Who is Jacqueline Stone?

Awakening Consciousness on the Journey to Happiness

Personal development, spirituality, and awakening consciousness are the focus of my life and my work.

Why did I create this lens? When I pick up a book, the first thing I read is the author's bio. I want to know something about the person who is sharing their thoughts. This lens will expose a little bit of the person behind the words on my lenses and other sites. My life is pretty much an open book because it's my experience I use to help and guide others.

My name is Jacqueline and I'm a mother, Squidoo lensmaster, Groupmaster, author, business owner, Reiki Master, and twitterer. I believe in the inherent goodness in people and the future of humanity. I love this world, but don't live as "green" as I could.

I am SO not a tech wiz, but I'm learning as I go.

A former confirmed isolationist, I now live my life with a great deal of transparency, spending most of my time in communication and service.

I am evolving gradually into the person I choose to be, learning to live my truth and follow my bliss. Life has never been so rich, or so challenging!

Experiencing a Stroke

On Wednesday, July 1, I put off lunch to get some more work done. That work stopped at 12:10 when I began feeling the effects of a right ventricle branch bundle block. Essentially, this is a communication error. The brain sends a signal to the heart but the signal gets blocked. It happens all the time and feels like your heart skipped a beat. It did. Normally, it's only one signal that doesn't make it through. When the signal is repeatedly blocked, the heart goes into distress. I've had this experience a few times and always recovered after anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes. A cardiologist's tests showed that my heart is strong and healthy, so I don't worry about it.

Yesterday the event lasted longer and grew increasingly intense. After 30 minutes, I called 911. The paramedics measured my heart rate at 156/97. In the ambulance, the left hemisphere of my brain began the process of a stroke. As a regular meditator, I'm very aware of sensations in my brain. I also had the gift of having watched Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's story on a YouTube video about a month ago. With some knowledge of the brain and it's functions, I was able to observe what was happening to me, while trying not to panic.

This is when I got a powerful demonstration of the truth that resistance increases our struggles and resulting pain. When I thought about my children, who were both very frightened, and realized what was happening, I got scared, upset, and tried to fight against the process. The pain in my chest and head intensified immediately. I began having panic attack symptoms, which only made everything else worse. My left brain grew darker right away. The right side of my body had intense tingling and began to go numb. I could feel it progress down my leg to my foot, and up the side of my face.

I was communicating everything to the paramedics through my oxygen mask as it was happening. I knew that the smallest details could tell them something. With my hands more than words, I was able to tell them when I felt something moving in my right brain. I felt something adjust and like a fluid flow down the back of my head from that point. Checking my eyes with a flashlight, they knew I was in stroke because my right eye was unresponsive. At that point the decision was made to air-lift me to a stroke hospital.

There was a tree outside the ambulance. I never noticed that tree before, although it's in my neighbor's front yard. Suddenly, it was vitally important for me to look at that tree. I focused my eyes on it and opened my heart to feel it. Throughout the entire experience, I called to Spirit for help. I consciously chose again and again to open, to allow what was going on, seeking to understand. Why did this happen? What is the blessing in this? What gift is this giving me? My right hemisphere was so active that it was filled with heat, tingling, and movement.

Panic struck again when one of the paramedics was asking me a question. In my mind I thought, "I know I know what he's saying, but I can't tell what it is." I pictured light going into my left brain while studying the movement of his lips and was able to figure it out. My thoughts turned back to my kids and how afraid they were, especially my five year old son. I was crying and finding it hard to breathe. At that moment, the most important thing became breathing in as much oxygen as I could. Asking again for Spirit's help, my heart calmed, my breathing evened out, and my body relaxed.

There was a moment when I made a choice. This could have ended very differently. Having been on the other side of life when I was a teenager, I knew full well the beauty and peace I could return to. I spoke out loud, "I love my children and I want to finish my work." My eyes were wide open, taking in all the landscape below the helicopter, the mountains, and the clouds. I was holding onto this life with all my might. There was a decisiveness about it. Within minutes, the stroke event ended and my heart relaxed. The pain in my chest ceased. The feeling began to come back into my right side, along with a powerful warmth. My brain started clearing. Mental clarity was returning.

The first time I tried to sign my name on some hospital paperwork, it was a bit difficult. My right hand felt thick and clumsy. With a little practice, and time, it got better. All the tests returned positive results. The doctor couldn't tell me why the stroke happened, but he saw no evidence that another was imminent. My heart also appeared healthy. While alone in my cubby of the ER, I meditated, being fully present with my body. I knew there was a reason for all this happening, but had no clue what that might be. So, I sat there filling my heart with love and radiating that love. Even with all the distracting noise and bustle, I was actually quite peaceful.

It was against doctor's orders that I insisted on going home. They wanted to keep me there for several days to run more tests and be examined by a neurologist. I knew that going home, where I could deeply meditate, would serve me better. I haven't taken prescription drugs for a year and had no desire to start up again. Nature has worked much better for me. The ER became busy with the very old on death's doorstep and the very young with unrestrained cries. Despair was coming at me from all sides. I needed to get out of that environment and into one that is far more supportive of healing.

So what are the gifts in this? I haven't found all of them yet. One is the clear demonstration of the effects of resistance and allowing. Allowing and acceptance really do relieve pain and stress. They really do bring greater clarity and the ability to deal with what's going on. I also know for sure that we are helped, guided, and supported by beings of Light that our eyes cannot perceive. I felt their presence. I knew they were there and felt comforted by them. I also experienced the moment of choice and knew without doubt that we are all here by choice. While letting go and allowing are indeed powerful, there is also a time for holding on with all our might. It's not things, objects, that are worth holding onto, or that we even CAN hold onto. It's life itself. It's the passion and purpose for why we're here. I had many moments when I held tightly to Love, to faith, and to my choice to live from something higher than fear.

Today, much is the same, yet something has changed. I am more sensitive to beauty, both sight and sound. I'm more acutely aware of my body and the activity in my brain. Words, my medium and my passion, are somewhat strange. Even gratitude has a different feel to it. As you can imagine, I am grateful beyond words that this event was not as severe as it could have been. Holding my children last night was utter joy. Being able to share all this with you is a privilege that I treasure. I hope I will be able to continue to share my journey for a long time to come.

Favorite Things

I love sunny days with a light breeze and birds chirping.
My favorite color is blue. Not just any blue, but aqua, royal and turquoise blue.
My favorite places are Moorea and Sedona.
I enjoy travel and learning about different cultures.

Nothing feels better than spontaneous play with my kids.
Plants and animals around me makes me happy.
I find deep philosphical discussions stimulating.
My passion is spiritual growth and personal development not just for myself, but also sharing it with others.
My favorite authors are Wayne Dyer, Neale Donald Walsch, and Deepak Chopra.
I am fascinated by the study of world religions.
Mint Choclolate Chip is my favorite ice cream. Cold Stone Creamery makes it with brownies mixed in. Yum!
I am NOT a morning person and I need my day to begin peacefully.
I love red rock mountains, babbling brooks, waterfalls, and starry skies.
Silly things make me laugh, like bad jokes, slapstick, and puns.
I like a clean house, but not spotless.
I don't camp out, go fishing, or hunt.
I enjoy rock climbing, hiking, and photography.
I hate to cook. I do it. But I hate it.
I'd rather read a book than watch a movie.
I enjoy doing Tai Chi and Yoga.
I love Papasan chairs, candles, meditative music, and incense.
I don't like Peanut M&M's.
I love singing, but not in front of anyone.
I love to dance, but don't do it often enough.

My most favorite thing is friends who listen, understand, and really care. Friends who let me know when I'm off track and always support my spirit with their love.

I Love Sedona!

Mountain Lover/Desert Rat

I grew up in the mid-western United States, where the land is basically flat. The first time I saw mountains, I was in awe of them. I moved to the desert southwest in my late twenties and never went back.

Anything!

Winners Lose, too

It's All in How You Handle it

I have some great success stories on this page, and in my life, but it isn't all about winning or succeeding. If you're struggling right now, I can relate to what you're going through. The process of spiritual awakening brings with it new awareness of issues that need to be healed and released, with experiences to show us what's not working.

There have been days when my heart was so full of love and joy that it felt like my whole being would explode. Then there are days when I just don't know what to do, I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and nothing is working out right. Those are the days when I grow the most.

I have made a conscious choice to change my life and the way I experience everything. With that choice comes the challenge of discovering all the limiting or self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors that have made my life up to now unsatisfactory. With each issue accepted, healed, and released, more come to the surface. So it is with any true healing. Any lasting "cure" treats the root cause, not the symptoms. Doctors will tell you that a real healing causes the disease to retreat along the same lines that it progressed. It's like getting out of a deep hole. You have to climb back up the way you went down.

So, how do I handle the tough days? When I say, "tough", I'm talking about my house going into foreclosure, the cartilage and tendons in my knees tearing again, with no money for doctors, and getting shut-off notices for my utilities. Days when someone who bought something from me, providing the money I desperately need, doesn't pay for it. Or finding out that I can't finish college because the foreclosure on my house prevents me from getting student aid. Granted, there are still worse things that could, (and have), happen, but these are the challenges I can speak on right now.

How do I handle it when so many things look so hopeless? In some moments, not very well, but more and more I handle it by turning to the source of my life, trusting that all is not as it seems. I make a conscious and very determined choice that I will continue to live by the highest and best in me. I seek guidance, listen for it, and follow it, even when I don't understand.

Sometimes I just need to do the footwork. Once I've done all that is in my power to do, its time to express gratitude for all that I DO have; all that IS working out. Above all, I have to get back to Love. Love is the highest frequency of vibration of all energy. It's not always easy to find it in my heart, especially when fear and frustration have a stronghold, but it is possible.

Deep breathing helps me calm and center myself, and music brings some relaxation. Getting away from the stack of bills, the collectors' calls, and my lists of what needs to be done is very important. I can't find solutions when my mind is wallowing in the problems. Inspiration comes when I let go and focus on love. I've often been pleasantly surprised at the simple steps I am inspired to take after I've turned away from the problems.

I'm not talking about avoidance, but a healthy mental, emotional, and spiritual break. I don't always like the inspiration that comes, but more and more, I find that if I follow it, I get good results.

I guess the key to handling tough times is deciding that I just won't be beaten by them. I won't give up. I have a passion inside me for the work that I do and I am committed to continuing it. I am also absolutely committed to living from the highest wisdom in me that I can access. I don't want to be ruled by fear and pain any more. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt!

My Favorite Gilbert Williams Painting

Victim to Victorious

It's All a State of Mind

Much of my life was governed unconsciously by believing that I was a victim of others. At 13, my boyfriend set me up to be held down and molested by him and 6 of his friends. I had been a completely trusting person until that moment. The experience came as a complete shock to me. Once released, I walked accross a freeway thinking that maybe a truck would hit me and it would all be over.
My mother was furious with me for getting grass stains on my clothes. I told her what happened and she said it was my fault. She said I was a slut. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. I had never had sex and had no desire to. I was extremely shy and couldn't flirt if my life depended on it.
After a shower I went down to our basement and laid on the floor, listening to Tchaikovsky. Unrelenting tears streamed down my cheeks to the cold cement. Inside, my soul was screaming, but I lay still, my body numb. I imagined my mother coming down the stairs just enough to see that I was hurting and then comforting me. I just wanted her to acknowledge that I'd been hurt and show me that she cared. She never left my father's side in front of the television upstairs.
The message was loud and clear. I was a bad person and deserved to be treated badly. I had obviously done something wrong that gave those boys a reason to do what they did. It was my fault.
I don't know if I ever fully trusted anyone after that, but I did believe that no one was going to help me, defend me, or comfort me. I stopped expecting love and started trying to be what others wanted me to be so they wouldn't be mean to me.
Love was an unrealistic expectation and good treatment and acceptance had to be earned. I would settle for acceptance because I didn't think I could be loved. I understand now that people want to love, but many don't know how. So many of us go through life with walls around our hearts to protect us from being hurt. Those walls prevent us from loving fully or receiving the love of others.
My work on the Recovering from Abuse blog centers around healing the heart of the victim, but abusers need to heal, too. It is pain in the heart that makes people become abusive and pain in the heart that makes others think they deserve it. The cycle of abuse is passed on through generations but it can be stopped.
I didn't realize the damaging conditioning created by that experience until after I left my second abusive relationship many years later. After my husband nearly killed me, I thought I would never allow it to happen again. It did happen again because I had not found and healed the unconscious beliefs in my own mind that allowed abusive treatment. I now know that to change my life I have to change me.

Visitor, while my kids & I were rock-hunting.

The Power in Your Heart can Bless Others

I Bless You!

We have the ability to bless any thing and any one. When we do, blessings come to us in unanticipated ways. It is the love that lives in our own hearts that has the power to transform anything.

The Gentle and Forgotten Art of Blessings

To bless, says Pierre, means to wish, unconditionally and from the deepest chamber of your heart, unrestricted good for others and events. To bless is to acknowledge the omnipresent, universal beauty hidden from material eyes;

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Highschool Drop-out to Academic Team

You Never Know What You Can Do Until You Try

When I was a kid, my parents thought I was lazy and didn't want to do my homework. They didn't think I was smart enough to go to college. A few years after I dropped out of highschool, I found out that I am dyslexic. I just couldn't read! Once I learned what was happening between my eyes and my brain, I began reading voraciously.
I never needed a diploma to get a job. No body asked for proof back then, they just wanted to know if you could do the job. It didn't become a problem until I had to go to work for the state as a corrections officer. I had to get my GED. I figured I could pass, but didn't expect high scores. I scored well enough that the college offered me a scholarship.
My college career began at 45 at a community college. My second semester, I was able to join Phi Theta Kappa, the honor society of the 2-year college, and began taking honors courses. A year later, I was selected to represent my school in the All-State Academic Team. I didn't even know there was such a thing! My essay and 3.94 GPA earned me a spot on the second team, a scholarship to ASU, and a nice check. All my life, I wondered if I could have made it in college or if I just wasn't smart enough. Now I know that I can do anything that I'm willing to work at.

I have a great appreciation for this because I never thought I could do it.
Going to school has opened up a whole new world of opportunities for me. It made me feel alive and purposeful when I thought I was doomed to a meaningless existence. Everything in my life has changed, in the best way possible.

God is with Me.

Gifts from Eternity

Walking with Spirit

I am thrilled to share that my new ebook, "Gifts from Eternity" is finished and available! This was such a joy to write, reminding all through it how I've been supported, loved, and comforted throughout my life by the presence of Light.

This new ebook takes the reader through 30 years of deeply personal spiritual experiences, beginning with death and a walk in the Garden of Light. The last profound moment actually happened while writing the book. Within it are the most important pieces to the puzzle of the formula for personal creation.

Reading through my experiences, you may remember some of your own that have been gathering dust on the back shelf of your mind. Take them out and look at them. They may hold gifts you didn't see before.

You may purchase "Gifts from Eternity" in my web site store at Conscious Change Store. You can also make a quick, easy purchase directly through PayPal on my blog, On the Journey.

It is also available on Amazon Kindle for immediate download.

The beautiful cover art was created by fellow lensmaster, GypsyOwl. She has a lens dedicated to her ebook cover art and will be available for new projects.

I love to learn!

Favorite Subjects:

Philosophy
Spirituality
World Religion
Geology
Communications
Natural Health

Living Healthier

Making Better Choices

In the past, I've used herbs occasionally, but never consistently. It's one of those things that I know are good for me, but I just never put the time or effort into. That, by the way, is a self love issue!

My life is different today. I do things now that are nurturing and supportive of my body, mind, and spirit. It started with little things like using my foot bath and taking vitamins, stopping work to play with my kids, and getting out of my chair to do Tai Chi and Yoga.

With a little encouragement from some loving friends, I am now also incorporating organic herbs and essential oils into my daily life. I love the herbs that a friend sent me to make a soothing tea. This past June, I started growing some of our own food. That has it's own rewards beyond having natural, healthy veggies to eat.

Taking it a step further, I just began using Holy Tea and essential oils. Holy Tea cleanses the entire digestive tract, bringing health and natural functioning to the liver, kidneys, pancreas, and lungs, as well as the intestines. The cleansing can be a bit, shall we say "messy and uncomfortable" in the beginning if you've had a high-fat, high-starch, high-fast food diet. It's not that way for me because I've already taken steps toward a natural whole-foods diet.

One of the side effects is losing weight. It's been hard for me to lose weight because of all the knee surgeries so I'm looking forward to getting some extra help with that. Removing toxins from the body should also relieve most, if not all of my arthritis symptoms as well.

The Holy Tea Club and Young Living Essential Oils also offer a great way to earn a little extra money. You don't have to keep stock on hand or do those dreaded house parties because people can just order the products online and have them shipped directly.

Learn More About Holy Tea

Learn More About Young Living Essential Oils

Soul Soothing Beauty

Worst Subjects:

Math
Biology
Economics
Marketing
Accounting

A Survivor's Story

Why I Do what I Do

After I was molested by 7 boys at the age of 13, I swore that I would never let a man hurt me that way. I couldn't understand why women stay with men who beat them. I certainly would never tolerate it. Or so I thought.

There was a wonderful man who thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He sent me cards or flowers or little gifts for no reason. He called me everyday and told me how wonderful I was. He had me high on a pedestal. The day we got married, all that changed.

I came crashing off my pedestal to become a piece of property.The abuse began slowly. My husband started eroding my self-esteem with degrading comments. He wouldn't let me wear anything attractive. He isolated me from my family and friends. He took all my paychecks. He was insanely jealous of the men at work. And he drank. When he got drunk, it didn't matter what I said or did, I got beat. He threw things and shoved me around, only a little at first. After the first incident, it was several months before the next. Then it became increasingly frequent.

When my husband lost his job, he began drinking very heavily and gambling daily. We lived in Las Vegas. We had saved $20,000 to buy a house, but he gambled that away, and more. The verbal abuse was daily and the physical abuse was 2 or 3 times a week. We had no children, thank God. I went to work with bruises and cuts that make-up just couldn't conceal. My eyes were always red and swollen from crying. Everyone knew what was going on, but no one said a word.Twice, my husband pointed a loaded gun at my face and many more times threatened to kill me. Everything was in his name only, so I had no property, no car, and no money. I was never allowed to have friends, so I didn't know who to turn to. He never let me go anywhere without him. If he wanted to have sex when he came home from the casino, he raped me. If I dared to say no, he beat me first and then raped me. I felt completely helpless, trapped, and alone.

I was very naive when I met my husband, and he made sure I stayed that way. He controlled every aspect of my life. I could not believe that I was in the same position that I had criticized other women for just a few years earlier.A co-worker gave me two books on prayer that I brought home to read, just hoping they would give me the strength to deal with my husband. I thought that maybe if I prayed right and loved him enough, he would change. He snatched the books out of my hands and threw them to the floor. He forbid me to ever read anything about God or prayer.At that moment, something deep within me screamed, "NO!!! Not my soul!" I felt a rush of power, strength, and resolve that was completely foreign to me. All love or concern for my husband died and I became numb to his insults. I couldn't even feel it when he beat me that night.

The next day, I told my husband that I had to go to the gynecologist. That's the only place I knew he would not go with me. I drove downtown and found an attorney's office. The senior partner was just finishing his lunch and agreed to see me. After I told him my story, he wrote up the divorce papers immediately, called a judge, and got me a court date. Back at our aparment complex, I went to the manager and told her what was going on. I asked her to have security keep an eye on our apartment. I knew that there was a very good chance that my husband would kill me. I just hoped he used the gun instead of his hands. My fear was no longer greater than my desire to be free. Dying would certainly set me free, but I prayed that I would survive to leave him.

My husband was sitting at the table drinking when I walked in the door. He asked me what the doctor said. I said, "I didn't go to the doctor." He stood up, enraged,and said, "What?!" He got ready to hit me. I threw the papers on the table and said, "I just filed for divorce." That tough, angry man shrank back down into his chair. He became the most pathetic little boy of a man I had ever seen. The first words out of his mouth were, "What about the house?" He couldn't qualify for the house we were buying without my income. I knew right then that I had made the right decision.

My husband said I could keep the apartment because it was right behind where I worked. He would keep the car. I gave him two months to leave. Later that week, he decided that if I wanted a divorce, I should give up everything. He gave me two weeks to get out, with nothing. I was so upset that I just started walking. There was another apartment complex a few blocks away. They just happened to have an aparment open and with my work history I qualified. I signed the lease. I kept walking and found a car dealership that was selling off older cars. I bought one on the spot. My attorney had told me that first day that I should go to the bank before going home and take out exactly 50% of what was there. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to get started because I had a good job.When I came home in my new car and packed up my clothes and such, my husband was furious. He thought that I would stay with him rather than give everything up. He also didn't think I was capable of managing things on my own.

I moved out that day. My husband never touched me again but he did vandalize my car. Two months later, he called to ask me if I had our tax records. He was being audited by the IRS. I did not help. He had been a dealer in Las Vegas for five years and never claimed any of his tips. That's tax evasion. :) Divine Justice is a beautiful thing!

The road of healing has been long, but I am a happy, confident, capable person now. I am going to college, running a business, and writing a book. It's been 19 years since I started my life over.
I have forgiven my ex-husband, and I am no longer angry or afraid.

I hope my story helps someone out there. So many people have suffered some kind of abuse in their lives. It can be difficult to heal the wounds of the past, but it is possible.

May you know true joy!
Jacqueline

No Victims

No one deserves to be a victim.

No one needs to be a victim.

Victimhood is a choice that only we can make and only we can change.

Who is Jacqueline Stone?

Awakening Consciousness on the Journey to Happiness

Contents at a Glance

Contents at a Glance

Experiencing a Stroke

Favorite Things

Mountain Lover/Desert Rat

Winners Lose, too

It's All in How You Handle it

Victim to Victorious

It's All a State of Mind

The Power in Your Heart can Bless Others

I Bless You!

The Gentle and Forgotten Art of Blessings

Highschool Drop-out to Academic Team

You Never Know What You Can Do Until You Try

Gifts from Eternity

Walking with Spirit

Favorite Subjects:

Living Healthier

Making Better Choices

Worst Subjects:

A Survivor's Story

Why I Do what I Do

No Victims

Recommened New Books

These books will help you be the best you that you can be.

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Meditation Plexo

Have You Tried Any of These Meditation DVD's?

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Places I've Been

Searching for God

A Spiritual Journey

NOT the Mother of the Year

but Mom is my other name

Jobs I've Had

My Favorite Quotes

Words of Wisdom

Time for a Little Joy Break!

Let Yourself Enjoy it

Real Women use Tools!

Responsibility

No More Blame

Where I'd Like to Go

Participating in Peace

Peace is a Personal Choice

The Right to Talk

We Need to Connect

Your Daily Blessing on Twitter

Offered with Love

Discover and Experience Your Divine Nature

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Changing the World

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