10 signs that your husband is NOT listening to you -- and ideas to try

Ranked #685 in Relationships & Family, #92,015 overall

Your husband can hear what you have to say

The situation is universal. Maybe you just caught him at a bad time. Perhaps the two of you want to work together to learn to interact and listen more efficiently. You may want to think about when to suggest that couples retreat to your man, though. There are exceptions to every rule, and what works once may not work the next time.

Whether you've been together for a year or for decades you and your spouse may have trouble communicating. Are you talking to him the way you would want someone to talk to you? Is your man really from a different planet? Is he from Mars or from Ork?

Do you expect him to listen to you the way your sisters and your girlfriends listen? Would his interests be the same? Does he have the same issues, say the same things your women friends say?

I can't remember a single time that my husband asked, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"

There are studies that show differences in the male and female brains. Every person and couple is different. No style of communication is better, and anyone can change his or her way of communicating and listening.

There are classic signs to look for to see if your husband is not listening to you. If you pass these points and continue to talk, well.... What's going to change if we keep doing things the same way over and over?

Ten Signs That Your Husband Isn't Listening To You

1. You cannot see his face because of the newspaper (or book, whatever) he's holding up in front of him.

2. You start to realize he's simply nodding and agreeing with you exactly every 2.4 seconds. Even the old trick of saying something like, "The guy said the damage to the car shouldn't be that expensive to repair," gets nothing but an empty stare and another nod.

3. He casually answers or makes a cell phone call while you're speaking to him

4. His head is cocked to the side and his eyes are glazed over with a far-away look in them. The only feedback you're getting from him is the occasional heavy sigh.

5. He's paying a lot of attention to a piece of lint on his sleeve, continually checking his watch and/or looking out the window. (Do you get a tiny feeling that he'd rather be mowing the lawn right now?)

6. Suddenly he
a) Asks, "You talking to me?"
b) Says, "Blah, blah, blah" or
c) Begins doing that mocking cobra gesture with his hand, fingers talking as if he was wearing an invisible sock puppet

7. You realize that he's had earbuds in his ears. He wasn't nodding at you after all but really keeping time to his favorite music.

8. He turns the channels on the tv. You thought that intense gaze meant he was listening to what you were saying. Really he was paying attention to the quarterback, the weather-girl and the water-skiing squirrel on the screen.

9. He gets up and walks away. Even the dog follows him out of the room.

10. His snoring drowns out the best part of the point you're trying to make!

Speak so you'll be heard: 10 Ideas

Unless it's a lecture... and how fun is that?

1. Solve a problem: My husband likes it when they're given a problem of some kind to solve. I've read that many men feel this way, too. Gives them a chance maybe to figure out a long equation on paper and hold a metaphorical club over their heads.Then they have a craving for a big piece of meat. It's a real guy thing. (You may want to smile at them when the problem is solved.) Wilma Flintstone got a necklace of big rocks using this technique. Pure stereotype, but often true. Primal.

2. Choose the time you talk. Is he just arriving home or doing something now and would rather not be interrupted? It might be better to wait and approach him later? That's the same respect and common sense that I'd appreciate from someone about to start a conversation with me.

3. Get to the point: They like it when people get to the point of a discussion rather than just having a chat. Men seem to need fewer details. When I'm telling a story, I've learned that my husband rarely cares what anyone was wearing. Now I leave that part out.

4. Don't always mix feelings with it: The amount of affection they have for us cannot necessarily be measured by how well we think he's paying attention to our story about how our friend said you-know-what about you-know-who.

5. Asking or nagging someone to listen probably won't work: Grown people tend to be set in their ways and change when and how they want to change. Pushing for change may get just the opposite reaction that you want. Think about what we can do to change our half of the interaction, too. Think about how the way we're presenting what he has to hear. It isn't just his problem and you can't change anyone. They have to want to change.

6. Try stopping, asking a question and waiting for his response: "Did you have a bad day today?" Maybe, "Would there be a better time for us to talk?" He may well be simply distracted by something and it has nothing at all to do with you. Heck, maybe he'd like to talk about it!

7. Minimize the chatter in his airspace: If you're a bubbly, enthusiastic, friendly sort who enjoys observing the little things in life, maybe that should be toned down around the hubby. Some men may put in a pair of invisible ear plugs. You may find that he's giving up listening all together. This can include trying to distinguish when you're pointing out the funny article in the paper and the fact that Mom is coming over for an extended visit. He won't hear a thing we say. We can always email friends. :-)

8. Ask yourself what you really want and don't think you're getting from him: Do you think he isn't listening to you or do you worry that you're not getting the attention you crave? Are you not being taken seriously overall in the relationship? Take time to evaluate the other people and activities that are in your life besides your man. It's best for us to have multiple interests and multiple places to go, people we know who can give us support and listen.

9. Remember that what you focus on expands: Do you say or think things like, "You never listen to me!" Or, "You're always doing A when I need you to be doing B!" Neither of those statements is probably true and it's probably best to leave words like never and always out of it. You may convince yourself that a situation is worse than it is. As Judge Judy often tells people, "You picked him." Try to remember why you did that.

10. Try taking a deep breath and counting to ten before speaking. This can be a good idea regardless of the circumstances.

I'll turn my phone off for you: I'll listen speckcase
I'll turn my phone off for you: I'll listen by ImagineMDD
Browse iPod touch covers

'Inside your man's mind' :: Dr. Oz Show

video and quiz 08/23/2010

The Dr. Oz Show had a feature called Inside your man's mind in late August 2010. This link is to some information and a video from that show.

Also on that site is an interactive quiz, How well do you know your man's mind?

[image from Dr. Oz segment]

How to truly connect with your partner

The television show, View from the Bay had a segment called How to truly connect with your partner.

This link will take you to a video segment from the show featuring Nikki Anderson.

"Nikki Anderson is a Senior Partner with Think Feel Know, USA, a global coaching organization. She has been coaching for the past decade with a focus on empowering women through one-on-one coaching, group facilitation and speaking." -- from their web site

Old Time Radio Dramas 1940s-50s dealing with Marriage MP3

The Marriage Liz was a buyer for a prominent and popular New York City department store before she met Ben, an up-and-coming hotshot lawyer from New York, and now she has to adjust to being just a house wife. The show was always narrated by different characters, usually giving the show a fresh look on the lives of the Marriots.

The Doctor's Wife In The Doctor's Wife, Doctor Dan Palmer and his supportive wife Julie live and work in a small town full of big personalities in this short lived old time radio soap opera.

The Doctor's Wife stars Patricia Weil and Donald Curtis as Dr. and Mrs. Palmer. Most of the Dan and Julies tribulations surround interpersonal struggles between the couple and their family, friends, and enemies. There are often telephone calls between Julie and her doctor-husband as Dan has to explain that he will be late... again.

The Upper Room: So You Want to Stay Married? The Upper Room reveals the secret trials and tribulations in your average 1940s marriage. The show begins with the question "So, you want to stay married?" The Upper Room covers such serious marital difficulties such as money problems, losing a child, failed businesses, depression, anger, and problems with the in-laws.

It Pays to be Married
It Pays to Be Married "honors the American Home" with true stories of married life from average American couples. Guests tell of their married troubles and seek advice. Hosted by Jay Stewart, who interviews the couples about their married life and then prepares them for the quiz.

Mrs. Frank complains that Mr. Frank won't change out of his pajama between Friday evening and Monday morning, even in front of company! Mrs. Frank adds, "he doesn't like to shave either", much to the hilarity of the audience. The couple has a chance to win hosiery, socks, nylon pajamas (ha,ha), and $250 in cash! One wife participant squeals when she learns that they have a chance to win a coffee percolator. -- text from OTRCat site

"I'll turn off my phone for you" T-Shirt

Sign of a real listener!

Jennifer Aniston's Room 10 with Kris Kristofferson

The Public Broadcasting series ImageMakers is including the short film Room 10 directed by Jennifer Aniston in its episode titled Stand by Me. It features Kris Kristofferson and Robin Wright Penn.

Adapted from a short story, the film looks at some realities about how marriages stay together as opposed to what we might read in some storybooks.

I haven't been able to find this film anywhere alone or on a compilation DVD.

Happy Baby Daddy Daddy :: Baby Mama Mama : Customize Grandparent Shirts

Front and back, names, photos, long sleeved or short....

Communication is key

Maybe one of these books would help your relationship?

There are lots of different ideas out there. Which one will work for you?

Teaching the Male Brain: How Boys Think, Feel, and Learn in School by Abigail Norfleet James

Teaching the Male Brain: How Boys Think, Feel, and Learn in School by Abigail Norfleet James

Helps teachers recognize sociological and neurobio more...0 points

What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works by Michael Gurian

What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works by Michael Gurian

Having studied how boys and girls develop differently, more...0 points

GenderSmart: Solving The Communication Puzzle Between Men and Women by Jane Sanders

GenderSmart: Solving The Communication Puzzle Between Men and Women by Jane Sanders

: Do any of these complaints sound familiar? Men a more...0 points

Know Your Pig - Playful Relationship Advice for Understanding Your Man (Pig) by Michael Coogan, William Burton

Know Your Pig - Playful Relationship Advice for Understanding Your Man (Pig) by Michael Coogan, William Burton

An easily-read book which quickly demonstrates in more...0 points

You Don't Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Great Marriage: The Power of the New Breakthrough Marriage Blueprint Method by Max Vogt

You Don't Have to Change Who You Are to Have a Great Marriage: The Power of the New Breakthrough Marriage Blueprint Method by Max Vogt

Who says women have to be the ones to nurture your more...0 points

You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

Women and men live in different worlds...made of different more...0 points

What Men Say, What Women Hear: Bridging the Communication Gap One Conversation at a Time by Linda Papadopoulos

What Men Say, What Women Hear: Bridging the Communication Gap One Conversation at a Time by Linda Papadopoulos

AN INDISPENSABLE RELATIONSHIP GUIDE FOR EVERY WOMAN more...0 points

The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communications in the Age of Distractions by Rebecca Z. Shafir

The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communications in the Age of Distractions by Rebecca Z. Shafir

This practical guide lays the inner groundwork for more...0 points

The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael P. Nichols PhD

The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael P. Nichols PhD

We never outgrow our need to connect with others-- more...0 points

Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns to Listen by Howard Binkow

Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns to Listen by Howard Binkow

Imagine how much easier life would be if children more...0 points

You're Smarter Than You Look: Uncomplicating Relationships in Complicated Times by Judy Sheindlin

You're Smarter Than You Look: Uncomplicating Relationships in Complicated Times by Judy Sheindlin

Bestselling author and star of the #1 syndicated T more...0 points

Nintendo Love Tester: Retro couple passion detector

Nintendo Love Tester: Retro couple passion detector


From Japan:
Back by popular demand, the Nintendo Love Tester is a groovy remake of the version that was first released in 1969.

A way for shy couples to test how passionate they feel about each other, both partners just hold hands and each grasp a ball.

The tester then gauges how stimulated they are when they kiss by using the same kind of technology utilized with lie detectors: the higher the passion, the more your hands sweat, the more the dial reacts!

The Nintendo Love Tester features:

* Gadget based on original 1969 Nintendo Love Tester
* Weight: 10g
* Power: AA batteries x1 (not included)
* Accessories: carrying case
* Instructions: Japanese only

Happy Wife, Happy Life

Male Brains Process Women's Voices Differently: The Male Mind

Where's the beef?

It's valid to mention that this study is not without its detractors. Also the fact that we don't see similar studies referenced (none were found on the search for this page), is something we should take into consideration.
Discovery Health "10 Secrets of the Male Mind"
Research from the University of Sheffield in England also indicates that men process women's voices differently than they do men's voices, perhaps because the women's voices are more complex and convey more information. ..Do you know the secrets of the male mind? How can he live in such a pigsty? What is it about sports? Explore secrets of the male mind.
Gender Hearing Differences
Females tend to hear better than males (have less acute hearing), and this difference only becomes more pronounced throughout life. For example, eleven-year-old girls are distracted by noise levels that are approximately 10 times softer than the levels that boys find distracting. This site is designed to provide current brain-function information; practical application examples; compendium of selected brain facts; brain aerobic exercises to strengthen intelligent/creative memory; Brain Bulletins, Newsletters, and Brain Bits; relevant brain-function articles by Arlene Taylor

'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man'

Hot book for ladies who want to get a 'read' on their men

Steve Harvey has been interviewed many times to publicize this new book. He appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show. There is a sample chapter from the book on her web site.

Consider the five questions Harvey suggests finding out to see if you fit into his future plans (and if you want to):
1. What are your short term goals?

2. What are your long term goals? - should be different from the first

3. What are your views on relationships? - how he views his relationship with his mother or God - Steve shared that if a man is incapable of loving his mother, he will also be incapable of loving you

4. What do you think about me? - men may tell you that you are attractive, intelligent, funny, etc.

5. What do you feel about me? - if a man is serious in the relationship, he will answer with a different response, such as: I feel better about myself when I'm with you, or the big one, I'm in love with you

Images Handmade & Vintage Items on Etsy

(see above)

They need to sing

You may want to listen

Secret Stash Candy Jar candyjar
Secret Stash Candy Jar by DizzyDebbie
Make customized tshirts at zazzle

Check out these MP3 songs about communication between men and women.

I've handpicked these MP3s from Amazon. Take a listen. If you like, you can click to buy them on Amazon.

~~ They're listed below ~~

'A Man Who Actually Listens'

Baby Boomer Musicals

The Love and Sex at Middle Age (formerly Love in the Middle Ages) web site has a clip from a song in their show. It's called, A Man Who Actually Listens.

This show and others are featured on the Baby Boomer Musicals Lens. (Link below)
Love and Sex at Middle Age (formerly Love in the Middle Ages)
Love in the Middle Ages: A Baby-Boomer's Guide to Love and Sex Performances OPENING
AUGUST 22, 2008 Song Samples
Baby Boomer and Menopause Musicals
She asks me why I'm just a hairy guy I'm hairy noon and night. Hair that's a fright. I'm hairy high and low Don't ask me why Don't know It's not for lack of break Like the Grateful Dead. Darling... The hair he has today may look different from how it did back then. But who would've thought for a mom

Sing a song... MP3s from Amazon.com

MP3 songs about communication between men and women.



These MP3s from Amazon. You can listen to them above. If you like them, click to buy them on Amazon.
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Could magic help?

A little something different? 30 Tricks and Tips with a Thumb Tip - Instructional Magic DVD

The thumbtip is one of the most effective props in magic you can own. Eddy Ray's teaching will take you step by step into the world of thumbtip magic. Add over 30 Tricks & Tips to your arsenal! INCLUDES: Basic Handling Techniques, Basic Scarf Vanish, One Handed Scarf Production, Eddy Ray Scarf Color Change, Scarf Production From Dollar Bill, Signed Bill To Pocket, Torn & Restored Tissue Effect, Salt Vanish, Broken & Restored Toothpick and Four Quarters In A Dollar.

Also Eddy Ray Fortune Telling Message, Purse Frame Production, Floating Cup, Ultimate Bill Switch, Sugar To Sugar Cubes, Balancing A Playing Card, Coin Change, Money From Purseframe, Spongeball Production, American Flag Blendo, Tips For Ditching Thumbtips, and MORE. (Note: DVD comes with two reality thumbtips.) -- Amazon.com

My Fair Lady

"Why can't a woman be more like a man?"

A classic film musical, at one time the longest-running Broadway musical, My Fair Lady was adapted by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe from the George Bernard Shaw comedy Pygmalion. Outside Covent Garden on a rainy evening in 1912, disheveled cockney flower girl Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn) meets linguistic expert Henry Higgins (Rex Harrison). After delivering a musical tirade against "verbal class distinction," Higgins tells his companion Colonel Pickering (Wilfred Hyde-White) that, within six months, he could transform Eliza into a proper lady, simply by teaching her proper English.

Also My Fair Lady is available as part of a boxed set of DVDs The Best Picture Oscar Selection: Musicals featuring (My Fair Lady Special Edition / An American in Paris / The Broadway Melody of 1929 / Gigi / The Great Ziegfeld)

My Fair Lady

Amazon Price: $10.99 (as of 05/26/2012)Buy Now

A Hymn to Him
[sample lyrics]

HIGGINS
Yes... Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?
Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up- well, like their father instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease.
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?

PICKERING
Of course not!

An Ideal Husband

Fair & Square : John Prine

The first recording of new songs from the veteran singer/songwriter in 10 years

John Prine is on tour now with dates listed through October 2010

Fair & Square

Amazon Price: $9.49 (as of 05/26/2012)Buy Now

Fair & Square includes the song
The Other Side Of Town
by John Prine
Here are some of its lyrics:

"...My body's in this room with you just catching hell
While my soul is drinking beer down the road a spell
You might think I'm listening to your grocery list
But I'm leaning on the jukebox and I'm about half ... way there

A clown puts his makeup on upside down
So he wears a smile even when he wears a frown
You might think I'm here when you put me down
But actually I'm on the other side of town."

Male / Female Talk on YouTube

You talkin' to me?

Steve Harvey - Tyra (Part 1) 0 points

She Said, She Said (You're Wearing That?) 0 points

Difference Between the Male and Female Brain 0 points

BBC Secret of the Sexes 0 points

Communication - what is my spouse really asking for? 0 points

Guestbook

  • Tipi Oct 31, 2010 @ 12:38 am | delete
    Cool! I would say that you have hit several nails on the head with this! Well done!
  • imaginemdd Nov 6, 2009 @ 4:52 pm | delete
    Thanks for the comments! :) I really appreciate the kind words and the support. I'm new at it, but it's fun and would like to keep getting better.

    Thanks again
  • mukunda22 Nov 6, 2009 @ 9:21 am | delete
    I hereby nominate you for giant squid--!! Only 49 or 99 more lenses to go, depending on how you look at it!!!

    (Don't throw rotten eggs yet!!) lol!
  • mukunda22 Nov 6, 2009 @ 9:19 am | delete
    Welcome to Squidoo!! This is a great first lens! Looking forward to reading and seeing more from you!!

    *****5 and faved
  • Barbara Misenti Nov 5, 2009 @ 3:45 pm | delete
    "It's especially difficult when I'm imparting important information. I need to be sure to repeat it several times, like "the shuttle will pick us up at 6:30 am tomorrow". "when?" "tomorrow." etc. If I don't repeat and repeat, he'll say I never told him.

by

imaginemdd

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