On the last day of our Pedia subject, we found out that our Professor was a counsellor and that some of the students were texting her to ask for advise about various things about their lives: love life, family life, school life, sex life. haha. and she meant everything. :) up until the topics about following the computations she taught us, and a certain individual texted her and asked her why she haven't had period yet. haha! :)

during the break, she came towards those other students in front so she could talk to them. i dunno what that was about or what things they talked about. but there were things that caught my attention. she told us that we should always put into our minds that we will pass the examination, and that we should claim our place. one more thing is that: PASSING is a matter of choice. It is an attitude factor.

as far as i know, i've felt that she was touching our hearts and our minds with this statement. i guess, she was telling us a motivation piece yet one of the facts that i personally experienced. i mean, i was also that kind of person during our 2 mock boards: doubtful and with low self-confidence. i was actually scared to take the examinations because i am not sure that i will be one of those who will pass the exams. but, i tried to study a lot so that by the time the exams will be given to me, i know i can say that i gave it my best. since the beginning, i've always wanted to take the June boards and that's what i've put my mind into. eventhough a lot of speculations came out that all of us will be taking the November boards, i was certain that it was impossible for the school to hold all of us and coerce us into taking November when some of us can take June. So, here i am now: reviewing ever so hard so i can take the June Nurse Licensure Examination. i know it's gonna be a long way but as early as today, i will claim my place in the list of the people who will make it in the official list of those who will pass the examination. by the grace of God, i do.

realizations? PASSING is CERTAINLY a matter of choice and molding yourself into it would develop your attitude towards optimism and in turn, that would greatly influence your motivations, actions and goals.

feelings? scared, nervous yet happy. :)

woo. it was a long hard day today, provided that our review for the day was 30 minutes overdue. although it's a little hard to digest the stuff we've learned today, i really had a good time interpreting them. what can i say. Medical-Surgical: my waterloo. i really had to do good. :)

i went home today, exhausted. my head hurt a little but i was able to manage it. although i had rice for lunch, the walk back to the review center got every little kcal in my body used up. im really do not have anything against the food house we eat at. i mean i really liked the store a lot. we had the freedom to get cheap and yummy filipino foods, all in our hands! ;)

the review went from good to super good, then flunked to drastic. i really had a hard time putting every little information in my brain. it was information overload. i had to bring back all the glucose i lost because it hit me so much, i got hungry. :) so on my way to the train station, i stopped by a stall to buy hongkong style noodles (stir fried noodles, with dimsum and your choice of sauce! yum!) so i could regain the strength i lost! haha. :)

oh well. due to financial constraints, (and the fact that the money i have left is for my jeepney fare) i wasn't able to buy a drink. wah. i felt that my epiglottis was almost having a spasm but i tried to divert my attention. all i could do is to hope that COKE ZERO boys are at the end of my train stop so i could get a drink for free. *im poor!*

i had that on my mind eversince i got on the train. i said to myself and to Him:

"please. i have to have a drink. i mean, if it's okay with you Papa God, can you put those COKE ZERO boys by my stop? haha. am i crazy? i mean, the probabilities are low. they were there last week so i think they won't be there today. but im just hoping Papa God. but it's okay, really. i could tolerate this til i get to SM Bicutan (mall). it's gonna be a sacrificial sign, if they won't be there."

so okay. i had to think about retarded things. haha. im so desperate to get a drink but i just shoo-ed the thought off because i think i can have that drink as soon as i meet my parents at SM Bicutan.

when i came to my stop, i forgot about my COKE ZERO craving. i walked right out of the station. just as i was on my way down to the stairs, i saw a bottle of COKE ZERO inside the train-ticket-giver's office, and some cups that they use for giving away samples. haha. funny. i was trying to get the idea off my head but i was actually thinking about getting myself this drink. haha. :) okay. i walked down the stairs and to my surprise, someone was shouting:

"ma'am, sir, free COKE ZERO samples."

OH LORD! haha! :) i was a little bit surprised. all the surprise and happiness took me into saying these with a big wide smile to the COKE ZERO boy:

"can i get 2 cups?"

HAHAHA! :) darn it. :)

it's nice to see that when desperation sets in, you actually could get the things you need when you need them the most.

it's good to know that until today, God is still there, providing me with all the things i need at the right time and in His time.

realization? i'm blessed. i could be such a warlock, a witch and a big butt of a liar, but still, i'm blessed. :)

PostScript: the adjectives had to go with my personal disabilities of the personality.

i got this personalized keychain and a native black coin purse from a place that i haven't gone to since i was 7y/o. it was far, so when me and my family went there, i bought some serious stuffs as souvenirs, and at the same time, as things that i could get to use everyday. i love that keychain and that coin purse. but because of today, everything became past tense. *sigh*

my boyfriend and i were on our trip back to my city so we took that ghastly train ride. as i have said at the last post, the cart that i am always occupying is the 1st cart (for women, oldness and youngness) so no boys are allowed (except the oldness and the youngness XD ). i had to occupy the 2nd cart with my boyfriend. although it was jammed with people, i had no choice but to get in so we could get home early. it was for standing room only. actually, i felt fine with the position and the place because i have someone with me and im not alone so i felt really safe.

during the ride, i was turned on from side to side and front to back due to the number of people getting in and out at every stop. finally, we came to our stop and got down the train together.

i searched for "the coolest stored value card" that i have ever seen and found out that it was gone TOGETHER with my keychain and my black purse. OH NO! we looked for it all over: my pockets, my bag, my jacket, everywhere. so there i was, standing there, accepting the fact that my keychain, my black purse and "the coolest stored value card" that i have ever seen with 58 pesos fare PLUS my 20+ pesos fare home was gone. DARN IT!

i didn't care about anything else there, i only cared about my purse and my keychain. it was priceless. :( and because me and my boyfriend had the same kind of keychain and black purse, everything else got worse. :(

i miss you keychain and black purse.

and whoever "darn him" who got my keychain and black purse, if you need the money, i hope it helped. and if you need the other stuff that i have (err. "had"), i won't ask it back. but just, take care of them.

just saying it in past tense make me hurt. *sigh*

Diagnosis: (PE) Separation anxiety r/t other people's kleptomaniac-ism :(

i woke up late today. i got up at around 6 in the morning when i should be on my way to my 1st jeepney ride by that time. sleepy freak. so i had to rush on to things and run so i would not be late for my 4th day of review.

the jeepney ride was great. the driver was driving really fast. it was so fast that if a police officer would see him drive like that, it would be equivalent to a ticket. but for my case, it was fine. i really have to get to my review on time.

after the jeepney ride, i ran straight up to the train station. i didn't have to buy a ticket because i already have "the coolest stored value card" that i have ever seen. haha. (it had a picture of PGMA and a Japanese person draining 2 bottles of champagne on the train. i bet the train got tipsy though. haha!) anyway, i was running and got in the station as fast as my feet can take me. i looked around and saw a lot of people waiting for the train to come. i started to take some small deep breaths when i heard a "peet-peet". the train came on and i didn't realize it until it was starting to slow down. waaaah. i had to get to the 1st cart (women, oldness and youngness XD ) so i did the hobby of the day (running) and tried to get in the 1st cart. the door closed so i thought "Oh no" but it opened again so i took no chances of letting the train leave me behind. :) i tried to jump in like a movie stuntman but to no avail (and without me realizing it again) the door suddenly closed on to me like a waffle. in the nick of time, i got in (yey), yet i really felt the door close in on me. haha. :) my upper forearm got a little sore but it was okay. haha. i really had to get on that train or else, i will be late.

i arrived at the review center at around 7:45 am. haha. really, that was, almost. :)

Diagnosis: (PES) acute pain r/t mechanical incident from the Light Rail door closure as manifested by upper forearm pain of a 6/10 pain scale score. :)

to prepare myself for the board examinations, i had to go seek a review center suitable for my incomparable individuality. :) i had to make sure that whereever it may lead me, i had the proper foundation that i can both get from my school and a respectable review center. the Local boards is never easy. i only have a month left to prepare for it. where to now?

we had an in-house review center at school. i liked their way of teaching so after thinking hard and lurking on a lot of review centers available, i finally sticked to THAT review center. i know i will never get wrong because it is THAT review center that led me on and helped me pass 2 ultra hard pre-board examinations. (yey.)

alright. so i had to go to that place. oh well, it's a long trip from our house to the place so i have to make all the necessary arrangements to make it possible. :) a jeepney ride, a train ride and another jeepney ride. although i can walk from the train station to the place, its hard for me to walk in the streets, swerving on while walking with a sleepy eye. haha. sleepy head. :)

thanks to my mom for taking me there for my 1st and 2nd day of school as a commuter. :P heehee.

can i mention THAT review center? :) nuh-uh. just ask. :)

PostScript: i recommend that review center to all BSN graduating students. and those who are about to take CGFNS and NCLEX! :)

Diagnosis: (PES) Deficient Knowledge r/t BSN nursing class lectures as manifested by the need to look for reputable review centers :) haha.

april 19, 2008 - the day that marked all aspects of my life that needs to be marked: the calendar, the phone alarms, some of my post-its, my week, my day, my head and my life. obviously, this has become one of the most awaited date that i've been waiting for since forever. the day passed by so quick that i haven't had the time to say STOP. haha.

during the morning, our clinical graduation went on smooth. in the afternoon, it was the academic graduation. eventhough we aren't allowed to take photos of ourselves in our seats, what the heck? it's our graduation day! what other things would matter more? :)

it was sad. though i am thinking that it would be as happy as hell, because finally, we were about to step off our shells and discover the world as it is. i actually felt happy. however, if the thoughts about the classroom lectures, our duties, my friends and my allowance (? haha) come into my mind, those are the thoughts that could make my heart fall on the downside. anyway, that's life. that's the reality of it and how much it may hurt would just poop in and poof out without consent. i will miss those. rest assured, all of those thoughts and memories will be treasured forever in my heart. :)

Description: it's a new opening. a new beginning that i have to welcome, whether i like it or not. APRIL 19 served as a door for new horizons. APRIL 19 was the "vavavoom" day with a fanfare sound effect. it's the front page of a magazine, the cover of a book, the wrapper of a candy. if compared to the female genitalia, it is the hymen - the thin slit of sensitivity and reality. And i better shut up now coz it's turning anatomy! :) haha.

so for the 2008 graduates, congratulations to everyone.

as for me, welcome to the real world. . . NO MORE STUPID THINGS! :)

i just remembered this. during practice, we had to walk through all the parts of the graduation itself. even the talks, our individual names and so on. it was during the clinical graduation practice. i remember when our cum laude was asked to speak and recite a prayer for all of us, she walked in front, as usual, with poise and grace. i looked down as i started to feel the prayer. when i looked at her, her hands were trembling. she tried to hide it by holding the paper up with one hand and let it rest on her lower forearm. shortly after the prayer, she smiled, and told the facilitator,

"sorry sir, i feel very nervous. . . "

then she walked back to her seat.

you know what? i felt a little relief there. this is of no joke because all the while, i thought that being cum laude is different. i mean, a person of that type is different. but it left me with proof that being one means being human after all. :)

so it means, being cum laude is not that impossible for any person. i mean, i can do it. though its far too late to cry over spilled milk, i know that eventually, (and if i ever think about studying again. . .) i would probably do better.

it's very envious, being cum laude and all. or just becoming a part of the honorable mentions. i mean, i've done good with school and i am proud of myself for passing this course with flying colors. modesty aside, i made it into passing 2 pre-boards and becoming part of the honors class for school. but i bet it would be a little different if i gave more effort and time to the important things.

haiz. . . all regrets are at the end. i wish i could go back and do all those things that i had to do, and did them better.

poppycock.

spent the day running around the mall. went through the photocopiers, photo studios, the salon. . .

FIRST, got my mom, myself and my courage to go to the salon so i could figure things out. later, i decided: i'll have it cut. . . ( WAH! my hair! ! ! )

it became a problem since its the clinical graduation first (and it involves grooming of all sorts... you know, the hair...) then the academic graduation in the afternoon. we had no choice but to have our hair clamped up altogether. since i got my hair cut just a teenie bit longer than what it is now, i would probably look berzerk for the afternoon graduation. and since college graduation "might happen" only once, i wouldn't risk my photos for that. (haha!)

so from something that looks like this :

to something that is as short as this :

who needs to clamp it up now? ;)

THEN, off to the studio. not much of a good news because i looked a little bald there. haha! so i think i might have a problem regarding PHOTOS. (did i defeat my single utmost purpose? darn.)

AFTER, i had to have sorts of documents photocopied. those documents are the stuff that i need for me to file my application for the NURSE LICENSURE EXAMINATIONS for JUNE 2008. and so i said it: those 5 bold-fitted words give me much more anxiety than finding out that my mom has read my diary. (haha!)

FOR NOW, i know very well that palpitations may come and go regularly. i should anticipate them. it's not much of a pathologic thing, but it's still making my head and stomach spin at the same time. i know things go by so fast, i don't have the time to swallow the bits and pieces up at one gulp. anyhow, i have to do that. it's REALITY, remember?

my thoughts? : try grasping for the real thing and soon, that real thing will be yours. whole-handedly and whole-heartedly. :)

Today marks one of the coolest days ever. guess what? our togas and gala uniforms were released today. the looks on everyone's faces seemed to fascinate me a bit because they all seem to have gotten THE "LOOK" of mixed emotions. some appeared to be happy, some were worried about the fit of the stuffs, some faces were remarkably unexplainable. (haha!) it's as if they got a little cold feet or something like that. still, the looks on their faces never stopped to fascinate me. as i looked on to the other graduates, i gazed on their reactions. what entered my mind is that i have to have my turn of the fitting, and voila! as soon as i got home, i finally had to fit my gala uniform and my toga altogether.

funny. the looks of it made me tingly all over. haha! all i got worried about was how my hair would look like. i am actually in the middle of a dillemma: to cut my hair or not to cut, that is the question.

as i worked on it, i saw my mom looking at me. i dunno about that puzzled look on her face, but it just seemed very serene. i complained about the fit of the gala uniform because it looked big on me so we have to have it altered. but when i looked into my mom's eyes, it just seemed to be unbelieveably calm. i start to become a bit jittery about it, but i still didn't mind. next, i had the toga fitted. then, as fast as sparks from fireworks fly. . . there she blows. . .

"your dad and i never thought that we could get you to graduate. . ."

uh-oh! ! ! there goes her sentiments. instead of hitting back, i jokingly said,

"here, let me wipe that tear for you."

she smiled. although she denied about the tearjerking and the anticipated tearjerking fiesta that might happen during the actual graduation day, i already know what's gonna happen by then. she even teased me that she bets on me crying on that day too. and i hit her back,

"of course. that wouldn't be impossible. . ."

funny. spine-tingling but funny.

"i never would have done this without you. you will always be a part of my success".

i wanted to say that, but i think it's a bit too mushy, considering the fact that we are not that used to saying mushy things about each other. it would just end up as a dramatic laughing stock. but you know, i would say that. eventually.

as things turn out the way i wanted it to be: passing the course with flying colors, getting all hyped up for the June boards and conditioning myself for the possible upcoming employment issues, all i can say is Thanks. All things have been falling into place.

Though nobody said it was going to be easy, i am proud to say that i am here and i've become someone that i've dreamed to be. say what i say: dreams are always there for the reaching. it's motivation that starts you up, it's determination that gets you there.

Talk about ceremonies, life itself is a ceremony to start with. it is well accompanied with proper seating arrangements, program flows, emcees and rules and policies. though ceremonies are too short to relate with life, the very framework of it resembles the realness of the event. as per life in the raw, several ceremonies are within it, thus making it the master of all ceremonies ever known to exist.

In my case, i will be taking one of the "micro-ceremonies" in my life a week from now: my COLLEGE GRADUATION. This event will be the greatest, if not, the best ever. not only it signifies a new beginning and a new chapter of my life, but also it symbolizes the 16 long years of hardwork and sacrifice that was bestowed on me and my family. finally, it comes to this. i know i was never more proud of myself than what i will be in the next few days.

It is hard to become a nurse. the never ending lectures, the idealistic skills lab and the to-die-for examinations say so. part of becoming one is to encounter the most crucial activities and critical decision making in one's and another's being. What could be harder than holding someone's life in your own hands? moreover, what other profession can be more fulfilling that making people feel better about themselves?

Although some professions regard Nursing as a degrading profession, we are proud of what we are. besides that, Nursing is one of the noblest professions ever made. unless people try to be in our shoes, they will never know. they will never know the joys of making people smile whenever you do things to comfort them. they will never know the fun we all can have during duties. they will never know the feeling of fulfillment when the person we care for becomes well. and what is the greatest is that, they will never know the things we know and the things we are to know unless they look through our perpective of things and of life.

anyhow, the battle of courses will never be over because people will not stop to battle everyone out. haha. human nature. the works! :)

alright, so exactly in 7 days, me and my batchmates will be going up the stage to receive that diploma. symbolically, it is the door to many other opportunities that the world might give us as well as the license to start our life as mature individuals. although the license to practice still has a lot to work for, i believe that after 7 days, i will be more than ready to face the realities of life which is not based on books and other people's writings, but through my own thinking, feeling and doing.

still, this is not the end of it. after graduation, it is only the beginning . . .