Earlier this summer a blog appeared at Blogger.com entitled 'The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs 51 1/2'. It spread like wildfire, at first in Silicon Valley but then well beyond, even attracting the attention of Forbes and Newsweek. Because of the humor and the closeness of the portrayal to what some people apparently perceive to be the "real Steve Jobs" it became a runaway success. Readers were said to be "rolling in the aisles and peeing themselves" because they found it so funny.
Despite all of this publicity the authorship of the blog is unknown. A fringe minority believe it to be Steve Jobs himself and that no-one else could mimick him as well as is done in the blog. Certainly there is widespread agreement that the style of the writing is such that it has to be someone REALLY good, probably someone already in the public eye as a writer or journalist. There has also been speculation that the writer may be outside the country, perhaps in the UK, due to the early morning timings of some of the posts.
It is possible that this remarkable opus may have been and gone without the identiry of the writer being revealed. At time of writing the original blog has been dismantled with only an RIP notice remaining. However, earlier today I glimpsed a link saying "I'm baaaack" and so it might not be forever lost. Such is life that we must wait for the story to unfold or not,as the case may be .
If the blog does reappear it is my intention to add an RSS feed, perhaps several, to gather postings and comments. However, in the meantime I will attempt to market a line of t-shirts.
Coming up with a viable idea was tricky. As he is not a politician and has rights to privacy anything with Steve Jobs' name on is a no-no as is anything with Apple or any of its brands. What I thought I would try was a line which would enable the wearers to claim authorship of the blog and add to the speculation about who really did write it. These appear in 2 versions - one which just has the first 3 lines about the purported author of the blog and another which lists several of the June and July blog posts which will be immediately recognisable to fans of the blog.
The proof of the pudding will be in the eating and the test will be whether the idea and the t-shirts have captured enough of the essence of the blog and overall theme to motivate people to buy them. We shall see...
UPDATE as at August 10th
A 'fake Steve Jobs' has emerged and there are 3 new posts at a different blog location. There are also some back-and-forth bantering posts in the comments following the RIP post at the closure of the original blog. I have read them and, although I lay no claim to being an expert, my sense is that this is a new fake Steve and not the old fake Steve. Notwithstanding my suspicions I will post an RSS feed below and let readers judge for themselves. I will also dig around and try to find as many as possible of the original posts for those who want to re-read them as well as to help anyone making comparisons.
If there really is a second fake Steve then perhaps it will make my t-shirts more relevant and meaningful, especially if speculation continues regarding who the writers are.
FURTHER UPDATE August 13th
I have posted below the first few entries from the original Secret Diary Blog. From the information at the source from which I obtained them they date from June 28th to June 30th. I also have posts from July and August, some or all of which I may add later though many are already posted in the new Fake Steve blog at Blogger.com
This whole thing is fascinating and I would love to know what has gone on behind the scenes. For me the unanswered questions include who was the writer of the original Secret Diary of Steve Jobs 51 1/2? Why did he (or she!) close it down on or around August 7th? Was it the same person who relaunched it at a different url on or around August 8th? Assuming that it was not the same person (which I personally believe) then are the two fake Steves in any way connected? Assuming that the new Fake Steve is a different person then who is he or she?
Another question - has there been a leak? One has to believe that it would not be difficult for someone from Google to track down the identity of one or both of these people. Blogger.com is a Google property and with the amount of data that Google has at its disposal about people's identity and travels online one has to believe that maintaining anonymity has to be virtually impossible. As the 'Google Guys' were the butt of a couple of posts perhaps there was a threatened "outing"? It may be significant that the original blog was actually dismantled and posts deleted rather than just having been allowed to die with no new entries.
To quote the original Fake Steve Jobs this whole thing is "unfrigginbelievable"
Here's a link to the CafePress store
A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
Something about the real Steve Jobs
OK, I do not know Steve Jobs and have no way of knowing whether he has any of the characteristics which the original Secret Diary picked up on and exaggerated. I do know that Steve is remarkably intelligent and creative and that people of that ilk can be incredibly difficult to work with.Many years ago I met with a very successful businessman who was running a large distribution operation in HK and China and he told me that he was a tremendous admirer of Steve and his accomplishments and that he would kill for an opportunity to work for him. I didn't know the guy that well but I did value his opinion.
Last, not least, in doing some digging around for information to put into this lens I came across a speech which Steve made at Stamford in June 2005 and it impressed me A LOT. This does not sound at all like the character being parodied in the two blogs. The real Steve Jobs that I hear in the Stamford speech is sensitive, has humility, is human, insightful and caring. This is not to say that he isn't also prickly, irrascible and a few other adjectives but I do commend anyone who has read this far to click on this link and read Steve's Stamford speech. It is both moving and memorable.
Steve Jobs Stamford Speech Video
Listen to the real Steve Jobs speak at Stamford in 2005
Steve Jobs Stanford Commencement Speech 2005
Here we see Steve Jobs delivering his commencement speech to the graduates of Stanford University in 2005. In it he talks about getting fired from Apple in 1985, life & death.
More Secret Diary Designs
Some Amazon items
Apple iPod Video 60 GB Black MA147LL/A (5th Generation)
A REAL item made by the real Steve Jobs' company
Apple MacBook Pro MA092LL/A 17" Laptop (2.16 GHz Intel Core Duo, 1 GB RAM, 120 GB Hard Drive, SuperDrive)
Another REAL item from Apple
The New Fake Steve Jobs Blog
This appeared on or around August 10th, a couple of days after the closure of the original Steve Jobs Secret Diary Blog. So far there is no clear consensus regarding the authorship. Personally I am of the opinion that we may have a fake fake on our hands but I will try to keep an open mind until I've seen more posts.
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Wednesday 28th June entry
This is the first entry from the original Secret Diary of Steve Jobs blog which appeared on June 28th
My life is awesome.Let's face it. It's not like I'm bragging. I'm just true. I have the coolest computer company in the world, which I totally started in my garage, all by myself. I invented the friggin iPod, OK? Have you heard of it? I thought so. And I have a totally cool house and no, you cannot come over, in fact you cannot even know where my house is located, and I have so much money that I can't even remember how much of it there is, but it's a lot, not that I care, because I don't, I could wipe my ass with hundred dollar bills and not even care, that's how little I care about money. And in fact I actually did that once. The ass thing, I mean. Seriously. I used to feel guilty about how much money I have because there is just so friggin much of it, but one day I was meditating and I'm sitting there moaning my syllable or whatever and it occurs to me that, Shit, man, guilt is just, like, this huge energy blocker and it's just so totally negative and it just really frigs up your creativity, which is what I'm all about, in fact, is the creativity. So then I just opened my eyes and came out of my trance and I said, out loud, in this really booming voice, to this imaginary like critic guy that I imagined was standing there criticizing me for having too much money or whatever, I just shouted right at him, as loud as I could: Frig you, ass-munch, because I'm smarter than you, and I deserve this. And you know that? It felt friggin great. It was liberating. Two days later I woke up and invented iTunes. True story.
You may have noticed that I am in magazines and newspapers all the time and yes that is 2cool2Btrue but what you may not know is that in addition to running a computer company, in my spare time I also run ... a friggin movie studio. Yeah, that's right, and you know what it's called? It's called ... wait for it ... Disney. Heard of it? Yeah, I thought so. Plus, I'm an orphan, and I dropped out of college, and my biological sister is like this famous artsy novelist, and I once had a very rare form of cancer, but I totally survived. Some people say I'm an egomaniac, but you know what I say to that? Wouldn't you be, if you woke up one day in my body and realized you were me? Damn right.
So welcome to my blog. I'm tired of all these other idiots doing their half-assed Apple blogs and publishing leaked information which anyway is wrong most of the time and so I figure what the heck, I'll do my own blog and if you really want to know what we are doing
Second entry from June 28th
Do you believe this shizzle? I am so pissed I can hardly type. We told these idiots -- I mean explicitly told them, in writing, from a lawyer -- that we did not grant them permission to publish an article about us. So what do they do? They go ahead and publish an article. Can you friggin believe it? And what do they say? What's their big news? Oh, Apple is all secretive, they keep all these secrets, there's all this top-secret secrecy, you need a secret badge to get into the secret buildings, and they give new products secret code names. Oh, and we don't tell our customers about our secret products in advance.
Dude, I invented the friggin iPod, okay? Have you heard of it?
Well, seriously, here's the deal. We will no longer sell the Wall Street Journal in our Apple stores. Or any other products made by Dow Jones. Isn't that who owns the Journal? Seriously, they're out. Dead to me. No more reading it either. Anywhere on our campus. Get someone on this. Send out a memo. No Wall Street Journal in our building. I want bags searched at the checkpoints. I want Journal-sniffing dogs and cavity searches. No exceptions. I'm serious about this. By the way can I please get a friggin herbal tea? Is that really asking so much? What do I pay you for? Really!
Thursday 29th June 6.19 AM
So let me get this straight. Microsoft sells you a machine that is all frigged up and gets viruses all the time. Now they create this OneCare stuff which supposedly fixes your frigged up machine, and they are only going to charge you 50 bucks. Such a deal! Bill Gates, you truly are a wonderful human being, a great philanthropist, a gift to the human race. I can't believe we only have 3% market share. What is wrong with you people?
Thursday 29th June 6.29 AM
It's the hot new thing. A kind of clone of Unix. And it's free. There's this little company in North Carolina -- North Carolina, canyoubelieveit? -- that's really pushing it. Red Hat, they're called. Not sure what that means. Anyhoo, if anyone has tried this stuff out, drop me a line and let me know what you think. Does it work? Is it beautiful?
Thursday 29th June 7.33 AM
Our new ads rockOur new ads are so cool. These ones with the dorky PC guy and the cool Apple guy, I mean. And yes, if you're wondering, this was my idea. I did the storyboarding and scripts and even got involved in some of the costuming decisions. Like the dork guy's tweed coat. Genius! And the fact that he's kind of overweight and his khaki pants ride up a bit. The agency started out with this cool-looking corporate guy in a suit. I was like are you kidding? No, I said, get a fat dork, and put him in dork clothes. Like some fat PC-using dork, get it? Clarissa, the agency person, was all like, Oh, Steve, you know, you should have gone into advertising, you could have been one of the great ones. Which I guess is probably true, but who wants to work in advertising when you can change the world? For me these ads are just like something I do on my way to my real job, you know? I toss off an idea on a napkin and throw it on the ground and other people pick it up and make a fortune with it. Bill Gates, are you reading this?
Thursday 29th June 7.42 AM
Money, I mean actual paper money and coins, is such a ridiculous concept when you think about it. Which is why I stopped carrying it. It's so 19th century or something. And credit cards? Why should I need to carry a piece of plastic with me to make a purchase? It's a number. Right? One number, I carry it with me in my head, and I buy things. Is that so hard to understand? Last week I was in a Starbucks and the girl let me pay by signing my name to a napkin. I mean, like I was friggin Picasso in some cafe, paying with a sketch on a place mat. It was friggin awesome and this girl, who was super hot and like 19 years old, so totally wanted me, I could have done her right there. No lie.
Thursday 29th June 7.50 AM
Bono is a class actTrue story. One night Bono and I are driving up the 280 at like two in the morning in a rainstorm and this guy in a giant Lexus kind of swerves as he's changing lanes, and almost hits us. Bono has got like this total Irish temper and plus he's had a few and he's like, Fook this, mate, I'm gonna stick this fooking Aston Martin up this fooker's arse! So he floors it and in like a nanosecond we're right on this guy's rear bumper with our high beams on and then, I can't believe it, Bono hits the guy. Just a tap, the first time, but we're going about eighty and the Lexus starts fishtailing on the wet highway and the guy is freaking out, waving his arms, like Hey, what the frig! Bono starts cackling and he says, Hows dat fer a little taste of death, eh boyo? Then he pegs it and hits the guy again, harder this time, and then again, really smashing him, and the back of the Lexus crumples up like a tin can.
But here's the kicker. We all pull over. The guy gets out, and he's like got blood coming out of his eye sockets he's so pissed. And then we open our doors and he sees who we are. It takes him like a few seconds to register it. Then he's like, "Wait a minute, aren't you -- and aren't you --" And we're just standing there, like, Uh huh, yup, that's right, and don't you feel like the world's biggest turd right now? And he's all like, Dude, you scared the shit out of me! Ha! You guys are awesome! And like I'm soooo sorry about cutting you off, seriously, if I'd known, you know, who you were or whatever. And Bono says, Well, tink about dat next toim yer cuttin off some bloke and you don't know who it is, right? Could be Jesus. Or Boutros Boutros-Ghali or sumfin.
The guy gives him this look, like Boutros who? Bootsie Collins? Huh? Friggin American, probably doesn't know what the World Bank even is. Thinks it's some band from South Africa or something. So he says, Seriously, whatever, dudes, I'm just totally sorry. And this is how totally classy Bono is. He goes over and shakes the guy's hand, the rocker handshake with the thumbs up, and he says, It's cool, man, seriously, apology accepted. And then Bono goes, Hey, look, and hands this guy his own personal iPod, the U2 model, in black. You keep it, he says. The guy looks at it for a second and he's like, No friggin way. Like he just got a Cadillac from Elvis or something.
That's who Bono is. He takes a moment that could turn ugly and he makes it into something really beautiful. That's just how
Thursday 29th June 8.49 AM
So let's think about this. You sit at the end of a free pipe and rake in $6 billion a year selling ads that run against other people's content. Meanwhile the guys who own the pipes are almost going out of business. Ya think maybe they're gonna get a teensy weensy bit jealous? Like maybe they figure you should be sharing back a little of what you're raping them for? Yet you guys have the brass balls to go to Congress acting like a pack of little innocent victims, like some little schoolboys, crying cause the big bullies at Verizon and AT&T want to take your cookies away? And you're actually hiring lobbyists and paying off shits in Congress to try to protect your little monopoly? And your slogan is "Don't be evil"? Seriously?
Dear Google, you suck.
Thursday 29th June 2.51 PM
Larry Ellison, look into your soulThe gigantic yacht. The World Cup sailboats. The fighter jets. The Japanese palace. The giving money to Harvard then taking it back. The guy has penis issues, right? (Trust me on this. We belonged to the same gym, back in the 80s. People used to make jokes.) And what is up with this plastic surgery? Larry, you're 61 years old and you look like friggin Keanu Reeves. (Who I totally happen to know, by the way.) Dude. I feel your pain. We're both orphans, remember? But you need to look inside. At your soul. Okay? Not your penis. I'm saying this because I love you, man. Truly. Larry, you need help. I'm gonna send you an iPod with Tuvan throat singers preloaded. Put on your headphones, close your eyes, and let yourself just be. Peace out--
Thursday 29th June 7.13 PM
Dude, you're getting a Dell. How lame.When I first saw this, I thought it was the punch line to a joke. Like, what would happen if Dell tried to build an iMac? Ha ha. Only it's not a joke. They actually sell this. People buy it. I weep for these people. Shame on you, Michael Dell.
Friday June 30th 6.12 AM
So it's in the papers today so I might as well explain. Sometime like way back in the past before iPods were even invented Apple gave me like 10 million options or whatever and they like back-dated them or something so that on the day they were granted I already had like a 30% gain or something. But I never sold them or something so I never made any money on them or whatever. This is what they are telling me. I really don't spend a minute thinking about things like options or how much money I have because I am all about the creativity. I can't stand these money-grubbing Silicon Valley types who are out here just trying to get rich. I told our people just do whatever, pay a fine or whatever but I don't want to spend a minute losing creativity worrying about this. I don't want to hear about it. I want to focus on making beautiful objects. I invented the friggin iPod, okay? Have you heard of it? I thought so. I told our finance guy, Peter, Do you want more such beautiful things in your life? Do you want your kids to grow up in a world of beautiful objects that do marvelous things? Then leave me the frig alone.
Friday June 30th 8.11 AM
sometimes i feel like a great chef
who has devoted his entire life
to monastic study of the art of cooking
& gathered the finest ingredients
& built the most advanced kitchen
& prepared the most exquisite meal
so perfect so delicious so extraordinary
more astounding than any meal ever created
in the history of the planet;
and each day i stand in my window
and watch ninety-seven percent of the world
walk past my restaurant
into the mcdonald's
across the street.


