Other Face Of Domestic Violence

Domestic abuse, or spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person.

Domestic violence and abuse are used to gain and maintain control over you. An abuser doesn't "play fair." Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb.

Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. However, there are some significant differences in how domestic violence plays out with male victims.

When male perpetrators lash out, it is often immediate, involving slapping, or punching, after an event that can trigger this behavior. However, female perpetrators tend to wait hours, and even days, after and trigger event, before lashing out. When they do, the male is unaware it is coming. They are most often relaxing, or sleeping, as was shown in the movie, "Men Don't Tell" when Laura MacAffrey attacks Ed while he is sleeping, hours after the trigger event, which was him forgetting to pick something up from the grocery store on the way home from work.

In addition, female perpetrators of violence tend to use weapons. The classic view of a woman hitting a man usually involves her wielding a rolling pin, but the weapon could be anything at hand, including a frying pan, or baseball bat. In an interview with Larry King (January 2010), Roseanne Barr stated that she frequently abused each of her husbands while they slept.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. Females perpetrators tend to think of themselves as empowered by it. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe.

Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-esteem, lead to depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. Your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality this, then you can get the help you need.

Men do not have the same exact choices as women in seeking help. Even in calling the police to address an explosive situation. This becomes especially true when there are children involved.

If a father, who is the victim of an abusive wife, leaves, does he take his children, or does he leave them behind in the hands of the abuser?

If he takes the children with him, where does he take them?

Though nearly 50% of domestic violence victims are men, only 7.8% of funding to address the issue is spent to help them.

Fathers cannot simply take the children to domestic violence shelter, as the shelters do not allow the presence of men, over even the sons of battered women, over the age of 12. The claim is that it makes the women nervous, which is likely true, but even the victims of abuse must eventually learn to deal with the outside world as a whole.

When it comes to a father leaving with his children, he must first determine places where he can go with them. Aside from friends or relatives, one place to consider is often the less obvious one, the Salvation Army. Rather than just calling the domestic violence hotline, contact the Salvation Army directly to discuss your situation and learn what is available.

Unfortunately, there is one aspect of a controlling mother this will not protect you from, her picking up the phone and making a false allegation of child sexual abuse. This is something any father must be prepared for. For this reason, he needs to be keeping a Daily Journal.

Further, depending on the provisions of the specific state laws, recording any conversations he is having with the mother, working up to when he getting ready to leave. Even if the laws pace restrictions on there, there is some variables when addressing issue related to illegal activities, which domestic abuse is. A good example of this is the California case involving Mel Gibson and ex-girlfriend, and mother of his child, Oksana Grigorieva.

In California, it is clearly illegal to record conversations without "all parties" knowing, but the nature of the recording involving potential illegal activities made them acceptable as evidence.

Simply put, a man cannot expect to be simply believed, as a woman is, when claiming domestic to be a victim of domestic violence. Society has been condition to believe women are only responding to a violent man, or that he is somehow a weakling, and is allowing a woman to control him. For this reason, he must establish a trail of evidence showing that she has an ongoing problem with anger and violence.

This becomes a major problem as often violent women are very good at making it appear as if the man is the abuser. For this reason, if the police are called, ask for a female officer to be present.

Female police officers are much more reliable than their male counterparts to get to the heart of the truth of who is the victim and who is the abuser. They are not as likely as male officers to be swayed by fake tears and emotions. A good example of this can be found in an old segment of TV show, COPS.

In the segment, two male San Antonio (TX) police officers arrive at a home and see the man sitting on the porch. Clearly, the man knows his wife has called the police, as he is claiming he never even went inside, or touched her.

Inside, the woman tells the officers that he grabbed her arms, and slapped her, showing them the marks to prove it. Seeing this, they go outside to arrest him, just as a female officer is arriving. While they are placing the man under arrest, she goes in to talk to the woman. When she comes out, she expresses doubt that the man had caused the injuries. The sizes of the injuries were too small for the man's hands, something the male officers did not take note of.

Now, she proceeds to talk to the neighbors, who inform her that the man's wife is the real abuser. After telling her male counterparts this, they decide to release the man.

A man should not be a victim of a violent woman, but with current attitudes toward this, they must do more to prove they are victims. Keep photo records of any injuries, and keep a Daily Journal. The more evidence you can make available for an investigation, the better able you will be to protect yourself, AND your children.

1. Examples of what is not domestic violence
2. David Letterman Fights Restraining Order
3. False Accusations of Child Abuse
4. False Rape Report
5. 'I'm being abused by my wife'
6. LA Pitcher's Case Throws a Curve at Common Beliefs About Abuse
7. No Bail For Woman Convicted Of Framing Ex
8. RADAR
9. Ref Studies-Assaults By Women On Spouses
10. Save The Whales Batter The Males
11. State dismisses 16 felony charges
12. C A P T A - Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act
    The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA)
    MONDALE ACT - CHILD ABUSE FOR PROFIT BUSINESS IN AMERICA. On January 31st, 1974, President Nixon signed Public Law 93-247, The Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA).