Kids and LOA

As a grandmother, Early Childhood Specialist and self-help writer, I'm often asked by readers, "How do you raise happy kids?" This is a question near and dear to every loving parent's heart. No matter what we teach them, if we haven't taught them how to be happy, or can't parent in a way that makes them feel happy, it's rather all for naught, isn't it? So it's a very pertinent question.

I've been blessed with having three happy children and three happy grandchildren. I applied certain principles in raising my kids, and see my sons and daughters-in-law apply the same in raising their adorable children. Here are two tips I've learned along the way.

The first is the importance of modeling happiness. You can't give something you don't have. How can you teach kids happiness if you don't have it yourself? Some parents think loving their family means living only for them, driving them everywhere, cleaning up after them, and putting their kids' needs and desires way ahead of their own. Parenting shouldn't turn us into a short-order restaurant or a cleaning or taxi service. It does for some parents. That teaches kids a bad lesson.

A child who perceives his parent as a servant, someone whose life has meaning only through catering to his whims, learns to be selfish. He comes to believe others exist to do his bidding. I have a friend who was raised like that, and she tells me when she grew up, she kept having the strange feeling, "Where are all the servants?" Being catered to was such an ingrained part of her childhood that adjusting to adulthood was difficult for her, because "the servants" were missing.

Kids who are raised this way tend to feel the world owes them a living. So breaking out of the "doormat" mode, if you're in one, is pretty central to giving your kid a chance at a smooth transition to happy adulthood.

When you take care of yourself, make time for yourself, and do things that make you happy, your child learns those behaviors from you. If she sees you going for your dreams and making decisions based on your inner truth, she learns that doing those things is good. On the other hand, if you model dropping everything to fulfill her latest dictate, she learns that parenting means self-denial and victimization. She may then become a self-effacing parent herself or go the other extreme and forego parenting entirely because it looks like such a sacrifice.

So to raise happy kids, be good to yourself. Treat yourself with respect and dignity the same as you treat your child. Don't allow disrespect toward you any more than you'd allow someone to be rude to your kids. Make time for your creative desires and dreams. Plan in some scheduled personal time each week (or day), and make sure that you take it.

Let your kids see you're doing this, and tell them the reason: "Mommy needs to have some fun, too," or "Moms need time every day to relax." This shows your child that you value yourself, and that personal time is important to everyone's happiness.

The second tip I've learned for raising happy kids is the tremendous value of focused attention. The best form this can take is uninterrupted, one-on-one personal time with your child. Think back to your own childhood and some of your happiest memories. Chances are they include that hike you took with Dad, or the time you and Mom went to the restaurant for a dessert.

When we set aside an hour or two to be with our child, away from distractions and interruptions, we tell him he is important and loved. Giving focused attention is much more powerful than the diffused attention kids get while we cook dinner, drive them somewhere, or break up conversations to take calls on our cell phone.

Children thrive on loving, focused, personal attention the way plants thrive on sunshine. Structure in some focused attention every day, even if it's only for five or ten minutes. Look at your child when he talks to you, so he knows you're completely with him. In love, it's the subtle things that count.

Giving focused attention teaches self-worth: your child knows he's valuable because you value him, enough to carve out time for you and him, uninterrupted by the world, for those moments. That spells love, and when he knows you love him, by your actions not your words, that brings security and heart fulfillment, essential foundations of happiness.

In this busy world where parents work two jobs and where kids' social calendars can rival those of debutantes, it isn't easy to make time to take care of yourself and uninterrupted time for you and your child. But for happiness, nothing could be more important. Think about your schedule, what is nonessential that you can cut out, or wasted moments that you can eliminate. Use that harvested time to be good to you and your kid. Your child's happiness, and yours, depend on it.

In these busy times, when parents and children have schedules packed to the max, family closeness can fall by the wayside. Most of us have to make an effort to guarantee that work, school, sports, and chores don't swallow up the very relationships that make those things important.

When is the last time you played or goofed around with your child? Can you remember back that far? Many parents can't. Life has made us so serious, so focused, that we've lost the joy of the simple things, and play was one of the first to go.

But as any child instinctively knows, play is essential to life. It brightens the heart and lightens the spirit. For kids, who live closer than we do to nature, play is as spontaneous as breathing. Sadly, most grown-ups have lost that skill. Our children can be our refresher course.

Playing with your child brings you back to the present, reminds you of what matters, and slows you down long enough to smell the roses. It also connects you emotionally with your child, rebuilding the closeness that the fast-paced, boring routines of life are all too quick to strip away.

Playing together is even more important for your child than it is for you, because she needs to feel close to you to feel loved and happy. If you've neglected time together for long enough, it may appear that your child isn't interested in your attentions. She may even tell you as much. But that's just bluster, hiding the fear that you will disappoint her again if she lets herself wish for time alone with you. If you initiate playing together, and do it at frequent intervals, even the most aloof pre-teen will start to look forward to it and, in time, throw herself into the fun.

What kind of playing should you do? Pay attention to the activities your child engages in: his idea of enjoyment. If these things seem boring to you, try hanging out nearby, observing as he does them, with words that express your curiosity. You just may find you actually develop a genuine interest. If your child is a couch potato, take up your perch on the couch beside him, but after you're allowed "in," initiate some play that might be more pleasant than TV.

Think back to what you did as a child that was memorable, especially activities you did with your parents that stay with you still. Think about things that are free or cost little, that involve experiencing life together. Start a list of ideas as they come, and add any of the following that you resonate with:

* Raking stacks of autumn leaves, then jumping or rolling in them
* Taking a hike through the forest preserve
* Skating at the roller rink together
* Walking the dog, taking turns with the rope
* Reading comics or joke books together (or books of poetry or stories)
* Making cookies, pizza or a cake
* Building a fort out of snow or chairs and blankets
* Playing hide and seek, hide the thimble, cards or board games
* Lying on a blanket looking up at the stars
* Sitting in front of the wood stove in a dark room, telling stories
* Making shadow figures on the wall with your hands and a flashlight
* Having a treasure hunt
* Roasting marshmallows over a fire
* Watching a parade
* Going to the aquarium, zoo or museum
* Flying kites together
* Building something
* Making a scrapbook
* Making up a silly poem or song
* Watching a movie, with popcorn and no interruptions
* Playing a memory game, like "I'm going to Grandma's house, and in my suitcase I'm going to pack... "
* Getting up early to watch the sunrise from a hill
* Playing games of pretend
* Going somewhere special, like the beach
* Having a pancake picnic in the snow

Playing together is different than finding entertaining activities for your child. Play involves you, while entertainment excuses you from the picture. If you find yourself saying, "But my schedule is too busy for any of the things on that list," consider whether your schedule needs some pruning. After all, who's going to remember in 20 years if you stay late at work or not next Tuesday? But will your child ever forget the Tuesday you ride the rollercoaster together?

Closeness with a child cannot be taken for granted. Like any other relationship, it will slip away unless it's made a priority. Nothing builds trust and bonding with a child like sharing a moment of silliness and laughter. Come together for light-hearted play, and you just may find your child opens up about serious subjects. The relaxed atmosphere of play helps us let our guard down and reveal more of ourselves.

When you play together, let your child feel like the most important person in your world. Give him your undivided attention: no cell phones, no interruptions, no slipping into your own private thoughts. Be present - body, mind and spirit. Then let yourself do whatever comes naturally, with the abandon you felt when you yourself were a child. Your instincts will be your guide.

Growing closer through play is easy. It just takes dedicated moments, given on a fairly regular basis, so your child begins to count on having time with you.

Let your child re-teach you the wonderful secrets of play. You both will feel more secure and peaceful - and a whole lot happier, as the reason you do it all for, starts to come back to you.

BY Winsome Coutts

Winsome Coutts holds a teacher's certificate in education and has written hundreds of articles on self-development. She has studied with Bob Proctor and John Demartini, popular teachers featured on "The Secret" DVD. She is the passion behind 4lifehappykids.com and is a parent and grandparent.

Winsome is author of "Go for Your Goals" for kids - a set of downloadable e-books that guide your child through the joyful steps of learning visualization, goal-setting and the Law of Attraction. Simple language enhanced with beautiful illustrations and worksheets make these books appealing and motivating. To learn more, visit www.4lifehappykids.com

If you are familiar with Abraham Hicks you have undoubtedly heard of the book, Ask and It Is Given where they talk about the Creative Process. It consists of only three steps.

Step 1 (your work) You ask.

Step 2 (not your work) The answer is given

Step 3 (your work) The answer, which has been given, must be received or allowed. (you have to let it in)

Sounds simple enough... and yet, because all this 'asking' and 'answering' is going on at a vibrational level... it's worthwhile to consistently practice keeping our vibration up in the same range as all the good stuff we... and our kids... want to attract. So below is a process... a little game you can teach to and play with your kids, designed to ramp up and maintain a higher vibration, allowing us to deliberately attract what we choose. It is designed to keep us focused on what we APPRECIATE and want more of.

It's given that well-being abounds. It flows abundantly through us. In fact, it's our birthright. It is what is natural for ALL humans and animals. It is not something that you must earn or first be worthy to receive. You already deserve it!

In addition, any time you appreciate anybody or thing, you give off positive vibration which then attracts more of the same and you are then open to allowing. And the things you appreciate, the traits in people you appreciate, the conditions you prefer... all come to you!

This process can also be used anytime you're feeling bad and can not seem to change your thoughts and how you feel around something. The quickest path to making that pivot is to start appreciating SOMETHING... ANYTHING! Even if it's only one small thing about yourself, the situation, or another person involved.

Here are the steps... (examples to follow)

1. What I want:

2. What I don't want:

[Now to get great clarity about step one, look at the points in step 2 and flip them 180 degrees]

3. What I WANT:

4. WHY do I want it?

[Abracadabra... it's yours!]

5. What Does It Feel Like to Have It Right Now?

6. How do you KNOW it's Yours?

7. Let the APPRECIATION flood through and over you!

That's it. That's ALL.

Now... because it will be a bit easier to implement if you have an example we'll use something desired by many (adults, at least)... MONEY.

1. What I want:

*I really want to have a lot of money.

2. What I don't want:

*I don't want to be broke
*I don't want all these bills
*I don't want to feel like a poor person
*I don't want my kids to suffer
*I don't want to not see my kids because I'm always working. That makes me feel like a bad mom and I miss my kids.

[Now here is where you look at the statements above and flip them to flesh out your desire]

3. What I WANT:

*I want to be abundant
*I want money to come to me with ease
*I want to have more money than I need
*I want to feel like a rich person
*I want my kids to have abundance and feel happy
*I want to be there for my kids
*I want to know I'm a great mom

[notice as you read this it FEELS better than the 'don't wants']

4. WHY do I want it?

*I want to be abundant and have money come with ease so I feel secure
*I want to feel free to be a great mom and my kids will know I am successful and my kids will grow up happy and so will their kids!

[here you just expand on why you want money]

Now imagine your fairy godmother has waved a magic wand and your DESIRE is YOURS!

5. What Does It Feel Like To Have It Right Now?

*WOW, it feels fantastic! Like bliss and security and freedom!
I feel like I have extra time; I am going to my kids ball games. They are so excited to see me there sharing their experience.

6. How do you know it's yours?

*Because I deserve it!
*I am a loving and lovable Being!
*I am a great mom!

7. Enjoy and Appreciate!!! ;-)

Here is a powerful message from Abe. It will serve us and our children to remember and stay in touch with this:

Welcome, Little One, to Planet Earth. There is nothing that you cannot be, do or have. You are a magnificent creator, and you are here by your powerful and deliberate desire to be here. You have specifically applied the wondrous law of Deliberate Creation, and by your ability to do that, you are here.

Go forth and attract life experience to help you decide what you want. And once you have decided, give thought only to that. Most of your time will be spent collecting data that will help you decide what it is you want, but your real work is to decide what you want and then focus upon it, for it is through focusing upon what you want that you will attract it. That is the process of creating.

Parents... understand this - your young children are already magnificent masters of deliberate creation and use LOA in powerful ways. Your job is simply to remind them, and yourselves.

Whatever you want... pretend it is so... and appreciate that vision to magnetically attract it to you NOW!