." -- from their web site
Old Time Radio Dramas 1940s-50s dealing with Marriage MP3
The Doctor's Wife In The Doctor's Wife, Doctor Dan Palmer and his supportive wife Julie live and work in a small town full of big personalities in this short lived old time radio soap opera.
The Doctor's Wife stars Patricia Weil and Donald Curtis as Dr. and Mrs. Palmer. Most of the Dan and Julies tribulations surround interpersonal struggles between the couple and their family, friends, and enemies. There are often telephone calls between Julie and her doctor-husband as Dan has to explain that he will be late... again.
The Upper Room: So You Want to Stay Married? The Upper Room reveals the secret trials and tribulations in your average 1940s marriage. The show begins with the question "So, you want to stay married?" The Upper Room covers such serious marital difficulties such as money problems, losing a child, failed businesses, depression, anger, and problems with the in-laws.
It Pays to be Married
It Pays to Be Married "honors the American Home" with true stories of married life from average American couples. Guests tell of their married troubles and seek advice. Hosted by Jay Stewart, who interviews the couples about their married life and then prepares them for the quiz.
Mrs. Frank complains that Mr. Frank won't change out of his pajama between Friday evening and Monday morning, even in front of company! Mrs. Frank adds, "he doesn't like to shave either", much to the hilarity of the audience. The couple has a chance to win hosiery, socks, nylon pajamas (ha,ha), and $250 in cash! One wife participant squeals when she learns that they have a chance to win a coffee percolator. -- text from OTRCat site
"I'll turn off my phone for you" T-Shirt
Sign of a real listener!
Jennifer Aniston's Room 10 with Kris Kristofferson
Adapted from a short story, the film looks at some realities about how marriages stay together as opposed to what we might read in some storybooks.
I haven't been able to find this film anywhere alone or on a compilation DVD.
Happy Baby Daddy Daddy :: Baby Mama Mama : Customize Grandparent Shirts
Front and back, names, photos, long sleeved or short....

Baby Daddy Daddy Pink for Girls: GrandDad Gift by ImagineMDD
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Baby Daddy Daddy Blue for Boy: GrandDad Gift by ImagineMDD
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Baby Mama Mama Boy Blue: Grandma Gift by ImagineMDD
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Baby Mama Mama Girl Pink: Grandma Gift by ImagineMDD
make your own custom t-shirt at zazzle
Communication is key
Maybe one of these books would help your relationship?
There are lots of different ideas out there. Which one will work for you?
Teaching the Male Brain: How Boys Think, Feel, and Learn in School by Abigail Norfleet James
Helps teachers recognize sociological and neurobio more...0 points
What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works by Michael Gurian
Having studied how boys and girls develop differently, more...0 points
GenderSmart: Solving The Communication Puzzle Between Men and Women by Jane Sanders
: Do any of these complaints sound familiar? Men a more...0 points
Know Your Pig - Playful Relationship Advice for Understanding Your Man (Pig) by Michael Coogan, William Burton
An easily-read book which quickly demonstrates in more...0 points
You Don't Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Great Marriage: The Power of the New Breakthrough Marriage Blueprint Method by Max Vogt
Who says women have to be the ones to nurture your more...0 points
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen
Women and men live in different worlds...made of different more...0 points
What Men Say, What Women Hear: Bridging the Communication Gap One Conversation at a Time by Linda Papadopoulos
AN INDISPENSABLE RELATIONSHIP GUIDE FOR EVERY WOMAN more...0 points
The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communications in the Age of Distractions by Rebecca Z. Shafir
This practical guide lays the inner groundwork for more...0 points
The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael P. Nichols PhD
We never outgrow our need to connect with others-- more...0 points
Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns to Listen by Howard Binkow
Imagine how much easier life would be if children more...0 points
You're Smarter Than You Look: Uncomplicating Relationships in Complicated Times by Judy Sheindlin
Bestselling author and star of the #1 syndicated T more...0 points
Nintendo Love Tester: Retro couple passion detector
Nintendo Love Tester: Retro couple passion detectorFrom Japan:
Back by popular demand, the Nintendo Love Tester is a groovy remake of the version that was first released in 1969.
A way for shy couples to test how passionate they feel about each other, both partners just hold hands and each grasp a ball.
The tester then gauges how stimulated they are when they kiss by using the same kind of technology utilized with lie detectors: the higher the passion, the more your hands sweat, the more the dial reacts!
The Nintendo Love Tester features:
* Gadget based on original 1969 Nintendo Love Tester
* Weight: 10g
* Power: AA batteries x1 (not included)
* Accessories: carrying case
* Instructions: Japanese only
Happy Wife, Happy Life
Male Brains Process Women's Voices Differently: The Male Mind
Where's the beef?
- Discovery Health "10 Secrets of the Male Mind"
- Research from the University of Sheffield in England also indicates that men process women's voices differently than they do men's voices, perhaps because the women's voices are more complex and convey more information. ..Do you know the secrets of the male mind? How can he live in such a pigsty? What is it about sports? Explore secrets of the male mind.
- Gender Hearing Differences
- Females tend to hear better than males (have less acute hearing), and this difference only becomes more pronounced throughout life. For example, eleven-year-old girls are distracted by noise levels that are approximately 10 times softer than the levels that boys find distracting. This site is designed to provide current brain-function information; practical application examples; compendium of selected brain facts; brain aerobic exercises to strengthen intelligent/creative memory; Brain Bulletins, Newsletters, and Brain Bits; relevant brain-function articles by Arlene Taylor
'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man'
Hot book for ladies who want to get a 'read' on their men
Consider the five questions Harvey suggests finding out to see if you fit into his future plans (and if you want to):
1. What are your short term goals?
2. What are your long term goals? - should be different from the first
3. What are your views on relationships? - how he views his relationship with his mother or God - Steve shared that if a man is incapable of loving his mother, he will also be incapable of loving you
4. What do you think about me? - men may tell you that you are attractive, intelligent, funny, etc.
5. What do you feel about me? - if a man is serious in the relationship, he will answer with a different response, such as: I feel better about myself when I'm with you, or the big one, I'm in love with you
Special Items that fit into the theme
Handmade & Vintage from Etsy
Images Below
She Just Love Big Words An A4 Art Print by vantiani on Etsy
Dear you, This is part of my other origami balloon more...0 points
First Duty of Love by CraftsbyCummins on Etsy
I made this inspirational picture using dmc floss more...0 points
Follow your path and let people talk Pearl Iolite by ImagineMDD
Follow your path and let people talk - Dante Takin more...0 points
1895 Anatomical Engraving of A Human Ear by bananastrudel on Etsy
A very detailed look at the human ear. This engrav more...0 points
Distractions a Card for your Man by couturedesignsbym on Etsy
Life gets too hectic nowadays, and before you know more...0 points
They need to sing
You may want to listen

Secret Stash Candy Jar by DizzyDebbie
Make customized tshirts at zazzle
Check out these MP3 songs about communication between men and women.
I've handpicked these MP3s from Amazon. Take a listen. If you like, you can click to buy them on Amazon.
~~ They're listed below ~~
'A Man Who Actually Listens'
Baby Boomer Musicals
This show and others are featured on the Baby Boomer Musicals Lens. (Link below)
- Love and Sex at Middle Age (formerly Love in the Middle Ages)
- Love in the Middle Ages: A Baby-Boomer's Guide to Love and Sex Performances OPENING
AUGUST 22, 2008 Song Samples - Baby Boomer and Menopause Musicals
- She asks me why I'm just a hairy guy I'm hairy noon and night. Hair that's a fright. I'm hairy high and low Don't ask me why Don't know It's not for lack of break Like the Grateful Dead. Darling... The hair he has today may look different from how it did back then. But who would've thought for a mom
Sing a song... MP3s from Amazon.com
These MP3s from Amazon. You can listen to them above. If you like them, click to buy them on Amazon.
Could magic help?
The thumbtip is one of the most effective props in magic you can own. Eddy Ray's teaching will take you step by step into the world of thumbtip magic. Add over 30 Tricks & Tips to your arsenal! INCLUDES: Basic Handling Techniques, Basic Scarf Vanish, One Handed Scarf Production, Eddy Ray Scarf Color Change, Scarf Production From Dollar Bill, Signed Bill To Pocket, Torn & Restored Tissue Effect, Salt Vanish, Broken & Restored Toothpick and Four Quarters In A Dollar.
Also Eddy Ray Fortune Telling Message, Purse Frame Production, Floating Cup, Ultimate Bill Switch, Sugar To Sugar Cubes, Balancing A Playing Card, Coin Change, Money From Purseframe, Spongeball Production, American Flag Blendo, Tips For Ditching Thumbtips, and MORE. (Note: DVD comes with two reality thumbtips.) -- Amazon.com
My Fair Lady
"Why can't a woman be more like a man?"
Also My Fair Lady is available as part of a boxed set of DVDs The Best Picture Oscar Selection: Musicals featuring (My Fair Lady Special Edition / An American in Paris / The Broadway Melody of 1929 / Gigi / The Great Ziegfeld)
My Fair Lady
Amazon Price: $10.99 (as of 05/26/2012)![]()
A Hymn to Him
[sample lyrics]
HIGGINS
Yes... Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?
Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up- well, like their father instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease.
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?
PICKERING
Of course not!
An Ideal Husband
Fair & Square : John Prine
John Prine is on tour now with dates listed through October 2010
Fair & Square
Amazon Price: $9.49 (as of 05/26/2012)![]()
Fair & Square includes the song
The Other Side Of Town
by John Prine
Here are some of its lyrics:
"...My body's in this room with you just catching hell
While my soul is drinking beer down the road a spell
You might think I'm listening to your grocery list
But I'm leaning on the jukebox and I'm about half ... way there
A clown puts his makeup on upside down
So he wears a smile even when he wears a frown
You might think I'm here when you put me down
But actually I'm on the other side of town."
Guestbook
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Tipi
Oct 31, 2010 @ 12:38 am | delete
- Cool! I would say that you have hit several nails on the head with this! Well done!
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imaginemdd
Nov 6, 2009 @ 4:52 pm | delete
- Thanks for the comments! :) I really appreciate the kind words and the support. I'm new at it, but it's fun and would like to keep getting better.
Thanks again
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mukunda22
Nov 6, 2009 @ 9:21 am | delete
- I hereby nominate you for giant squid--!! Only 49 or 99 more lenses to go, depending on how you look at it!!!
(Don't throw rotten eggs yet!!) lol!
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mukunda22
Nov 6, 2009 @ 9:19 am | delete
- Welcome to Squidoo!! This is a great first lens! Looking forward to reading and seeing more from you!!
*****5 and faved
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Barbara Misenti
Nov 5, 2009 @ 3:45 pm | delete
- "It's especially difficult when I'm imparting important information. I need to be sure to repeat it several times, like "the shuttle will pick us up at 6:30 am tomorrow". "when?" "tomorrow." etc. If I don't repeat and repeat, he'll say I never told him.
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by imaginemdd
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