Crystal Meth in the Gay Community

The Culture of Meth and It"s effect on the Gay Community

I am writing this piece about Crystal Meth and it"s negative effect on the Gay community as I know from personal expierience of what it does. I am currently clean, almost six months. It is a battle everyday and It is not really the drug that keeps me wanting to relive that aspect of my life again but the combination of the Sex and Drug and how I constantly want to have that connection with another while using the Drug that made me feel so amazing, Until It nearly destroyed me.

The Internet, Meth, and the effect that meth has on ones sexuality all Go together in this. Basically, Meth increases sexual desire and lowers Inhibitions making Sex more enjoyable and the ability to act in ways you cannot sober. However, the compulsion to continue the sexual act or use of the Drugs reguardless of the cost or consequences is devastating. One cannot stop the sex nor the drug once they start, It is repetative and obsessive. Gay hookup sites and craigslist fuel this addictive PNP culture, PNP being the term used in the Gay community for "Party and Play"..Meaning using Meth and Sex to enhance the total expierience, They feed off of each other.

I can only speak for myself but when I used Meth , It was all about the Sex and The more Meth Sex I had then the more I could not Do without It. There is a whole culture out there with websites and sex parties, and much more that cater to this Meth culture in the Gay community. See, For me It made me feel Like I could be anyone sexually and not have to feel the hangups That I have about my sexuality and Idenity. I could just relax and Go with It, It was Like another world. However, there is always a downside to anything with that much energy and excitement, Almost like they say ..."If it is too good to be true, Then it probabally Is". There is eventually "Hell to Pay" with the incusion in this lifestyle and the consequeces are dire and often deadly. Everytime I think about two things then I associate them with my Use and yearn to Go down that road again, no matter how damaging that I know It was and will be for me. Those two things are Porn and Gay Sex, as those were my favourite activities on Crystal and I have difficulty seperating them from my Addiction or the Drug.

Crystal is a Drug that is almost like the Anti Christ, as it puts on the face of a good friend and something Good and Fun, But then shows it"s true intentions and evil side once it has you Hooked, and those intentions are never good. The Goal of this Drug is to take over your Brain and get you to keep using the Drug and that is all that is Important. Getting clean for me and many who combine Meth with Sex is more than just stopping the bad habit of using this awful Substance, But relearning your whole Life all over again. Relearning how to have ENJOYABLE sober sex again, relearning how to enjoy yourself clean and sober(which is also difficult due to how Crystal attacks your pleasure center of the brain) and how to function in the real world without having that all familar escape.

In my opinion, Meth abuse and BPD (borderline personality disorder )are almost like close cousins as they both team up and attack the Addcit, as BPD is similar to Meth as I have stated before. Them both attack impulsivity, emotional instability, and sexual complusions. They appear similar at first look, But they are in fact different, However the Two together are a deadly combination, as It is very difficult to stay clean and sober when a person has BPD or Bipolar. The constant need to escape causes relapse virtually a sure thing, A person with Personality or Mood disorder who also suffers from addiction must have lots of help and support to win the War in the end, It is an uphill battle but it is winable ! Myself, I have been contemplating Using again, I know the damage that it does but when I was in that Lifestyle, It nearly destroyed me, Yes. I felt like I was part of something, Like I belonged but more than that, Once the Drug is put in your Brain(especially as much as I used) It is an uphill battle fought over many years To Overcome, but one never does get rid of It 100%, But has to keep at it EVERYDAY !

Association is Big, being able to seperate Who you are from what You do, If one is Gay or Bisexual it is very important that they are able to seperate their sexuality from their Drug use, If they cannot do that then there is trouble ahead as They will also Go back out and Use over their sexuality. If one cannot have sober, enjoyable Guilt free sex then they are likely to continue to use. Also, the User has to stop Glamorizing the Drugs and lifestyle associated with the drugs or that too will cause more relapse. Relapes is not failure and with such a powerful drug it is expected, especialliy with complex and confusing mental and emotional issues on board, However Relapse can be Deadly and that is something to consider using again. Sure it is enjoyable, But at what price? From my past expieriences, I have learned that the Price is too much to pay, So what I have learned is this.. One must work on themselves and thier inner self including their sexuality to stay on the right path, as if you do not do this then relapse is for sure.

The Culture of Meth and Sexuality in the Gay (straight to a lesser degree) community is not going anywhere, It is up to the individual (first) and then community (2nd) To work at it very hard and stay focused, as That Demon is always waiting for your guard to be let down.

Many of us addicts use the drugs we use either to escape a problem we face in life or to escape ourselves, but there are those who find great pleasure in combining sex and Meth , as the two make for an unbelievable experience , however there are dire consequences to be had and we do not realize what we are doing to our brains- doctors do not lie so here are some facts about our Brains on Meth.

If anyone doubted that drug use can damage the brain, new studies using brain scans show methamphetamine abusers' brains have damage similar to dementia, as well as considerable brain inflammation. This ScienCentral news video has more.

Addiction Blues

The poetry in Lee L.'s voice as he describes his great love is hypnotic.

"I loved Crystal," he gushes. Lee's not speaking of a person, but methamphetamine, known by its street name, Crystal Meth. "It gave me a sense of power. It made me feel hungry. It made me feel sexual. It made me feel virile. It was like all of the switches in my body and in my brain felt like they finally got turned on."

Lee-a 42-year-old composer who asked that his last name not be used in keeping with his involvement in the twelve-step program, New York Crystal Meth Anonymous-hunted down the drug as the days dragged between runs, even though he knew it was doing considerable bodily damage. "The physical body collapses a little every time, certainly in my case, every time that I used," he recalls. "The reward that it got was it hit upon a pleasure center in the brain."

For the first time, scientists have seen exactly which brain areas in both chronic meth users and recovering meth addicts change. Paul Thompson, a University of California at Los Angeles brain researcher, used high-resolution MRI brain scans to compare the brains of 22 chronic meth users with those of 21 non-users.

Thompson told Discover Magazine that the MRI scans of addicts showed evidence of considerable brain inflammation and that two key brain areas associated with memory-the same ones damaged in early Alzheimer's-shrunk some 10 percent.

One thing the drug users reported was loss of memory," he says. "They have poorer memory than people of the same age and the loss of tissue in the memory areas of the brain linked with this functional decline. So, people who lost most tissue in the memory areas actually had worse performance on tasks that involved memory."

That's not all. Thompson's colleague, Edythe London, a neuroscientist also at the University of California at Los Angeles, used PET scans-or positron emission tomography-to image how glucose is processed in the brains of 17 methamphetamine abusers who had stopped using the drug nearly a week before they participated in her study. She then compared those brain images with the brain images of 18 non-abusers, who completed the same attention task as their brains were measured.

meth
image: ABC News
"When people take crystal meth and become dependent on the drug, there is a real change in how the brain works," she says. "Very specifically, those circuits in the brain that are primarily in the pre-frontal cortex are down-regulated." The pre-frontal cortex is responsible for controlling behavior, but it also regulates an area in the lower brain-the amygdala-responsible for emotion. "The methamphetamine abuser, at least in early abstinence, has a pre-frontal cortex that's not doing its job of controlling the amygdala. So when the methamphetamine user is reminded of drug taking by being in a place where he or she took the drug before%u2026or even the feeling of money in the pocket that could be used to take the drug, this turns on the amygdala and other areas of the brain that are important for craving

I know it seems sex is pointless and boring without Tina and that life is more fun with it; I know you don't think that you are damaging your body and mind - But YOU ARE ; I know that you think you are in control - But YOU CANNOT. It is hard to quit this awful drug and yes the sex is great so that makes the user want to quit even less but realize that the party will not go on forever, I know - my party ended and nearly ended me as well. There is life without Meth friends and there is hope to overcome this addiction; yes; it is an addiction. We defined our lives by Tina and nights and nights with just her and our tricks but she wants us dead, the sex on meth may seem great ( I am still trying to say goodbye myself ) but the price is too high to pay and the ultimate price is death which will happen if you continue to use.. My message to you friends this day is we can recover, we can reclaim our sexuality that society and METH has stolen from us and we can once again be happy.. Put down the pipe, rig, whatever guys and come over to the other side..

I myself miss the sex and life that surrounds Meth but I know that I cannot go back there and I have to help others while doing that. I have to get the word out about how this drug and sex go together and how we need to address our sexuality or we will continue to use, as for many addicts they feel confused about who they are and thus start using to be who they are or want to be in the bedroom. I made this page not to judge anyone who is still using, because if I had no consequences I would still be out there. I just want to help others and show them that yes, you may want to use everyday but No, you do not have to.

Saying Goodbye to anything or anyone who has been a part of your life for such a long time is a very hard things and requires Time, patience, and support and Meth is no different. For the Meth addict life can be very challenging and difficult once they decide to get clean but for the Men who have sex with other Men while using Crystal the challenge can be greater in some ways. The connection of sharing that bond with another while using Tina and losing the limitations and inhibitions that society and ourselves put on each other is such a part of who we are and when we put down the Meth then we lose the great sex as well; what do we do now many ask , who am I without crystal ? If we examine who we really were using Tina then we will begin to be able to let go and move on, have sober and health sex again and maybe finally accept our sexualities and ourselves. Who we were using crystal, going on Craigslist, Manhunt, or other hook up sites , having sex with many men for days on end with little care for our mental and/or physical health or that of others was who we were on crystal; missing work, being irresponsible, and just throwing our lives away , was that who we are proud of or do we want something better ?? We can say Goodbye and we can recover, it will never be easy but with support, guidence, and hope we all can be Who God wants us to be or who we ourselves truly aspire to become.

1. Delete all sex hook up online profiles
2. No sex for one year ( except with partner)
3. Stay away from old cruisng spots ( where drugs could be being used )
4. Stay off computer if it is a problem
5. If feeling like using then call your sponsor or a friend.
6 use buddy system when going somewhere dangerous for your sobriety.
7. Never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
8. Eat healthy, keep stress level low , exercise .
9. Do service, get outside of yourself and help others.
10. Talk, do not get it all bottled up inside, get a therapist.
11. Do not isolate , it leads to 'Stinking Thinking'
12. GO TO MEETINGS !

Sure, I think Meth, PNP, whatever you wanna do or call it is fun at times but then the insanity sets in and I remember where it takes me , the consequences that happen every time and how it takes me down with such vigor . You may say to yourself, No; I am different, I am not an addict; and my answer is - YET . I really am not judging, I know how great the sexual aspect of it is and for me personally I cannot seem to be with men without Tina; but there is hope and Life is better in recovery, you may not have lost anything due to Crystal yet , but you will, I can assure you that it is only a matter of time before you can no longer say, that cannot happen to me ..So, before you take that next hit, ask yourself this question ' Is this the night I lose myself and go too far? Is this the night I die ? Anything is possible with Meth, anything my friends..

Admitting you have a problem is the first step, Quitting comes next, followed by saying Goodbye not only to Crystal but to Crystal sex as well as that is why many of us have used the drug, to fill a sexual void; to feel that connection and sense of belonging to something. The whole culture of PNP is not really about the Drug but rather wanting to be accepted and to accept ones own sexuality, to feel that intensity and that drive in the bedroom and far too often we in the Gay community who do not accept ourselves and feel rejected by society feel a need to look outside of ourselves for that sense of being. We that used or use Tina to live out our Gay, sexual lives are the minority in the Gay community but the number is growing everyday and there is something that needs to be done about it, because we are people not just ' Damn Tweakers' like we are so often labeled.

I made this lens to help people understand one sub culture of many in the Meth World ; I did this because I was a part of this culture for a long time and although I now only have 66 days of clean time I know where I have been and am sure that many Gay men are in that very same spot; having this drug start to wreck their lives but feeling so attached to the lifestyle that they cannot imagine quitting. I hope that those suffering can give recovery a try and those who are not addicts can help those Meth addicts instead of looking down on them.

California drug officials launched an $11-million barrage of billboards, bus wraps, cable TV ads and a website Thursday aimed at discouraging gay men from using methamphetamine, an illegal stimulant linked to risky sexual behavior and the spread of HIV.

The drug, commonly known as "crystal" or "tina," has been a popular party drug in gay circles since the 1990s. A statewide survey, also released Thursday, found that crystal meth use was 11 times more common among gay men than in the California population overall. Fifty-five percent of 549 gay and bisexual men surveyed said they had used the drug, compared with 5% of the general population.

Mike Rizzo, manager of the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center's crystal meth recovery services, praised the state's campaign, especially the website videos of real people relaying the consequences of using crystal meth. Not only will they appeal to young people, he said, but they portrayed meth use in a way that "is real and relatable and not easily dismissed as being overly alarmist."

The site, www.menotmeth.org, allows users to add their own videos. It also provides links to places to get help.

The Gay & Lesbian Center, along with the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, helped push the Legislature to pass the California Methamphetamine Initiative in 2006. Data from the center's HIV testing program found that nearly one in every three gay or bisexual men who tested positive in the testing program in 2004 used crystal meth -- a threefold increase over 2001.

In the state-sponsored survey, gay men were the only group to cite enhanced sexual arousal as part of drug's appeal.

I know it is hard to imagine but there is life after Tina. Life can be good and fresh and exciting once again. We can enjoy sex without having to be high, we can learn to love ourselves again and we can have an enjoyable life after we make the choice to dump Tina. I again , do not judge because not too long ago I was trapped where many addicts are still at; locked down with the chains of addiction and still DO think of using. However, I do know that I can recover and my life is better without it; To know who you are you have to have some clarity and with Tina there never can be any clarity. If we walk away even for a little while knowing that we can always go back, we will soon realize that we are happier and more satisfied clean and sober, something I have to tell myself every single day to keep going.

Recovery is hard work. It entails a clear dedication to oneself. Such motivation is more easily found by being connected to yourself and to those who nurture a life that you feel enthusiastic about. Professional, personal, relational and geographic choices sometimes wait to be made. Remember that recovery is the opportunity to give your life meaning and purpose where your freedom prevails, again or maybe even for the first time. Crystal Meth recovery is even harder work and is a daunting task for those of us who combined it with intense and sometimes out of this world sex; we must learn to have sober sex once again and saying goodbye to Crystal means saying goodbye to Crystal sex.

I myself still have much work to do, only being clean for 70 days now, I think about using all of the time and am triggered easily but I put one foot in front of the other and try to change as I know what will happen if I go back to Meth, it is a start.I wanted to help other addicts or users to find support and deal with their problem, if they do not want to quit then I am here to talk; I am non judgmental and will just listen if you like. I have done it all, enjoyed the Meth sex that I had and suffered the bottoms as well. I am not out of the woods yet but we never are, it is a constant battle; but if we want a better way of life then it is waiting for us.

Studies have found that methamphetamine use among gay and bisexual men is up to ten times higher than in the general population. A 2003 study by the Chicago Department of Public Health and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that approximately 10% of gay men had used methamphetamine at least once in the previous year, compared with 0.7% of the general US population. Of those gay men who reported using meth, 20% were using at least once per week. Another study found that 20% of young gay and bisexual men had used crystal meth in the previous six months, with 6% reporting daily use.

Methamphetamine has also been linked to high risk sexual activity. A study conducted in 2000-01 by the University of California San Francisco AIDS Health Project, the CDC, and the San Francisco Department of Public Health found that gay men who used meth were three times as likely to contract HIV as non-meth users. Meth use has also been linked to a resurgence of syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia infections.

"Meth use among gay and bisexual men is a public health crisis, and media attention about crystal meth should reflect this," said Joel Ginsberg, GLMA's Executive Director. "HIV/AIDS didn't get the attention it deserved early on in part because many people felt it wasn't their problem. The result was a huge amount of avoidable suffering and expense. We can't make that mistake again."

I used drugs and alcohol for over 16 years and now have the longest period of continuious sobreity in my adult life. I was a chronic relapser and if Meth was in front of me right now I would still have a hard time saying no; there is No Meth in Nicaragua thank god, and also no Craigslist where I found most of my PNP(party n play) partners.

PNP was my deal and I still think about it all the time, I would use at some guy's house where I could get it for free and then I would leave after having sex for about an hour and go to the peep shows ( adult book stores with video booths ) and Masterbate for hours and hours, sometimes days and days without stopping; doing my meth and crawling on the floors looking for more. I would jerk off so much that I always rubbed it raw and one time an artery slightly tore from the exsessive rush of blood. I would run all around the city looking for more and more sex, then more meth, and more degrading sex, the fantasies were obsessive and sick and it never was enough; not enough sex, drugs, etc.. I would go to the ER over and over with chest pains, spitting up blood, etc, etc. Almost died several times..

I miss the life everyday, I do not miss all of the bad shit that happened to me though. I do not miss losing housing, friends, jobs, sleeping on the street, having sex to get Meth, and on and on the list goes as it does for many. For so long I did not think I had a problem, I thought that I was Meth and it was the greatest thing I had ever found; the last time I used however ( Feb 24th 2008) I saw how my use and the consequences from such use not only affected me but hurt so many that cared about me and wanted me to make it; I missed my flight that my friend had bought for me and then he had to buy me another one, I ended up in the Psych ward once again as I had so many times before; I was not there when my wife lost our baby and so much more on that last relapse - I decided that as much as I could not be my Gay self without Meth and as much as I enjoyed the Sex I had on that drug, that it was destroying my life. I do not know why I never saw this before as it had been doing so for a long time; today I am clean and sober and trying to help others while trying to heal the damage that Crystal wrecked upon my life. I am still in the process of saying goodbye as This is the hardest thing for me to do.

The truth is that one night using Crystal can cause years of damage and yet we party on Tina many, many nights; some of us have used or use the drug daily. We get so wrapped up in that PNP lifestyle that we do not see how it is destroying our lives, we need to get away from it even just for a little while to gain some clarity, we need to look at how Crystal affects us and what role it plays in our lives. Nobody uses this stuff for too long before the roof comes caving in; no one is immune to the hell it can cause in us and our lives. Just look at what role Tina plays in your life and be willing to maybe question if it is indeed a problem; ultimately it is your decision in the end, but look at how just one night of partying can ruin all that you have worked for. It is important that we examine ourselves, our sexuality, and try to come to terms with who we are and then decide if Tina is part of that.

They say that only 6% of Meth addicts stay clean; which makes a lot of sense since there are so many temptations out there on our city streets, in the bars, and people we know. The biggest problem and temptation for many guys that PNP as I have stated before is the Internet ; there is so much out there that caters to the hookup needs of Gay men that it is like a Sex candy store. This by itself would be fine as healthy sex ( gay or straight ) is good for you; the problem is that many times the sex and using Crystal go together and both can be accessed on sites like Craigslist, Manhunt, and so on.. We have trouble with recovery because sex and our sexuality is so deeply connected with our using in many cases that it makes it hard to walk away from the drug that often fuels that sexuality. Staying off the computer during early recovery can be very important for many people who used the net for these reasons ; if you do not have to be online for work, etc then it is best to take a break as the dangerous triggers could hurt you and your sobriety.

For years and years many of us who used and abused Tina knew the negative consequences that would come about as a result of our use but we kept doing it anyway, showing that sometimes knowing something will hurt you is not enough to stop. The connection between Meth and sex is a hard one to break after we have been in that life for so long, sober sex will never be like what we had on Meth, however eventually we can return to somewhat normal sex and enjoy life again, breaking free is the hardest part and even after we do that then there is the mourning process. Also there is another issue at hand and that is for people who have predisposed Psych illnesses like Bipolar are more prone to use Meth and not be able to stop, as it makes us forget about our pain and helps us to cope and be someone different, the trouble is who we become is not who we intended to. For these people, they need extra treatment and the process can be long and frustrating.

Why We Party

1. I do it for the high. The rush. The euphoria. (Duh!)

2. The SEX! For me, sex is synonymous with speed. And it's for the 'freaky sex,' going places I would never go without speed.

3. Endurance: To dance all night or all weekend - on the floor or between the sheets!

4. To be a bottom. It's the only way I can relax and enjoy receptive anal sex.

5. To ease social anxiety. Speed gives me an incredible sense of confidence and self esteem. When I first did it, I thought 'this is what I've been missing'.

6. To fit in with the club scene guys and to pick up guys on-line who might not look at me otherwise.

7. The weight loss. Crystal meth curbs my appetite. It's the 'Jenny Crank' Diet.

8. I do it to boost creativity with hobbies or art. Productivity at work. Or to do housecleaning or other repetitive tasks.

Why We Cut Back

1. I developed bed sores from sitting in front of that computer for DAYS looking for "the hotter one."

2. My dealer cut me off out of concern.

3. Because I've seen so many people lose control with it, I only let myself use twice a year.

4. Because smoking speed in the bathroom at work just isn't cool. I'll only let myself do it on weekends.

5. I had to give myself a break after I woke up in the pile of clothes I started folding 2 days before.

6. I would spend hours looking for a piece of glass in the carpet only to realize I was in the other room when I was getting high.

7. My loved one is on it too but we both think the other doesn't know.

Why We Quit

1. Cause I got so psychotic on it one night that I called the cops because I thought Tallulah Bankhead was trapped inside my heating ducts.

2. Because my boyfriend left me when I couldn't stop.

3. I'm HIV positive and I though that I might as well have fun before dying then realized I would live longer if I didn't use.

4. I realized I spent all my time in front of my fried computer, piles of soda cans and cigarette butts heaped around me, to find that 6 months had passed without even realizing it.

5. I lost the job I had for 13 years.

6. I knew more then one person named "Rocky" and none of them are boxers.

7. It was time to quit when most of the people I hung out with had names with descriptives in front of them like Texas Tony, Bicycle Joe or Fast Danny.

8. It was my time to lay it all down when I always thought I had a use for everything I found on the street and so brought it all home with me.

9. One of my window blinds was bent just enough for my eye to fit. That's when it was time to quit.