Online Dating Advice For Men

Did you know that a few years ago, Mystery, Style, TD and I all posted profiles online?

We decided that if we were going to call ourselves dating coaches, we'd have to know about everything related to the topic.

So, we each picked a service (Nerve, Lavalife, Match...) and posted a profile.

As you can well imagine, we found out some pretty amazing stuff.

I gotta say, I was a bit uncomfortable initially in posting my picture online.

What if someone recognizes me?
What if my ex-girlfriend sees this?
What if someone forwards this to MY MOM?

Well, after I got over myself I realized that no one in the world really cares so much to check and see if I have an internet dating profile up, and even if they did, they would also have a profile posted - so we'd be all even anyway. Right?

So, after a month or so of some pretty wild dating experiences, we pulled our notes together, and created a list of 5 "MUST Have's" for the ultimate internet dating advantage.

Alas, here they are:

1) Recruit a friend. This is number one for a reason. It is always better to have a buddy help you set up your profile, as they will have a better idea of the strengths you should highlight. They can also help you gather #2 (see below). Mostly, you will have more FUN with a friend going through this with you. You can share stories afterwards, even make up friendly competitions to encourage you both forward.

If you don't have a buddy interested in doing this with you, don't let it become an excuse. You can always go to one of the dating advice webboards and find someone there - but only if you're really determined to get out in front of the competition.

2) It's all about the pictures. You've gotta have GREAT pictures to be out in front of the competition online. I always recommend four, in these categories:

- 1 which is a basic headshot, so she can get a clear idea of your face;
- 1 of you 'in your element' (so, if you're a hiker, a shot of you in the wilderness);
- 1 of you with GIRLS (women friends, sister(s) etc);
- 1 of you dressed up and out socially (office party, wedding, bar mitzvah, wherever).

If you don't have these, that's fine. The idea here is to have four pictures of you in different environments/settings. If you need to enlist the help of a friend, feel free.

3) Funny headline. A pic and a humorous headline are critical. Please, please don't be boring from the start. What impression does this create in the mind of a woman? Not a good one. Be unconventional, and surprising, avoid the obvious. Got it?

4) Sincerity and vulnerability. At some point in the course of the profile, you will be able to write a bit about yourself. Feel free to mix in some truth with the humor. If you're afraid of something, mention that. If you're just getting "back out there", mention that. If you're terrible at dancing, mention that.

In other words, endear yourself by revealing that you are human. No one is perfect, and guys who gloat and posture online about how much money they make, and how big their car is are sorted thru like junk mail.

5) First date, not a date. Last but not least...the first date is not a REAL date, OK? The first date is basically when you are introduced to the girl. The second date is really the first date. So, keep your first 'real-life encounter' short and sweet.

I always like to ask girls out for dessert, after a dinner meeting (which may or may not be true, but NEVER take an online girl out for dinner when meeting her for the first time).

This way, we get a low pressure way to meet-up, and can decide if we want to get together for a real date later on. Think of the first meeting as when you are introduced at a party.

If you find that the conversation flows after the first awkward moments, then a first 'real' date is a must.

I had some great experiences in online dating and found it was a great way to practice social skills. I also met some really cool girls, and had a load of fun.

Also, the Project Hollywood guys and I got to swap stories after the fact, which helped us bond too as roommates.

If you don't have a profile online and/or have had some less than great experiences in online dating, you should check out David DeAngelo's online dating page ASAP.

He, as usual, offers some really priceless info here, and I strongly endorse the program he offers at the end.

Online dating can be rather competitive...so, it's important that you pay attention to the details and get a leg-up on the other guys out there. OK?

You can get all you want & more by clicking this link below:

David D's "Meeting Women Online" e-Letter

And remember, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing internet dating.

Even if you don't meet the woman of your dreams, you get to go out on some dates, meet and talk with live women, practice social skills, have fun, and maybe make some friends.

And that, by the way, is the WORST possible outcome...if you follow the tips above, you're likely to do even better than that!

Stephen Nash

If you've read this far here on my Squidoo page, you are serious about meeting women online.

That's a GOOD thing my friend.

I mean, why not?

There are some great services out there, and we have all heard too many success stories to downplay the potential of meeting great women online.

Heck, I met a guy the other night who found his WIFE from the internet. In fact, I've heard of that happening A LOT.

I really think that women go online to meet men for relationships and marriage...as we all know by now, that they don't go looking for Mr. Right in a bar.

*You do know that, right?*

The problem for women online though is, many men go prowling on these sites to meet women for sex.

I am not here to judge your intentions, but just know that 99.9% of all women hit these sites hoping to meet a cool guy to date, and have a relationship with.

For starters, the best online services are nerve.com, match.com and lavalife.com.

Eharmony.com is also great I hear, with a comprehensive personality survey to fill-in when you start.

They are the best because they are the most popular.

Being the most popular, they give you the largest choice.

If you are skeptical about online dating, join the club. But, before you write it off completely, go to one of the above sites and do a free search.

That should convince you that there are many attractive women who are looking for men online. So, why not try it out?

It is the social norm for men to approach women. So, if you are out at a bar or club and you see an attractive woman, you will have to approach her to meet her.

Women typically don't approach men in social settings. They will signal their interest to you in many ways, but the actual "move" will have to be made by you.

The beauty of internet dating is that it gives women a forum to indicate what they want without it being embarrassing or socially "unacceptable".

This helps to simplify things for men too - before you even send your initial email, you know some things about her and what she is looking for.

Let's cover some of the basic musts to successful internet dating:

1) The most important thing to have on your profile is good pictures. This should be obvious

This should be fairly short, but it needs to be both funny and insightful.

In other words, be sure to read her profile - let me repeat that - be sure to read her profile!

So many guys send out standard emails to women online, and it is obvious to them that you have taken no time to read about her.

If you read the profile, can make a light joke out of something she reveals, compliment her and share something in common, you have a strong chance of hearing back from her.

3) A great place to be humorous is in the subject line.

She is more likely to open your email if it catches her attention.

A great way to do this is with a humorous remark about something in her profile. Be sure to keep the humor lite, and never, NEVER, make fun of her picture (dude...that's a huge no-no!).

4) As for the connection, be sure to quickly indicate that you have things in common with her.

This helps to alleviate her anxiety about meeting you. If you have nothing in common, she will feel like there will be nothing to talk about and the date will be awkward and uncomfortable.

For the purposes of the first contact, begin a conversation with her by indicating that you share commonalities.

To summarize, in the first email you want to cover these three things: humor, a compliment and make a connection.

A few final online dating notes:

* Never use the "wink" function. "Wink"ing is for women to signal their interest to you. If she "wink"s, you send an email.

* Feel free to ask for her phone number after a couple of rounds of messages. A simple, "why don't we continue this by phone? I am happy to call you. If you're comfortable with that, reply with your number, and we'll take it from there."

* When on the phone, be sure to keep it very light, again using humor as much as possible. Talk for a few minutes, then arrange to meet her.

* The first date needs to be something where no $ is spent. Why?

Sometimes, one or both of you are not happy with the look of the other...tragic, but true. People often put up very flattering pictures, which don't resemble their actual look in real life.

So, meet at a gallery, or a park, or a free event. You don't want to walk away from a first internet date having spent $50 on a meal do you?

Meeting for coffee, in this case, is also a good idea.

* If you are out with her, and you do like her, a great compliment is: "You know, your pictures are great, but you are much more attractive in real life." This way, you help her relax.

She is definitely going to feel awkward with her appearance and will hope you find her attractive. Put her mind at ease, and about 20 minutes into the date tell her she looks great.

* Lastly, the first date is a total wash. It is really to see if both of you feel any attraction.

Make no fast decisions about personality and style after a first internet date. Usually, both you and she are very guarded.

Wait until the second date at least until you begin to feel out her personality, her values, her style etc.

* Last, but not least - and this may be the best kept secret to internet dating. Be sure you check out the profiles of the women without pictures.

Why, you ask?

Often, these women are VERY attractive and don't have a pic up because they want to avoid getting 50+ emails per day from guys online.

I am dead serious about this one guys. They post a profile in hopes that someone will actually READ it (hint) and treat them like a person, rather than a hot body.

Be sure though that you get a picture from her before you meet her. That is fair, and she will understand.

It is also true that very unattractive women do not include pictures.

So, this is a good START...but, there is a lot more to learn to get good at online dating.

My good friend David D has put together an entire program on internet dating called "Meeting Women Online".

In it, he covers EVERYTHING you need to know about having success meeting women through the internet.

I strongly suggest you check it out by following the link below...he'll give you a ton of free, valuable info too just as a "starter kit" - much like what I've listed above:

David DeAngelo's Meeting Women Online Program

So, good luck with the fascinating world of internet dating!

Stephen Nash