The Lighter Side of Home Education

I am often asked if I teach my children in a simulated classroom setting. Er.. no. Mind you, the idea of standing in front of a big blackboard (though I believe it is white these days) waving a bamboo cane and have my kids cringe in terror at the possibility of being cracked on the skull with a board rubber does hold some appeal especially at certain times of the month. The good news, well it is for them anyway, is that's not how it's usually done. They are far more likely to be wielding crayons, arguing over the volume settings on their computers, playing in the garden or enjoying themselves on a beach or 'nature walk'.

I see my role not as teacher but as a facilitator, something that mainstream education appears not to understand, being wholly concerned with cramming in as much information and developing as many 'skills' as the government deems necessary in any particular week. In reality, facilitating my children's education means being the provider of books, games, toys, dvds, paper, pens, pencils, paper, paints, salt-dough and lunch as well as being available for games of dominoes, Bop-It, musical statues, what's-the-time-Mr-Wolf? story reading, photographing wildlife in the garden and uploading Lego creations to the internet. I also have to build indoor 'tents' on demand and watch Ebay like a hawk.

"The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards."
Anatole France

Some parents of large families, particularly in the States, where home-schooling has been established for many years, go in for the 'sitting the kids at a desk' thing. In our house, we spend as little time as possible on 'work'. We do 15 minutes each per child on 'formal' maths and English and that's just to reassure myself that some traditional assimilation is taking place. The rest of the day is for real learning. Oh all right... playing then.

For example, we cover loads of topics while driving. One of the children will spot something and that will start a conversation off on any of a zillion subjects. Last week I found myself attempting to verbally deconstruct the mysteries of gears and clutches and how the energy produced by a combustion engine was converted into speed or power to get a vehicle up a hill. I mostly made it up but it sounded good, at least to my ears. Later, my ten year old presented me with his version of gears and a clutch made out of K'nex after seeking out the truth on the 'how it works' website. That kid is getting too good at knowing when I am being creative.

What I am trying to say is that it doesn't matter how it's done, the point of it all is to provide a starting point for the child to go off and find out stuff for herself. Natural curiosity is where learning begins. Becoming interested and enthusiastic about any kind of topic is travelling the road of knowledge. And knowledge gained in this way sticks, unlike facts that have to be forced in and then repeated lest they be forgotten.

Another home-educating mum also finds that the car is a great place for education, she said,

"My five year old in the car with pen and paper. Very quiet. Suddenly showed me a story she had written. Up to that point she had never attempted to write anything despite my never ending efforts and worry and fun but educational games!

I said all the expected things like wow and how clever she was.

She turned round and said. " I learned it all by myself 'cos you've never bothered to teach me" AAAHHHHH If only she knew.."

Then there's housework. Has to be done, unless we want a spot on How Clean Is Your House? Answer: not very. One of the jobs that gets put off is cleaning out the fridge. Nonetheless, if I can combine it with an impromptu lesson on fungi and bacteria then I consider two birds, preferably organic, stone dead (and frozen). A gold star to me. Cleaning the kitchen floor can prompt a discussion on what tumbleweeds are and how they survive (did you know that the young shoots are edible, unlike anything that reaches my kitchen floor and breaks the 5 second rule?). Mopping up water from the bathroom floor engenders a little chat about water seepage, damp and falling ceilings - oh, no, that was me shouting at my daughter for carrying out an experiment to see what volume of water a bathmat could actually soak up (3 and a bit litres). Of course there was a lot of sobbing and whining involved but I soon felt better.

Other people's perceptions are a major source of amusement. We all get the, "Wot no school?" at the checkout. Some of us even have a ready witty response like, "Wot no bingo?" but usually it's easier to mutter, "Dentist." through gritted teeth as you try to prevent your daughter from discovering that a conveyor belt is unfriendly to long hair if you lay your head on it.

A partipant on a home-educating forum:

"I was once stopped by the truancy patrol. The police officer got all excited when I told him we were home educating; he said he had heard about us but had never met a real live one before.

The real biggie is the socialisation thing. Honestly, do people really think that we lock our kids indoors away from the world? What would be the point in that? This is the all time favourite objection to home-education. It's the first topic raised on any media discussion. It's like the experts (always those in favour of the 'every child should be in school' camp) believe that the only place a kid gets to speak to another human being, apart from its own parents, is in school. Nonsense, I say. The potential for socialisation is far greater than in school. We get to meet people from all walks of life, including the same-age schoolchildren that the experts insist are the appropriate company for other children. Nothing could be more artificial and further from real life than sticking a kid in a class of thirty, all the same age, all doing the same things for years and years!

Another thing that the so-called experts are begining to espouse is bullying. They are now saying that a bit of bullying never does anyone any harm and how will the newly-emerging-into-adulthood young person be able to deal with a bullying boss unless s/he has had some experience of dealing with it in the playground? We took this to heart and now send our eldest to Tae Kwon Do so he will have all the skills necessary to deal with his future tyranical boss.

Another misconception is that we are all hippies. Not true. Though we did buy a bread machine once. Having said that I have observed that some home-educators are intensely eco-aware and enjoy living close to nature. Think goats. Though I am convinced that the goat money would be better spent on upgrading to a decent computer. Or on a decent hair-do for the mum. Quite taken by the idea of raising chickens though. Lots of educational value in chickens - various breeds of chickens, caring for, feeding, egg-producing, egg-cooking, free eggs, egg-selling.... hmmm... where do I start? Do they like small concrete gardens?

Mind you, I am always amazed when we are on some organised home-ed day and see little children filling up on green stuff. How do the parents get their offspring to eat that sort of salad thing? I hunch over our picnic bag as I furtively pass out the Dairy Dunkers, Salt 'n Shake and if they're lucky a squished banana.

It is quite cute when you see the kids who have been encouraged to choose their own clothes as an 'outward expression of their personality'. Well, it's either that or their parents just couldn't be bothered that morning and turned getting dressed into an educational self-exploration of the laundry basket. You get to see all kinds of inventive combinations; legwarmers and flip-flops, sparkly tops, outsize crocheted waistcoats and baseball caps. Bless 'em. Mine wear what they're told, or rather, what's clean on the day, which can also lead to interesting ensembles. On a recent trip to the museum a class of school children stared at my daughter in her jeans and tutu - I am not sure whether they were impressed, aghast or simply envious. I am thinking of following a recent example I saw, again an American family, who keep their sixteen kids in a sort of uniform. I'm sure my two would be well-pleased to wear matching stripes and spots. Bratz jeans, my girl? Forget it!

Then there are holidays. Lots of home-educating families do go off to camps doing green and hippie-like things such as building dens, constructing canoes and singing around the camp fire. I believe they are also keen on something called 'foraging for food', which I call 'blackberry picking' or 'tussling with pensioners over the reduced bread on a Friday evening'. I wave them off cheerfully as they head off into the cold, wet wilderness of deepest Dorset and whistle a happy refrain as I browse the internet looking for free child places on flights to anywhere warm with babysitting facilities. I'm sure the Dorset campers have lots of fun.

So what's so good about home-educating? "It must be very rewarding." some say. Well the absolute best bit is not having to get up at 6.30am to organise uniforms, breakfast, homework, bags, PE kit, teeth-cleaning and money for whatever guilt-inducing blackmail is currently taking place to raise funds. We do get round to cleaning our teeth but it's at the nice civilised time of around 8.30am when all the mums, grannies and kids are battling against the elements and double yellows to get to somewhere most of them don't want to be.

The second best thing is that I get to make up all the rules - mostly as I go along although I am being challenged lately by the ten-year old's fondness for logic and common-sense. The third best bit is that we can do what we want when we want and not be forced into following someone elses timetable. The fourth best is the rewarding stuff, when your seven-year old picks up a book and reads to you because it's fun to read while mum wrestles with tumbleweed on the kitchen floor. Knowing that she reads for the love of it and that I barely had to 'teach' her is fantastic. The fifth best is being able to talk to myself at any time of the day and if anyone has the temerity to pass comment I always say I am having a PTA meeting.

And another thing.... its pretty comforting knowing that the only drug my kids will be offered is chocolate.