You Can Improve Your Child's Attitude And Behavior

Child and teenager defiance and misbehaving can embarrass you, destroy your home, make you feel like a failure as a parent and just plain drive you nuts! But it doesn't have to be that way. There are no quick fixes to a child or teen with behavior problems, but the only, and I mean ONLY, way to improve your child's behavior is YOU!! Not the school, not the counselors, church or any other outside influence. It is your attention, your reactions that your child or teen is seeking. And, unfortunately, sometimes craves attention so much that the child perceives negative attention from you as beneficial as positive attention. Afterall, it's better than no attention! Your child is not going to grow out of it. If your child's behavior is bothering you now, what do you think it will be like living with a defiant teenager?

Years ago I was a high school art teacher in a very small, isolated town. The administration believed in the policy of "busy hands are happy hands" and, therefore, placed most of the hard to manage students in my classroom. Only I had no idea this was being done. I started the school year with the philosophy that every student that walked through my classroom door had value and treated them positively. Several months later, I was in the teacher's lounge when one of the long time teachers said, "That Tom Smith is nothing but trouble! I told him the first day he walked into my class that I knew about him and was going to be watching him." I couldn't believe it! I had Tom in my class and he never had created one second of disruption. I even described Tom to this teacher to make sure it was the same one. Yep, same one, different behavior by how the adult approached him; positive or negatively. That was enough to sell me on the powers of positive reinforcement.

You've most probably been focusing on your child's inappropriate or "bad" behavior. It's easy to do when it seems it's never ending. Part of your child's motivation is to get a reaction from you! It is crucial, tough not by any means easy, to stay calm and patient as your child misbehaves. If your child is not getting a reaction from you, your child isn't getting the attention he or she craves. This is a very difficult step in changing your child's behavior to the positive. It will take time and practice from you to be successful, but it will be worth the effort.

Along with ignoring the undesirable behavior it is essential for you to focus on acceptable behavior. Even small events need to be praised and recognized as soon as they occur. Keep an eye out for any and all appropriate behavior your child exhibits and acknowledge it with praise. Using positive reinforcement to strengthen a desired behavior is easy. Just watch and wait for the behavior to occur then reinforce it with praise, a pat on the back or a special privilege. Sometimes, but not every time, reward your child for acceptable behavior. It doesn't have to be much, a juice box, extra game time on the computer, a trip to the store with you. Just saying, "great job", "wow!" or "thank you", has a positive effect on your child. For that matter, acknowledge your spouse's accomplishments and actions positively while your at it, and you'll reap the benefits!

Your child does want to please you. Sometimes they just don't understand how. You must teach them by positive reinforcement. Your child only knows he or she is getting the attention he or she craves--it's a basic human instinct. As your child discovers how much better he or she feels after receiving positive reinforcement from you, your child will begin to seek it out. It won't happen overnight, it is an ongoing process and you must be consistent. Your child, and your spouse, mirror your attitude, rather negative, indifferent or positive. Don't ever forget that. Write a note or two to yourself to remind you to stay calm and look for the positive. Tape the notes where you'll see them, the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, by the phone. After all the time your child has been trained to expect a reaction from his or her unacceptable behavior, it will take time, patience and repetition of positive reinforcement to break the cycle and develop new habits. I know you can do it! It will make your life and your child's life so much easier and better, once the pattern of positive reinforcement becomes automatic in your life.

Keep a watchful eye for your kids being good. It could have a profound affect on the atmosphere in your home. What ever it takes I assure you it will be worth it.

This is just the first step in improving your relationship with your child or children. How to Improve Your Child's Behavior is the next step in guiding you to success!