How I gave up the rat race, followed the dream and fouled up along the way

Last year my partner and I both turned 40, me in March and she in July. It really was terrible. I felt so, so old, almost as if my life was over and that I had achieved nothing. She took me to Berlin for 4 days for my birthday and I was miserable (although Berlin is a GREAT place) for most of the time. In July I took her to Paris for a week and it was wonderful, until the day after her 40th birthday at which point she felt exactly the same as I had on mine, finished!

A week after we returned we decided to sell up in the UK and move to the South of France. We did so in less than 4 weeks. We have now been here for 11 months.

Over the coming weeks I will tell you what happened and what we learned.

Firstly, buying a home in France can be a lengthy process. The paperwork alone takes 3 months! It is important though to keep in regular contact with your immoblier (estate agent) and the Notaire (an independent government appointed solicitor that acts on behalf of both parties). Fees are an important issue in France and you may end up paying the immobilier's fee and the notaire's fee. In our case this came to a total of $45,000, rather a lot on top of the price of the house. Some immobiliers include all fees so check for deals.

We left Scotland (my partner is Scottish and we had lived there for several years) on Sunday 9th December 2007 and arrived in South-West France that afternoon. We were to receive the keys to our beautiful new home the following day, so naturally we decided to stay in a swanky Chateau for the evening. Cost including dinner - $500. Oops!

The next day we arrived at the Notaire's office to complete paperwork and receive our keys only to be told that the old woman from whom we had bought the house was refusing to leave, even thought we had now paid her in full! Now this left us with a diffucult decision to make. Do we compromise and reach an agreement, or do we immediately throw her and her 84 year old mother out onto the steet (as was our legal right)? Well, we compromised, although I have since wished that we had just chucked the old rat out there and then!

We managed to find somewhere to stay for a week, and if you decide to come to the Dordogne then please, please stay with Mr and Mrs Perol in their delightful Chambres d'Hotes in Allemans. They really are two of the loveliest people you could ever wish to meet and they helped us enormously during our first week of frustration. You can contact them at: http://www.les-hortensias-perigord.com/

So, finally we get to our revised move-in date and when we arrive.., well ,the place was a mess. She still had not moved all of her stuff out, her sister was there - a vision of beauty with her black eye and missing teeth - sozzled drunk and abusive. The neighbour, with whom the lady we bought the house from had had an affair, was angry and abusive as she apparently owed him lots of money. He then had a stand-up fight with the, very suspect it must be said, removal man, and during all of this...our furniture and belongings arrived from storage in Scotland! What a great day we had! I had to stop my partner - who is a kickboxer - from kicking the living crap out of everyone. I've never seen her so mad.

So, finally,at 7.00pm the old bag, her mother, sister and all leave our home. A week and 9 hours late! All we want is to put the heating on and sleeep. It is minus 6 celsius outside and our house is 300 years old and not well insulated. The heating is broken! This time it is me that snaps. I get every piece of wood that I can find, It doesn't matter if it's furniture, antique, animal, vegetable or mineral, it's going on the fire. We have a huge open fire in our living room, the centerpiece to the house. It's been badly built though and billious smoke fills the room. We can hardly breathe and have to open the windows. It is so, so cold.

We spend our first night in our new dream home in our new dream life, huddled together on a mattress on the living room floor, wearing 3 layers of clothes. It thought that it could not get any worse than this. How wrong I was!

Nothing in the house worked. It was barely insulated. Worse, it was full of 32 years' worth of rubbish, and it was filthy, full of mice - alive and dead. Now we had been led to believe that, by law, in France the seller MUST clear everything from the house before they leave. We had expected to move into an empty and clean home. 11 months later we are still finding her stuff - it's a big house. Now, we also have to take responsibility as we should have ensured that the house was cleared, that we got out keys on the agreed date etc, but we were living in Scotland and we trusted our estate agent. A word of advice...if you are moving country or state...LEAVE NOTHING TO CHANCE! Well. I guess that you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, and gradually we have. We have become wiser and certainly stronger by our experiences. We now know that we will never, ever, have let ourselves be put in a similar position as our first night here.

So, I guess by this point I am not painting a particularly pretty picture of South West France. Why did we come here? I will tell you.

This is THE most beautiful place to live and every day brings a surprise of some sort. Usually a good one. As I write this I am looking out my windows at our rear garden. I get a perfect view of the houses in the valley beyond. 10 minutes ago I saw a red squirrel - the first that I have seen since I was a child - climbing on one of our trees. It was magical, to me at least. I had spent so long living in cities that I forgot how beautiful a simple moment in nature can be.

I guess part of it too is just "living in the country" that makes me feel so good. It doesn't have to be France, it can be anywhere, so long as it's what you want. Most people only seem to move here once they have retired, but we are still young people, with lots left to do and that's what makes living here so energising. Of course, if we want the bright lights of a big city occasionally, we can be in Paris in 3 1/2 hours and London in 3. So we have the best of both worlds.

So..what's it like moving to a country where the culture is completely different to your own and when you are not fluent in the language? Well, that depends on the type of person you are. Do you want to live a secular life or do you want to emmerse yourself in your new surroundings? I am very much the type of person who loves to meet new people and accept new challenges. The Irish tend to be like this! What I have noticed, however, is that there are many, many English people living here also and they generally (but not exclusively) tend to stick to themselves and seek out only other English people. Each to their own but that's my idea of hell.

With regard to learning a new language, there are lots of products available which will help you with the basics, however there is NO SUBSTITUTE for just talking to the local peeps wherever you happen to move to. There is a common mis-conception that the French refuse to speak English when in their own country, however the reality is that if you make an effort to speak French they will generally meet you halfway, helping you out with your pidgeon French and also speaking English when they can. Think of this: I have met native English speakers who have lived here for 10 years, yet perhaps have barely 100 words of French! Now can you imagine someone living in the UK or USA, an immigrant perhaps, who makes no attempt to speak the language? How would we perceive that person? Exactly...the French are no different to the rest of us really. They are however incredibly warm, hearty welcoming people, who love to laugh and wind others up. It does help to have a thick skin sometimes!

Food - French food is probably the best food in the world and the French care about their food and particularly the quality of their food immensely.

People - There are so many pre-conceived notions about the French, but the reality is that they are earthy yet sophisticated, private yet welcoming, canny yet generous, intolerant yet respectful and a whole host of other things that I will get to in time.

Landscape - there is so much beauty in this country. It is also ine of the most significant archeological regions in the world.

The smells - In rural France every season has it's own beautiful and descriptive smell. Every morning is a joy, regardless of the weather.

Experimentation - There is so much variety of food, wine, culture, places of interest, and events that you need to enjoy trying new things if you visit or live here.