Parent of a US Marine!

We are so proud of Darek. he has graduated from SOI, Camp Pendleton and is home, for now anyways. He gets to see this site and all your wonderful comments today. Thank you all for your support. Remember to thank any military personnel past or present for their service and sacrifices.

Even though I knew he planned on joining the military, we were still talking to recruiters to figure out which branch he wanted to join. He had taken the ASVAB test but since he hadn't used the study guide book I purchased for him, he didn't do as well as he should or could have. This ASVAB score can even affect which branch will accept you! Darek came home one day and completely out of the blue simply looked at me and said, "I joined the Marines today." I was surprised and shocked because we had agreed that I would talk with any recruiter before he signed on, to be sure the paperwork was written to include what he wanted to do in the service. In our discussions he had narrowed his career choice down to aircraft, possibly mechanical or something along those lines. This would obviously require a lot of training and would not be part of the basic program. This was not part of his contract with the Marines. If it is not in writing it is NOT going to happen.

I have to admit I was upset with him for signing on without someone reviewing it first. I was glad he finally signed though because I wanted him in the service for several reasons including discipline, honor, physical fitness, career options, military benefits and more. Especially considering the turn the economy was just starting to show signs of falling. His previous efforts at finding part time employment never turned into any offers. He really didn't have a lot of drive or ambition to do anything more in life and I was not going to continue supporting him. I also knew he signed on for more than he realized. I know several people who are or have been in all different branches of service and the Marines are said to have the toughest boot camp. Thirteen weeks of grueling training and non-stop physical preparation, not to mention the crucible that recruits have to complete to be a Marine. My son has always participated in football and in the last few years wrestling too. At graduation he stood 6' 3" and weighed in at about 280 lbs. He worked out between sports and at the gym several days a week. He was a brick wall that could easily bench almost twice his own weight. He thought he was in great physical shape. He would soon learn otherwise, the hard way.

Darek will be returning from Camp Pendleton on February 26!! If you are interested in talking with him please leave a message in the guestbook below.

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Week of August 20 - During the 2 weeks before Darek is to leave for boot camp he has spent time with many of his friends. It seems like he is never home. I keep asking him to clean up his room before he leaves. I really don't want to have to clean that disaster area! I am kind of a neat freak and I have to keep his door shut or it drives me crazy.
I go into his room to talk to him about something and before long I am picking things up, throwing things away and next thing I know he picks me up by the waist and moves me into the hallway telling me to leave his room alone. Yes he literally picks me up and moves me. That is the problem with having a son that much bigger and stronger than yourself. I thank God that we have a good relationship and there is trust, respect and honor between us.

He hasn't cleaned his room. I finally get a little time with him before he leaves, though it's not much it is better than nothing. I am still trying to get the high school graduation/Bon Voyage party organized. We at least found a date that works for most people. It is the same day he leaves for boot camp! Dad will drive him to the airport in Milwaukee and see him off.

August 24 - Today is the party. Today I have to say good bye. Today he leaves. I am a little excited. I won't have to worry about him as much. Darek would say I don't have to now when he is here either, but as a parent it cannot be helped. I don't think I am that bad, but the perspective is different from each person looking at it.

Even when the kid is well behaved and doesn't intentionally do anything to get in trouble sometimes the people around them get them involved without them knowing it. So anyways, the bedroom is still a mess - augh! Looking back at it I can see that it isn't that I wasn't anxious about him leaving, I just buried that by keeping myself busy. I am working about 50 hours a week at work, sometimes bringing it home with me. Coordinating the details of the party and friends and family activities going on, I am not thinking about it a whole lot. Focus on party and don't think about afterwards.

Today is my last day with my boy. He will no longer my big little boy. He will be taught to be a man, the ways of the world and even the things I have tried to protect him from. He is leaving at 5:30 today and there is nothing I can do about it anymore. He is joining the Marines, infantry at that. My bundle of smiles and giggling laughter, the troublemaker, my Calvin & Hobbs, Denis the Menace. My hyper sunrise, the pre-teen rebel. The young man I watched and helped struggle and work to get his HS diploma and hopefully the pride, confidence and self-respect. My baby, my boy, my son, my love, part of my heart.

I am even thinking about my last words to him. I will be calm and not get mushy. It will be simple and elegant in design yet let him know that I am proud of his choices past and present. Darek basically completed 3 years of high school in two years. Not that he graduated early, he had a lot of making up to do from previous years mistakes. He also played football and was 3rd in the states wrestling tournament. I couldn't be much prouder of the boy and what he has achieved. When it was time for Darek to leave though, none of my words were there. I turned all mushy and barely kept myself from balling my head off. Whether he wants to admit it or not he choked up a bit too. The problem was partially due to seeing others cry when they said good bye, the rest was because he hugged me before I could say what I wanted to. Once he did that it was over. I barely managed to get the mothers mantra of, 'be safe, be good, work hard, make us proud, I love you.'

I also had a moment with my daughter this week. I found out there was a bit of jealousy of the attention he has been getting. I hope that I was able to disperse those feelings. As proud and happy as I am for Darek, I am just as much for my daughter, his little big sister. She finished high school with excellent marks, went onto college, lived off campus, worked while in high school and college, paid her own way through college, completed her degree and at her graduation she walked the aisle with honors. She has since moved back to the area, is working, has her own apartment, and is continuing her education. She recently got a promotion at work. She has a very nice boyfriend who somewhat shy is becoming more social with the family.

All along the way I tried to encourage each of them and keep them focused on what the next goal is. Sometimes it was just completing a paper for a class, finishing a semester, or the next visit home. Sometimes the smaller goals are more meaningful than the long term goals, especially when they struggle the most.

August 26
Its like having a flashback before you die - Darek's life moments keep flashing through my head. The things we've done. I know that if he succeeds in completing boot camp that I will never see the same boy again - he will change as is normal for all of us when we experience changes in our lives. I almost hurt physically with an emptiness. I have done all I could for him and I know I made mistakes. All parents do, we are always learning. I hope he knows I tried my best though. I always will. I can't write anymore right now. It hurts.

A little while later the phone rang and it was you! You told me about missing your flight. The hotel in Houston. You miss me too. I felt like the Grinch when his heart swells bigger and bigger. I told you I was sorry that I was choked up and couldn't talk when you left for the airport. There was so much I wanted to say and I couldn't even talk! You said you understood, felt the same too. You have to hang up now. Good bye again. Oh God how long will this hurt?

August 28
I was walking through the house and reminded by the pictures. Your triumphs in football, wrestling, graduation. Moments in time. I can't help wondering what you are doing and how it is going. You are just getting started so they are probably doing a lot of yelling in your face, paperwork, initial instructions etc.

August 29
Its my birthday today. It isn't much of a day. Since my mother died last April I wont get the phone call from her wishing me a Happy Birthday. I can hear her voice and for a moment I just remember her. I miss her so much! This sucks! My mom is gone, my son is in boot camp, I am here by myself and I feel so alone. No one calls today.

Labor Day Weekend:
I am cleaning everything. Well I didn't clean your room. I shut the door and I can't go in there. Not yet. The family met on Monday for a picnic at the park. Your cousin Tony - in the Army - is gettting married in May. I am so glad you and your sister are waiting until you are older. I took my 5 yr old nephew on the amusement slide. It was great fun! I thought of the times we came here as a family. It was a nice day.

September 3
I got your address today so I sent a funny card. You have enough going on so I am not going to tell you about how hard this has been for me. I will be positive and encouraging.
I go to work, come home, make dinner, clean up, read, go to bed. Do it again.

Even though I was having a hard time with Darek being away from home I never told him the extent of my suffering. I knew it would become easier over time and I didn't want him thinking of that, he needs to focus on himself not on me or anyone else. I really want to stress this to moms, wives and girlfriends especially. Yes it is ok to let them know that you miss them and you can't wait to see them, but don't tell them that you mope around, your depressed and you can't live without them. You can and you will manage, though it may not be easy, you can do it - do it for them.

To write to your recruit you need to be sure to have the correct address. On an average, the boot camp side of the base receives about 2,000 letters A DAY. Not the entire base, just the boot camp side. When the mail gets there, it is broken down by Battalion. There are 3 Battalions, so after they are separated, the mail is then forwarded to the Battalion it is addressed to. At the Battalion, the mail is then broken down into the Company it is to go to. 1st Battalion Companies are Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, and Delta. 2nd Battalion Companies are Echo, Fox, Golf, and Hotel. 3rd Battalion Companies are India, Kilo, Lima, and Mike. When the letter gets this far, it is THEN broken down into the Platoon Number your recruit is in.
Depending on the time of year, there will be from 6 to 8 Platoons in each Company. When the mail is broken down into the Platoon number, THEN it is sent to that Platoon, for the Drill Instructors to hand out to your recruit. Generally, your son will write you on a Sunday morning, when they have 3 hours of "free time." It is mailed to you Monday, and you get his letter to you, on a Wednesday or Thursday. Now YOUR letter to HIM, can take 7 to 10 days to get to him, because of the four steps it has to go through, to be delivered. EACH step, can take a day OR two, therefore, 7 - 10 days for a letter from you, to get to him. You mail a letter on say Monday. It gets to San Diego on Wednesday, to the base Thursday, then starts through the four day cycle get to him. Sunday, there is no mail delivery, so there is another day. NOW you see why it takes 7 - 10 days for YOUR mail to get to THEM. He might write, "How come no one is writing me," and you have been, this is the reason.

SUGGESTION: Use ONLY white envelopes, no blue, yellow, etc. Put NO "smiley faces," lip stick "kiss" or ANYTHING on the envelope, except his address, and your return address. One other thing you CAN do, that will be OK. When you seal the envelope, on the back, at the "V" on the bottom of the seal, put a small 1, on the first letter. The second letter, a small 2. On the third letter, a small 3, etc. This way, if one letter HAPPENS to pass another, he will know the sequence they have arrived in. Also don't forget to write the date on the letter. Even if it is written over several days. It makes it easier to keep them in order.

So at one point Darek wrote to his dad saying they had no toilet paper. I don't know why, they may have been in the field. They were using baby wipes instead of toilet paper and he was not happy with this. When I heard this I laughed and didn't think too much about it. One day as I was in a checkout line there was a rack of greeting cards, so as I am always on the lookout for cards to send to Darek I was skimming through them and I found the one below. I taped a large piece of the softest toilet paper I could find inside and mailed it to him. He said he laughed so hard! He let the other guys see it and they laughed too. So not only did the humor bring cheer to him, but to others around him. It was worth the $4.00 I spent on it to know that so many recruits had a good moment that day.

Open the card and read inside......

Inside I kept it simple and positive,
"Dad told me you wrote and said you don't have toilet paper sometimes. So we just wanted to make sure you did. Love mom & dad
Don't give up! You are so Close! Love Mom"

He cherished the card, never used the toilet paper and brought it home with him when he graduated.

There is a lot to do to prepare for boot camp physically and mentally. There are websites dedicated to the parents, spouse, and family of Marines that offer information and support. Within the website you can post messages in forums, join a blog or even join live chat sessions, find resources and referrals. The recruiter will have information for the new recruit to prepare for the physical requirements they will need in order to survive boot camp. One guide is a small handbook that shows step by step exercises. Many recruiters will work with the recruits in the gyms and help them with guidance and motivation. It is still up to the recruit to get out there and do it though. Darek worked out a couple times a week, but he was convinced it would be a piece of cake for him. He didn't do as much as he should have and it made his experience harder than it had to be. The biggest advice we can give you is follow the guides and do 10 times more than you think you need to, you will regret it if you don't. Why make it harder than it needs to be?



Darek was also limited in the time he had to prepare. With only two weeks before leaving he had a lot to do in his personal life to prepare as well. He wanted to spend as much time with his friends and family as he could, which meant he wasn't home very much for me either. We were planning his high school graduation in three weeks so we now had to move up the date for it. We scheduled his party for the same day he left for boot camp, he would leave the party to go straight to the airport.

When Darek returned from boot camp he had a cheat sheet of terms and knowledge he had to learn while there. If you are going to boot camp get started before you go. I can't list all of it and some you have to learn there. I will continue to update this so sign up for the email subscription up above. Here are some of the items they had to learn.

Birthplace of MC - Nov 10, 1775
Quarterfoil - worn on officers covers so snipers wouldn't shoot them.
Leatherneck - collar worn by Marines 1775-1875
Mamaluke sword - given to Lt O'Bannon by Prince Hemet for actions at Tripoli
Blood Stripe - Worn by officers and NOOS for action at Chapultipec
1st marine to be awarded Medal of Honor - CPL John Mackey
Date EGA is adopted -1868 by 7th Com. Jacob Zeilin
Three elements of the MC emblem - Eagle for nation, Globe for worldwide service, Anchor for Naval traditions
1st female Marine - Opha Mea Johnson 1918
Devil Dog - given to marines by Germans at Belleau Wood
Identify the origin of the term "First to fight"
Identify the meaning of the MC motto "Semper Fidelis" - Always faithful
Two developments that came from the Korean war - flak jackets/ thermal boots/ vertical envelopment doctrine
5 Islands in the island hopping campaign - Rabaul, Imo Jima, Guadalcanal, Okinawa, Tarawa
Marine who won 5 Navy crosses - Col. Lewis B. Puller
First ground engagement with Iraqi forces in the Persian Gulf - Al Khafji

14 Leadership Traits:
Judgement, Tact, Courage, Justice, Integrity, Knowledge, Decisiveness, Endurance, Loyalty, Initiative, Bearing, Enthusiasm, Dependability, Unselfishness.

Types of MAGTF:
MAGTF Marine Air Ground task force
MEF Marine Expeditionary force
MEU Marine Expeditionary unit
SPF Special Purpose Force

It was a beautiful, sunny, warm summer day. You couldn't ask for a more perfect day for an outdoor party. Which considering that we live in north-east Wisconsin, a person never knows what the weather will be like. The tent went up pretty easily, the guests arrived as planned, the food was prepared, the DJ played great music and I even remembered to call the photographer beforehand. Many of the guys were out back by the over sized grill, the women were fussing in the kitchen, kids ran and played and everyone was having a great time. Many of the veterans in the family were giving him advice and telling funny stories about their days in boot camp. The photographer took pictures, portraits and group shots. I even managed to be sure to get a few family pictures as well. It seemed like just moments before the afternoon passed and it was time for him to leave. Some guests didn't realize he was going straight to the airport.

Good bye is never easy. It is difficult for all of us. I stood back while he said his goodbyes to family and friends. Then his sister stepped forward. She cried. They hugged. Then he came to me. I had planned what I was going to say for days before. I wasn't going to be all mushy like you see on tv. I was doing really well actually, I was quite surprised actually. But then he reached down and hugged me before I could say anything. Then I felt it, that grief, sadness, loneliness, the nest is empty and there is no going back. I choked on all the words, none came to me. We both sputtered and squeaked goodbyes. Good bye, I love you, be safe. I would not cry, but it was so hard not to. Good bye is different for us all. To me this was much more than just him leaving for boot camp. To him it was the first time he was truly leaving home. Neither of us knew what that felt like. Soon though, it would hit us hard.

First of all the service branch will pay for the flight to wherever they will be at boot camp. We live in Wisconsin and Darek was going to be at the MCRD boot camp in San Diego, CA. Your recruiter will give you a list of what they can and should not bring with them to boot camp. Don't bring anything of value. Everything they bring will be put into a small box and stuck in a warehouse for the duration of boot camp. It may not smell very good when they get it back.

Darek has always managed to make life interesting, challenging and full of drama. Normally when they leave for boot camp you get a phone call in a day or two, which lasts for about 30 seconds to a minute. The purpose is simply to let the parent know that he or she has arrived at boot camp safely. It may come at two in the afternoon or two in the morning, so be sure you have your phone with you at all times until you get that call. Plan ahead so you both know which phone number the call will come to. It will most likely be the only phone call for the next two months. When I received the call it wasn't to say that he arrived in San Diego, CA, he was in Texas.

Apparently he was flying with a few other recruits and one of them stopped at McDonalds in the airport on the way to the connecting flight. This was a mistake because there was not enough time between arriving and the next flight's departure time to make a food stop. Thankfully the recruiters give the new recruits a phone number to call in case they run into any difficulties along the way. Arrangements were made for the recruits to stay in a hotel for the night and fly out the next day. It is HIGHLY recommended that you do not make the same mistake. The phone call I received went something like this:

Darek: Hi mom how are you?

Sandy: Good, are you in San Diego now?

Darek: No, I am in Texas, at a hotel. We missed our connecting flight.

Sandy: What? How did you miss the flight, were you delayed? (thinking to myself, darn, meant to look up the airports online so he had an idea what they looked like before he left)

Darek: (explanation of stopping for McDonalds, missing the flight, calling the phone number the recruiter gave them and going to the hotel)

Sandy: Ok, so you fly out tomorrow for San Diego then? Which hotel are you at?

Darek: Yeah I should be there at 6 pm. I don't know the name of the hotel but its an absolute dive, this isn't a hotel we would have chosen to stay at.

The call ended shortly after that. I received another call the next day which consisted of him telling me he was in San Diego now and he had to hang up. They are not allowed to talk to you or discuss anything. Not being able to talk with Darek was the hardest part. Even if he was gone with friends or at his dad's house he would call and we would talk about things. Not that he took my advice or suggestions, but just hearing about what we were up to. I had a million questions and no answers. I wouldn't have any real answers for 3 months because the letters are often short and they really cannot get into a lot of details. I started writing to Darek within a week. I knew he wanted a lot of mail so I was getting a head start on it. I would send at least one letter - often two, a card and asked other family and friends each week to send something as well. I rotated the cards between funny and inspirational/motivational. There were two cards that he carried with him for a long time. The first was just a really simple humor that made you laugh out loud. The other was a card that I had about 20 family and friends sign while we were gathered at a restaurant. It was patriotic and thanked him for serving his country. Everyone added a short note for him to read. He loved it and said it really inspired him to keep going at the toughest time - right before the crucible!



Within two to three weeks you can call the recruiter to get a snail mail address to write to them. Chances are you can get letters to them before you receive one from them.

Sometimes the letters I received from my son are barely legible, sometimes they don't even make sense. As they progress through USMC boot camp they learn respect for themselves and others as they never even knew before. Even if they don't agree with it they will learn it. United States Marine Corps are as clean looking as a recruit's boot camp haircut. Parenthood is for life. US Marine Corps is for life, once a Marine, always a Marine. Now your child is learning not only to be an adult but to be a Marine. US Marines train to learn to fight. They train for fitness, endurance, strength and for honor. It is a lot to learn in 13 weeks, it is a lot to learn in a lifetime.

Show your pride and help support a great group at the same time. These products come directly from MarineParents.com Cafepress store. Marineparents.com is an awesome group that provides support and more for Marines and their families. Wear your pride around town or when you go the graduation ceremony. Please contact me if you are interested in personalizing your items.

I (Heart) USMC Women's Dark T-Shirt



Personalized USMC Graduation T-shirts



MarineParents.com Tshirt



Link to all the MarineParents products.

I hope you have found people you can go to for support by this time. If you haven't at least think of someone you would feel comfortable talking to before your read your first letter home. By the time I received Darek's first letter the 'empty nest' syndrome had hit home. It took a few days of feeling out of sorts for me to recognize what it was. I was not prepared. I had family and friends I could talk to but I had not found the one or two people with this experience that I could go to specifically. I am a bit of a loner so I thought I could handle it on my own. I had already shut the door to his bedroom because I couldn't bear to look in there. I needed to separate myself from the constant reminders. Then I realized I needed support people to talk to when it became too difficult on my own.

Generally the FIRST LETTER HOME should be a form letter, they may include a handwritten one as well. Don't skip over the form letter too much because it does contain useful information, such as the link for www.recruitparents.com, the drill instructors email address (use only if it is urgent otherwise talk to the recruiter) and also gives you the mailing address to write to your child if you have not received this information yet. It also explains that they cannot receive care packages, items they cannot receive even after care packages are allowed, they have enough money and that you really don't need to worry about him or her. Please note - if your child asks at anytime for ibuprofen or any medications DO NOT send them EVER. They will not get them. If they are in need of any medical care or medicine they have access to wonderful medical facilities. I sent a bottle to Darek and he was given it when he graduated.

Parts and pieces of LETTERS:

Ok hello, I got your letter. I lead the platoon on the confidence course and that's sooooo fun! I think I got a hernia though. I also have a pulled muscle in my upper thigh, its fine though, I will tough it out. Things got really stressful. (some is unreadable writing) I went to a class to learn about the money we make and the credit union we use here. We use debit cards so we never carry cash.

Anyway the initial drill is the breaking point from newbie to regular recruit, the first real step to getting through this. So I am excited because if my platoon wins this we get a 10 minute phone call home!!! YEAH! I weighed myself and I have lost 40 lbs now!!!!

I have made many friends here from Wisconsin. They are pretty cool. We had a Gomer Pile in our group but the DI (drill instructors) got rid of him because he was always messing up everything. We wake up at like 4AM. That is so early OMG! We had another PT today and that is really hard training. I can see my cheekbones now, I have lost a lot of weight. I think I weigh about 260 lbs. I am on a special diet so I lose weight. I am so hungry ALL THE TIME!!

Please send lots of letters to me. I really look forward to them, its the only good thing I get. I get 50 minutes at the end of the day to take care of personal stuff, organize and clean so I can usually spend 10 minutes writing to you, dad and sis.

I got the position of prayer leader today. (This is the kid that debated if God existed with me every time we talked religion!) I think its pretty funny. I never would have thought that I would lead a group in prayer. I am really cold right now. I am on fire watch and its freezing out here. I didn't bring a jacket or anything with me. I almost died today. Not really but it was like 95 degrees out and we had PT with full equipment. I was so hot! I think I got heatstroke or something.

Today was great I got a 5 minute shower instead of 30 seconds! I WOULD LOVE to come home right now. I want to finish this though. I am not quitting. My back is better today, and I am not so depressed anymore. I hope you can come to the family day -the day before the graduation. I don't want to be alone for that. Its gonna be a really awesome day and its something I will have worked harder for than anything I have ever done before. Write me lots of letters (I wrote to him 3x a week during the entire time he was gone.) I am working my butt off and I am the guide now for platoon 1061, the guys here are awesome and really supportive. I have cried at least every night, thinking of you and being home. I miss you so much. I AM SO HUNGRY! I think I weigh about 200 lbs now - I lost so much weight I cannot believe how fit I am. I have never been in shape like this even during wrestling or football!

Well I am on bedrest because I just got out of surgery. Yes that is blood on the paper. I am really drugged up and it sucks. There are like 80 guys in here with me. ( the letter goes on complaining about being in the infirmary and the pain he is in) Oh I forgot to tell you that I had surgery to remove my wisdom teeth today. I don't know why they had to pull them, they hurt but it was ok. Now my mouth hurts, my back, my knee, my shoulder that I hurt in wrestling and my knee from football. This sucks. It is getting too hard, and I am in so much pain. I am glad you sent the pics to me, though I cried when I got them. Don't send too many cuz I dont have much room for letters and stuff.

Before the surgery we did PUGAL STICKS, that was awesome. I kicked butt out there. It is so hard, all the yelling and screaming, Trying not to smile or laugh. I get ripped on by the instructors because I am the biggest guy on the entire base right now. They pull me out and get right in my face and put me through even more intense training. I am going to try to tuff it out but it is SO HARD. I am depressed and in pain and everything hurts so much. I don't want everyone to think I am a failure if I don't make it so I am doing whatever I can.

I miss my family and friends and all the things I took for granted. I have 10 weeks to go yet and I want to go all the way through but if it continues like this I don't know if I can. I can handle boot camp but its the pain that i can't deal with. I will try my hardest, you know I always do....

I went to the medic 3 days in a row because my neck is messed up, I need my chiropractor. I am in a lot of pain. I think one of my ribs is out of place. I actually tear up from the pain sometimes. I don't want to fail mom but I can't take it anymore. I would be so proud of myself if I graduate and I will do my best but I almost got dropped and almost sent home once already because of going to the medic 3 times like that.

Make sure you can get your money back for the trip here for graduation - I don't know if I can do this anymore.The shock in the beginning was hard. A lot of guys here look up to me as a leader figure even though I am not the guide anymore (because of time in infirmary?) I still lead the prayer group though and I love going to church, it is so calming and peaceful. When I get home I will go to church with you every Sunday ok? God just get me through this please?

We are moving the platoon up north. I am not sure if you need a new address (no they forward mail there) I know how to use some martial arts now. I'm like a Ninja. Ha ha. We are in swim week now. its pretty tough. It is Sunday so I am going to church in an hour. I sent my dog tags to you, keep them safe for me. I want them for graduation. Ok love you, got to go now.
God just get me through this please?