Love Making Experiences

My husband and I have been together for almost five years. We were abstinate until marriage, and I worry that this may have put too much pressure on us early in the marriage.

Once we were married and it was "okay" to have sex, my husband and I didn't know what to do. We didn't even consummate the marriage until two weeks after our wedding. Since then things haven't gotten much better. We have been married nearly five years, and he has never had an orgasm with me when making love . . . ever.

He tells me that he can have an orgasm "sometimes" when he masturbates alone. I have brought up the idea of him trying to masturbate with me in the room, or even with me helping him, but he always puts me off. I offer him oral all the time which he consistantly turns down. I am dying to do this for him, but he always rejects me. I don't know if he finds the idea distasteful or what is wrong.

I am so attracted to him, but I feel like I have to beg him to have sex with me. I have no concerns that he is being unfaithful, but I dont think he understands how much it hurts me that he has shut me out of this vital part of our marriage.

Over the past five years we have managed to have sex ~ once a month, and every time its just because it's in his words "the right thing to do" like an unpleasant obligation akin to doing the taxes, or polishing the silver.

I have accepted that we might never have children because he can't have an orgasm. I have urged him to seek treatment and even brought him to a marriage therapist, but he downplayed the problem, and we weren't really able to get any help from the therapist.

I am at my witts end. I don't want to leave him, but I don't want to go the rest of my life without knowing what it is like to be really desired and pursued. I wan't to know what it's like to really be with my husband. I want us to eventualy be able to have children together - without having to involve test tubes or turkey basters. If anyone has any suggestions that could help I would really appreciate it.