Be Proud Of Who You Are And Don't Let Post Natal Depression Get You Down

My life? Well I am a mum to five wonderful boys and I am a proud Mother that survived post natal depression and not afraid to tell other Mothers, Dads, Grandparents or anyone that will hear!
I had no problems with my first baby. I coped really well, considering he had reflux and sleep apnea right up to he was 12 months of age. I am super organised person so maybe that was my down full? When my second boy was born I was over the moon. He came home from hospital and all was fine. I coped really fine with two young ones at home, well as good as I could seen as they both had reflux complications. It was around about my first boys 2nd birthday, and our second boy was about 8 months old that I first noticed I really needed help.

I can remember crying on my first boys 2nd birthday when I should of been laughing. Why was I feeling like this? It should of been a great day, but I kept feeling like I was walking around in a dark cloud. It was with me all day long, day after day. I tried to function like I used to but I just seemed like I was "out of it". I wasn't me - if that makes sense. Trying to make the bed, get dressed and have the house work done now that was like running a 3k run with no shoes! I was desperate for some sleep, but lay in bed awake for hours. I wanted me back, I used to smile, I used to laugh, I used to enjoy life so what was going on?

I accepted I needed help and I needed it fast. I contacted a life line support number and spoke to a wonderful lady that pointed me in the direction of the doctors. So the next morning I made an appointment with the doctor, and the baby health clinic. I knew I wanted to be able to function like I used to. What happened to the super organised, fun loving person I used to be? When would I feel the way I used to feel?

The doctor was familiar with post natal depression and let me cry, rant and rave for about an hour. Then helped with getting me onto prescription medicine. I was not a big believer in medicine but I knew that I wanted to feel normal again and not like an alien.

The baby clinic was fantastic. They let me pore out how I was feeling. I cried for over an hour, trying to explain how my life was one big dark tunnel that I was trying to crawl out of. Why did I no longer feel part of my family life? Why was it so hard to get dressed every day? How come I woke up every morning feeling like I had not slept? They let it all pour out of me, and there was plenty to tell.
Then they booked me into there 8 week support group for post natal depression. This was the turning point for me. There was other Mum's out there that felt like me? I was not alone in this dark tunnel? I saw a glimmer of hope that I could be a normal person again and survive? The course was a huge help, and I kept in contact with the other Mums to share how we all felt.

When did I first get better? I am not sure about when I got better, but I do know that it talk time. I was on the road to feeling like "me" again when my second boy was almost two. With the doctors help I slowly weaned off the medicine and started to feel like I could cope with more and more days becoming easier and easier. There was not one moment when I went "Yes" I am back. It was more that the every day we the little things, I felt like I was able to appreciate it and feel like I was coping better.

How to describe post natal depression? Well its like a black blanket wrapped around your body tightly. I wanted to feel happy, feel enjoyment but I could not see through the dark blanket for my eyes were covered with a filter. I was walking, talking but it was not "me". Why did I feel like an "alien" and not worthy of being a Mother? I did not feel like that with my first, and I have not felt like that again.

Could I get post natal depression again? I have a higher risk than Mothers that have not had it. Do I know the signs? You bet I do and I looked for them every single day with my other three babies. Would I ever deny that I needed help if I did get post natal depression. No way, not even to myself. I hid it for so long when I had it with my second boy and that is why it took so long to get better. I am a survivor of Post Natal Depression and I am proud of it. I tell anyone that will listen "Don't be ashamed of what this condition can do to you as a person, be proud to accept that you need help to be a survivor".

I am a Mum to five wonderful boys, all with their own personalities. Why did I get post natal depression with my second boys and not any other time? That I can not answer, I can only guess at. Was it because I am too hard on myself as a Mum? You bet! Was it because I like to be super organised and with two little ones that's impossible? Who knows. What I do know is that I am a Mother who went through Post Natal Depression and I am back to who I was before it gripped me. It hit me so quickly, like a train in the night. But it taught me that I am a strong person who is a good Mum that went through Post Natal Depression and came out the other end much more of a person than what I was before.

To all Mums out there who are going through post natal depression or know a Mum that is - you are not alone. You are not a "alien", you are not a bad mum - You are just a mum that sometimes go through a experience that takes hold of you but that you can survive and come out the other side knowing that you will be normal again. Hold you head up high, seek the help you need and know that there are Mums out there that do know what you are going through.

I send out my thoughts to all Mums. We have the best job in the world but there are times when as a super mum we need the help from loved ones, friends, or even professionals to help us get through the times when we are not ourselves.

If you are the lucky few that don't experience post natal depression, please don't judge us Mums that do go through living with our condition. We are just experiencing a time in our life when we don't feel right. But we will get there and feel normal again. We are survivors of Post Natal Depression and I am proud of who I am.

I wrote this lens from my heart for all the Mums out there that need to know they will be fine again. I do not mean to offend anyone, I just wrote what I went through and how I felt. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms I have mentioned then know this, you are not alone and with the right help you will feel like "you" again. Sometimes in life these things just creep up on us and I don't know why or why it doesn't but I do know that you as a person and as Mum deserve to feel happy, loved, inner peace and to experience life like you did before.

I am Mum to five boys, and I am a proud survivor of Post natal Depression.
Thank you for your time reading my lens, may it help other Mothers to feel comfort.

My favorite thing about being a Mum is waking up to seeing there smiling faces next to me when they climb into our bed for a morning hug. There is no better way to wake up each morning than rolling over to see a smiling face, a big teddy bear hug, and a snuggle time before the day starts. There are many times through out the day that I love but that first morning hug, kiss, and a request to read a book has to be one of my all time favorite!!

If there was one thing I would like for you to get out of this lens? It would be that as a Mum you have the best job in the world, but it can be affected any time with a condition that can make your life feel different. Please know that you are not alone. There are many Mothers out there that wake up one morning and feel like that life is never going to be the same again. Take from me that I am a proud survivor that experience post natal depression and with help and love I was able to feel whole again. It was a journey in my life that I experienced for nearly 2 years and I feel a stronger person because I know that the dark blanket can be lifted so I can see clearly again. My thought and love go to all Mums out there, you are not alone.