Paxil: Nearly destroyed my life

In 2005 my oldest brother was diagnosed with colon/rectal cancer by February 2006 he was dead! My family was devastated not to mention we had lost my father just 6 years earlier.

So much had happen so that summer I could not take it any longer. I was having bad anxiety attacks and being a stay at home mom and still dealing with grief, my mother and dealing with my brothers estate. I finally went to the doctor with stress, anxiety attacks and mild depression.

A nurse practitioner prescribed 25mgs of Paxil. OMG I felt so awesome! The first three days! I thought this is the greatest I had ever felt. I had been on some anti-depressants in the past but nothing made me feel this great! I did gain weight but that was nothing. I felt like nothing bothered me!
I never missed a pill. I took it every day because I did not want to come down from this. I had energy to walk everyday! My house was clean, my life seemed perfect.

The holidays came and I had decided after the first of the year I was going to quit taking it. Because my nurse said I would probably just need to take it for a short time. And so the holidays were good! I missed my brother but every thing went really good and I just did not seem sad! One thing I noticed was while I was on Paxil I never cried. And believe me I am a cryer. I cry at Mcdonalds' commercials and I cry when I am happy! I like to cry! But when I was on Paxil I did not feel that emotion.

January 4th 2007 I was in a deep sleep and suddenly I felt like something jerked me out of my bed and threw me to the floor. Nothing or nobody was there I walked into the living room and could not sit still I wanted to run, run, run, I kept opening the door but it was cold and I thought How am I going to explain to my family that I felt like running at 3 am. I finally got so scared I woke up my husband and told him something was wrong with me I could not sit still I was pacing back and forth . He finally held me to try to get me stop. He ask me what was wrong. I told him I had been taking paxil. (I never told in the first place, because he did not want me to take any meds). I felt i was being punished for lying to him.

I called my nurse practioner the next day and told her my symptoms she prescribed Xanax and told me reduce my paxil till I weaned my self off of it! I did not think any thing about it I had come off anti-depressents before and I should have no problem. WRONG!

2 weeks into weaning my self off paxil I thought wow im doing great! I m going to be ok! I got what I thought was the flu and strep throat my daughter had it also! I think I was going through some withdrawls than but was too sick to notice. Trying to take care of a sick child, myself and taking my last few paxils and not to mention the meds for my flu. I finally quit taking the paxil.

February 4, One month after my paxil meltdown. It hit me! I woke up that morning and my life was changed. MY head felt crazy! I was having suicidal thoughts (which I never had before). I felt like I lost control. I did not feel like I could take care of my family. I could not take care of my self!
This was six weeks of hell, I did not sleep for two months straight! Finally I was given ambien for that.

The sad thing is when I went to the doctor they wanted to put me in the hospital they thought I was crazy, I kept telling everyone it was the paxil. And even the dr did not believe me, they told me I was having a nervous break down.

I finally took my health into my own hands and studied everything I could on the internet and found great forums where people just like me were going through the same withdrawl symptoms and the sad thing that some gave into the symptoms and ended their lives because they could not take the withdrawls. But I gained strenth from those who had fought this evil pill and were living proof that Paxil can almost destroy your life!

So much happen to me through all of this my Relationship with God became stronger!
I was approached by others who suffer from the same problems and I feel that GOD uses our lives to help others. Even when I was going through the worst withdrawls symptoms even on days when I would want to end it , I would always thank GOD for putting me through this because I new someday I would be able to help others.

I am very open about my depression and anxiety problems, I use to be ashamed but now I know it is a disease! And I told my story because I want to help others!

Confusion, memory problems, and difficulty with concentration.

Severe insomnia and/or nightmares,

Extreme mood swings, such as intense grief and intense anger.

Suicidal thoughts. If the urge to kill yourself becomes too strong and the argument becomes too logical, think of those who love you. Think of the thousands of others who have or who will go through a similar agony. Just don't give up!

Headaches, sometimes quite severe.

Reduced motor skills, such as difficulty walking or talking.

Reduced or no appetite.

Intense fear of losing your sanity.

Depersonalization, where nothing seems real; it's like you are outside your body.

Panic attacks

Sweating

Blurred vision.

Muscle cramps and stomach cramps.

Diarrhea.

Chills/hot flashes, part of the 'paxil-flu'.

Fatigue.

Painful, swollen eyes or mouth.

Fainting.

Hard to swallow.

Grinding teeth.

Numbness.

Itching.

Trembling.

Hallucinations.

I don't claim to be a expert on this subject. I just want people to be very careful with this drug or any kind of anti depressant

I weaned off of paxil too early and too quickly! My advice to you is to seek medical help and be monitored when quiting any kind of drug. I had a really bad experience, along with a lot of countless others.

Please educate yourself when taking any kind of med.
I do now take a medication for my anxiety and depression, but I have been through several until I got to this one. Paxil and I did not make a great mix. I admitted I loved the way it made me feel, but it turned on me and put me through a lot of grief not to mention my family also.

My goal with this lens is to help others.