Created by JenniferAkers (contact me)
Moms are special people. Losing a mother, especially if you were close, can be terribly painful. I write about these topics because Squidoo is a g... (more...)
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Mother's Day Memories
Mother's Day can be a difficult holiday for those whose mothers have passed away. My mom died 13 years ago. I still miss her terribly - and most pointedly on Mother's Day. The first Mother's Day holidays -- without my mom --were painful; the once joyous day left me in overwhelming grief. I couldn't fathom all the future Mother's Days without my mom. When the pain of losing my mom eased, I was able to keep her memory alive and honor her on Mother's Day.
I enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my mother; I admired her, sought advice and shared dreams. She had been my biggest supporter, and her death had left a huge hole in my life.Are you missing your mom on Mother's Day? Celebrating Mother's Day can be painful, whether this will be your first Mother's Day without your mom, or if it has been many years since her death. In time, your grief and depression will turn into healing and peace. Keep reading for ways to stay connected with your mom and honor her memory on Mother's Day.
Why Not Skip Mother's Day?
Part 1
I didn't think the pain could be worse than those first months. Then came my first motherless Mother's Day. My heart had stopped skipping its joyful mother-daughter dance. The onslaught of flowery cards, thoughtful gifts, bright flowers and loving commercials bloomed in every store ... the first Mother's Day arrived seven months after my mother's death.
I wanted to skip the Mother's Day holiday. I had spied the perfect gift before reality punched the remembrance that she had died. I never skipped the day entirely since I devoted myself to my grandmother, who at the age of 73, never got used to losing her daughter.
A month after my mom's death, I met a counselor whose mother was gravely ill and died soon after we became friends. We talked about grief, our mothers, and if someone can celebrate a holiday without the honoree.
Continued below ~
Flowers in Mom's Memory
MINI CARNATION BOUTONNIERE
Price: $7.99
White carnations are the symbol for a mom far away or deceased. I first learned about this tradition at my job as a social worker in an adult day care center. For a Mother's Day celebration, I wore a pink carnation since my mother was alive. When the following Mother's Day rolled around, I wore a white carnation to work. I remembered talking to my mom about the carnation tradition when she was alive. I loved the thought in visually honoring her on Mother's Day.
THOUGHTFULNESS BASKET OF FLOWERS
Price: $59.99
Bright flowers in a wicker basket for your visit to the cementery. I usually leave bright flowers on my mom's grave -something to remind me of her smile and maybe make her smile from the Heavens.
Rustic Wildflowers in Jar
Price: $39.99
Wild flowers in an old-time canning jar may remind you of mom and the joys of cooking. My mom had begun to jar fruits and tomatoes - foods she loved with a technique she enjoyed learning.
Why Not Skip Mother's Day? - Part 2
Continued
In healing, you can embrace the holiday and your mother's memory. What are your memories of your mom? How did she make you laugh, smile or feel good? Start with the activities that remind you of her.
My friend used to go to a local restaurant and order steak dinner (her mom's favorite). She'd always wear a white carnation (a symbol to honor a mother who is far away or deceased) on her dress or suit.
Every year, my family gathered (or called each other when we moved farther in miles)on Mother's Day. We reminisced about past Mother's Days, like the one year we surprised Mom, with family smiles and fondue forks, at a new Melting Pot restaurant.
My sister and I inevitably started discussions of "Do you remember when mom made us pancakes for breakfast? She hated pancakes you know...she only made them for us." Sharing memories wrapped us in a loving blanket that we pulled on whenever we need her warmth.
We also visited her grave on Mother's Day and left flowers or plants with little gifts, cards or trinkets tucked inside the planter. We sat and chatted next to her. One year, my sister and I dragged a huge carboard box of old family photos there. Protected under the large Oak, we swapped pictures, laughed about old stories, and embraced our family memories.
It's wonderful and possible to celebrate your mother's memory on Mother's Day. The first Mother's Day holidays without your mom may not be easy. You may even want to skip your first few Mother's Days without your mom, but try to take a little time to think of her, your lives, and your love.
Find new ways to embrace her spirit and keep her memory alive on Mother's Day. Read your mom's favorite book, volunteer for her favorite charity, visit with family or friends, or simply share stories about your mom.
If your mom was your biggest cheerleader, then do something for yourself on Mother's Day - something she would have encouraged you to do. What better way to honor your mom than to grow and celebrate the life she wished for you!
Mother's Day Remembrances
More Ideas to Remember Mom
- Mom's Garden
Create a "Mom's Garden" with special flowers or plants. Did your mom make the best orange juice? Plant an orange tree. Did your mom love roses? Plant some in her favorite color to plant. Was your mom a gourmet cook?
Combine edible plants, like peppers or spice herbs, that she would have loved in her kitchen. Her garden will give you a meditative place to think of her. More pluses: Gardening is good exercise and adds to the health of the environment. - Photo Albums
Whether your photos are super organized or not, find a pretty album to dedicate to your mom. Ask family members for photos they may have - maybe you'll find pictures that you've never seen. Make sure to label photos with dates/places.
Scrapbooking is extremely popular. If you're not an experienced scrapbooker, find a local class. You'll find friends, learn something new, and make a wonderful creation. - Write a Book
Journaling your memories is therapeutic, and writing a book about your mom or grandmother can bring immense joy. As with the photo album, ask family memories for stories about your mom. Snippets of stories add up to a fuller picture of her life. Family or friends may recall stories that you never heard.
A journal or book can be enjoyed by everyone in the family plus it will keep her memory alive for generations. - Create Mom's Cookbook
Was your mom a great cook? Did she make family favorites, like spaghetti and meatballs for your sister and chicken noodle soup to fight colds? Before you discard those meals as typical family recipes, remember your mom's recipes are unique to your family. Whenever you need mom's magic, flip through your new "Mom Cookbook" for the best recipe.
Remember to gather other family members and trade scattered recipes. My older sister once made a mini cookbook of my mom's holiday cookies. The cookbook brings not only delicious cookies but also Mom's touch to our holidays.
Create Mother's Day Memories
Books to Help You Make Remembrance Gifts
Scrapbooking with Recipes: Ideas for Preserving Kitchen Memories (Better Homes & Gardens)
I really missed my mom's cooking after she died. I collected her recipes from different family members. My sister and I never found her recipe for Cardamon Bread - one of the family's Easter favorites.
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
The Flower Garden Photograph Album (Photo Album)
My mom loved flowers - fresh, potted, or wild. This photo album is a great way to commemorate your mom or grandma's beautiful spirit.
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
The Way We Garden Now: 41 Pick-and-Choose Projects for Planting Your Paradise Large or Small
I didn't inherit my mom's garden sense. My mom grew gorgeous roses; she catalog - ordered most of the bushes and tended them with amazing results. This gardening book has projects for any size area - maybe, I can start with my little patio.
Amazon Price: $19.77 (as of 05/16/2008)
The Decorated Page: Journals, Scrapbooks & Albums Made Simply Beautiful
My family took photographs, mostly snapped at special occasions. We have boxes of photos. Notice I said boxes, not wonderfully preserved albums.
Scrapbooking is a better way to keep those memories.
Amazon Price: $12.03 (as of 05/16/2008)
Bookworks: Books, Memory and Photo Albums, Journals and Diaries Made by Hand
My mom loved books, a tradition happily shared through the generations. How lovely to create books from jam-packed boxes of photos.
Amazon Price: $18.45 (as of 05/16/2008)
Personalized Photo Memory Books
Create Stunning Memory Books from Your Photos and Your Stories
Here's an easy and beautiful way to remember the wonderful times with your mom: Customize a photo book about your mom or create a memory book as a gift. These books are gorgeous!It's easy! Gather photos of holidays, special events, or favorite natural-posed pictures. Use your digital pictures to create a memory photo book with their huge selection of backgrounds, fonts, layouts, book sizes, and other options.
You're in control: see everything online, change photos or layouts, or even add pages. You personalize your book.
While I had many digital photos, I wanted to use some older photos (stacked high in my photo box) and not on my computer. I simply scanned the photos to my computer and added them to the editing software. If you don't have a scanner at home, you can use scanners at office supply stores, or drug stores like Walgreen's or CVS. If you have a lot of photos, you may want to create a CD to download to your computer.
Different layouts allow everything from simple text, like for names and dates, to full-page for sharing memories.
In my book, I arranged a two-page spread for each member of the family. I included photos, and everyone wrote about their favorite time. I gave suggestions, such as:
" _________ was a _______ person. I will always remember her when she _________... "
"My favorite memory was the time ..."
The book surpassed my expectations - it's a beautiful keepsake filled with my family's memories!
Create a Memory Photo Book
Capture Mother's Day Memories in a Biography
Professional Memoir Services
- Life Story Biography - Bereavement, Grief & Memorial
- Biography services for life stories - bereavement, grief and remembrances.
Donate to Mom's Favorite Charity
Animals were special creatures to my mom, and she donated to a few charities. If you need ideas, choose one of my mom's favorites.
Donating in mom's name is a wonderful way to honor her.
- Endangered Species, Wildlife Conservation, Animal Habitats
- Endangered Species at World Wildlife Fund. At WWF, we are the leader in wildlife conservation and preservation of animal habitats around the world. Join World Wildlife Fund and support our conservation efforts.
My mom's favorite organization; she donated money every year for their conservation work. - ASPCA: The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
- ASPCA: American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
My mom loved all kinds of animals and donated to the ASPCA. - Welcome to the Animal Humane Society Home Page
- We are the Animal Humane Society, located in Golden Valley & Coon Rapids, MN. This is our home page. Welcome to our site!
In my mom's will, she requested donations to the Animal Humane Society in lieu of flowers for her funeral.
Angel Collection Keeps Mom's Memory Alive
Angels 101: An Introduction to Connecting, Working, and Healing with the Angels
Doreen Virtue has a regular column in Women's World. Her angel column highlights readers' angel experiences. Her Angels 101 book is a fantastic introduction to connecting and healing with your angel's help.
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 05/16/2008)
Loving Angel Keepsake Box - Willow Tree
One of my favorite collections are boxes of all sizes, shapes and themes. Willow Tree creates quality keepsake, like this Loving Angel Keepsake.
Amazon Price: $10.10 (as of 05/16/2008)
Angel Design By Edward Burne-Jones Ornament or Keepsake
I love angel ornament, and this beautiful ornament is perfect on your tree or hung on a window hook to catch the sun's rays. Give to a friend who needs Angel reminders.
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 05/16/2008)
Angel Travel Jewelry Case
For overnight trips or a simple place for daily jewelry, this
Angel jewelry case will remind you of your guardian angel watching over you.
Amazon Price: $35.00 (as of 05/16/2008)
An Angel's Touch 2004 Hallmark Keepsake Ornament QXG5634
My sister gave me this angel for Christmas. Its elegance reminds me of my mom and her love for me. My Angel's Touch ornament is one of my treasures with a special place near the top of the tree.
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
Unique Remembrance Gift - Buttons of Mom
Create a unique remembrance of your mom with a photo button. This lens shows you how to create your own button with a photo of your mom. Buttons of Mom is also running a charity campaign - visit and vote on the best charities in mom's name. Your favorite charity could win!
Make it Simple
Remember that honoring your mom can be a simple act: perhaps just sitting quietly and thinking about how much you loved her. Light a candle and say a prayer. Look at her photo and say "I Love You, Mom". These solitary moments connect you both on Mother's Day.Do what feels right to you. Do something that keeps your mom's spirit alive in your heart. If you have children, do something to continue the circle of love from your mom to you to your kids. If your mom always picked you up from school with a snack tucked beside her, do the same for your kids and tell them grandma had brought you snacks when you were little.
Keep her memory alive by reminding your kids of grandmas' special gifts, like drawing cardinals, making the best brownies, or running the fastest marathon. Remind them of gifts she handed down to them, like her business mind, her pug nose, or her clumsy waltz.
If making books or planting gardens seem overwhelming, slow down and make it simple. It's best to choose something that is authentic of your relationship with your mom. If both of you could barely boil a pot of water, then don't choose to create a cookbook. It's all about feeling and sharing your love.
As I created this lens, my mind danced with many wonderful, funny and loving thoughts of my mom. I miss her still and wish she was as close as a phone call or a big hug. I wanted to do something to honor her. In writing this lens, I realized all she gave me and continues to give me. I think she'd be proud.
I hope all of you find peace and joy in connecting with your mothers.
Gifts for Friends whose Mothers have Passed Away
Things to Say When Your Friend's Mom Dies
Even through the painful Mother's Day years, I appreciated friends acknowledging my mother. I welcomed the opportunity to share memories and talk with someone else.
Grieving is a difficult time when others don't know how to express their sympathy. While comfort can be expressed in different ways, I found comfort when people said some combination of the following, when my mom died:
I know how hard this is. I miss her too.
She was a wonderful person. She loved you very much.
The last time I saw your mom, she was ....
I'll always remember what a talented seamstress, artist, .... she was.
She was so proud of you. She's watching you now.
She's not hurting. She's at peace.
If there's anything I can do, please let me know.
Believe or not, even people who said, "I don't know what to say" helped - at least they were thinking of my mother and trying to comfort me, though they didn't have the words.
The worst things I heard:
It's the circle of life. We're all going to die. (It's true, but not comforting as someone's grieving a recent loss.)
Why are you crying? (It should be obvious, but I actually had someone ask me that. She thought "something else had happened.")
My favorite gifts were those that helped me release my feelings in a positive way. Hopefully some of these gift ideas will help you find something perfect for Mother's Day.
The Gift of a Memory: A Keepsake to Commemorate the Loss of a Loved One
Amazon Price: $12.50 (as of 05/16/2008)
Glass Guardian Angel with LED Base - Style 35715
Amazon Price: $16.99 (as of 05/16/2008)
Set Of 2 Guardian Angel Reading With Girl Garden Statue Figurines #47178
Amazon Price: $60.99 (as of 05/16/2008)
Someone You Love Memorial Stone
Amazon Price: $39.99 (as of 05/16/2008)
How Parenting is Shaped by Your Loss
I adored my son and watched him with fierce love and amazement. I wanted to ask my mom if her grandson and I shared similar light up the world smiles, sleeping through the night, walking late, loving books and drawing. I could only recall a few stories my mom told me about myself as an infant - "You were a happy baby - always smiling."
I had so many unanswerable questions. Had she breastfed me or were bottles "in" when she was a new mother? Had she cried about her lack of mothering skills trying to soothe my colic? What would she have told me about preventing her Houdini-like grandson from escaping his high chair? I mourned not having her in my new adventures.
As my parenting skills grew, I told my son nuggets about his grandma --- "She was a wonderful artist. You have her creativity." --- or of traditions that now held special meaning. The circle of love wrapped around the three of us ... before I even realized the memories held us together.
Whenever I think of my mom, I wonder what life would be like if she was alive now. Would she spoil my son with the latest Spiderman video game? Would she teach him about career skills in art or business - or both? Would the woman who doted on me, and hated aging, enjoy being a grandma? The pain of losing her softens when I am able to share her spirit with my son.
Motherless Mothers shows how our parenting is shaped by the loss of our mothers. Author Hope Edelson is an incredible writer. She presents her research in helpful and caring prose. I highly recommend her work.
Motherless Mothers: How Mother Loss Shapes the Parents We Become
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
Missing Mom on Mother's Day
Missing your mother is normal. Feelings of sadness, anger or depression are part of the grieving process. So many of us want to hop over these negative and painful emotions. I learned that skipping those emotions only delays the healing; we can only fully heal if we go through the emotions.
Reading books about grief and healing may help. Talking to friends may help. Sometimes, you need extra help, like if you experience overwhelming and persistent sadness or depression.
You may need to speak to a professional grief counselor who can help you identify the stages of loss and move to recovery.
Please don't let embarassment or fear stop you from reaching out. When my mother passed away, I worked as a case manager for elderly clients. I counseled others in my job, but I needed my own counselor to deal with my grief.
I found healthy ways to cope with feelings of sadness, anger and profound loss. Sometimes the extra help or an empathetic, knowledgeable stranger is the best way to cope with the loss.
Know that it is okay to ask for help.
- National Mental Health Association
- Find resources through the National Mental Health Association. Their website gives information and ways to find local counselors.
Stages of Grief
Is This Typical?
Some feelings may drift into trauma or a deep depression, which requires professional help.You may need to talk to a professional. If you're not sure if your feelings are part of the stages of grief, please find a counselor. You do not have to endure the loss by yourself.
- Coping with Loss: Guide to Grieving and Bereavement
- Learn about coping with loss, grieving, and bereavement. Addresses the stages of grief, the length of the grieving process, and other questions concerning grief and loss.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
- About Grief & Bereavement
Grief is a natural process to death and dying. It is not pathological in nature,but rather, is a necessary response to helping heal from the overwhelming sense of loss when a loved one dies.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., became a renown author who supported the dying and created the model for the grief stages. This site gives healthy steps to help you through grieving, like going to a support group, seeking a counselor and journaling. - David Kessler
- Frequently Asked Questions on Grief & Grieving ~ Coping with Holidays ~ Dealing with Pain ~ The 10 Best and Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief
Describes Kubler-Ross' 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Books on Grief & Recovery
When the Pain Remains Sharp - Get Help in Grieving
I found great information and comfort from these books. I submerged myself in Motherless Daughters and Gifts from the Sea. I hope you find comfort in one of these books.
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, Second Edition
Amazon Price: $10.85 (as of 05/16/2008)
Dear Mom: Remembering Our Mothers
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
Happiness Is: Remembering Mom : Biographical sketches of a family
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
Gift from the Sea: 50th Anniversary Edition
Amazon Price: $10.88 (as of 05/16/2008)
The Gift of a Memory: A Keepsake to Commemorate the Loss of a Loved One
Amazon Price: $12.50 (as of 05/16/2008)
Kids' Books on Grief & Recovery
Help Kids Deal with Grandma's Death
I keep my son's connection with the grandma he never knew by telling family stories, showing photographs and remembering her in our daily life. These books can help kids that miss a grandma they knew.
When Your Grandparent Dies: A Child's Guide to Good Grief (Elf-Help Books for Kids)
Amazon Price: $7.95 (as of 05/16/2008)
Remembering My Grandparent: A Kid's Own Grief Workbook in the Christian Tradition
Amazon Price: $12.74 (as of 05/16/2008)
Grandma's Purple Flowers
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
Remembering Grandma / Recordando a Abuela
Amazon Price: $12.44 (as of 05/16/2008)
Grandma's apple tree: A personal reflection on death and hope
Amazon Price: (as of 05/16/2008)
Share a Memory
Tell us about your mom and how special she was - Was she a gourmet cook? Did she love hiking? Here's a chance to share.
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KimGiancaterino
What a beautiful story. I'm giving you a Squid Angel Blessing in honor of Mother's Day. I've just spent the last hour and a half catching up with my mom on the phone. I feel very fortunate today. I'm sorry for your loss at such a young age. Posted May 11, 2008 |
Jennifer, I read all your pages. Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts to us all. My mom died of breast cancer last year on May 14, 2007. It is very painful for me to have to go through this Mother's Day without her. I am not to crafty but I am going to try my best to get some pictures together for an album and have my kids paint a rock with a special "NaNa" saying. I had the great joy to spend last years Mother's Day by her side as she gave her blessing to each and every child, and grandchild. She keeps reminding me in my heart "Genine, the best is yet to come" I hang on to these lines when I feel pretty lonely without her here with me. Happy Mother's Day 2008 Let's all celebrate the Mothers who gave us so much love and life.
Daughter of Mary Bridget Martinez,
Genine Telepak
Posted May 09, 2008
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beeobrien
This is a beautiful page. I've added it to my featured list at my Mother's Day lens. Posted May 07, 2008 |
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mulberry
A touching story. I recall feeling "alone" after I lost a parent. Strange, I had sisters, a husband, etc. but the loss of the people who first loved you and took care of you feels like having your "safety net" removed. You offer words of comfort and wisdom for those who are grieving, well done. Posted May 02, 2008 |
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LeslieBrenner
I'm very sorry for your loss, and I understand your grief all too well. It never quite goes away and tends to come in waves. You learn to manage it, knowing your loved one would want you to be happy. Posted April 26, 2008 |
