Life-Work Cafe

There's a lot of experimentation going on out there. Here are a few new things friends and acquaintances are up to:
becoming the standard-bearer for Boomers
creating a national movement for women 50+
getting back in shape
playing in a great band
finishing a self-help book and getting it published
making new friends after 60
creating a new learning theory
serving as an advocate for elders
creating a publishing company
becoming a nationally-known speaker
reeorganizing the book shelves

Some of these look bigger than others, but they're all huge to the holder of the dream. What all these dreams have in common is that initial act of bravery that takes us from cowering in the corner to taking action. What each of these dreams has in common is a bit of vision, an intention, desire, and sheer perseverance. All these dreamers had the courage to decide that they could not fail and the will to take that first step.

What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

I had to take my geriatric cat to the vet. He doesn't like being there and surprised me by being unusually docile when the assistant weighed him and took his temperature. He remained reasonably good-natured during the long wait for the Vet. When she got into the room, though, everything changed.

This 15 year old feline, who has lost all but one of his teeth and about a third of his body weight, escaped the clutches of the assistant and made it to the door. There, he fought all attempts to catch him and get him back on the exam table. He hissed. He spat. He swatted. He howled. They could hear him down the block! It took two strong people, one in elbow-length protective gloves and the other with a big towel, to catch this sick old man and get him on the table. The assistant had to use her whole body to pin him down long enough for the Vet to draw blood.

Then, it took the two of them four minutes to wrestle him into his carrier so that I could take him home. No one was going to tell him what to do!

So what does this have to do with life and work? I was speaking to the amazing Dr. Murph - http://www.DrMurph.com - in one of a series of conversations about people resisting moving forward. As Dr. Murph and I spoke about clients and resistance the image of that cat, huddled in the corner, willing to kill anyone who tried to move him, came to mind.

How fiercely we fight to maintain the status quo. Even when resistance become futile and the effort is exhausting, we continue to fight change. And how exhausting for anyone trying to help!

Next time a wonderful opportunity comes your way, try a technique from anger management. Stop and breathe. Before you begin spitting and hissing and lunging at the opportunity, stop and wait for your heart and head to get in sync. Reach out - however tentatively. Explore a bit. You still have time to recoil or regroup or do whatever you need, but consider that sometimes it's better to come out of your corner fighting to move forward than to fight to remain in place.

Are You a Scanner?

"I can never stick to anything."

"I know I should focus on one thing, but which one?"

"I lose interest in things I thought would interest me forever."

"I keep going off on another tangent."

"I get bored as soon as I know how to do something."

"I can't stand to do anything twice."

"I keep changing my mind about what I want to do and end up doing nothing."

"I work at low-paying jobs because there's nothing I'm willing to commit to."

"I won't choose a career path because it might be the wrong one."

"I think everyone's put on this earth to do something; everyone but me, that is."

"I can't pay attention unless I'm doing many things at once."

"I pull away from what I'm doing because I'm afraid I'll miss something better."

"I'm too busy, but when I do find time I can't remember what I wanted to do."

"I'll never be an expert in anything. I feel like I'm always in a survey class."

If you've ever said these things to yourself, chances are good that you're a Scanner, a very special kind of thinker. Unlike those people who seem to find and be satisfied with one area of interest, you're genetically wired to be interested in many things, and that's exactly what you've been trying to do. Because your behavior is unfamiliar -- even unsettling -- to the people around you, you've been taught that you're doing something wrong and you must try to change. But what you've been told is a mistake -- you have been misdiagnosed. You're a different creature altogether.

What you've assumed is a disability to be overcome by sheer will is actually an exceptional gift. You are the owner of a remarkable, multitalented brain trying to do its work in a world that doesn't understand who you are and doesn't know why you behave as you do.

And unless you know who you are, you're going to agree with them! Not only would that be unfair and inaccurate, it could prevent you from developing your gifts and making your contribution to the world. The stakes are very high.

Identifying yourself as a Scanner means changing the way you see yourself in the world. It starts with understanding that you should stop trying to fit into the accepted norm at once and begin learning about who you really are. To help you build the productive future you were designed for, you need a set of instructions. That's what I've tried to create in this book.
... full chapter at www.life-workcoach.typepad.com

Ready to do something different but not sure what that is? Why not broaden your ideas about what you can do.
Have you ever taken a really good look at the skills you have? This is a great exercise for a rainy afternoon or a cold winter's day - any time when you just want to curl up but still want to feel productive. Make a long list. Go beyond the obvious list of job skills that go on your resume. Think about every activity in your life and the skills needed to do those things.
Go back over the list. Add to it. If you've mined all your successes for skills, mine your traumas, difficulties, hard times, and failures. Sometimes, this is where our most valuable skills are hidden.
When you think the list is long enough, start sorting. Which skills do you love? Which do you really want to use? Whic represent areas you want to develop? Which do you want to drop? Often, we get pushed to do the things we do well, but sometimes, those are exactly the things we never want to do again. Drop those skills!
When you are done, you should have 4-6 core skills. Now the fun begins! What are all the jobs someone could do with those skills? Ask your friends to play along. Brainstorm. Come up with at least five new job or career possibilites to explore.