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From the lens Does Your Child Have Oppositional Defiant Disorder?.

  • fabmum May 3, 2012 @ 3:14 am | delete
    Oh gosh i have read alot and can see bits and pieces of what you are saying, i do not agree with all this medication that children have, I am a Mother of 3 my oldest now being 18, a 12yr old girl and a 4 year old girl . My son has always been a handleful assessed as ADD when 3yrs olld, would climb out the windows at 3am to ride his bike( so put chains on windows), so very distructive. Honest thought my head was going to explode it took years now he is 18 did his final year at school and left and is now working , he still lives at home, has respect, ethics and morals all i can say is be strong and constant , there is a light at the end of the tunnel, because these kids minds never stop working they need few choices and be consistant, they crave it, that way they learn where to draw the line and if it never changes they no where it is..I couldn't be prouder of him. I have never given him medication although the doctors wanted him to be on it. As for 12yr old girls just breath and start each day on a new basis and hope the next 2yrs go quick (fingers crossed). I am a single mum so really just hang in there, remember how much you love and use common sense some may need medical intervention but please try before writng them off and given them pills. ( ps sorry not very good at punctuation etc)
  • JJ Thomson Apr 25, 2012 @ 11:03 pm | delete
    i only pretty sure, perhaps positive, that there is something deeply mentally ill about the parents on here looking to slap a life changing label on their children for convenience sake. I agree with the poster who said children are supposed to be oppositional and defiant, at least when raised in this era in the USA. On the other hand their seems to be a concurrent pandemic of narcissism and sociopathic behavior when it comes to acknowledging the humanity and human rights of their children that has been taken much of its form in psychiatry for the past 3 decades.

    If you want to be precise it should then be said at the beginning that psychiatry and psychology are social sciences. I am a natural sciences researcher and am understand scientific method as well as I understand how to breath. Psychiatry has specifically blurred itself from being a science at all do to its dishonesty that has spurred to a good extent by the idea that it has become both natural science (medical science) while retaining grossly erroneous and poorly constructed social science methodologies. Perhaps. for those somewhat familiar with software engineering, you will understand the idea of psychiatry being alike to the Windows operating system. A long time ago when it was in a much more basic form it was more or less efficient, reliable, and did not destroy things because of its instability. However (it took major form with the passing of the DSM-III. In fact the lead editor of it has become an anti-psychiatry advocate because of his self-admitted guilt in having set up a "house of cards".)

    You have to understand that this is a "science" that firmly believed back in the mid 1800's that slaves running away from slave masters, drapetomania, was a form of mental illness, has a long history of imprisoning patients and doing various torturous things to them while confined, and used removing large pieces of the frontal lobe of people's brains as a way of instilling obedience in human patients. The ignorance of a person coming to psychiatry and various forms of psychology without having read a good deal of its fundamental scholarly works results in one not understanding that these fields have been dripping wet in ideologies related to social engineering and behavioral modification meant mimic the various manifestations of social Darwinism seen in the real world. B.F. Skinner, a major "reformer" in the fields of psychiatry and psychology, wrote from this standpoint and fittingly one of much later works was titled Beyond Freedom or Dignity.

    Now you may be thinking: What is the matter with this guy? Why is he criticizing these things and turning the dialogue towards this direction? Well, there is very good point to why I am bringing the discussion where I have.

    If you start, especially at a young age, to put your children into social engineering mechanisms and slapping on them rather incredible titles/disorders along with heavy medicating and behavior modification you will have crossed the all too infrequently heeded line between treating someone like a human being and treating someone like an animal which is your property. If you think children are animal-like compared to adults, and veritable property of the older individuals in society then I can only wish God help your children to allow them to escape you. But, if you just aren't thinking very hard about what this behavior "management" which has become part of the contemporary zeitgeist then I urge you to consider very hard what you are doing and who you REALLY are doing this for. Are some of these "mental deviancies" that you think your children may be suffering possible to amend by you and your partner cutting down on me time and parenting time spend taking in feedback from a system that intentionally excludes the majority of feedback coming from your child? Are you deficient and the environment you create/have created in the past in ways that plausibly could create behavior that is less than simple to deal with? Last, what were you like when your were their age and older? Were you similar at all? Do you see things in them that you see in yourself, possibly? Are you trying to modify behaviors that you yourself once exhibited?

    If any of the answers to the above are yes or in the affirmative then I am sad to report to you that you and the members of your family who have similar behavior to your own are likely at a minimum half of the problem in your child's life. If you have problems that have rubbed off on your child then nothing short of a miracle will fix them unless you start thinking and behaving in more accountable and rational manners.

    Worshiping at the alter of behavioral sciences is as good as burning incense to the desert god El for help, or any other deity for that matter. Complicated problems require complicated problem solving and actions. If you cannot grasp that then God help your children. They will need it.
  • julie May 1, 2012 @ 4:29 pm | delete
    i do agree with some of what your saying but you do have to take into consideration that some children are different to other children although some parents do look for an easy way out some parents dont im not an expert or a professional but i am a mother of 3 children i have brought all my children up the same with the same boundaries but its my oldest child of nine that pushes the bounderies and you just know as a parent that something isnt quite right especially when you watch there anger go to extremes its heartbreaking when they come home from school and they havnt any friends and there bullied as there an easy target and there so behind with there school work and the only way you can get outside help is if you slap a label on your child im sorry to say that if i can get my child envolved in clubs and one to one support to boost his learning then getting him a label is the only way to do it then it has to be done although some of the parents are crazy sending a child to the bathroom for 6 hours is mental but there are some parents who are genuine my child has autism and i was informed that he also has odd i havnt gone down the route of medication or therapy i have attended parenting courses and set srict boundaries and daily routines that are met eveyday and are not changed i just had to write a reply to your lens as alot of parents on this sight are very concearned and genuine parents and i just think you should have considered this maybe if you think you have a better alternative to the responses parents recieve about there children then you should put some of what you know into practice im sure alot of parents will gladly welcome any form of help
  • Sweets Apr 22, 2012 @ 8:29 pm | delete
    My little brother has all of these more than what is required. ODD?
  • Serena Apr 22, 2012 @ 1:58 am | delete
    my 5 year old has all 8 issues literally all day every day.......ODD?
  • visitor Apr 7, 2012 @ 8:53 pm | delete
    it could just be a phase
  • jaqui Mar 31, 2012 @ 8:38 am | delete
    per week dont u mean numerous times per day
  • cali Mar 29, 2012 @ 8:05 pm | delete
    you see all 8 of those line items... well the child I am currently guardian of does those things 3-4 times a day
  • ContentbyCasey Mar 29, 2012 @ 7:33 pm | delete
    Very interesting points.
  • mominneed Mar 24, 2012 @ 10:25 pm | delete
    Would you say my daughter has odd if she get mad always with me and even has gotten to the point that she is getting physical with me what can i do.
  • Jesse G Mar 19, 2012 @ 10:38 pm | delete
    Alright...this just happened not even an hour ago. My 13 year old sister just threw and enormous fit over my mom asking her not to turn on her electric blanket because it is a tad too warm for that now. She literally began to throw herself to the floor, wailing and keening, kicking the walls, slamming door, etc.

    My mother was patient and decided to let her tire herself out. After nearly 30 minutes, she finally quieted down, and asked to get a drink. My mom brought up a cup of water for her, but she became angry that she couldn't get it herself, and tried to dump the water on my mom. My mom raised her arm to defend herself, causing the water to spill on my sister instead. She screamed BLOODY MURDER that probably woke the entire neighborhood...

    She then went about going up and down the stairs, threatening to leave, and slamming her door so hard that it now bulges outward a bit.

    The argument is still going on now...she just slammed her door several times more...

    This has been going on for almost 2 years and my poor mom feels helpless. I hate seeing her cry.

    Please help.
  • Dot Mar 19, 2012 @ 10:16 pm | delete
    Are you kidding me? You obviously have no children. I have four. Spread over 12 years. One of the four has ODD so bad we couldn't even get family members to babysit him as a child. He gets so angry sometimes he gets violent. We tried everything natural we possibly could as we didn't like medication solutions but I have to tell you that the older he got the more he knew he was different from other children. His behavior often got him shunned. He lost friends, had trouble in school, etc....We have him seeing a counselor now and when he is calm he tells us that he enjoys the counselor because he feels it helps as he often cannot express his frustration and the anger builds and then he cannot control himself and just reacts. He says if he could describe it he would say he is like a volcano. You just don't know when it will blow and sometimes you can feel the quake before it does but you still can't control it. I feel so badly for him because he wants to be able to be calm and succeed he just so often cannot figure out how to do it without becoming frustrated which eventually leads to ODD behaviors. It is a shame soo many people do not understand it and as a society we have built these stereotypical "molds" we expect our children to fit or "cookie cut" ways we think everyone should be. Some disorders, as they are not physical, therefore not "seen", are overlooked and the child who needs help sorely lacks it. As parents it is deeply stressful to not have the help, resources and understanding we so desperately need.
  • Melissa Apr 4, 2012 @ 10:04 pm | delete
    Completely agree, 100%. My daughter is the same way. We always have our calm talks after she has completely unleashed all of her anger. She knows exactly what happens, why, but she cannot control it either. I also do not want to go to the medication route at all so I am finding it hard to find other ways to not necessarily control it..but to pour water on the fire as it is starting. If you can, could you please let me know what you do that is the most effective? or really...anything. She is 7, and so I just want to help her, and at the same time know and feel confident in what I'm doing is right.
  • kathee fenton Apr 27, 2012 @ 9:57 pm | delete
    I have my 11 year old son with ODD going to a psychologist,he told me to do time out in the bathroom. That way he has water and a toilet, and nothing to distract him. Each time he yells, kicks the door, throws something, etc. I add 10 more minutes. One night he stayed in there for 6 hours, but he had to do the time. each time he does something he knows he is not supposed to do, he goes to the bathroom for time out. it has worked better than anything else i have tried.
  • Anna May 1, 2012 @ 2:06 pm | delete
    I think this is the best idea I have heard of in a long time. It is less restrictive than, say, making them stand in a corner (because that never works, they do anything they can to NOT face the corner). So they go in the bathroom, you shut the door, and no more attention is paid to bad behavior? Do you think because she is six that I should only add five minutes onto the time-out for continued hostility after the time-out starts? This may just save my sanity. I am going to try this, thank you so much. I have a very defiant six year old that consistently breaks rules and disobeys no matter how many times you tell her what's expected of her. We need a new plan of action.
  • otrwheel Mar 19, 2012 @ 3:20 pm | delete
    My wife works in the Psych field as a Nurse and I am going to send her this page.
  • Vranja Mar 18, 2012 @ 3:23 pm | delete
    All of those sound like normal kid behaviors to me. Seriously? You expect people to take this as something that's unusual? I'd be more worried about a kid that was always compliant. Kids are SUPPOSED to be oppositional and defiant. They're SUPPOSED to disobey, lose their tempers, deny responsibility, refuse to listen, and otherwise behave like changelings from two till 25, when they somehow become human beings with a reasonable sense of empathy. You know, when their brains are done growing.

    Seriously, this 'disorder' is so bunk. Parents: stop acting like there's something wrong with your kid. There isn't -- until you start medicating and therapying them to death. No wonder kids these days are crazy. Helicopter parents who won't let them go be children. Jeez.
  • Bridget Mar 20, 2012 @ 2:15 pm | delete
    Wow, Vranja, that's kind of what I was thinking. Especially for a very boyish boy, if you get my meaning. I've been worried about my son because he does disobey pretty much daily but he's often very sweet and fun to be around. He shows occasional empathetic tendencies but he's not a "care bear". He's very bright (read just before 4, is 6 now) and has an incredible imagination. But he is drawn more to kids in informal settings (after school care, etc) that are misbehaving and joins in the fun. Doesn't like losing games and can be easily frustrated at times. Does well in the structure of a classroom but can get into mischief easily, say, with a substitute teacher. But could decide to help her and be a mini teacher and help the other kids... I've had people imply he could have ADD and he fits the bill with the ODD thing pretty well. I don't think I want to label my kid so easily...
  • Joseph May 7, 2012 @ 6:55 pm | delete
    I'm 15 years old and he sounds exactly like me the best thing you can do are simple e.g. When he frustrated playing a game because he can't win don't say it's a one off or tell him to cheer up or stop moaning, because in my case that has enraged me more, also try not to patronise him and make sure when he interacts with you, interact back e.g if he talks to you , talk back, don't just reply by nodding your head. But also if they tell you to get lost or shut up or whatever respect that and give them a bit of time to simmer. These all worked with me and my parents.
  • annoyed mum Mar 31, 2012 @ 8:42 am | delete
    U obviously dont have children how do u feel about taking mine for a week im sure u would soon change your pig headed opinion i assure u you would be ripping your hair out
  • mybabies Apr 23, 2012 @ 3:56 am | delete
    I agree
  • heather May 23, 2012 @ 2:06 am | delete
    I agreed for the past 13 years, refused to get my son screened for the fear of medication that I don't know the long term effects. I wanted results, not a sedated kid. Now that he is 13 I'm questioning my decision. Our whole family sufferes from his actions on a daily basis. Most importantly he is now suffering as well. grades are bad, no friends, He is unhappy more than he is happy. I used to think ADHD was just a cop out for bad kids, drug them up and live peacefully, But I promise that isn't the case. these kids need help. I am looking to get him eveulated. Nobody should live like this, my younger son gets tourched by him and he gets tourched at school. I think it's time to get professional help. I have 4 children so I'm pretty sure I can tell normal from abnormal children behavior. He was diffrent from 1 yr old.
  • Dominique Mar 16, 2012 @ 2:01 am | delete
    My daughter is 9 years old, and she fits the ODD. how can I go about getting her right, as we can not do this any more, and affraid that my younger daughter will become like her as she is 20 months
  • jones1n2 Mar 15, 2012 @ 10:12 pm | delete
    My daughter exhibits most of these behaviors at home, but is the total opposite at school and in sports. All I hear is how great responsible organized and focused, but I don't see that at home. She doesn't have anger outbursts often but she's 14 now and we have had a couple in the past few months where she has gotten extremely aggressive towards us. Sh refuses to go to counseling, and we don't know what to do anymore.
  • kellyi Mar 15, 2012 @ 5:51 am | delete
    Please help!! I am a mother of 4 children and I am experiencing major problems with my 12 year old daughter. After reading some of the comments I am starting to wonder if she has ODD, she continuously lies, steals and bullies my other 3 children this happens on a daily basis. I have removed all her priveleges and given her essays to write on how her behaviour effects others, what she gets out of it, what the benefits are and why she does it, by doing this I have now learned that she doesn't accept any responsibility she just continues to blame others for example "you made me angry so I stole, lied and bullied" There are no concerns with her at school and I am literally at my wits end. My other 3 children are perfectly fine they obey rules and are doing fantastic at school and home, so why my 12 year old? She hasn't had a bad life and I always praise her good behaviour just lately though there is none to praise. I have concerns around her weight as she steals food and I have had to hide everything from her. I find myself wanting to cry as I really don't know how to deal with this!!! Please please help....
  • snglmomof3 Mar 14, 2012 @ 11:25 pm | delete
    Feb 23, 2012 @ 11:31 am
    My seven year old son won't stop talking. He talks and talks, ask's questions he knows the anwser for and repeats it, he does very good in school and never gets in trouble or time outs. teachers never say he talks too much. he also has a strange routine at night, he says good night mom, have a great day and work. then he wants us to repeat the same thing but saying have a great day at school. he may repeat this several times. he plays hockey and is very good at it, best on team but has a hard time listening to directions from the coachs during practice.

    It sounds like a slight touch of OCD
  • Sue Mar 20, 2012 @ 7:52 pm | delete
    You may want to check with a neurologist sounds like he may have tourrettes or ocd.
  • Anna Apr 30, 2012 @ 7:24 pm | delete
    My daughter is six years old and is very much like how your son sounds. Especially with the talking, and asking the same questions she knows the answer for over and over and over! She throws fits, lies, is disrespectful no matter what punishment she gets. It is so overwhelming, and nothing has changed in over six months. Someone help me!
  • snglmomof3 Mar 14, 2012 @ 11:11 pm | delete
    I have three children two girl who are ages 6 and 5 and a son who is 3 both of my oldest children recently we're put on ADD-ADHD medicine my 5yr old was put on Adderall XR 10mg and I have seen a HUGE improvement in her behavior but she has these outburst of rage normally at night ... Is this caused from the medicine ?? Her teacher thinks I should have her dosage increased because they are seeing alot more of the defiant behavior coming back as I am too... on another not my 6yr old was put on vyvanse bc she has trouble staying focused in school and doing homework as well as losing jus about everything the vyvanse made her worse so they put her on Adderallxr bcd of it working so well with her sister I am seeing no improvement with this either ?? the doctor said she deff has add and odd but their arent many treatment options avail for that .. I hate the thought of my children even being on medicine in the first place .. Please do you have any suggestions ?
  • Mark Jackson Apr 25, 2012 @ 11:35 pm | delete
    Stop medicating your children for starters. They are far too young. Long term and high dose short term usage of amphetamines, the medicines your children are on, are found to cause early life onset of strokes, very early onset of Parkinsonian brain diseases (sometimes as early as in the mid-20's), ischemic brain and heart disease (the brain and cardiac and vascular tissues in your child's body break down and degenerate in a way identical to that found in people suffering non-bleeding strokes breaks down the brain matter), etc, etc, etc. The medication you have your child on is very dangerous and will lead to a shortened and very likely seriously disease ridden life span.

    Snglomof3: The only thing I can really impart to you other than what I have said is the idea that this is not a game. Your children and the actions you take for and on them will affect them until they die. You are the main influence on their life and you shouldn't even be in the position where your policies and parenting is coming from a place that is barely or poorly considered. Life is serious business. Do not screw it up for your children because of problems caused by your own weaknesses and flaws when the case has always been, as it is with everyone, that you can change yourself to better serve your children.

    Amphetamine therapy is supposed to be for attention and concentration (supposedly it is for cognitive enhancement as it is a brain/intellectual function doping chemical group) and very specifically is counter-indicated, in the literature, for dealing with mood related behavioral problems. I am afraid that you may be unknowingly turning your children into something you will fear by carrying too many of your poorly considered actions.

    There is something very basic that you and everyone has to understand and very well should be understanding before becoming parents. Serious problems demand serious, long, and often agony worthy consideration. Small problem demand small and less time consuming thinking and effort. Looking for guidance from a educator on psychotropic and neurotropic chemical administration does not make sense if the aforementioned is a given. It breaks from logic and assumes that an educator has an informed or educated opinion about neurochemistry and psychopharmacology. if you someone offers you advice about these professional issues relating to the medicating/drugging of your children it will require that a Pharm.D, Ph.D/D.Ph., or (though it denotes less experience related to the fundamental science of it) a MD suffix their name. Anyone else, as an immediate and logical given, is extremely unqualified to provide advice or guidance For your children's sakes stop making these logical errors in judgement. It is very bad and troublesome.
  • paula degroot Mar 14, 2012 @ 3:02 pm | delete
    Hi i have a son who was really out of control when he was younger to a point we couldnt even take him to families homes in case he wouldn't be good. i have 2 other girls,one is 15 nearly and the other 7yrs we dont get any probs with them. my son laughs at people when gets told off and dont make eye contact when talking to him. He sits in his room by himself always looking grumpy drawing is the only way that he seems to occupy him. we having taken him to a clinic and have been told its not adhd as he knows what he is doing please could u advise me if this could be odd please as im despirate many thanks
  • julie Apr 18, 2012 @ 3:50 pm | delete
    hi just read your post and was wondering if you have had any advice as your son is exactly the same as mine and im struggling i just dont no where to turn thanx julie
  • Alicia Mar 13, 2012 @ 4:50 pm | delete
    Hi, just want to knpw what i can do with my 8yr old who has odd along with anxiety in which he's been having troubles at school like acting out and threatening another student he doesnt care for, i dontknow what else to do he's been hospitalized, therapy, meds and still is going to therapy once a week.
  • Lynn Mar 12, 2012 @ 7:18 am | delete
    Can i just add that I do have other children and another teenage boy and I do have problems with him but that is just normal defiant teenage behaviour, he is 16, but my 19 year old his behaviour went well beyond that, Im not happy about labelling children, but these children do need help, they are not happy with their life or their behavior, my son has never been able to enjoy his life or have the same oppurtunites has his peers or his two brothers and sisiter. He is 19 now and due to his aggresion he had to leave, his little sister was attacked by him and social services stated that he had to leave, I was heartbroken he lives in a flat now that a charity helped him with, but he does not want contact with me, the last time I saw him he raised his fist to hit me and told me what a crap mom i am, i have failured my son i know this but i did my best for him but it was not good enough,
  • Eva Swats Mar 12, 2012 @ 1:24 am | delete
    Hi Akane,
    I am from India. This is in regard to my brother's behavior. He is 17 yrs old. I am telling you the background situation so that u can understand well.
    When he was born he used to be very ill so my parents used to fulfill all his choices and demands but gradually this changed into taking advantage of my parents. Now, the problem is that he is not bad at heart in fact very kind and generous.
    But refuses to follow anything my parents say or I say (I am 24yrs old). All the above points are true and big in intensity. His anger is too bad. And I have studied about ODD also and sadly I agree that maybe he is suffering from this disorder. I am writing this on behalf of my parents.
    Hope U can help us now.

    Regards
  • akane Mar 12, 2012 @ 12:46 pm | delete
    It is not too late but it will get harder as he gets older.
    Unfortunately, this is not something that you can do. You will need to get your parents to act on this.

    Please have them contact me directly.
  • jen Mar 9, 2012 @ 10:15 am | delete
    my son is 14 and i have answered yes to all the questions above, he was never like this about a year ago, but i could of answered yes to at least 4, its driving me mad please help me, he was so lovingjen
  • stepmom Mar 8, 2012 @ 1:25 pm | delete
    I am the step mother of a wonderful 9 year old girl. She occasionally talks back but overall she is respectful. She does talk endlessly and is agressive toward her younger sister (also my step daughter, 7). My step kids live with us half time and half time with their mother. My 9 year old step daughter has horrible fits of rage at her mother's home and talks back toward her mom and step father. She is violent toward the other 3 kids in their home and from her mother's statements fits the description above. Her mother is very controlling, argumentative, and disrespectful towards people. Her mother has gotten her diagnosed with ODD but my understanding is that it would be an uncontrollable behavior and not at one house it happens and the other it does not. Am I correct? I believe it is a behavior she has learned as a way to control their home. So far it has worked. I don't want her to be on unnecessary meds. We live in Washington State which gives the mother much more power than the father. We have tried to get a second oppinion but her mother is set on medicating her to control her behavior. If it is a situational behavior and she is medicated we are fearful of the effects of the meds.
  • SIDS mum Mar 7, 2012 @ 5:28 pm | delete
    Hi my son is 7 years old and very angry. He has just been excluded from school for his behaviour he has hit other children and shouted and thrown objects at teachers and the head mistress. He has gone back to school for now but both my husband and myself feel it will happen again. We have taken him to our GP who was not very helpful and are awaiting a referral to camhs. he is very bright and does not struggle with his work but has an over competitive nature which can lead to him losing his temper and exploding. He has always been a fairly difficult child but loves one on one attention. Any ideas....
  • Teresa Mar 3, 2012 @ 11:13 am | delete
    Concern Parents: My 10 year old that will be 11 in 4 months. Has ADHD and ODD he is on med's focalin time -release. He is behaved in school but not doing well with grades. He doesn't like to read and won't do his reading homework or test. Just recently in the last 2 months he doesn't want to take his medicine and can't get a clean reason why. He takes it in school. He lies, is disrespectful, talks back, and is mean to his 5 year old brother. He doesn't listen at home at all. We go to a Behavioral Medicine and Family Therapy and he believes he has mood swings. Our Primary Doctor is wanting us to go to a different doctor that can see why he doesn't want to take his medicine. I am so confused but my son is making our home not pleasant. If you have any suggestions.. We have taken away things he just says I don't care and later he has a break down.
  • Lynn Walker Mar 2, 2012 @ 3:39 pm | delete
    Yes my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Dyspraxia, Dyslexia and the ODD, but I was told that ODD was a term that was used when another possible undiagnosed mental health condition might prevail in adult hood. My Son too becam so violent he had to leave, it got so bad that we had to put a lock on the bedroom door because he used to threaten to stab my hubby an i when we were asleep. He Hates me so much know
  • At a lost in NC Mar 1, 2012 @ 9:00 pm | delete
    My 3 year old son has been diagnosed with adhd...He has been put on meds but the meds make him zombie like. He has temptrums and cries constantly the littliest thing causes him to act out. I am going insane i love my son but he is out of control he will not take no as a answer and i worry at times for his safety! The med has helped a tiny bit but i do not want the zombie like side affects of it! ODD sounds alot more like what he has almost every number mentioned that is what he is! I need help please someone help me!!!
  • Sandy Mar 11, 2012 @ 11:36 pm | delete
    My goodness. I'm really concerned about your doctor putting a 3 year old on meds. I have had a problem son for 9 years (he's 12 now) and while I did succumb to the meds when he was 10, found they did more harm than good. The only thing that ever worked with him for a sustained period of time was a complete change in diet. I read up on the website www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info and followed their guides to a tee. After 5 years of bad behaviour, he became a wonderful child for 6 months before he started sneaking food from other people's lunch boxes and the pantry. When I had complete control of his foods, he was a different child. Have you tried doing something like this over a period of time. I think you'll be amazed with the results. He loves sweets, so I made him his very own minimal sugar shortbread that he loved and cut out preservative laced breads. Happy to help if you need some advice or just someone to chat to.
  • SandyHay Mar 12, 2012 @ 8:00 am | delete
    I tried to reply to you earlier today but not sure that the comment went through. I keep thinking about your situation and I am concerned about your doctor putting your young son on the meds. We trust in the doctors but I sometimes think they are just looking for the easiest solution for us rather than a more long term fix. Have you tried taking preservatives and sugar from your son's diet? Not just a little, but full on? This was suggested to me when my son was 3 and it wasn't until 4 or 5 years later that out of complete exasperation from everything not working, that I tried it. OMG! For about 6 months, the change in my boy was amazing. I never truly believed in this approach until I saw it work. To give you an idea, my son got kicked out of daycare due to his behaviour. He then got kicked out holiday programs once he was school age, scouts, every sport we put him into and I got daily phone calls from the school about his behaviour. For the 6 months that we went preservative and sugar free (or at least minimal sugar), I only got one phone call and this was to ask me what I had done to change him. I wish I had tried it earlier because unfortunately, when I did it, he was at an age where he worked out he could get his junk food fix by stealing from other kids and the pantry when we weren't looking and then I lost my edge. I can't recommend this approach highly enough. Even my two other children, who are usually well behaved, became calmer and less prone to tears and tantrums. I researched on www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info and found this website extremely useful. But, I must warn you that if you try the preservative free approach, please do it properly. It can take a couple of weeks before the effects gradually become apparent and it requires perserverance and a little time to learn which preservative numbers to avoid etc. One of the biggest changes in our house, was stopping buying the commercial breads that all seem to have the evil 282 preservative in it. Kids love sugary things and there are some great yummy low sugar or sugarless recipes out there. If you need someone to chat with, happy to help. My son is 12 now and I think I've seen everything. :)
  • sad mom in ga Feb 29, 2012 @ 4:47 pm | delete
    my son, now 18, was diagnosed with ADHD in the first grade. All during his school years it was doctors visits, medication changes, pyschiatrists, psychologists. At about 16 he started refusing to take his medication and continue his treatment. No one ever mentioned ODD to me, but reading here that is what my son has. He was hard to deal with at times, but things were manageable untill he turned 17. The last year has been a living hell, he is always angry, yelling, refuses to take any direction, going out of his way just to annoy people, is disrespectful and at times has been violent. Thing got so bad I was forced to make him move out of our home for the safety of the other family members. He refuses to get any help, he is 18...what choice did I have? He won't work or finish school...it's a terrible...I feel like I failed as a parent. I wish one of the MANY doctors we hve been to would have told me about ODD, maybe knowing earlier would have helped.
  • carabrooke Feb 28, 2012 @ 10:01 am | delete
    My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD since age7 and now she has ODD. I am going out of my mind with her. She has tantrums, refuses to go to bed, get up in the morning, says she is going to kill herself, we go to hospitals, curses, hits me, threatens me and I know we have a very toxic family...What can you do to help us???
  • lisamarie Feb 25, 2012 @ 8:02 pm | delete
    my son is 12 in june, now i have known since he was 8 by visit to doctor, that he has adha/odd. Life has been a struggle, we moved to mexico with my husband, and havent had insurence till now. Finally got him in to see another doc and again its adhd/odd, she recommened medice and sycology. I am looking for friendly support in other ways here at home. I would like suggestions, and thoughts. My sion is going into junior high next year, and i am so scared. I want to prepare him and my self for the worst and the good.
  • bsbd Feb 24, 2012 @ 8:39 pm | delete
    My 11 year old son can't stay on task, disrupts class and does not listen to teachers at school. When we ask why he does this, he says I try hard but I just can't. He seems very sincere and gets upset. He is an honor roll student and reads at a 9th grade reading level. How can we help him? Please give any suggestions. We really want to help him.
  • andrea Feb 24, 2012 @ 4:48 pm | delete
    my 6 year old son is very aggresive both in the house and at school we have tried everything and the school has tried everything that they are even talking about excluding him from school because he is a danger to the other pupils i dont know where to go from here can anyone help
  • CraiginKC Feb 24, 2012 @ 12:36 am | delete
    Oppositional Defiance Disorder? Really? No offense, but I think we've got to get past the point where every unpleasant behavior pattern, no matter how typical, is classified as a "disorder." And seriously, TWO times a week is the measure? You've basically described literally 60-70 percent of all adolescents. Rather than categorizing it as a disorder, paving the way for more pharmaceutical companies to drug our kids, how about simply focusing on strategies parents can use to help minimize the tension that arises through these behaviors? I don't want this to sound like a personal criticism, but this is pretty silly.
  • FUSTRATED MOM Feb 26, 2012 @ 12:43 pm | delete
    THANK YOU SO MUCH!! FINALLY, A VOICE OF REASON - THAT WAS EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS WHEN I READ THIS - CHILDREN CANNOT BE CHILDREN TODAY - EVERYTHING IS A DISORDER REQUIRING MEDICATION AND THERAPY! WHAT IS THIS SOCIETY DOING TO THESE CHILDREN???
  • ashley0521 Feb 28, 2012 @ 5:26 pm | delete
    I thought this way for a long time as well. my son has odd, and without the meds, its night and day. i would much rather be able to explain to someone that he has this, and struggles with everyday things....then saying "sorry hes a "problem" child". my son does everything on the list at least 5 times a week. Everyday is unpredictable, he has been kicked out of 2 schools, we are now looking at boarding schools. we have tried everything including taking his toys and games away..to constant grounding. if we gave him trouble for everything he did he would be in his room 24/7. im glad we relised it is a issue, and a dissorder, then ppl just thinking he is "insane" "nuts" "over the wall" "a problem child" etc...
  • birdietoldme Mar 6, 2012 @ 5:50 pm | delete
    ditto
  • ty123 Mar 18, 2012 @ 11:59 am | delete
    Well I have a 6 year old going to be 7 here in two months and two other chilren. I am in need of help with my 6 year old she is the middle child, if you say that the pharmaceutial companies are just trying to drug our children. Is it or is it not helping a child deal with day to day activities. If you can find the resources to help ease the tension of a typical family them throw the answeres out here . Cause I know that I have not failed as a mother and I know that my daughter is a beautiful sympathetic and loving child. She just needs help with getting thru her day to day struggles. So we are not here lableing our CHILDREN we are labeling their behavior. If there is something that will help our children instead of letting them be misserable wouldn't you as a human being want that child who is our future be happy and enjoy there childhood?
  • john Feb 23, 2012 @ 11:31 am | delete
    My seven year old son won't stop talking. He talks and talks, ask's questions he knows the anwser for and repeats it, he does very good in school and never gets in trouble or time outs. teachers never say he talks too much. he also has a strange routine at night, he says good night mom, have a great day and work. then he wants us to repeat the same thing but saying have a great day at school. he may repeat this several times. he plays hockey and is very good at it, best on team but has a hard time listening to directions from the coachs during practice.
  • Kileigh Feb 21, 2012 @ 12:24 am | delete
    My brother is 8 years old and was diagnosed with ODD a few years ago. Lately he has been threatening to destroy property, threatening to run away, hurting pets, etc. tonight he kicked his aunt in the ankle and it is so swollen she can't walk. He also tried to strangle her. He threatened to beat his other aunt over the head with a bat. We are all afraid of him. I don't know what to do.
  • Shell Mar 12, 2012 @ 10:20 pm | delete
    Call the police and have him baker acted and evaluated in a psych ward.
  • carrie Feb 20, 2012 @ 4:44 pm | delete
    My 7 yr old son is very good in school if kept busy. He has seen an education psychologist who advised there is nothing to worry about he is a perfectly normal 5 (at the time) yr old boy. However everything we ask him to do from brushing his teeth to getting dresses to go to the park results in punching walls kicking screaming and spitting. He will not play alone, watch a dvd alone, do his homework, take his plate to the sink, answer the phone and even flush the toilet. He is always answering back, lying and will not allow his 8 yr old sister to be in her room unless he knows what she is doing. Every day is a constant battle and I dread picking him up from school. I am at the end of my tether i find myself hating being with him although my love is unconditional. I treat my two children the same and my daughter is good as gold, i do not want to constantly punish him and shout but dont know what do do. Please help my dr says i need parenting classes which I disagree because if that were the case then my both children would be like this.
  • SandyHay Feb 19, 2012 @ 11:51 pm | delete
    My 12 yr old son has just poisoned his step-dad's soft drink with some form of chemical. This very bad behaviour has been escalating since he was 3-4 with a new thing every day. Compulsive lying, stealing, hurting other people, no regard for anyone else, suicidal statements, everything is everyone else's fault. He was expelled from daycare just before his 5th birthday, expelled from after school care, expelled from boarding school (we tried this as a last resort a year ago). He's been to pyschiatrists, psychologists, ADHD clinics, mental health practitioners and everyone says he's fine. He's not fine. He stole my car last month and did $20k in damages, he runs away for no good reason, he sneaks around in the middle of the night doing god knows what, we've found alcohol and cigs in his bedroom, and now, poisoning things in the fridge that he knows only his step dad and young siblings drink. No one seems to be able to help him because on the surface, he comes across as a lovely, intelligent young man. I just want someone to say, Yes, we can help with him before he murders us in our sleep.
  • akane Feb 20, 2012 @ 12:27 am | delete
    This is something you can no longer handle yourself and no longer at home.
    I would suggest that you locate a residential treatment program for your son. One of the criteria for sending a child out of the home is when he becomes a danger to himself or others. From your description, your child has reached this point.
  • SandyHay Feb 20, 2012 @ 2:37 am | delete
    Thanks for your quick reply. I have just had a long talk with my son and he burst into tears (thank god they were real tears) and told me it's because he's miserable since we recently moved across the country. He said he thought if he made his stepdad sick, it would give him enough time to run away from home unnoticed. Obviously not a good defence but the tone conversation gave me a little hope that he's not completely psychopathic. We have had numerous agencies involved in trying to sort my boy out but everyone concludes that he's fine. It will be interesting to see how things progress now that we have the police involved.
  • SandyHay Feb 20, 2012 @ 6:28 am | delete
    Thanks for the quick reply. I have since had a long chat with my son and to his credit he cried a lot (he doesn't usually do this and he was crying from the heart) and said he only wanted to make his stepdad sick so he would have time to run away from home. We have recently moved across the country and he is homesick but this is absolutely no excuse for poisoning someone. We have gotten the police involved and hoping this may give us some peace. We have tried to get assistance from pretty much everyone and they all tell us he's fine but I will pursue help again and see what we can come up with. Seven years is a really long time to be fighting this daily battle.
  • ng Feb 19, 2012 @ 6:43 pm | delete
    Please, I need your advice. My son was diagnosed with ODD at a preschool age. He is now almost 8. He is a wonderful student with nearly perfect grades. No teacher has a problem with him, and never does. When he is with our family before and after school, he is constantly angry, mean to his brothers, and all the other usual ODD symptoms. This makes this very tricky for me as a mother. I feel like it is somehow me that is the problem since he is wonderful all day at school.(and yes this is confirmed by behavior charts and several teachers, not one teacher trying to make me feel better). My question is: Can my child really have ODD and be this different from one environment from the next. It is truly frustrating. Thank you for any help.
  • akane Feb 20, 2012 @ 1:01 am | delete
    From your description you child only shows difficult behavior at home. This is very good, because you have complete control over your home environment. By adjusting your interactions at home you can probably eliminate most of your problems.

    We have a program that is designed to help you do just that.

    Go to: http://addadhdadvances.com/betterbehavior.html

    ODD child behavior

    I am very confident that if address this problem quickly, you will be able to help your child.
  • JHG Mar 15, 2012 @ 9:33 pm | delete
    My 7 years old is exactly the same. I do not know what to do. Great kid while in school, but totally different at home. Just tell him no and IT starts. Hitting, kicking, screaming, attacking, yelling. I have tried so many things and it just does not work. I have two younger boys that are gold. Have you had any success?
  • ONE VERY TIRED AND CONCERNED MOTHER!!!!! Feb 17, 2012 @ 2:53 pm | delete
    my daughter is 9, she was diagnosed with adhd at age 6. we have been to 4 psychiatrists, she has has also been diagnosed with odd, and they keep giving her meds. she has been on 7 different types. I am tired, mentally, and very concerned that none of the medicines r working,and causing real bad reactions, such as more aggressiveness,and still not being able to focus, I have tried to get them to run more test with no test being ran, something isn't adding up here, please direct me, help me help her. what do I say, what do I do to find out the real cause to this problem. HELP!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
  • LPW Feb 17, 2012 @ 10:13 am | delete
    my 7 year old son his a good id at school but at home, he his not nice, hits me tals back, hurts his older brother and younger sister. Husband works night shift. So I am basically always alone with them (he gets home after the boys are gone to scholl and waes up just as we sit down for supper after I do home wor and get the ids ready for bed). I keep telling my husband he needs help are 7 year old he gets mad at me when I say this. He also still poop his pants (I have taing to a specialist and ever thing is normal)

    I am sacred for my self and my 2 other kids 7 year old has a very bad temper a tantrum could las from 30 minutes to 2 hours of him yelling and me holding his door closed so he can't get out.

    what am I supose to do? I did the taing away his toys I did tal o him nice tal mean hit but nothing helps me..... I am scared that one day he really hurt one of us.

    For my first son I was home with him till 18 monhs and my youngest I am still home with her she is 4, but for middle child the one I am talking about I hade to go bac o wor when he was 3 months old and my husband his dad took care of the 2 boys I worked 4 hours a day 4 days a wwk and every second week end. Could this have anything to do with the way he is that I left him from 3 months to about 1 year old when i was a full time mom during the week and work week ends now.
  • LPW Feb 17, 2012 @ 10:13 am | delete
    my 7 year old son his a good id at school but at home, he his not nice, hits me tals back, hurts his older brother and younger sister. Husband works night shift. So I am basically always alone with them (he gets home after the boys are gone to scholl and waes up just as we sit down for supper after I do home wor and get the ids ready for bed). I keep telling my husband he needs help are 7 year old he gets mad at me when I say this. He also still poop his pants (I have taing to a specialist and ever thing is normal)

    I am sacred for my self and my 2 other kids 7 year old has a very bad temper a tantrum could las from 30 minutes to 2 hours of him yelling and me holding his door closed so he can't get out.

    what am I supose to do? I did the taing away his toys I did tal o him nice tal mean hit but nothing helps me..... I am scared that one day he really hurt one of us.

    For my first son I was home with him till 18 monhs and my youngest I am still home with her she is 4, but for middle child the one I am talking about I hade to go bac o wor when he was 3 months old and my husband his dad took care of the 2 boys I worked 4 hours a day 4 days a wwk and every second week end. Could this have anything to do with the way he is that I left him from 3 months to about 1 year old when i was a full time mom during the week and work week ends now.
  • mary Feb 15, 2012 @ 9:52 pm | delete
    My daughter is 3 and she is all over the place can never sit still even when she sits still she twitches her leg or she will just jump right off the couch and start running all over.. she gets in peoples faces and don't understand personal boundaries and if she miss behaves and i put her in time out she gets out of time out and will become worse even be rude to her baby sister :(....she can't pay attention more then 2minutes on one thing and if you try to get her focus back she freaks.. not sure what is going on but could you help me?
  • tired mom Feb 14, 2012 @ 7:21 pm | delete
    my son is 7 and acts like a normal child at home but when he is at school he refuses to do his work, he is capable of doing it and the work he does do he makes 100's on. His father and I have reached our limit and just dont know what else to do we have punished him and taken away his TV time and video game time.
  • Concerned Feb 14, 2012 @ 2:38 pm | delete
    My 3 year old grandson makes gestures of shooting his mother with a bow and arrow or threatens to cut her with a plastic dagger. I'm concerned about this aggressive behavior. Not sure how to make him understand that death and injury to someone is not a game.
  • Concerned mom Feb 14, 2012 @ 11:14 am | delete
    My son is 14 years old and in 8th grade. He has had several problems including Dyslexia, severe speech delay ( which he has eventually overcome and graduated speech last year), excema with mild asthma, and has had a diagnosis since age 4 of ADHD combined type. Although the therapist who diagnosed him hardly interacted with him, then said he was the worst case he's ever seen. My son can be such a good kid, and kind hearted, and at the next moment he can do something that makes me wonder if he's ever heard me. He describes himself as "defensive", blames others for his behavior, lies to get what he wants, and tries to hide doing things because he knows he is not supposed to be doing them. Today, he got mad at his younger sister over a dish in the kitchen, and pushed her down. Not acceptable behavior. He has help in school, has the potential to do really well, plays football, and basketball, but seems not to care what kind of work he does as long as he gets what he wants. Can this be more than ADHD? I remember his pediatritian saying he was defiant before the ADHD diagnosis. I need him to understand that no matter the consequence, he is responsible for his decisions and his behavior.
  • Jen Feb 16, 2012 @ 4:45 pm | delete
    Wow, you just explained my son that is 14 years old. I wish I knew how to help my son, as well you wish the same thing. My heart goes out to you. We both love our sons so much and want the best for them.
  • sonia Feb 12, 2012 @ 3:34 am | delete
    my grandson is nearly 3 he swears,hits his sister and bites,shouts when hes angry,take yesterday he swears loudly in the cinema and hits his sister i had to take them out all afternoon he was naughty when i got up this morning he had wiped poo all over his walls and this isint the first time probly the 5th time,always upsets his sister when shes playing and drawers all over my furniture,in the night hes never a sleep in bed ill find him a sleep on the floor somewhere in his room ive tried the naughty step,ignoring him im at my wits end,and when i shout at him he just roars at me like a lion
  • Amy Feb 9, 2012 @ 6:33 pm | delete
    I honestly have no reason to trust this article if you can't properly spell some words. You said "tires" in point number 4 when it should be "tries?"
  • Von Feb 10, 2012 @ 3:47 pm | delete
    Really Amy? Petty.
  • Leah Feb 18, 2012 @ 6:22 am | delete
    LoL I would assume these are typos, not spelling mistakes.
  • Trevor Feb 22, 2012 @ 7:33 pm | delete
    I see Amy's point. If your sentences ramble on, are full of spelling mistakes and are generally difficult to read then how can one glean knowledge from them?
  • april Feb 8, 2012 @ 11:55 pm | delete
    i have a 10 year old girl that has odd and she has been kicked out of school and the place i had her in they cant seem to help me with her i don't know what to do with her she was put in a hospital 2 times in 2 years i don't know what to do i have tried every thing to get help with her but i have got no where.
  • akane Feb 9, 2012 @ 1:10 am | delete
    Does she have a formal diagnosis?
  • Dorian Feb 8, 2012 @ 6:50 pm | delete
    My 6 year old girl just absolutely refuses to behave. I've tried calmly talking to her, punishments, whippings, taking away gymnastics and swimming and time outs. Nothing works! I keep getting calls from school. SHe's thrown a girls hat in the mud, gotten suspended for fighting, sneaking things out of the house, lying, intentionally starting arguments with her sister, jabbing a girl in her privates with a plastic toy (which her teacher wrote a letter), etc. I'm tired and I'm not trying to give up on her but I don't know what to do. My mother is living in denial and just says to pray one minute or says that I should take her off punishments. How will she learn if I take her off?
  • akane Feb 9, 2012 @ 1:04 am | delete
    How well are the punishments working so far? Is your daughter learning to behave?
  • Mandie B. Feb 8, 2012 @ 11:04 am | delete
    my son is 5yrs old. im having problems he gets mad allot when he doesn't get his way he throws a fit i put him in time out in his rm. but he throws toys out he hits the walls stops his feet slams the doors..makes a fist like he's going to hit me. hes always fighting with his sister and lil' brother. every day he also talks back allot. can he maybe have ODD and what can i do to help him?
  • akane Feb 9, 2012 @ 1:17 am | delete
    He sounds like a child who is easily frustrated and is having trouble communicating his needs. This is very common in young children who are old enough to know what they want but not old enough to express themselves.

    If this sounds like it may be your child's problem, the best way to handle it is to teach him the proper way to express himself. You do this when he is calm, not while he is being angry or aggressive.

    When something happens and he gets punished, wait until later that day when he is calm and happy and then talk to him. Ask him why he behaved that way and what he wanted? Then help him to find a more appropriate way of asking for that next time.

    It is possible your chid has ODD, but the approach to helping him is still the same.
  • clueless Feb 8, 2012 @ 5:01 am | delete
    my son is 6 and he has several things going on 1 he takes forever to do his sight words and then the next day he claims to forget them hes had the same words for 3 weeks we've worked on them every night for 3 hours he is supposed to be able to look at the word and know what it is so i have him sound it out hell make a a sound for a g and then ill ask him what sound does a g make and hell tell me the right one he does that will all of the letters i see it as hes playing his games as i like to call it my husband calls it playing dumb , he also does things intentional to push my buttons when you ask him why he has done something he clearly knows he shouldn't he said cause i wanted to or i don't know real snotty weve tried everything from rewards taking toys away no tv and he dont care he hasnt watched tv or played with a toy in 2 weeks and he just dont care what do i do
  • Sutha Feb 6, 2012 @ 2:26 am | delete
    My daugter who is 4 years old.
    I found that I have to call her names several times to get her attension. At school also she behave same and her teacher complaind that she is thinking something else and she is not listening attendively. And everytime I call her name more than 5 times then she looking me.
    Is there any problem with her? How can I change her behaviour/attidude?
  • akane Feb 6, 2012 @ 3:07 am | delete
    Have you had her hearing checked?
  • Sutha Feb 6, 2012 @ 3:25 am | delete
    She can hear well, but look like her mind is somewhere, she is thinking something or ignoring me
  • akane Feb 9, 2012 @ 1:08 am | delete
    There could be any one of a number of things going on.
    You need to make sure that she is hearing well with a formal hearing test. Many children look like they can hear, but there is some degree of hearing loss that you can't tell by just observing.
    Then the next step would be to have her evaluated for ADHD, since your main observation is that she is inattentive.
    Contact me with the results of these tests and we can then move further.
  • meli Feb 9, 2012 @ 3:56 am | delete
    Hi!. Well I got the same problem my daughter is very. Bad she yells at me and her dad hits her sisters and brothers she only five and I'm drained and her brother has Anger issues he is 13 but he started since 11. Failing in classes missing his school. Bus purposely and I don't know what to do I've yelled time out cried please tell me do the have odd
  • karen Feb 2, 2012 @ 1:20 am | delete
    I have a 6 year old daughter , she gets upset often and she tells me shes going to hurt herself when i ignore her. She gets in trouble at school but she cant remember why? tries to get out of it or lies. She also has told me she is going to run away and that she has the worst parents ever.She plays the victim very well, she is also the only child at home and i have noticed we dont get any birthday invitations much lately. I feel sad for her , i want her to have a healthy and normal life, but i do notice a problem . HELP
  • Bugeye Feb 5, 2012 @ 3:23 am | delete
    Yep.. Sounds exactly likdgivee my kid. Go to the doctor tell them. They should should give you a refferal to another specialist. My daughter has defiant disorder. Also keep the child in public school because they usually pick up on learning disabilities than private and have the funds to test. My daughter didnt get tested until it was late, we sent her to private school for three years.
  • Loving dad to 2 Jan 29, 2012 @ 6:07 pm | delete
    In my day it was called misbehaving and defying authority. It was swiftly met with disciplinary action! . Today; new age, feel good doctors want to coddle your bratty kids and push expensive designer drugs on them. Bull++++!
  • morning mother Feb 15, 2012 @ 12:38 pm | delete
    what if your one of your daughters ran out in the road (while in a rage) and got hit by a car like my daughter did???? HUH??? You have no Clue as to what you are even talking about... Just shut your mouth and be HAPPY you HAVENT EVER experianced it!!
  • Debra mom of 4 Feb 19, 2012 @ 1:32 am | delete
    While I would normally agree with you, I have two children who are unbelievably hard to handle. If just disciplin did something it would have worked like it did with my older two. I am reading this now because I feel their behavior is so much worse than it should be. My younger two will hurt our cat on purpose, break everything they touch, hit, kick, scream, call names and a lot more. People tell me "do this or this" I try and it helps for maybe 10 min. I get after them, spank, time out, taking away, positive re-enforcement and it takes 10 min for them to start all over again. I'm at my breaking point and afraid if I don't figure out a way to handle them effectively then as adults they will be a lot like my husbands side of the family, alcoholics or druggies. I'm honestly scared of that happening. So it's not always lack of disciplin but lacking the proper way to do the disciplining.
  • Chris Tarter Jan 29, 2012 @ 2:40 pm | delete
    Great resources, thank you. It's hard to remember that there are two sides to our child's condition: the medical, scientific side, and then how to go about dealing with the parenting challenges that arise (without making the wrong decision)! Here are 2 other resources we find helpful, 1 for each of those 2 perspectives: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/oppositional-defiant-disorder and the parenting articles on http://www.kidpointz.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-odd
  • Linda Jan 25, 2012 @ 4:17 pm | delete
    Well I have a 13 year old daughter who does whatever she wants she came in a couple nights ago stinking of fags and drink I reallly was worried she was doing something she shouldn't be this isn't the only thing I have noticed she has been lacking off in school she's only in second year which worrys me she's already had 4 letters home,3 after school detentions and she is on the edge of beening suspended I am so worried that she will throw her life away:(
  • ashley nicole trillin Feb 3, 2012 @ 1:22 pm | delete
    hi i am a 13 year old girl going thru the same thing i really dont know what is wrong with me i had a fight with my mother 2 days ago and youre daughter probaly dont know why she is acting that way .i dont want to act this way mabeye you should calmy talk to her instaed of punishment taking things away and whippings when my mother and step dad does this it makes me wanna be even more bad because they always put me on punishment.but when i do right i mess up .do not yell at her .dont tell other family members just calmly talk to her and ask her whats going on inside her head .take my advice my parents didnt do this.
  • meli Feb 9, 2012 @ 4:05 am | delete
    Thank you for your advice I'm 29 I have a 14 daughter and I would never dreamed of spanking but your right its best to to talk about it but you see we are parents and worry what bad people can give our kids that's we yell and scream and punish
  • A Worried Parent or Parents Jan 25, 2012 @ 4:10 pm | delete
    Well I have a 12 year old daughter who is a very dramatic girl should I say.She has been in serious bother with her school I have had 4 letters if concern home about her attitude towards her teachers and her effort in classes.She is very cheeky and sometimes her father and me just cant deal with it we really need help not serious help but just some advice for us.We have tried everything you can possibly think of her mobile iPad and tv has been took off her that did no help we then grounded her for being cheeky to her father she was excellent when she was grounded she helped wash dishes and all sorts that's my daughter who is kind,caring and respectful towards her family the people who care about her most after she was ungrounded she went back to her normal ways of swearing and getting upset and angry over things so silly EG last week she asked for her best friends to stay over but I said no because her room was messy I also says if she cleaned it she would get her friends to stay over but she went in a strop and says I'm the worse mother alive I would be really thankful if someone could tell me what to do but not to harsh stuff thanks
  • Arls Jan 17, 2012 @ 3:38 pm | delete
    This could be 90% of all kids - all these labels that are put on kids now is so overwhelming and frustrating to me as a mother. I have 2 boys (5 months and 5 yrs) and he is a spirited boy and half the boys I see are the same way but if they act hyper well god he has a dysfunction. Can't boys just be boys?
  • Zak Jan 16, 2012 @ 7:41 am | delete
    My brother is 25 years old. He is disable, cannot walk long distance and cannot speak proper tongue. He has a great personality thou, a friend of everyone. We all love him. Only one problem he has and is that when he gets angry then he breaks anything he sees. (Break windows, bang doors, smashes car windows, hit children, bang his head on the wall etc until it start bleeding, and this continue for like two hours and sometimes even longer) How he gets angry (someone told him to eat something and he didnt like it then he gets angry, or if he is trying to do something and could not do it then he gets angry, or if he gets hungry before the time he gets angry even if i tell him that i will bring him some food, he gets angry with anything he does not like i think) Now, this happens more when my mum is at home with him. He gets mad like this twice a week or sometimes three times a week. but if mum is not at home then he(my brother) is all quite and does not do anything, and even if he (brother) gets angry, he gets back to normal soon (within like half an hour plus does not harm any one or break stuff during he is angry) I dont know why he does this. i know one thing for sure that he has some problems, this is why he gets angry soon but i don't know why he is very bad when mum is at home with him and not that bad when mum is away. i have taken him to many specialists but he(brother) is same as he is since childhood. He has this medicine forever and ever. Having medicine every night one tablet.
  • Worried mom Jan 3, 2012 @ 2:07 am | delete
    My son is 8 years old and I will say that he is not a bad child and I think that is if often a good child. He started suffering from night terrors at the age of 18 months and they just subsided a month ago. But his behavior is not ideal. He does what I tell him not to and he will not do what I tell him to do and it always turns into a fight. He hurts his two baby sisters intentionally and just seems like he cannot control himself. He does not seem to have many problems at school although he has had episodes but I am not really sure what it is. What I can say is that I believe that problems that I am seeing are in relation to the fact that his father had at least an eight ball of crystal meth in his body at the time of conception. He was also until about 3 months ago watching his father be abusive (his father is a drug addict with no hope at all). I believe that environment has played a role and while the experts are not yet so sure, I am confident that his father using drugs has affected my son (and now possibly the two daughters I have since had). We are now out of the environment and have no plans of ever turning back but clearly my son needs help and I do not know how to get it. My 3 year old daughter is now starting to display some of the same behaviors and violent outbursts. I am worried as I do not want drug addicted or screwed up kids and I hope that it is not too late now that I have finally been able to get out of the abusive relationship and environment which has impacted us for so long. What can I do?
  • kim fisher Jan 1, 2012 @ 3:51 pm | delete
    hiya my 13yr old seems like he could have odd he gets angry and moody dosent do what he is asked always aggrevates the house hold especally his younger sister touches and throws things breaks things he writes on his furniture also his so distant wont take compliments wont give me a hug he even spat rice in my face and thought it a joke.he gets very aggetated by his younger sister always telling her to shut up.i keep putting off dealing with it hoping it will get better he also has moderate learning difficulties any help i would appreciate
  • At A Loss Dec 29, 2011 @ 5:38 pm | delete
    i have a 4 yr. old son who is very demanding and always feels the need to be in control. He throws fits, screams, bites, hits, does all the things hes not supposed to do on purpose. He even occasionally tries to choke his 3 yr. old sister if she doesnt do what he says. If i tell him something he also tells me to stop telling him. He will hit if i dont stop. He gets mad alot for every little thing. I do not know what to do with him. corner time does not work. Neither does spanking. He angrily screams at the top of his lungs if i try to spank him. nobody wants us to come over to their house cause of him. nobody wants to babysit either. One thing that always works to calm him down even if he is raging, is to start telling him a story. He almost stops crying right away and gets intrigued with the story. then he agrees to listen to me if i tell him to do something. Why is that? Please help me. I do not want to give medication.
  • Concerned Mom. Dec 7, 2011 @ 5:45 pm | delete
    My 12 year old son is Autistic, ADHD & OCD. He get's mad for no reason. If I tell him something he tells me not to tell him that, if someone in the house says something he get's mad and tells them to stop. He is aggressive and when confronted he pinches me, kicks, scratches and bites. I have been told that he needs to be placed in a hospital so his meds can be monitored but I don't think that will help but only make it worse. He has been in trouble at school for not listening to the teachers. If you take him into a store he will walk away from you or run off. If you try to make him stop he tells you dont tell him that and will try to fight with you in the store. Just any little thing aggitates him. I honestly don't know what to do. I know he needs help as I'm afraid when he get's older no one will be able to handle him. Please help if possible. Thanks.
  • Tasha Jan 16, 2012 @ 6:24 pm | delete
    I'm in the same shoes my 8 year old son got mad because I wouldnt buy him any candy.I told him I dont give candy when acts up.I have told the counselor about this and she seems to dont understand but the psychiatrist does.he has odd and he always mad when things cant go his way especially when we are outside the the home.women compliment how handsome he is.I'm thinking of how to make it back down the road without him back talking or arguing.but in the end he looks like the victim when i'm trying to get him to listen or dont run down street.society where Ilive tries to make me the mother feel bad when I'm trying to stop him.he's on 3 medications in one day for aggression.angry facial expressions.which he's been on since he was three.Iwas told at 2 he had autism but the behavior I see was there at 2 years old and was also at 3.he also tries to give me orders or try to bully me.
  • avril Nov 21, 2011 @ 6:00 pm | delete
    15 year old daughter behavior is so like you say on your web site. My daughter. is lying and now have social services they say she does not want to come home I can't nothing happened just an argument about my family which I don't trust so she ran off to them and she wants to live with my sister I hate for good reason. She saying she scared of her father which me and my partner been separated for 8months but he comes on weekends only and that day she ran he was not there. She cuts her self for attention so that's why the social will not want her with me her mother I hate social they are just giving her what she wants to be with my sister its breaking my heart social have it so wrong.
  • Ernie Nov 15, 2011 @ 6:48 pm | delete
    My son is 16 years old and has been diagnosised with ADHD about three years ago. He also fits the criteria of ODD. The main problem we're having with him is lying and touching things he has been clearly told not to touch. He recently ruined a trip by barracading himself in one of his step brothers rooms and played with his play station 3 after being told not to touch it. He has done the same thing at another relatives house where he broke a two hundred dollar set of head phones he was specifically told not to touch. What can we do to keep him from touvhing things that don't belong to him?
  • Mary Nov 14, 2011 @ 9:56 pm | delete
    my daughter is almost ten she has destroyed her room writes on the wall and furniture backtalks all the time. Fights with her younger brother daily. she take food and hides get crackes eggs everywhere in the house. i cought her burning paper in the bathroom sick the other day. She was dignosed with add and is on medicane for that and she is doing better in school. She also lyies and steals i have caught her tring to take things from the store several times i jus t dont know what to do. I have tried everthing but she just doesnt seen to care what she loses or about time out i have even tried spanking but it didnt help. I need help please any information can help i dont know what to do.
  • akane Nov 15, 2011 @ 3:47 am | delete
    Hi Mary

    Here is a list of articles and videos that address these problems- There is a lot more but this should get you started.

    What to do When Your Child Lies
    http://addadhdadvances.com/lying.html

    What to Do When Your Child Lies
    http://ccparenting.com/parenting/163

    Lying To Solve Problems
    http://ccparenting.com/parenting/87/

    What to Do When Your Child is Stealing

    http://addadhdadvances.com/stealing.html

    When Your Child or Teen Steals
    http://ccparenting.com/parenting/412

    Videos
    Oppositional Defiant Disorder child parenting Lying defiance
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVvEOkJFZPk

    Lying To Solve Problems
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6zwy49pM7o

    Oppositional Defiant Disorder Parenting- Child Stealing
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU2jTwnc0JA
  • david Nov 26, 2011 @ 12:45 pm | delete
    my son is 13 and has all the problems for odd he gets mad all the time hits kicks bitt and throws stuff at me do you maybe know if he has odd
  • Bugeye Feb 5, 2012 @ 3:01 am | delete
    I would say more likly. My child started that at 8. She is odd and Adhd. She was never violent always timid. Then oney day out of no where she bíte me and drew blood.
  • Rachel Oct 20, 2011 @ 10:27 am | delete
    My son is 5 and since he was a baby he has had a lack of empathy, he has emotional break downs, and recently has been destroying his clothing (ripping shirts) at school when asked by his teacher to join a group. He was said to have Aspergers Syndrome two years ago because of his violent fits (bangs head on floor until nose bleeds, holds throat and makes himself pass out) and there was even investigation at home about why he acts out in ANY social environment. The Aspergers treatment isn't working anymore and I'm afraid he's going to seriously hurt himself, any suggestions on what I can do?
  • Lisa Brown Oct 16, 2011 @ 3:29 pm | delete
    I have a 7 year old son he is violent he hits children in school the quiet ones he also hits me and bites me, He playes up at bed time he wont do as he is asked and i am getting very concerned now as its upsetting his 5 year old brother and myself i dont know what to do i have taken things away from him to punish him but its like he dont care. I have read about odd and the more i read it the more it sounds like him, Does anyone have any advice please
  • Bugeye Feb 5, 2012 @ 3:13 am | delete
    It sounds like he has odd, jus like my child.. Take him to pedtrician and tell them,the doctor should give you a refferal. Also make sure you keep him in a public school, because they are more knowledgable than private. Also, most private schools do not have testing for further disabilities or the funds, and I know this from experience.
  • cheryl Oct 12, 2011 @ 1:23 pm | delete
    i have a son of 6 years he dose ok at school most of time but else were he is verbly abusive and phsyically abusive .we walk on egg shells around him he shows the signs above he has been like this since he was 17 months old he is behind on his education we will on play for about 5 min with his friends then he will start fighting he back chats all his adults wont do as he is told then whenhe through hims tantrums they can last over a hour then he will be really clinging tou plz help
  • Stephanie Vavricka Sep 27, 2011 @ 7:59 pm | delete
    I have a 7 year old son that has been showing signs of behavior issues. He can become very violent and angry then about 15mins after his fit go back to being like a normal kid. He also has no sence of consentration when it comes to homework and when we can get him to do it, it's very sloppy and rushed and he doesn't seem to care how it turns out. We are at our last whit ends with him and don't really know what to do.I really think he has either ODD or ADD can you please help. Sincerely a very lost mother that would like a normal life for her son.
  • Defeated Oct 19, 2011 @ 3:28 pm | delete
    I completely understand, as our 7 year old has add with odd and days like today I wish there was a place to send him that could deal with him.
  • rachnrobtfa Sep 16, 2011 @ 11:06 am | delete
    We are struggling so much with my son who is almost 13. This is affecting my marraige to his stepdad. It is affecting his older brothers aged 17 and 16 and younger sister aged 9. He constantly lies about things that he has been caught doing.He is absolutely awful to my daughter.He creates arguments constantly and will not back down. He backchats constantly and always thinks hes right even if we prove otherwise. He constantly eats and constantly has to have something in his mouth. He has to have the last word about everything and throws almighty tantrums. He is fidgety and cannot concentrate. He has an obssession with wwe wrestling and that is all he talks about or wants to focus on. He has only one friend at school and this friend is a loner. He is heavy handed and breaks things all the time, his divan bed,his tv remote, toys, etc. He struggles with his homework and if he cant do it in the first minute he gets frustrated and throws it on the floor and has a huge tantrum and gets upset. Whenever i try to discipline if he is ansering back and my hubby steps in he tells my hubby "keep ur nose out i was talking to my mum" If i shut him into his bedroom he just come back out again. We have huge rows at home and it is like a warzone whenever he is around. I love him to bits,we all do but I hate his behaviour and the anger he makes me feel. My daughter barely comes out of her room when he is around because he is horrible to her. My older sons hate being around him because he trys to fight them and causes arguments all the time. He has always been like this but it is getting worse and worse. I cant cope with this anymore and I know its only a matter of time til my hubby cant cope with it anymore and leaves (although he says he never will) and I know my daughter will want to go with her dad because of my son.People comment that there is something not quite right and that upsets me as he is my son and I love him and want to protect him. I have a meeting with his school on Weds next week. His dad who he lives half the week with just keeps blaming his behaviour on me saying I dont discipline him enough and that he has third child syndrome. He is in denial that our son has a problem and it is hard to get help when his main carer(his dad) refuses to accept there is a problem.We are really struggling and sometimes on really terrible days I feel like walking out the door and just keep walking and never turn back because I've had enough of the constant fighting and arguing and I feel my son feels he is picked on.If anyone can help me or offer any advice my email address is rachel_hobson_2@hotmail.co.uk
    we are so desperate
  • jacqueline grieve Oct 11, 2011 @ 11:50 am | delete
    everything you have said is exactly what it's like in my household. My 11 year old changed when he was 3/4 years old. His behaviour has become increasingly worse over the years. He has just started high school and already I've had phone calls regarding his behaviour. I really find it hard to cope with at times
  • JennyB Nov 11, 2011 @ 6:40 am | delete
    Hi Rachel have you ever thought your son may have either aspergers or high functioning autism. The things that you have mentioned often occur in autistic children out of frustration.
  • Debbie Dec 3, 2011 @ 5:50 pm | delete
    Hello
    This is like my 9 year old as well, everything that is being talked about sounds just like him. So I decided to take him to see a psychologist and so far what I have learned is that "good behavior" is a skill that needs to be taught. And this is not fair that the "bad behavior" is not like this that it comes easily for our child to act in this way. So the psychologist has a way he likes to help us parents in dealing with our explosive child in between visits. This is so far helping my situation as we speak. He suggested that I buy this book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene.
    Here also is Dr. Greene's website that provides videos and is wonderful, really helpful. www.livesinthebalance.org
    Good Luck
    Debbie Hammons
  • Allison Sep 15, 2011 @ 2:10 pm | delete
    How do I go about getting my son diagnosed with ODD?? We see a counselor 2x a month, we used to see OT every 2 weeks, and now he is going to start after school group therapy. But its like no one will give that diagnosis. How do I get them to do that??
  • kvissck Sep 14, 2011 @ 6:58 pm | delete
    I have an 18 year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when he was 8 yrs old. When he was 12, they added an anxiety disorder. What I see others writing on this page, especially Lori, is exactly what I deal with when interacting with my son. This past summer, things got very intense. He broke out the glass in 2 doors, put a whole in a wall, kicked in a screen door and punched a hole in a wooden door. Then, during one argument he pulled back his fist as if he were going to punch me.

    I am a single Mom with a 13 yr old daughter. She and I were both terrified. I told him he had to leave, even though he still has one year of high school left.

    I talked to one counselor about this and he told me that I needed to use "tough love" to get him to wake up. I established a list of rules that he would meet before I would let him come home. The first one, is that he gets counseling both alone, and with me so we can work out his behavior and how it functions in our home.

    He is living with a friend, and so far he has not gone to a counselor. Sometimes he calls me, crying and begging to come home. I tell him that he has to show me that he is taking responsibility and making changes to improve how he acts in my home. He gets mad and yells and says he doesn't want a lecture and he is 18 so I can't tell him what to do.

    I would really appreciate advice on how others may have handled a similar situation. I don't want to see my son homeless, but I am afraid to have him come back into the home until he changes. If it were just me, I might chance it, but I can't risk my daughter's safety.
  • Rachel Oct 20, 2011 @ 10:32 am | delete
    My son is 5 and has been getting treatment for Aspergers, did your son do things to hurt himself? Like bang his head, scratch his eyes? If so how did you get him to stop, if he did?
  • erin Sep 5, 2011 @ 10:43 pm | delete
    Kim, if you suspect your child may have ODD, I suggest you get to your local Community Reach Center or something like it if you don't live in colorado. My son who is almost 9 years old, was diagnosed with ODD earlier this year, but in my opinion he has had it way longer than that. If you think your child has it, chances are, he/she DOES. Therapy, medication, in home therapy, even residential treatment is recommended. Its not easy to handle a child with this particular mental condition. I know, I'm in the same situation right now. My son is in a residential treatment facility and no its not easy to see your child living somewhere other than your own home, but it does give parents a much needed break from the chaos of daily life. I'm here to talk if you ever need to vent.
  • Michele Aug 14, 2011 @ 9:48 am | delete
    My stepson is 8 and we are having some terrible problems. He told his dad and I (when he was 6) that he knew how to kill us when we slept with a large knife by slitting our throats! That was the start of it! At the time his mother was married to a psyho whom we had to get a restraining order to keep him from harrassing us. My stepsons mother thought it was funny so let it continue. That guy is no longer a problem but seems he had a huge influence on my stepson. We thought he would get better after he was away from that awful man but seems worse. He watches very scary and violent movies ( think Saw and Chucky) and he isnt fearful of anything or anyone. All he wants to do is sit and watch tv or play video games. He is very overweight for his age. I made him clean his room and told him that our living room couch and surrounding area wasnt his area (he gets mad if anyone sits on 'his' couch and demands they move if he happens to get away from it. His dad got onto him last weekend because he will get stuck on a word or phrase and repeat it forever! He wanted to go home to his moms and I think he was just trying to make me mad, so he began saying "I cant wait until 6 oclock" for 30 mins straight, no breaks!! I ignored his behavior because thought that would stop it. He LOVES attention good or bad, mainly bad! I eould walk awayhe would follow, drove me crazy! His dad told him to stop and he got smart with him and spanked him. He laughed, picked up a small plastic chair and threw it. Seems like if we MAKE him do anything, he acts out. Always thought it was because there are no rules at his moms house and she is tying to be his friend, not his mother but this is starting to seem like more than that. He doesnt like school, was held back because he couldnt read and still cant very well. He is a likeable, good child, very personable but can flip it in a second. My husbands parents feel sorry for him, make excuses for him and spoil him rotten with anyhing and everything he wants. He doesnt appreciate, respect or take care of hings because he knows if it gts broke, grandma will buy new for him. I would like to think its everyone helps hurting him but like I said before, Im afraid theres more to it. The school. Counselor even said somehing wasnt right with him and he needs help and we filled out paperwork explaining the problems but his mom said just the opposite about him that we did and said there are no problems so it was dropped. We need help but not sure where to trun esp since we dont know whats wrong. My husband doesnt want him on meds, which is understandable considering t he side effects but Im to the point that Im scared of an 8 year old. Plus, I have 2 kids and he has a brother to think of. We put all our attention and efforts into this child and the others dont get our undidvided attention And if they do, my stepson does something to take it away and put on himself. We cant even have company because he will talk non stop and demand everyones full attention. I know I have went on and on but Im at my witts end with what steps to take next!
  • Sheryl Aug 11, 2011 @ 11:11 am | delete
    My son is 7 and he was diagnosed at 3 with adhd and odd and all I can say is never give up on your child the last year more than anything has been a struggle I have 2 other children who are younger and he finds great pleassure in tormenting them at every chance so we don't give gim a chance. READ and learn it may be hard but if your child starts fires take all loighters matches exc out of the house. In other words yes your world has to revolve around them and everything they say must be taken seriously we keep all knives and scissors even safety scissors in a lock box its a little trouble some but a lot easier than having to deal with him stabbing furniture and God forbid another person or even himself. No violent video games they can get mad latter but thats life we try not to have him watch anything violent as well I mean Im not trying to give him any new ideas. He sees an outside counselpor therapist hes in a partial care program and is not allowed to sleep in the same room as his siblings as a safety precaution. He gets mad having to express himself and is learning to deal with all the interfearance of outsiders but it seems to be working a little at a time is definitely a working progress and the older he gets the harder he is to control which makes him even madder because hes kept on a tight rope as far as what he can do and who he can see and talk to. Being a parent is never easy and sometimes it takes for you to not take no as an answer. It took me a full year to get him into the child study team and starting this sept he is in a behavior class which is for children with special needs behavior wise not academic. They have atleast 2 teachers in the classroom and although he can eventually test out is he goes up to a level 3 on their charts he can be there through high school and he is learning on his level. Theres not much else you can do. But fight for your childs rights also if anybody needs it theres something called performance care which is for crissis and they will come out and speak with you and your child and get you involved in anything your child might need
  • akane Aug 7, 2011 @ 6:53 pm | delete
    Kim- Go to http://addadhdadvances.com/ntpv.html
  • kim fisher Aug 7, 2011 @ 2:54 pm | delete
    i think my son could have odd how do i get help /
  • Lori Jul 5, 2011 @ 9:35 am | delete
    My son is now 16 and I have been dealing with his ODD for years. My advice to all parents of ODD boys is to remove all electronics from the home (video games, IPODS,etc). Also, cancel cable TV and allow limited TV time. Get him involved in sports or playing a musical instrument or something that will keep them active and involved. Our biggest battle now is that every waking moment he wants to play video games or watch TV. I am a mother of 3 boys, the other two being 14 and 10. I can control and limit electronics with the other 2 boys as they are not ODD, but with my eldest son, I have lost control for the most part.

    As a symptom of his ODD, when he emphatically believes he is being treated unfairly (which happens all the time, despite being treaty VERY fairly) he goes into a rage. Many ODD kids don't see things as they are and can't recognize "FAIR" and "REASONABLE" and can't see the long-term or even short-term consequences of their behavior.

    The interesting thing about my son is that other adults love him and he engages is conversation with adults all the time. I am constantly being told how wonderful and talkative he is. This is true. Outside of the home he is a different person. In school he is passive-agressive in that the teachers love his personality and he participates in class and he says all the right things. He is brilliant and gets 100s on even the hardest tests...often the highest in the class, however, he absolutely refuses to do the simplest of tasks and will take Fs in lieu of completing anything he doesn't want to., If he doesn't want to do a project (worth 2 test grades), he simply won't do it and then will lie about it and say he did it until we discover later that he never did it! This is a project that might take him 2 hours or less, but he simply refuses. Also, because he is in high school he has had to read several novels as part of his English curriculum. He refuses to ever read. He does well on all his tests because he is a sponge and will listens in class but that is as far as it goes. Once he leaves school, his work it done. He refuses to open a book at home. He has NEVER studied for an exam! He is now struggling with his weight. He is an incredible athelete, but refuses to put any time into it. He is now over 200 lbs and eats constantly despite our efforts to stop him. Trust me, my husband and I are not pushovers at all, in fact, our altercations with our son have been many and intense. We had called the police on him 3 or 4 times, because he refuses to listen. He sincerely believes our rules (minimizing game time, making his bed, doing the simplest of chores, etc) are unfair and he will fight like you can't imagine to get his way....this could take 3 or 4 hours to work through....over the simplest of requests!!...absolutely exhausts us!! We worry about his future. I feel guilty at times because I crave the day he leaves the house so we can all live peacefully. I do love him and think he is super smart and so endearing at times but it kills me to see his destructive behavior and his angry outbursts. He constantly verbally attacks my husband and me, calling us every profanity in the book, saying he hates us, etc. We are so sad by that because we are good parents, very involved with our children.
  • Sarah Aug 7, 2011 @ 9:43 pm | delete
    Lori,

    I have the exact same situation with a fourteen year old girl. I find myself literally exhausted and sad because there seems to be no solution. She is an angel to everyone but me. Has anything worked?
  • Kenosha W. Nov 26, 2011 @ 12:58 pm | delete
    This is my 13 year old son. I wont give up and will keep on looking for something to make it click with him.
  • Carolyn Dec 28, 2011 @ 8:38 pm | delete
    Lori, your son sounds exactly like my 16 year old son. His anger has always been an issue..even in the first grade he made comments when angry about wanting to kill the teacher, etc because he was treated unfair in his mind. He recently threatened me in a screaming match, but became so distraught after that he had gotten this angry. Have you found any help for your son? Is he on medicine?
  • Tanya Jul 4, 2011 @ 11:36 pm | delete
    Wow I never really knew other people were going through the same thing I am! I can't believe some stories are worst than mine!some times I love my son but I just don't like him... Wow how can a mother say such a thing..... He is the sweetest caring lil guy but in a drop of a dime, he can turn evil.... I used to blame myself! Having a name to his problem ADHD and ODD makes life a inch more better to handle him! I love my baby abs he has been on meds for one year this last April .... The best choice I made of his life!!!! Instant turn in a better direction... Not 100% but sure not where we used to be! Thank God!
  • helen kirk Oct 6, 2011 @ 12:00 pm | delete
    hi i was reading through everyones post and couldnt help but reply to yours as there seems light at the end of the tunnel. its a very long story with my son but syptoms are all the same. my son has not yet been diagnosed yet! but has dyslexia. i tryed with doctors ect since he was 3 to no avail. i found my self getting ill with all the stress and no help and could no longer cope. he went to live with his dad and all seemed fine but his dad just turned a blind eye and ignored his problems. my son is now back with me and now has an obsession with starting fires. im constantly scared for all our lives. im going to make another doctors appointment for him and im not leaving this time untill they listen to me. i alway said i woulnt put him on medication. but to be honest i now want him on some as he is becoming a danger to himself and others with the fire starting. i was just wondering what medications did u find helped. would be grateful for your reply thankyou
  • Amanda Jun 30, 2011 @ 1:22 pm | delete
    My son is 8 years old and has been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. He is not medicated and has recently started with some facial tics, is this normal? I am getting the feeling that he may have been misdiagnosed! His facial tics are pretty severe for just starting and his eyes roll up like they are going into his head, as this is happening he leans his head down so he can see. I have made a dr. appointment, but it isn't for a few weeks! Not sure what to think...everything I look up, Tourette Syndrome or Aspergers Syndrome comes up. His play therapist says she doesn't see it!
  • Rose Aug 8, 2011 @ 11:40 am | delete
    Please note I was faced with this with my daughter, Took her to childrens hospital , took a movie of her having this, all in a worry as any mother should be, but it did go away.. Sometimes it can come with children and the medication or it can just be a tic, like the Dr. From CHILDRENS HOSPITAL SAID>> RELAX..
  • Joolie Jun 30, 2011 @ 8:56 am | delete
    My son is 12, he is constantly lying and blaming others. He torments his elder sister and appears to enjoy winding her up, when she complains he blames her and refuses to agree that he played any part in the incident. He has to be told to wash and clean his teeth every day, and when asked if he has done so he will say yes even though he hasn't. He spends all his time on the xbox and pc and will not do his home work, he refuses point blank, even when he lost his xbox, my huisband, his stepdad, told him if he did his homework for two weeks he could have it back but he refuses, this was 2 months ago, he still does not have his x box back. He is rude, talks back, gets angry and makes threats but has never harmed anyone or anything yet. He says he hates his stepdad and has accused him of hitting him, when he hasn't, and all hell broke loose yesterday when my son had said something to his friends when they knocked at the door for him about not going out to play because he was on the computer, later during a dicussion my husband repeated what he had said to his friends as a few days ago he had said no one ever called for him and he has no firends, and my son said that he had not said that, he argued on and on, my husband can not tolerate lying and was getting upset, so he siad to my son, 'so are you saying I am a liar' my son said yes, my husband repeated the question again and my son gave the same answer, my husband lost his temper and shouted, he told me that he did not want my son in the house, and I said well if he goes I have to go with him as he is my son, so he told me to leave too, then he told my son he was ruining our mariage, I intervened as I was upset by this and so things escalated even more, my daughter was upset and my son was quite beligerant at first until he realised we have no where to go, he then got a bit panicky and upset, and even went back on what he had said and told my husband he may of said it but couldn't remember, and said he was sorry. There are five of us altogether in the house and we all spent the evening in different rooms, not speaking to each other. When my husband came up to bed he told me that he will have nothihng more to do with my son until he is sorted out, he told me I should take him to see someone and get some help but I have no idea what to do or whether his behaviour is just normal for that of a 12 yr old (13 end of August). Feel like I'm floundering, my son has always been a handful, was told he was borderline ADD when he was in first school but never took it further. He is a brilliant reader and in the top set for maths but he says he hates school and refuses to do homework, he gets right in your face when he goes to say goodnight even stopping you from doing what you are doing so that he can do this. Feels like I'm dealing with this on my own, his real dad is not bothered and lets him get away with murder which doesnt help. Dont know where to turn, fear I will loose my husband if this goes on, seem to have already lost my son. I also have an older son but he and my daughter were so easy growing up, nothing like this. If anyone has any comments or advice : jds2510@yahoo.co.uk
  • kim fisher Aug 7, 2011 @ 2:50 pm | delete
    oh god u sound just like my house hold my son is 13 and im at my wits end with him i like u i keep floundering thinking its his age and he will get better but i think im going to go to the docs about him cause its causing problems with my marriage to x
  • Katrina Jun 28, 2011 @ 6:48 pm | delete
    MIranda,
    If I can offer you any suggestions being a step ahead. You can't imagine what life is like when you get her on the "RIGHT MEDS". She can't help but be angry, it's a chemical imbalance she needs help for and the medications just help her to balance those chemicals. It's the parent's who decide what medications are too much or too little. When my sons medications are working, he's phenominal. I cried giving him his meds at first but cried even more when I realized how many years this child went un-liked by friends, family and neighbors. She can't help it, she needs you to speak for her. My son has all those symptoms. We used to cuddle and love all the time and now he doesn't seem to want any of that, but if his medications are leveled, he loves all over me. Go get your baby girl back and just make sure she's not a zombie and you'll never regret offering her that help.
    My email is redwings1029@yahoo.com. Please anyone contact me. I need support too!
    Erin, Maureen, Caroline and Miranda, I can relate to ALL of you! My son is very angry as well, threatens others, says he should be dead, torments his baby brothers, 2 & 1, tortures his 13 and 12 yr old brother and sister, is fine in school, never happy, This is very common behavior. INSIST the doctors help you. Don't tell them all the horrid things, wait for the specialist for that but MAKE THEM HEAR YOU! It is so hard to get help but once you do, your life is a miracle happening. It sounds like some of us have more mild issues, some have major issues but just the same, it's ODD and it's very difficult to deal with. Let me say it...Sometimes we feel like we don't like them, like we don't love them enough, like maybe they'll be able to push us right away or they'll never get better and grow up to hurt others or themselves, be in prison or not have a wife or husband and children to love them. Let's not waste time worrying about the negativity and just love our kids and find the best way to support their very individual needs.
  • Miranda Oct 7, 2011 @ 6:01 pm | delete
    This was awesome advice. I am not use to this site, so I just found your reply :-/ I have been letting things pass but just today I decided to ask for some information to get some help for my little girl. For some reason I never had a positive attitude towards her taking medication since she is only 5... and I am a little scared about trying it but it's worth a shot. I'm not even really sure if its bipolar, odd, or adhd. She does not try to hurt anyone or herself and she doesnt say mean and hurtful things. What she does do is get really angry over the smallest things and seems like the smallest thing can ruin her whole day. She is wonderful in school but when I ask if she had fun during girl scouts or something (when I know she had fun) she all of a sudden gets mad and wont talk to me until something she wants to talk about comes up. When someone tries to be nice to her, she gets mad also. And the more you try to get close to her, the angrier she gets. But my email is MLTipsword@gmail.com and you are more than welcome to message me also :)
  • Katrina Jun 28, 2011 @ 6:23 pm | delete
    I just found out this year my son has ODD. I have been struggling w/this 9 yr old boy all his life. I knew something other than just ADHD or learning disabilities was playing a factor in his hateful, mean, angry, defiant and dangerous behavior. I was going to his pediatrician for help. (wrong move) Eventually the doctor,w/the help of the school, refered me to the behavioral center near where we live, which is the only place that accepts state medical that I could find. I was extremely delighted when they gave me a diagnosis of ODD because of course being a parent of one of these children he is TEXT BOOK. The doctor perscribed, Adderal, Welbuturine, Abilify and Deserayl to sleep. That is wayyyyyyyyyy too much medication in my opinion but it's what he needs so it's what I give him. The doctor has no problem giving my child the medication but does not help me to deal w/him at all. I'm seeing a behavioral specialist for him and I and a Psycologist both. This childs main issues are hitting, aggravating, starting fires, threatening his brother and sister w/knives and he has no fears. When he's on his meds he's great but when they don't work as well or wear off, he's just another person all together. Last week he was having issues w/his meds not being as affective and started to play w/lighters again. (he almost burned our house down two years ago, thank God for fire extinguishers) This was on my 4 out of 5th childs birthday and it was taken up by taking care of my 9 yr old. I love him JUST AS MUCH as the rest but these days can be tiring and guilt riddled. I ran him to the pshycologist and he just beraided me and told me what a terrible parent I was but he would "up his meds if that's what I needed", not him, ME. I am disgusted! I have done everything in my power for my child. I was the one looking for help for him from day ONE to no avail. I work relentlessly and tirelessly w/this baby trying to get help as everyone knows it's a battle in the beginning years trying to get help. I hate the idea of going back to this doctor and I don't know what to do. Mom needs help! I need support and knowledge to properly deal with him. Even though I know he has "issues" and I try to keep that in mind, I still get angry sometimes and forget it and think he's just being mean. I put support systems in place for him and I and they are not much support. It's been a year and I still don't have enough knowledge. Does anyone have any suggestions or help they can offer me?
    Thank you,
    Katrina
  • Destiny May 14, 2011 @ 10:53 pm | delete
    hi name is destiny & i think my son has ADHD or ODD. it might sound funny or not but hes only 2 1/2. if you have any suggestions can you contact me at my email @d_ellis1991@hotmail.com please i need help fast
  • Baylee Quinehell Apr 23, 2011 @ 6:13 pm | delete
    I did this on myself and got 7 out of 8... I got tested and I have ODD. Trust me, this works. It's real.
  • Miranda Mar 21, 2011 @ 1:26 pm | delete
    Hello everyone. I have read most of these and found numerous things that are similar to my daughters behavior. My daughter is 4 almost 5. I have always wondered if she was going to have a behavioral problem because her father (that is in prison) had bipolar and Adhd and it ran down his family like crazy... Odd Adhd bipolar... I've seen how his nieces and nephews acted and I am starting to see it in my daughter. Sometimes I feel like Im failing as a mother and it makes me cry when shes not around. She doesnt seem to have any emotions unless shes angry. I try talking and holding her but she doesnt like to be held or touched. If it is time for bed or time to eat, and she was coloring. . . she will break and throw her crayons and coloring book across the floor and scream at the top of her lungs.She will not clean her room for me. She will kick her toys around and make it messier. And when I try to talk to her about her feelings, she either keeps screaming or she will be quiet but ignore me. I feel like I've lost my little girl sometimes. Like she doesnt want my love, like there is nothing I can do to make her happy. Any time we do things together and she is happy it is for a short while. There is always something that makes her mad and it ruins everything. then its like she is never happy and she never gets to have fun. I never have any complaints from her school. She is smart and does well with other kids. I almost dont want to say anything to the school because I dont want the school to think and "expect" her to act a certain way. I want them to see her as they do the other children. I feel like she needs a chance at least. Im currently in college and also have a 1 year old. They go to daycare while Im in school and then my 4 year old has preschool immediately after daycare. I feel like I am always busy and on the run and i know that probably is not good for my 4 year old. But I cant quit college. And I cant take her out of school. So Im struggling to figure out what Im suppose to be doing. This is definately not something to ignore but I dont know who to go to for help. And I dont want my daughter on any drugs like her cousins were on. I think they mistreated and misused them. I dont want to rely on drugs to make her better, it sounds awful. Isnt there anything else ?
  • Tanya Jun 13, 2011 @ 3:44 pm | delete
    Hello, 1st of all your not alone....reading your story took me back about 2 years! My son is 7 now and I still have the same problems but they are far and few in between....My son had to do a special partial hospital treatment center where he went to school half a day and then I put him in therapy for 1 year... sports helps as well...keeping him busy is the key. Also lastly...My son does take a medication that I refused to start with him for over a year.....That was the hardest desision of my life and looking back ...I'm sooo glad I did it. I keep track of everything my son does and talk to his doctor on a reg. bases. It takes time and also it takes getting online and reading about what he is going through. Also....I went to parenting classes, and started couseling for myself as I often felt like a bad mother....I have seen such improvement in my son and yet I still have days were I'm in the basement crying. I hope this helps....oh and I'm a single mother in school full time to get my master's in social work......If you can't beat them join them!!!
  • Tara Mar 18, 2011 @ 1:13 pm | delete
    My 5 year old has at least 7 of these behaviors, and the "at least" is much less than the reality. I just read "The Explosive Child" by Dr. Ross Greene, and I really think his approach is the right one for my kid. I have already had some success with it. I do think there are some other forces at work in him as well though, and not sure how to address everything. The main problem now is that his acting out has spilled over into school, not just at home anymore. This is just really hard!! Not sure if we should take him to therapy now to sort of nip things in the bud or what.
  • jolene Mar 9, 2011 @ 5:39 am | delete
    my wee boy is 5 yr old in p2 he is one of the youngest in his class only turning 5 in may his school work is excellent catches on so quite but his behaviour sometimes suffers as he could be good for 2 days and bad for 3 in school, teachers have tried smiley faces and stickers but when he doesnt get one he gets so upset and worries so much about being good that he thinks about it all the time, he is such a good child at home like every other child has his moments, iam getting so worried as i dont want him to fall behind in is school work, what could be wrong with my son??
  • Jorden Feb 28, 2011 @ 6:19 pm | delete
    My 6 year old boy has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD , We noticed a change in him when he was about 4 , the year before school and his teachers at pre school tried to tell me that he was just bored and ready to start school , well we started school and the behaviour got worse , I was hoping that Kindergarten was going to be the best new start that he needed , it was the complete oppisite , He was suspended in the second term for hitting another boy and by the end of the year we had moved him schools because after all the other kids seen how he behaved none of them wanted to play with him because they were scared of him , He was started on medication to help him relax and sleep at night as he was not getting near the amount of sleep that he was supposed to be getting , He started to sleep more and we did see a slight change in his behavour , which was great , he stopped with the growling and feet stomping , well not doing it as much anyway !
    He is not on any meds to treat his ADHD or the ODD just meds to help him sleep at night which did work and we did see a dramitic change in him . He still carries on abit when things dont go his way and I have just learned that his story telling is becoming quite good as well with alot of lies being told so I am hoping that its not one step forward and 5 steps back but we do just have to treat every day as it comes !!
    If you can try and get some meds to help them sleep , a muscle relaxant , my boy is on Catapress , only half a tablet a night and I hope that this can give you that little bit of help you need , we notice that when he is tired its 300 times worse than usual !!
    Get them sleeping and notice a change , much more managable !! hope this helps anyone !!
  • SherylP Feb 13, 2011 @ 4:41 am | delete
    My son has all 8 of those symptoms but when they say twice a week, his are at least twice a day usually. However, because he doesn't behave that way at school much they say he doesn't have ODD. He has all the symptoms but doesn't have the disorder - go figure!
  • Lori Feb 15, 2011 @ 7:02 pm | delete
    My son is 15 and I am convinced he has ODD and he is passive agressive at school and full blown at home. That is still ODD!!! I wish these "professionals" would become experts on ODD before giving advice and making parents think they are crazy. As parents of ODD children, we are the experts, they want us to think we are bad parents and that it is our fault our children are the way they are. Fight back and find someone who knows how to help and is an EXPERT. If you don't find and EXPERT in ODD then you might as well go to a foot doctor to get a heart transplant!!!!!!
  • Kelly Mar 26, 2011 @ 12:06 am | delete
    You are saying exactly what i was going to about my daughter. I havent brought her in for eval or anything, but she too acts out 2-3 times a day or more, so i am unsure if she would get diagnosed either. She is 5. Behaves well at school....so i dont really knw what is goign on.
  • caroline Apr 3, 2011 @ 9:07 am | delete
    Hello Kelly, my daughter is now 10 and has always had massive tantrums so much that when she was 5 the police were called. After 10 years iam at my wits end everything is an arguement unless she wants to do it. Every weekend is ruined because she doesn't want to do her home work. she won't take any responsibility for her behavour saying a i make her angry. the slightest thing will set her off and its hard to keep up with her moods. However because she is fine at school people think its down to me. She has a younger sister whom i've never had a bad dy with. She seems to have all the symptoms of ODD but i'm really not sure what to do. When she is good she's amazing. Its like she has two personalities. I am worn out and don't know how much more ican take. There must be some help for us all somewhere!
  • Maureen May 4, 2011 @ 8:37 am | delete
    Caroline, you described my 9-year-old son perfectly in your post. I am in the exact same situation; he acts fine at school, but at home, EVERY request, every rule, every attempt at discipline is met with an explosive blowup (just this past Sunday, he ripped the sheets off his bed and threw his mattress across the room because I asked him to stop playing his toy harmonica at the dinner table). I dread dealing with getting him dressed for school in the morning and getting him to do homework at night (it's a 2 hour struggle for each). I understand what you're going through! I have an appointment for him to see a child psychiatrist next month... after 9 years of putting up with this, I've had enough. The only thing that diffuses his blowups is when I don't show ANY reaction to them at all, and he realizes he isn't getting to me.
  • erin Feb 9, 2011 @ 11:18 pm | delete
    Ok so my eight year old son has every sign of ODD and I have mentioned it to his doctors and his therapist but they all think I'm being silly because they say he just wants attention which is far from the truth. He is an unusually violent child. Getting physical with his friends and teachers at school. Even the principal. He has been suspended three times in two years and is on the verge of expulsion. He constantly lies to me, fights, argues, steals from me and continues to lie even when he is caught red handed. He seems to get some sort of enjoyment out of torturing his little brother who is only 11 months old. He thinks its just so funny to see his brother cry. He always says he wishes he were dead or that he wants someone to shoot him and threatens to kill me as well. Very scary. I KNOW I'm not being silly or over exaggerating. Nobody ever listens to me. I have had the cops called out to my house because my son throws fits of rage and destroys everything he can. He runs away. I just don't know what the hell to do anymore. I don't yell anymore because that never works. I don't spank him because I'm afraid he will retaliate when I'm sleeping or something. I take things away and refuse to buy him anything even if he is good because as soon as I bought him stuff in the past he goes right back to his defiant behavior. I am afraid he will end up in prison for murder or something. He is VERY CAPABLE. I need so much help with him. I don't want him continuing to hurt himself or others. P.S............. he physically hurts himself with scratches to his face until he draws blood. Bites himself. Slaps. Punches. Any advice?
  • Mel Apr 17, 2011 @ 2:02 pm | delete
    Hi Erin,

    I totally sympathise I always felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall when trying to get help for my son. He is 7 now and I am finally getting somewhere. If things are bad at school get them on your side get them to write a letter that you can give the doctor also I know its really hard and I haven't succeeded on it yet but try and video one of his outbursts so you have actual evidence to show the doctors, keep a diary of how often he is kicking off. I have spent the last 7 years fighting a battle desperately trying to get someone to listen I spoke to every person that I should do asking for help only to be told time and time again all kids have tantrums, and there are groups I could go to if I couldn't cope. As soon as my son went up to Junior school I made an appt with the headmaster who I have to say was brilliant! He spotted straight away that my son has nervous ticks and quirky things he does when talking to you and when talking to my son his reaction was I think there might be something there that we need to keep an eye on, my husband questioned him and said are you talking about adhd or something in which the headmaster replied yes perhaps, finally someone saw what I had been seeing for such a long time!! A friend suggested getting a letter from his teacher and I went back to the docs once again feeling more confident this time because I had support behind me I didnt feel so on my own this time. Another friend also pointed something out which seems so obvious but when you visit the doctors dont give your son the best behaviour speech just let him be himself and perhaps he will show his true colours in front of the right people. If I have learnt anything through this its you have to keep fighting I'm a great believer in going with your gut feeling every mother knows their child. Make a nuisance of yourself if needs be, like someone told me your child needs you to fight their corner because they cant do it! And to be honest when sitting and talking to my son he is just as unhappy about the way he behaves as I am. I hope this has helped and wish you all the luck Take care Mel
  • shay Aug 11, 2011 @ 11:17 am | delete
    get a new dr. I talked with so many people untill I finally found someone who was willing to listen to what I was saying and you hould get in touch with your child study team too to get him into a behavior program which will limit his detentions write ups and suspensions all it takes is a letter from you to them. theres a law wich you can google about special education standards hell be kept on his regular level just a more monitored classroom with people who can handle him. also you might want to look into a partial care program most hospitals have one call them and tell the whats going on he can be there all day from 930-230 or after school depending on what they feel would be better for him they have on site therapist and dr who will help you get the help He needs good luck
  • Susan Sep 9, 2011 @ 6:12 pm | delete
    Yur sons sound just like my 10 year old check out conduct disorder (CD). my son has odd cd and Adhd
  • Rebecca Feb 4, 2011 @ 9:40 pm | delete
    My 6 year old son has 7 of the eight symptoms. I have tried so many things and nothing helps, reward charts, buying him things if he had a good week at school, i take toys away, we do time out, nothing is effective, he is constantly annoying his brother, friends, if i ask him to stop doing something because it is bothering e he will stand beside me and continue to do it and if i show that it is frustrating me he smiles or giggles and will keep doing it.
    If i say no to somthing it almost like that words NO is an automatic flip out button. he heard the ice-cream truck, i said diesel we lots of ice-cream in the fridge, but if you don't eat your dinner you cant have ice cream, he started screaming as loud as he could not any words just yelling at me in my face, ran to the door begun kicking it kicking the wall, picked up a pen and threw it at me, it hit on the neck it didn't bother him that he had hurt me he continued, i said to him diesel we have plenty of ice-cream in the fridge but you haven't eaten, he said i don't want to eat ice-cream, i want it for another day.....so he didn't even want the ice-cream.
    I have tried to speak to my doctor about it and he just says oh he can't be that bad, he's just a normal kid. but its not " normal" it's excessive. at school he is always in trouble for talking back to teachers, hurting the other children, he gets angry over everything. last year in prep his teacher expressed her concern and we have been waiting to see a behavioral analyst for approx 7 months and may have an appointment in April, but in the meantime i don't now what to do, and his behavior is getting worse. i am now scared to leave the house with him because i can't control him. i am typing this information about my son and crying at the same time. i feel like i have failed big time. he used to be such a beautiful kid to be around, loving, caring and well mannered. when he turned about 3 he started to change but i thought this was normal 3 year old behavior and becuase he had new baby brother i put it down to that but then when he turned 4 he became very aggressive, and refused to do anything asked of him, group time at childcare he would ignore requests from teachers and just say i don;t want to. when he turned 5 and started prep he completely turned, the aggression, fighting, tantrums, I hate you mum this is happening everyday. i love my son very much, and for a few moments in the day i SEE HIM the him that most don't get to see anymore, and he gives me a cuddle and we sit for a second, i want to be able to take him out and spend quality time with him and have fun as a family but at the moment its impossible. if anyone has any advise please pass it on.
  • erin Feb 9, 2011 @ 11:24 pm | delete
    My son is the same way. I rarely get to experience my loving little boy anymore. When he is nice, its only for a few minutes. Then its back to torturing others and lying. I don't think its very helpful for doctors or other people to just tell parents that they will grow out of it. Yeah right!! Us parents are not crazy. In fact, I think people who think we are being ridiculous should live one week in our shoes, then tell us there is nothing to worry about. My son has been in therapy for over three years and he is currently eight years old. Numerous medications. Nothing has worked. He now has only a bed in his room because everything else he destroyed beyond repair. I still have hope though. Times are tough when children act this way, but I think positivity is key. I'm not giving up and I know you won't either. Be strong.
  • Susan Feb 3, 2011 @ 1:54 pm | delete
    I have a son who is now 19, he was diagnosed with ODD and a conduct disorder, to a (server degree ,young onset type), life i will tell you, has been very hard. His condition was noticed very much in all areas of life, school, home, law, He never slept much as a baby either and through all his life has never needed much sleep, from young as 2 his behaviors where to distroy everything he got, any toy i got him was dismantaled. Behaviour were noticed in pre school and became worse with each year. when he was 14 he got into drugs, this made his condition far worse and nearly killed himself because he was using very large amouts, 13 extacy tables in one nite, he became psychotic and lets just say i lived a nitemare for 2 years, when he was 16 i had to give him an altamation, to leave home or get help, thankfully he only left home for 1 week. Now through theses, at this point (16years) i had been to every appointment with every department, social workers, help groups, he had 2 years of counciling, i was in counciling, social workers had tryed to take him into care, i was at my wits end, so i tell you what i did, i prayed and prayed, and read books and educated my self, when i came accross a therapist who gave CBT therapy and combined it with hynotherpy, from the first session my beautiful son relaxed for the first time in 16 years, things changed, slowly, but def changed. My son is now 19, although he still has trates of the disorder, unorganised, can be argumentive, but always sorry after, can still have anger outburst, but again you can speak with him after, the only thing is his education has suffered and we are still trying to get that sorted, but i enjoy him now, and have even learnt to laugh at his behaviours.
  • darciefrench Jan 24, 2011 @ 3:55 pm | delete
    This describes my daughter, there's usually something very small that she's being denied- often it ends up this way over simple miscommunication. Once she gets what she wants, she stops disobeying. She was getting violent and basically we gave up on enforcing things with her that didn't make perfect sense or were worth the 'scene'. ie- she didn't care that we said too much sugar was bad for her. We went through years of arguing over sugar- and violence, sleeplessness, constant pestering from her, it no longer became worth it to deny the sugar. Starting giving her the sugar and now she's gained about 15lbs but she's happier- and so are we. I'd rather deal with buying her sugar and bigger clothes than worrying about her hitting me from behind, or running away, or hating herself, or all the other behaviors that arise from an angry/oppositional child being denied what she wanted. It's still a work in progress- of course, she can't have everything she wants. Glad to see this lens on the topic. Many thanks!
  • Donna Jan 19, 2011 @ 1:54 pm | delete
    OMG, I just read an outline of my daughter, those 8 things listed....

    I have fought just about every day with my daughter for a couple of years now, and it is getting worse, and last week she struck a child in the face because the little girl "told her what to do". I felt so awful for the little girl, but I was too embarrassed to contact the mother directly; I was literally ashamed of her. I don't want my daughter being known as some kind of bully or tyrant! My Nadine has never done anything like this before and I am at a loss.

    Typically she takes things out on her "things" , she can be very destructive for absolutely no reason, tearing up books, writing on the walls, destroying her carpet, cutting holes in her bedding, just tearing up anything for absolutely no reason! She doesn't listen and it is starting to effect her at school. It used to be she would treat me and her brother like garbage, now it's whomever gets in her way it seems. My friend's call her a brat, telling me that she "needs a good a** whooping", but I know for a FACT that won't work. This child needs love and understanding, I have tried talking to her, doing special things with her, I am at my wits end. She said last night, "I'd be better off if I were dead then no one would have to worry..." SHE IS ONLY 6 YEARS OLD! I do NOT want to lose my daughter, she is my world, I hope that this helps and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to help her work through this, no matter what the condition/problem may be.

    I have mentioned this "disorder" to a couple of people and get the same response, "Oh my God, what you gonna through her on meds so she can be a zombie now like those ADD kids?"...chemical imbalances are just that, imbalances, it can't be helped, certainly it can't be for a child. I just don't know where to start.....but I will find a way!
  • sharon Dec 28, 2010 @ 10:22 am | delete
    I have sat and read every comment on this page and cried through the hole thing I have an 8yr old son who i love but i have felt like giving up because nothing works. Reading this might be my only chance of getting him back. Myself and my husband have exsperienced everything screaming, tantrums, causing fights with his siblings, wanting to fight us, doesnt listern when he is out of control, lies, steals, he this he rules the house he also has said he doesnt know why he does it and he wants to kill him self, he tells me he hates me because i am the one that he battles with all the time. After a difficult marridge i have separated from his father but he plays us constantley he is clever at this but has difficulties at school. His Dad has taken me to court and has my son until cafcass has done an investigation because my husband has used my sons behaviour as an excuse to keep him. I have four children and 2 are from a previous relationship and they are being blamed for his behaviour his tantrums and getting angry and wanting to kill himself. My oldest are well behaved children and they are the ones that should be protected my son goes out of his way to cause touble with them then blames them he screams and lies to get them in trouble he hits them. He has started on my two year ol, i an ashamed to say he scares me. He has been like this since he was 3 that i can remember if we send him to his room he will trash it and scream or groan the whole time the only thing that sometimes stops him is removing his toys but i the get the verbal abuse but when his room is almost empty he would carm down. Myself and my two older children have been accused of so much by my husband that i feel like giving up but i dont want my yongest son to feel i didnt love him enough to fight. I have tried the school and also the doctors to be told its his role in the family of 4 children and he will grow out of it. I will photocopy all the comments and hope and prey it will help win my court case to have him home with us all and then find a way to help us live as a happy family.
  • akane Dec 28, 2010 @ 2:36 pm | delete
    Sharon-

    Go to http://addadhdadvances.com/betterbehavior.html
    This program will help you.
  • Guadalupe Marroquin Jan 6, 2011 @ 10:58 am | delete
    Sharon,
    I feel your pain... I have been trying to figure out my 5 yr child for the past 2 years. No one seems to listen. My son has other sensory issues and his Dr. said Autisic...though I have had problems trying to get a correct diagnosis...is it Sensory Integration, he might be on the autistic spectrum, ADD, ADHD,or Oppositional Difiant Disorder.
    Try your local school district and request in writing that you would like to have him assessed ...now make sure that the people assessing him have the credentials to assess him if not then request outside source.. they will most likely deny you so then you get an attorney that deals with Special Education to demand such services.
    I am educator myself and being on the other side of the table is difficult as it is for any other parent. Inform yourself on the special education process and your rights.
    Best of luck to you.
  • Guadalupe Marroquin Jan 6, 2011 @ 10:58 am | delete
    Sharon,
    I feel your pain... I have been trying to figure out my 5 yr child for the past 2 years. No one seems to listen. My son has other sensory issues and his Dr. said Autisic...though I have had problems trying to get a correct diagnosis...is it Sensory Integration, he might be on the autistic spectrum, ADD, ADHD,or Oppositional Difiant Disorder.
    Try your local school district and request in writing that you would like to have him assessed ...now make sure that the people assessing him have the credentials to assess him if not then request outside source.. they will most likely deny you so then you get an attorney that deals with Special Education to demand such services.
    I am educator myself and being on the other side of the table is difficult as it is for any other parent. Inform yourself on the special education process and your rights.
    Best of luck to you.
  • ashley Dec 7, 2010 @ 8:59 pm | delete
    odd explains alot my step sons behavior is horrible at home and just recently this year at school ..me and my husband have had full coustdy of him and his sister for three years and hes always been defiant and prone to temper tantrums but more so in the last year and alot more recently .... he wont go to bed will scream holler and throw fits untill 5 in the am he refuses to get dressed for school we have to dress him are selfs the whole time hes kicking and throwing a fit you can ask him to do the the smallest things and he will just say no im not doing it when you telll him yes you are.. he blows up he recently started pickin on his sister hard core and now on are two year old he will argue with you untill hes blue in face and im about ready to pull my hair out he wont take responabilty for anything he does he blames everyone else says everyone liers that we dont love him ..will tell his dad one thing and me another ..its come to the point where i have no clue how to handle him or what to do or say to make things better for the whole family ive thought about leavin my husband but my step son and his sister both need me and i love them to much no matter how bad its get to just walk away.. i wish there was more info about this disorder and free or low cost resources ..ive talked to so many people and tried so many diffrent apporches and nothing works with him ..no t.v time out no video games no going to movies or on fun family activities it all seems to make it wrose my granny says he just needs a good ol old fashioned butt whoopin but in this day if you so much as look at your kids wrong you end up in trouble ..ive gotten to the point before where i wanted to bend him over my knee but i cant bring myself to do it and i really dont htink it would any good ..all im left with is hope that one day he will out grow this
  • akane Dec 8, 2010 @ 6:16 am | delete
    Ashley-

    What you are discovering is that ODD kids don't respond to normal parenting techniques. Everything you have tired is guaranteed to make your child's behavior worse. And Granny's idea is the worst of all.

    We have a lot of ODD resources on my sites. Some are paid. Some are free. All of them will help you.

    Go to:

    http://addadhdadvances.com and

    http://ccparenting.com/parenting

    We also have a special program on ODD located at

    ODD Treatment Program

    This program is not free, but is it on sale right now so it might fit your budget.
  • Lori W Dec 5, 2010 @ 7:04 pm | delete
    My son is six and his behavior is horrible both at home and at school. He is diagnosed with adhd, but I am certain he is odd as well though not diagnosed. Odd runs in the family unfortunately. I have seen the same behaviors in my son that you all are talking about. Except the hitting. I wish there was a free program out there to tell parents of odd children how to deal with it. He frustrates me and my fiance constantly. Good luck to all of you. And if anyone knows of a free or very INexpensive program that works please let me know. l_warnke@yahoo.com please put ODD or ATTN Lori odd in the subject line so I dont delete it. Thx
  • Tasha Oct 25, 2010 @ 9:19 am | delete
    I'm not sure if my 5 year old daughter has ODD or not but something is definitely going on with her. It started around age 2. She would not get dressed or get in her car seat for hours. Now she is in Kindergarten, every little thing is a battle. She turns everything into an argument. Everyday last week she would not get dressed in the morning for my husband or I, so I had to take her to school with a robe and underwear on.

    Once she is at school she is great, but at home it is a nightmare. I feel like we are getting torn apart because of her constant control over everything. She is an only child right now because I can't even think of having another baby with her acting this way. The school does not know how to help, they just keep telling me things I've already tried. I'm trying to set up a psychology appt. with someone in our area because we have tried everything with her.
  • shelly Sep 9, 2010 @ 10:32 am | delete
    i am reading through all these comments and although its comforting to read that my child is not the only one who is so disrespectful and defiant Im not reading any solutions.
    my son is seven. he has adhd and odd. he has shown signs since being a toddler. its like he never got out of the terrible twos! I have tried everything. my patience is all gone. i feel ashamed that i dread dealing with him. i have a newborn now and he takes away my nuturing time with her screaming and refusing to do even the simplest things. Nothing works. on days when he actually does behave(which are rare maybe once every three months) i try to talk to him to see how much easier the day went and he sees it. he says he cannot control himself. he is depressed now as well. im worn out and worried and honestly end up have a temper tantrum myself now when dealing with him.
  • Kimberly Aug 30, 2010 @ 4:30 pm | delete
    Hello Iam a single mother of three my oldest i believe either has ODD or has some major recentment inside. He argues with me constantly. He always has to get his sister and brother going. He always has to have the last word, He says hurtful things. Iam sooo stressed out its affecting our home. I love him with all my heart but no on seems to be able to help me with him and I sometimes even though I love him feel like just giving up. His father dont help with anything. He took him for like 9 months but was ready to give him back within 6months and finally just dropped him off while i was at work and since then have not been able to work cuz I have not got him on my daycare I need help bad
  • troubledteenagers Aug 20, 2010 @ 1:37 am | delete
    Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a serious problem in which teenagers are suffering from hostile behavior, negative thinking and defiance. Such defiant kids become rude and stressed. There are various residential treatment centers and therapeutic boarding schools prescribing specialized programs for ODD children. Treatment centers focus on cognitive behavioral therapies and counseling programs for troubled teens inner transition. Medication treatments are also prescribed by certified treatment centers.
  • akane Aug 20, 2010 @ 2:15 am | delete
    I must disagree.

    Oppositional defiant disorder is only serious if parents don't learn how to handle it. However, it is very easy to learn the parenting skills you need to handle any defiant teen. These kids almost never need counseling. In fact, studies show that a good home behavior program such as we have or like the many other programs that are available are just as effective as going to counseling. Plus there are much cheaper and more convenient.

    Medication is usually unnecessary unless there is some other underlying problem. Treatment centers are good when the situation can't be handled at home, such as when there is a serious substance abuse problem, serious violence, or criminal behavior. This almost never happens and when it does, ODD is not the root cause of the problem.
  • Geoffreys_Girl Feb 18, 2010 @ 10:29 am | delete
    I am so sorry that you are all going through the same heartache and frustrations that I am, but it is comforting to know that I'm not in this alone. I'm not sure that my daughter is "ODD", but I am sure that there is SOMEthing not right, and I've known it for a long time. She is 7 1/2 now, but has been difficult almost from birth. She has never found comfort in being held and always feels that her way is the only way. When she was about 2, she decided she wanted nothing to do with my husband -- who is an awesome dad. She spent a few months refusing to talk to him, play with him, etc. It broke his heart. She chews on everything, is intentionally hurtful and meanspirited, and turns even the smallest of tasks into arguements. We are exhausted and overwhelmed. Now she says things like she hates herself and wants to kill herself. I feel so completely helpless. I'm in the process of trying to find a pschologist to work with her, but no one local takes my insurance. It really, really feels like we're just making it through some days.
  • clonlust Feb 19, 2010 @ 12:25 pm | delete
    If you were like me you started off thinking it is just a strong willed child and as they get older you realise it is exhausting and start asking you you,make sure you get support and a break for yourselves,school are finding the behavior so hard now and i have a paediatrician appt in 2 weeks and he will decide where we go from here.It is nice to hear from someone else in the same boat so please keep the posts updated.When they get in that mode it is so hard,i have 2 older girls too and it can be so hard trying to deal with the tantrums and help them do things i know,the worst thing is not knowing the best way of helping them keep their control over the outbursts and at least i hope getting the diagnosis will get the ball rolling so i can get answers on the best way of helping when all else fails.We have done the reward charts,presents,time outs and god knows what but this rarely has worked as it would i am sure in kids without odd.
  • tired mom Sep 15, 2010 @ 8:40 am | delete
    It is so amaziing to read your post, because it is like reading about my daughter. She is my third child and is now 11. From the day she was born,I knew something was different and wrong. She cried all the time and I couldn't comfort her. I had this nagging feeling that something was wrong, but pushed it aside. Now it is like living with a tornado. She screams at us, hits us, tries to damage things that she thinks are important to us. She is always saying she hates herself and wants to die. We are the most consistent parents you ccould ever meet! We set limits and make the kids stick to them. We offer praise for good behavior and have tried to teach them natural consequences to their behaviors. My oldest daughter is 17 and my son is 14 and I feel like they have had to take a back seat because our daily life revolves around the chaos created by my youngest. I feel like a horrible mother, because there are days when I just can't stand my daughter. She has an appointment with a child psychiatrist in October that our insurance won't cover, but we are to the point that we can't take it any more. I will let you know the outcome of the visit, maybe I can pass on some information that will be usefull to you. Hang in there, you are not alone!
  • Romble Oct 4, 2010 @ 6:05 pm | delete
    I totally know how you feel I have a son who is 7 and has been hard work from day 1. Ive lost count how many times I have been reduced to tears just not knowing what to do, there has been so many days where I feel at my wits end and feel like the only option is to walk out. So far I havent, still hanging on in there. My son just flies into these tantrums he screams, shouts, slams doors, throws things at myself and my husband, kicks, punches, argues about everything!! Ive lost count how many fat lips I have had from him. But he is a total Jeckyl and Hyde one minute he is the sweetest child ever and then just like someone has flicked a switch he goes off on one! He also says that he hates us and doesnt want to live anymore, it breaks my heart. Ive tried talking to the Surestart team but didnt get anywhere with them, I tried the doctor but all I got told was all kids have tantrums...but EVERYDAY???? And several times a day?? I started thinking perhaps it was us doing something wrong but after talking to several people this year I felt I was starting to get somewhere. My sons teacher noticed how he would get really angry if something wasnt right or someone was annoying him she suggested that he see the school councillor who was brilliant but this all happened the last few weeks of infant school and now my son has moved up to the Junior school it felt like I was back to square one but a friend of mine came up to me in the playground with a piece of paper which had info about ODD. I couldnt believe it when I read it! It was like someone had written a piece on my son. I had never heard of ODD until now so I am now hoping that we can get someone to listen now. My husband and I have decided to keep a diary of why Morgan got angry and how often so we can take this to the doctor and show him. I have said all along that if there was a reason for my son to be like this then I would appreciate help with how to deal with it. It does give me some comfort reading all these comments knowing that Im not alone. I hope everything goes well with you and your family. :o)
  • clonlust Feb 3, 2010 @ 7:11 am | delete
    I know how you all feel,my 4 yr old has had symptoms for 9 mths and now it looks like i will have to pick her up at lunch times from school as they are having trouble coping with her.This breaks my heart,i spend my days thinking is there anything i have done that has caused this,her 2 older sisters are fine and it is hard to cope when you are so tired.I am waiting for the appointment from the paediatrician to get a diagnosis also.She is my precious child and can be so nice and then there are moments i feel sp desperate and sad asking what has started it off now.It is so hard when you dont have the answers but hang in there as i am and lets hope things will improve as they get older.
  • Amy Nov 10, 2009 @ 8:50 pm | delete
    I have just felt a sense of peace after finding all of you hear. finally a feelinf of peace, my son who has just turned 10 has been so terrible, he teasees his sister to the point she cries and still teases her and then he turns to his brother who is 16 months younger but much taller and thick, so he goes on to call him fat and make fun of him till his brother goes after him, then we have the baby, well hes 3 but my oldest will tease and push him around until he cries and keeps on, I have spanked him took all of his things away and he dont care he will even crack a grin and laugh after I spank him. I was in tears because I felt I had gone wrong somewhere untill I found this site, thank you all
  • brandy Nov 3, 2009 @ 2:15 pm | delete
    hi i need help my son has odd and is breaking me down daily does any one have any advice for me on how to deal my email is brandy33511@yahoo.com please put odd in the subject line so i dont toss it
  • Yvette Oct 28, 2009 @ 10:40 am | delete
    My grandson is 11 and he defies everything his parents try to do for him, a month ago he got caught stealing from his parent and then lying about it, they took away his tv video games and phone for a month and its like he doesnt care he blames evryone elso for his mistakes. They just got a progress report from school and it shows he is failling all his classes and wasnt doing the homework and would tell them he does it in school. I try to talk to him because he is pretty open with me but now he lies to me too, he also says he doesn't care about school or anything at all. His parent are at the end of their patience and don't know what to do with him. He just changed into this hard little person and it scares me.
  • DONNA Sep 18, 2009 @ 11:01 am | delete
    HEELO,IM NEW TO THIS SITE,BUT SO GLAD IVE FOUND IT,AND THERE ARE OTHER PARENTS GOING THROUGH THE SAME AS ME,MY SON IS 5 YEARS OLD,HE HAS ALAYS BEEN A DEMANDING CHILD,BUT THINGS JUST HAVE GOT WORSE AND WORSE,I FEEL HE MAY HAVE THE CONDITION ODD. AND WOULD LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT IT, ON A REGULAR BASIS,MY SON ,IS DEMANDING,VERY AGGRESSIVE,ATTACKS ME,DOES NOT CALM DOWN EVER OR GIVE WHEN HAVING AND ARGUMENT,IM CONSTANLY DRAINDED,HE SAYS VERY NASTY AND HURT FUL THINGS,LIKE WISHES I WAS DEAD,HE SOMETIMES DOES NOT MIX WITH OTHER CHILDEREN,HE LIKE AND ENJOYS WINDING PEOPLE,UP,I SOMETIMES FEEL OTHER MOTHERS SEE THER CARRY ONS I HAVE WITH MY SOME AND PITY ME, ON THE OTHER HAND,WHEN MY SON ISNT LIKE THIS,HE CAN BE THE SWEETEST CHILD EVER,THIS IS IF EVERYTHING IS GOING HIS WAY OF COURSE,AND IF NOT THEN LLOK OUT BECAUSE ANYONE AROUND WILL SUFFER BECAUSE OF IT,ESPECIALLY ME,THE OTHER THING IS,ALL THIS BEHAVIOUR ALWAYS SEEMS TO HAPPEN AT HOME AND WHEN WERE OUT,AS SCHOOL REPORTS SAY HE IS FINE THERE
  • teresa Sep 10, 2009 @ 2:39 pm | delete
    um i dont know exactly if my daughter has o.d.d but i think so. she isnt even two yet but she bites her self to the point of her skin almost tearing. she hits herself and also hits other children. she constantly tells me no and i dont know what to do. ive spanked her ive tryed timeout nothing is helping and then my friend told me about oppositional defiant disorder. and i started researching it. this sounds just like her. im a young mom and im trying to have patience. please help!
  • Renee Jul 27, 2009 @ 11:17 pm | delete
    Carol, I could have written the above statement myself...my son is EXACTLY the same way!! Please contact me at missohio1992@yahoo.com. I would love to chat about how we go about helping our boys!!!!! Thanks....
  • Mintra Jul 17, 2009 @ 11:27 am | delete
    Oh My dear Christine... I so relate to your post. 6 yrs ago I adopted a sibling group brother and sister, and my 7yr old boy is over his ODD ADD ADHD diagnosis. I have spanked my son to, and I have thought of giving them back to Children Services, but I really love both of them so much, I know it would destroy what I have built with them since they were babies. I have known them since...Hang in there, and take every seminars on hows to deal with these challenging children....You are not alone in this world
  • Allison Jun 24, 2009 @ 12:26 am | in reply to Christine | delete
    Don't beat yourself up so much. I can tell from the way you write about him that you love him alot- many parents don't even love their kids. You ARE a good parent who perhaps has made a few missteps (who hasn't?) I don't have alot of advice for you since my kid also gives me hell but hang in there and be more positive about yourself!
  • Christine Jun 15, 2009 @ 1:03 am | delete
    I'm so relieved to have found this place. Tonight I put my 7 yr old ADHD/ODD to bed with a lot of anger. He fights, cries, screams and refuses to listen to whatever it is I try to explain to him. I am a single mom and his dad is (has never been) involved. That breaks my heart but as Carol said, I'm exhausted and worn out. I often dream of putting him in a foster home for a break but the horror stories of those terrify me. I could never go through with it, anyway, I know it.

    He is SO intelligent (they want to test him for gifted this coming school year) and I love him to pieces (as we all love out defiant children!) but geez.... my concern is that I've already done irrepairable damage in things I've said in a heated moment or that I've spanked him too many times (I wish I never would again and have vowed NOT to, sooo many times...but then he pushes an intense button and I fly off the handle). I feel just awful. I want to wipe the board clean :-(
  • jennskogmo82 Jan 19, 2010 @ 2:16 am | delete
    Wow...Christine. I already had tears rolling down my face when I started reading the comments on this site. But I got to yours and now I'm bawling. You're in the same boat as me. My son is gifted, beautiful, charming,and too smart for his own good. But he gets into these moods and I never know how long they will last. He hit's, screams, puts holes in walls, ect... I'm a single mom also and I have no family around or anyone that can help me. My life is stressfull enough and then I have to deal with this at home. I don't get any breaks! And then I start to think about shipping him off just so I can get my sanity back and then I spend the rest of the day feeling horrible for letting it even cross my mind. Every day I worry that the neighbors are going to hear my child screaming and someone will call CPS and take my son away. I'm a pretty tough person. But at times it's almost too much! I have hit walls in frustration before and have broken my fingers so I wouldn't hit my child. And I am not quick to anger at all.
    It almost seems impossible for us single mothers though. I have had to only work part time and take a job as a waitress because of my son's behavior. I'm pulling my hair out trying to find a solution! The stress of it all seems like its crushing me!
  • Amy May 29, 2009 @ 10:36 pm | delete
    I really believe that these kids need to find something that motivates them. What gets them excited? What positive thing in their life makes them happy? Find it. Look for it! and ACT on it! I feel like my daughter may have this disorder, although has never been diagnose with it. She was always getting written up in school. referrals, In school suspension, suspension..... the list goes on and on. It seemed for a while that Everytime the phone rang, It was the school and she was in trouble... She is in the 8th grade and has been struggling all year! I don't ask for straight "A's I just want her to do her very best and still that was a struggle. Then a miracle happend. She had decided to take on a sport! Volleyball. Now she knows that she needs to pass the grade to play. For 3 months straight all she talked about was volleyball ! Volleyball! I noticed a huge behavoir change! No calls from the school. No bad reports. She was actually showing that she gave a shit about her grades! WHY?!
  • Carol May 25, 2009 @ 10:56 pm | delete
    I am here, looking for advice. My 13 year old son has ODD. It, I believe, is genetic, from his dad, and got worse after his dad and I divorced. I divorced my ex, because I was walking on egg shells. I am still, walking on egg shells. If things go my son's way, the world is peaceful. If not, watch out. He can argue anyone to the point where you are mentally exhausted and pretty much forgot what the argument was about! Everything is always everyone else's fault. If he is not listening, he is refusing to do chores, he is bugging his siblings or arguing a point. If he is in trouble, it is much worse! He debates and cries in order to get back what was lost. I am at a loss as to what to do. His dad refuses to agree to counseling. He, of course, blames me for not being able to control our son. He is a perfect angel at school, all the teachers love him. He is able to turn the switch off and on and that is what bothers me. Where he is most comfortable, he is his worst! Someone, please advise!
  • Lori Sep 6, 2010 @ 9:42 pm | delete
    Carol , my son is the same way. I would love to discuss our situation with you as maybe we can help each other through our experiences and successes and failures as we deal with this. Please email me at Lori@1Priorityrealty.com.
  • Andrew May 20, 2009 @ 12:21 pm | delete
    My son is 13 years old now and was originally diagnosed with ADHD and ODD concurrently at age 10. His history in school and in relationship forming throughout his life has been based on manipulative excercises in trust and guilt with a hint of violence. His high level of charisma has me seriously concerned for the potential of a cult type leader of an extreme flavour should this not be remedied immediately. He hits an 8/8 on the above list with the more serious issues coming up at a rate 3-5 times what could be considered problematic.
    The availability of resources is near nil from any agency of any flavour. As a single father, attempts to break into single parent groups have been met with near catastrophic failure due to the prevalence single mother support groups who view any 'man' as the enemy, with a near zero rate of single father support groups or their perspective as parents.
    I am simply at a loss as to how to impart basic life lessons of consequence to someone who doesn'tcare
  • Jen May 3, 2009 @ 7:53 pm | in reply to Brandi | delete
    It is so nice to know I am not alone. My son is 10 and ever since he was 4 he has been on ADHD meds. Throughout his life though he became more and more defiant, he is so bad now the school calls me everyday. I have been to counseling, phscologists, takin away any privalages, he tells me he doesn't care if all he can do after school is read a book, In the am before school EVERYDAY we fight, I am so stressed out and fed up with him, I dont hate my child but I cant wait to get away from him. I cant take him anywhere he embnarrasses me constantly, and My friends are like " OH hes just a normal child, let him stay with me I will work with him," That just ends up them not wanting to be around him in the long run. It breaks my heart, and angers me I truelly don't know what to do with this child. If he is this bad now at 10 how will he be at 12 or 14.?????
  • Elina Apr 28, 2009 @ 7:35 pm | delete
    i am 26 and diangnosed with O.D.D. i dont knonw what to do with my life anymore. I cant seem to keep a stady job because of my condition, my relationship with my family is in tatters & the medication and treatment dont seem to work. I seriously need help....
  • Caitlin Apr 20, 2009 @ 6:58 pm | delete
    I am ODD. I don't know when I was diagnosed but my mum told me when I was about nine years old. In year 2 and 3 I was sent home from school at least once a week and sometimes more. In year seven I was suspended from school because I refused to give something to the teacher. After refusing the situation got worse and I was sent to the principal's office. I am now in year nine and I still can't stand it when people tell me what to do. I think the reason I stopped being so defiant was because I liked school. I got that teachers are allowed to tell me what to do. Knowing what I had was actually a disorder helped me.
  • Brandi Apr 4, 2009 @ 1:52 pm | delete
    My daughter was diagnosed with ODD when she was in 3rd grade. She's now 15 and I hate her. I absolutely almost throw up when the weekend comes around and I have to deal with her until monday. I get physically ill. Therapy never worked because she refused to go. I read books and did the whole positive reinforcement thing, it was temporary. She wont take medication. I called the police on her last week after she got extremely physical with myself and her little sister. I feel cursed and I hate my life.
  • Ed Mar 25, 2009 @ 7:36 pm | delete
    My 11yr. old daughter has o.d.d., and like the others here, it's awful. She has tirades every morning, and some evenings, and picks fights with her sister. I have found some things that help. She likes to fish, and can do it without problems. So we fish alot. She likes to sit in my office and do crafts, but only if music is playing, and she is not alone in the room. She likes to practice the sports that she plays, but does better one on one with me. (She is a beast in school practices.) Because of these activities, we have reason to praise her, encourage her, and build her self esteme. It helps us, and her to always have something to look forward to.
  • jessica Mar 12, 2009 @ 9:46 pm | delete
    We've started seeing a psychologist for my 8 yr old daughter, and found a new psychiatrist... get the book The Explosive Child - author Greene... It will show you techniques and even simple re-phrasing when communicating. I've tried re-phrasing requests / orders a couple of times and my daughter is more cooperative and is blowing up less...
  • katie Feb 28, 2009 @ 5:06 pm | delete
    I have read through this site and believe that my nephew that i am helping raise has this disorder. he throws tantrums constantly. he does not listen what so ever and you punish him and things go right back to the way they were eventually. i am just wondering, he will be three in a couple months and im wondering what does my brother in law have to do to help him? is there medication..counseling???? please thanks.
  • mikah Feb 25, 2009 @ 6:42 pm | delete
    my 6 year old nephew often gets angry and argues with everyone else in the house who's older than him.not just that, he also often hurts my 1 year old son whenever he becomes so very happy or should i say hyper.and whenever i try to stop him from doing such things he just shout at me and sometimes also hurts me like spanking me or the worst punch me in my jaw..i believe he already has this disorders and her mom doesnt believe he does.what am i gonna do?please give me some advice at ymicoeniza@yahoo.com
  • THERESA Feb 20, 2009 @ 3:30 pm | delete
    MY DAUGHTER IS 7 YRS OLD AND IS VERY DEFIANT, DISRUPTIVE IN SCHOOL, MEAN TO OTHERS ON A DAILY BASIS AND BECAUSE OF THIS THE SCHOOL REQUESTED THAT SHE SEE A COUNSELOR. I AGREED THINKING THAT THE SCHOOL KNE BEST AND THN THE PAST FEW WEEKS OF THESE SESSONS HER BEHAVIOR HAS PROGRESSIVELY GOTTEN WORSE I HAVE TAKEN PRIVILIGES AWAY, GIVIN TIME-OUTS NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK I AM VERY WORRIED THAT SHE MAY NOT GO ON TOO SECOND GRADE BECAUSE OF HER LACK OF FOCUS OR COROPORATION WHAT DO I DO NEED HELP ???
  • sharron Feb 18, 2009 @ 6:23 pm | delete
    I thank God that there are sites like this that I can read and relate to.
    I have an 11 year old son who has been this way since he was a toddler.
    I have six children, my 11 year old is my youngest and I have never come across this type of behaviour before.
    I am now a single mother with only my 11 year old son and my 12 year old daughter left at home. Jacks behaviour has had a part in this. Apart from from older children starting out on the journey of life they could not tolerate Jacks behaviour and could not stand to see what it does to me.
    I have been completely at my wits end and have felt like I was going absolutely mad.
    I believe in bounderies and following through... this has made me become a mother that I dont like... I have become a person that I do not recognize... I have nothing left.
    I have taken Jack to councellers and a child psychologist who see nothing wrong with him because he sits there and does nothing wrong... these people just have no idea what he does.
  • At wits end Feb 5, 2009 @ 8:36 pm | delete
    My 14 year old son is argumentative, manipulative, mean, vindictive, selfish and yet can be so charming when he wants something. Things cae to a head 6 months ago when he ran away. We enlisted the help of my brother who lives in another country (New Zealand). As my son is a cricket and sports fanatic and my brother being the captain of the NZ indoor cricket team and also a member of normal outside cricket, he suggested we send our son to him for awhile. Within 3 weeks he was sent back as he attacked some total stranger with a bat. His lies, stealing, and constant trouble making was over the top. We have now sent him to live on a farm in the country with an Aunt as it is impossible to have him in the home as he is not only violeent towards me (his mum) but his 6 yr old sister and 2 year old brother who now sports a scar the length of his forearm courtesy of his brother, My probem is the Doctors here in Perth Western Australia haven't heard of ODD. Help where do I go from here????
  • Lost Dec 1, 2008 @ 8:38 am | delete
    My son has always been argumentative, manipulative, and charming. He has never used any of these qualities to benefit himself or others. Instead he uses them to be vindictive. As I said he has always been this way even as an infant! He is now about to turn 17 in 3 months and the last two years have been pure hell for myself, my family and him. I am not sure anymore what to do for him, with him, or about him. He always has some nasty comment to say to me and we have even escalated to him manhandling me, his mother. This is just simply not acceptable behavior. In the past 2 years he has been diagnosed with ADD, ODD, and Bipolar Disorder. He also has an ongoing drug abuse problem that I am in the process of cleaning him up from for the 2nd time. He refuses to take his prescription medications. I need help. I have no money. I love my son dearly and unconditionally but I do not like him very much at all. HELP ME!
  • Kaz Nov 28, 2008 @ 4:59 am | delete
    I am waiting on a reply from my doctors referal to find out if my daughter has a disorder. With looking into it I believe she may have ODD. Out of the 8 behavioral problems on the list my daughter fits 7. Apart from the fact that it is hard for me & her father it can not be nice for her neither. Two weeks ago she cut up her shoe because she could not get her own way and then cried a little while after because she did not know why she done it.
    I have noticed a problem with my daughter since she was 3 & been trying for help since she was 5, she is now 10. She requires a lot of attention, when she is not getting as much as 1 of my other children ie, ill. She kicks off saying they are not realy ill they are just pretending. She cannot sit still for 5 mins, even if she is sitting down she fidgets. I know Iprobably need to wait to get her evaluated properly, but please can you give me some idea of what is happening to my darling daughter as it is breaking my heart to see her like this.
  • Julie Nov 26, 2008 @ 1:27 pm | delete
    Has anyone read any of the books and found them successful for ODD?
    We are in counseling right now and the counselor uses Barkley. I was wondering if anyone found success with the books? Our son is 6. Thank you
  • Ready to Give up! Nov 19, 2008 @ 12:01 pm | in reply to Frazled Parents | delete
    My step daughter is 9 years old and is the same way. I have had her since she was 2, she doesn't know her real mom...I have always been her real mom. I love her alot but here lately I find myself not liking her. (if that makes since) I feel so terrible, but she is ADHD, diagnosed when she was 3. She is also ODD, extremely! She is so defiant to me and ugly and mean that I just cry...I'm so mad and all I can think is "I hate her", and I don't know how to stop it. I hate feeling this way toward her. I don't know what to do. I feel absolutely lost! Her father doesn't help and seems to just keep a blind eye to the way she treats me. She is failing the 3rd grade and doesn't care at all. She pees her pants, just because. We can't even go out to eat. She will go and tear up everything in the bathroom. We have two other children, 14 and 3 years old. I feel sometimes that our 9 year old takes away quality time we should spend with them.
  • Pickles mom Nov 4, 2008 @ 8:43 pm | delete
    My son was diagnosed and now as a single mother I am scrambling for answers. I went through a period of self blame and have become determined to help my 5 year old son. I continually feel frustrated by what little info I find and how none of the sites I find see to expand upon the few ideas they give. I am trying to raise two children with no help from their father in any sense other than the minimal finacial requirement. I struggle in many ways so paying for help is completely out of the question as far as certain programs. My son's not so much a violent child as an extremely emotional one, who can't control his emotions which are most often teary episodes. I am heartbroken seeing my son this way I pray for answers daily.
  • Louise Sep 30, 2008 @ 3:39 pm | delete
    My 13 year old son has adhd and odd and will not take any medication or go to a doctors or a dentist or have a wash or eat any thing i make which results in stolen money for junk food. I have no say in what he does or how he behaves. I have holes in every room and door and no ornaments or any thing nice because of his temper. Anger managment i hear you all cry. Not for him to put it poletley of no effin way if you want a direct quote. Is there ever an end to it all? Another thing . . .his toilet behavior leaves a lot tothe imagination. he just poos every where and leaves it. His fingers are always covered in it and i am totally ashamed. Is there any one out there that is going through the same or knows some one that could give me some advive x x louisematthews78@hotmail.co.uk
  • Frazled Parents Sep 2, 2008 @ 11:35 am | delete
    My son like the ones reported above is all I can handle 24/7. Fighting and arguing and back talking me incesantly. I too have tried it all. We are on the 3rd ADHD medication now and it is moderatly improving the compulsive and inattentive problems but the ODD is always a issue. Just take a parent time out and forget what everyone around you is saying or thinking. They do not know because they have not been there. I have 2 children. The other has no issues with behavior.

    The challenge will not go away but if we love our children and maintain structure at least we can help them learn to control their own behavior. When they are old enough and willing they will start geting better control. We just have to maintain our control and discipline as consistantly as possible until they steps up and becomes more accepting of their problems. Then they will be willing to work with us to help them. Hang in there parents. You are not alone!
  • heather Aug 11, 2008 @ 11:45 pm | delete
    my 9 year old son was first diagnosed with ADD,then two years later rediagnosed with ODD. other common misdiagnoses(i am told-i am NOT dr.)in children are bipolar or RAD or rage disorder. i agree when he eats more natural foods he is in more control; and also dyes and the "white" carbs seem to send him raging in about 8 minutes. it is extremely challenging and frustrating. it can also be embarrassing when episodes occur in public and people dont see the disability....we can only guess what they are thinking about us as parents.good luck to all of us!!!!
  • Paul Jun 18, 2008 @ 8:22 am | delete
    My son argues with me everyday, and talks back to me, has a smart mouth with me. I just dont know what to do, I have grounded him from his game, take toys away, put him in his room. I am running out of options here., anyone that can help me that would be great. I am a single dad, and really could use some good advice. Thank you.
  • HerbalRemedies Jun 1, 2008 @ 12:10 pm | delete
    Hi,
    Very nice lense on ADHD & ODD you've put together.
    You've obviously put a lot of time and care into it, thank you!
    How to Treat Attention Deficit Disorder in Teens Naturally.
  • DrJones May 21, 2008 @ 7:15 pm | delete
    I did a PhD on CBT and children
    I then found moms using it for ADHD
    please check out
    www.AnimalAgentz.com
    Thank you
    mark
  • kelisa149 May 8, 2008 @ 6:02 pm | delete
    I am very concerned about the foods I buy for my family. For many years I have limited the number of foods that have certian dyes and persevatives in them. My daughter now is "picky " as she says. She says the food I buy is boring. She eats foods at school and with her friends that have the perservatives and other ingredients. I have seen her have a more ADD and ODD behavior increase on those days.
    She does not want to take her perscribed medications or the "Gross @$%** Junk and Healthy &****%&***" I have. She tells me and her social worker and physicians that she is fine and that wer are the ones with problems/ HELP
  • Tina May 3, 2008 @ 1:01 am | delete
    My 5yr old daughter shows all of these way more regularly than the quiz asks. She sees a psychiatrist& is on meds, but he never mentioned this and the meds dont really seem to help much. Weve been dealing with this since she was very young.
  • Hilary Apr 18, 2008 @ 6:18 am | delete
    Yeah boy that's all three of mine!!!! No wonder my house is always so explosive!!!!
  • sarah Apr 17, 2008 @ 4:35 pm | delete
    my daughter is 13 and has odd been diognosed 2 and half yrs ago.it has been a constant battle 4 yrs.she is now in care and is at 3rd care placement.due 2 her safet.she is always missing and taking drugs.i have live a nitemare 4 the past yr.
  • Lo Apr 17, 2008 @ 3:35 pm | delete
    My 12yo so has gotten much worse with, what I believe is, ODD since his father and I split up about 2 years ago. It would sometimes seem he's hellbent on hurting his own life as well as mine (his mum) and his sister's - the very people who love and live with him! He shall begin new assessment (after SIX years' insistence from me) with the Head of our local CAMHS as well as some input from the EP service at his secondary school. I will not stop seeking help until I begin to see a change! (<- Practising Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism and chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo every day helps 100% in this quest!)
  • /debbie Apr 17, 2008 @ 8:46 am | delete
    She has all but one of these. Where do I go from here?
  • Yvonne Mar 20, 2008 @ 7:56 am | delete
    Thank you for putting up this quiz. The only thing I have a question about is...this also describes Bi-Polar and ADD?
  • sharron Mar 17, 2008 @ 1:25 am | delete
    how do you know if your child should be on medication or not... keeping mine of additives preservatives and sugar as much as I can if not helping...
  • Debbie Collett Feb 23, 2008 @ 4:12 pm | delete
    Great quiz! Now I think I know what is up with my kid! Thank you!
  • jennifer Feb 3, 2008 @ 3:10 pm | delete
    This is really helpful. Now I know my son has a problem and it's not just me.

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akane

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician, an international lecturer, and director of special education. He is the author of a book, numerous articles, and a n... more »

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