Pip Penguin

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Ranked #957 in Humor, #142,592 overall

Pip Penguin Aprentice Geek and Journalist

Pip the penguin is a reformed time travelling evil dictator. He is also a penguin.

These days he spends time with his human companion Lord Matt who is teaching him the way of the geek reporter.

Pip is a happy ninja penguin these days but once...

Pip is a happy ninja penguin these days... 

however, once pip was not a happy panguin

When Pip first arrived in the Lord Matt's home he was a pickle of the highest order. I had a hard time getting him under control and those first few weeks were not so much fun.

Without so much as an instruction manual or care plan Pip has been thrust into my life and I have determined to train my young apprentice well. With any luck Pip can do all the hard work and I can relax before the December IntFeLoMa 2009

That was my plan anyway...

We'd not been back long when I discovered that I might have to feed the apprentice. He was caught red handed in the kitchen stealing the banana chips.

Who knew penguins loved bananas?

Gotcha! Found my penguin stealing my food.

Feeding Penguins

Penguins are actually very fussy eaters. You can't just give 'em a fish and leave to get on with it.

Later that same day my penguin got itself stuck.

Not so long later I found Pip raiding the fridge again. Naughty penguin!

Naughty Penguin 

Stealing beer from my fridge

That was not the end of the penguin problems. After nodding off I noticed an absence of sound and went to investigate - Pip was after my beer now!

That naughty penguin was going to be a very sorry penguin if he did not leave my food alone.

I put all the food back and muttering about baked penguin I set about cooking some penguin friendly food. Now normal "wild" penguins have simple tastes and like to eat things like prawns and herring. Penguins that have, in their personal past, taken up time travel tend to have rather more complex tastes.

I thought my children were fussy but that's nothing compared to cooking for this penguin.

I finally produced a Chicken, Tomato and Chilli Pepper Soup and went to find out if this met with Pip's fussy tastes. I had my doubts as Pip likes to eat Chocolate and little else (this is probably why he is so tubby).

A short search located Pip in the bathroom with the cordless phone. The naughty little penguin was making long distance calls to cousins in Antarctica.

That explains the phone bills.

Penguin phone habits are expensive

Penguin owners must be aware of their tendancy to party with friends

Penguins Like to Party

Penguins are used to gathering in groups of thousands for outdoor raves in deserted locations. This habit leads them to throw big parties and call them "small gatherings".

Then I found Pip the Penguin stealing my wine gums!!!

Pip tried to hide but I was on to him

I tried to grab him but he made a break for it over the dishes

Penguins - good on ice

but rubbish on dishes, it seems

Captured! I threatened Pip with becoming baked Penguin with apple!

At last I was able to give my naughty penguin a good talking to!

However, Pip ran and hid in a box.

Ninja Penguin Fact

The penguin might be a ninja but it is still a penguin! Penguins are useless at hide and seek.

Pip did not know that I could still see him.

So I flipped the box over and left a wieght on top.

Later on Pip Penguin even offered to paint me a picture to say sorry

Sorted the penguin out! 

That braught that round of naughtiness to a close

This might have stopped Pip from eating my sweats but I had to do something about his misbehaviour.

It turns out that city penguins like to have clothes (or at least accessories)so humans can tell them apart. So I secretly sent off for a few items.

A penguin admiring himself in the mirror is unable to get into trouble

Penguin Eyesight

It turns out that penguins have great night vision and so don't bother about things like lights.

However penguins still like to party and this time he made off with the beer.

Apparently penguin hangovers are particularly bad. This was the last naughtiness for a long time.

When the rest of his outfit arrived Pip swore to me that he would be a good apprentice

Pip's Links 

Pip Penguin on Facebook
Pip's facebook page - become a facebook fan of Pip right now.
Pip Penguin (PipPenguin) on Twitter
Twitter is a free social messaging utility for staying connected in real-time

Pip likes other twitter users to talk about him #PipPenguin

Penguin Ego

Penguins love to be talked about almost as much as they love chocolate sushi.

Pip will make a fine blogger one day

Mentions of Pip Penguin 

The [LeapFish / Scam / ePerks / ben behrouzi] rap sheet.
Talking of Mr Behrouzi there is an article by Pip Penguin called "The benny b report". Benny boy is the CEO and head guy for LeapFish and Ben is, in my opinion, totally morally bankrupt or so foolish as to think he is moral sound (or ...
PIPPED AT THE POSTBUT THE ACCOLADES CONTINUE TO - Beattie's Book Blog
Happily, Lloyd Jones' Mister Pip (Penguin) actually is that engrossing. While it may have missed out on the ultimate literary accolade, it still deserves to be on bestseller lists not just in New Zealand, but in every one of the 27 ...
lord matt - going where mortals fear to tread
i adopted a penguin called pip (read the full story) - you can catch up with my penguin on twitter where he will tell you how much he like chocolate and blogging. @pippenguin. now just say no to these three enemies of being just like me ...

The peace didn't last forever - Pip discovered cactusses are sharp!

Penguin Ears

Penguin ears are hidden. They are not very good at listening to instructions.

Pip had to pay a visit to the nurse

I'm not sure how impressed Pip was with the style of care

Poor Pip has now learned about aggressive vegitation the hard way.

Wikipedia's limited understanding of penguins 

Pip is skeptical of this article

Pip tells me that the wikipedia fails to mention city penguins, time travelling penguins or other groups such as the penguin ninja academy and the penguin centre for science in Boston, America.

Penguins (order Sphenisciformes, family Spheniscidae) are a group of aquatic, flightless birds living almost exclusively in the southern hemisphere, especially in Antarctica. Highly adapted for life in the water, penguins have countershaded dark and white plumage, and their wings have become flippers. Most penguins feed on krill, fish, squid, and other forms of sealife caught while swimming underwater. They spend about half of their life on land and half in the oceans.

Although all penguin species are native to the southern hemisphere, they are not found only in cold climates, such as Antarctica. In fact, only a few species of penguin live so far south. Several species are found in the temperate zone, and one species, the Galápagos Penguin, lives near the equator.

The largest living species is the Emperor Penguin (Aptenodytes forsteri): adults average about 1.1 m (3 ft 7 in) tall and weigh 35 kg (75 lb) or more. The smallest penguin species is the Little Blue Penguin (Eudyptula minor), also known as the Fairy Penguin, which stands around 40 cm tall (16 in) and weighs 1 kg (2.2 lb). Among extant penguins, larger penguins inhabit colder regions, while smaller penguins are generally found in temperate or even tropical climates (see also Bergmann's Rule). Some prehistoric species attained enormous sizes, becoming as tall or as heavy as an adult human (see below for more). These were not restricted to Antarctic regions; on the contrary, subantarctic regions harboured high diversity, and at least one giant penguin occurred in a region not quite 2,000 km south of the equator 35 mya, in a climate decidedly warmer than today.

Pip thanks you for reading and hopes to see you about soon.

by LordMatt

My name is Matt. I am also known as Lord Matt which is due to a long joke that probably is not funny enough to share anymore. I own my own business a... (more)

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