Ashley is offering 8 free sessions to individuals and their families affected by the recent Metrolink accident.

(805) 484-7868 EXT 8#

THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN SEEKING SUPPORT

You want to look for someone trained in dealing with emotional issues this would include an MFT (Marriage & Family Therapist) as MFT's are specially trained in these areas. Be realistic, acknowledge that not every person you meet may not instantly be a good fit. Give it a chance 3-5 sessions minimum, is my recommendation. If you find that it is not a good fit, discuss this in what you deem to be your final session and ask for referrals (you can expect 3 referrals).

It's not you, it was just not a good match.

What is NOT OK when it comes to the client/therapist working relationship includes;

Any sexual or romantic gestures and
breaking confidentiality, to name just two big issues.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR:

*Feeling comfortable and safe
*Feeling Heard and Understood
*Getting your needs met; learning, discovering, understanding, self awareness, options...

For anyone suffering from emotional pain, if you are in the vacinity of Ventura County, California you can call Ashley's office for a FREE assessment - mention Squidoo.
805-484-7868 ext 8#.

In other areas and for other options - check with your health insurance, try dialing 211, a trusted friend or your primary care doctor all of whom may be able to provide you with the information you need.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Anxiety Wheel

One can be suffering with anxiety and not be fully aware of it.

HOW CAN THIS BE?

Do you or a loved one have a habit of counting, picking, checking and rechecking, always cleaning or struggle in social situations or driving, maybe leaving the house? What do your closets look like, extremely organized? Ever feel detached, like you're outside of yourself?

These can often be attributed to anxiety.
Have you ever been called a "worrier", struggle with insomnia or depression? There are also physical symptoms associated with anxiety.

Anxiety can reek havoc on our physical well being, weaken our immune systems, heart muscle and other vital organs.

It's not uncommon for individuals suffering from various forms of anxiety and even depression to turn to 'self medicating'. This may take the form of alcohol and or drugs, self destructive patterns of behavior and negative self talk.

To have a quiet mind, what might that be like and how can you achieve this - It is possible!

Focusing on one thing helps calm the mind, it does take practice to train your mind to focus. Breathing can be a good focal point.
(This was copied from another of my lenses at:Squidoo.com/AshleyBrettingMS)

For further help, support or guidance you may want to consider joining a support group, I facilitate several in the Ventura, CA area. Or you may contact your local social services agency.

Ashley Bretting, M.S.
Marriage & Family Therapist
Registered Intern #IMF51514
Supervised by Lynn M. Jones, Ph.D.
Lic # MFC021739
Morbrook Institute A non-profit agency
in collaboration with Camarillo Health Care District

(805) 204-7315 (Cell)

AshleyBretting.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Self-talk is our internal dialog - the words we use when we talk to ourselves, Reflecting and creating our emotional states.

You can feel calm or worried, depending on what you tell yourself. Your self-talk can influence your self-esteem, outlook, energy level, relationships with others and how you experience life. It can even affect your health, determining, for example, how you handle stressful events, or how easily you replace unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones.

Examples of change:

Focusing only on problems: This is the essence of complaining. We dwell on the problem, instead of solutions. Instead: Assume most problems have solutions, and ask "How do I want this situation to be different?"

Catastrophizing: Every bad thing that happens is a horrible disaster. Instead: Be realistic in your assessment and stop scaring yourself. Yes, bad things do happen, and many bad things are often inconveniences, mistakes, and foul-ups---not necessarily traumas, tragedies, or disasters.

Expecting the worst: "What if he doesn't like me?" "What if I don't pass the exam?" Expecting the worst does not encourage you to behave effectively. Expecting the worst only promotes anxiety. Instead: Ask questions that presuppose positive outcomes. "How can I make a favorable impression?" "How can I prepare for the exam?"

Stereotyping: By putting others, and ourselves, into preconceived categories, we avoid thinking of people as unique individuals. This leads to strained relationships, and gives us an undeserved sense of superiority or inferiority. It also often deprives us of opportunities to know and understand the giftedness of those whom we stereotype. Instead: Remind yourself that we are all human beings, with unique personalities, each having qualities and shortcomings.

Shoulds: Should, ought, must, have to... used carelessly, these words presuppose rules and standards for behavior that do not exist in reality. They imply a consequence for noncompliance, and often evoke quilt. For example, according to the law, we "should" obey posted speed limits, or pay a fine. Is it equally true that "I should be smarter than I am." or "I ought to be married by now."?--Of course not! Instead: Replace the words should, ought, or must with the word "COULD" and realize the gift of choices.

Thinking in Absolutes: We exaggerate reality with words like "always," "never," and "everyone," as in "I always eat too much--I will never be slim." Instead: Replace exaggeration with words that more accurately reflect reality. Example "I often eat more than I need, but I can change that."

All or Nothing Thinking: We distort reality by thinking only in extremes. Our efforts become total failures or complete successes---with nothing in between. Example: "Either I lose two pounds by Sunday, or I quit exercising." Instead: Chunk down your perceptions to see the parts of the whole, which can be positive, negative, and in-between. Give yourself options or choices whenever possible. Example: "I want to lose two pounds by Sunday. Even one pound would indicate that exercise is helping. If my weight stays the same, I'll experiment with variations in nutrition and exercise until I reach my goal."

Negative labels: Negative labels are the tools we use to lower self-esteem in ourselves and others. Example: "I'm stupid," or "I'm fat." When we say phrases like these often, they become a part of our identity and we can begin to dislike who we are. Instead: Remember, people are not their faults or shortcomings. You may engage in stupid behavior occasionally, but that doesn't make you a stupid person. Change your negative "I-am" statement into a statement about behaviors. Example: "I make unhealthy choices when it comes to food." It's easier to change a behavior, than to change your identity.

Blaming: We assign guilt, instead of solving the problem. If we can blame others, then we can feel vindicated in a wrong-doing, and avoid responsibility. Instead: Focus on what YOU can do to promote a solution to the problem.

"Yes but..." Arguments: When someone offers a possible solution to our problems, we "yes but..." and list reasons why the proposed solution won't work. "Yes but..." says "I'm really not listening to you right now." Instead: Open up to new possibilities and consider alternatives. Really listen to advice and give it a fair hearing, before dismissing it so quickly.

Overgeneralizing: This is similar to stereotyping and thinking in absolutes. It means that we take a single instance or occurrence, and generalize it to numerous other situations. Example: "Joe is a nice man, and he doesn't want to date me. Therefore: No nice man will ever want to date me." When misused, this kind of generalizing can lead to illogical conclusions. Instead: Ask yourself whether there could be exceptions to your generalization. Does a single occurrence mean it will happen every time?

Now you know what negative self-talk sounds like. Negative self-talk is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, and distortions of reality that perpetuates negative emotions, such as pessimism, guilt, fear, and anxiety. It often occurs when in times of emotional turmoil, or when we are going through stress or a personal transition.

When you catch your negative self-talk, take a deep breath, relax, and remove yourself from the situation. Get up and stretch, or take a walk, or get a drink of water, in order to interrupt your train of thought and get out of the negative rut. Write down some of your negative thoughts and then ask yourself "Are the things I'm saying true? Are there other possibilities and meanings that I could get from these circumstances?" Then replace your negative thoughts with realistic, positive thoughts---and write those down too. Soon you'll stop that self-talk in mid-sentence.

If you need help with your own self talk - I am happy to provided you the opportunity to explore this more thoroughly.

Looking at your bedtime habits may reveal why sleep is elusive. Here are a few strategies to help improve your chances of getting a good nights sleep:

Dim the lights an hour before bedtime, this can help trigger the brain that "rest time" is approaching

Resist watching t.v. in bed

Avoid eating/ snacking in bed

Only use your bed for sex and sleep

Listen to some relaxing music

A warm bath or shower helps some individuals

Make yourself a nice warm cup of tea (decaffeinated)

Focusing on one thing helps calm the mind, it does take practice to train your mind to focus...

Breathing can be a good focal point, for further help and individualized strategies make an appointment for your free assessment.

Ashley Bretting, M.S.
Marriage & Family Therapist
Registered Intern #IMF51514
Supervised by Lynn M. Jones, Ph.D.
Lic # MFC021739
Morbrook Institute A non-profit agency
in collaboration with Camarillo Health Care District

Cell: (805) 204-7315
Office: (805) 484-7868 ext 8#
www.ashleybretting.com

If you wake early, have trouble falling asleep, feel sluggish throughout your day these may signs of insomnia. What is going on? While our emotional state plays a significant role in how we sleep, it is good to rule out any physical causes such as sleep apnea (Sleep apnea is when breathing is disrupted).

Which came first?
Tricky question - Emotional struggles can interfere with sleep, on the other hand, lack of proper sleep can create changes in mood.

You may consider asking your doctor for a referral to a sleep study.

A Normal Life Process

At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3. Bargaining
The grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression
Feeling down, numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

Grief And Stress - During periods of grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings: sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt.

Denying ourself these feelings, failing to work through the different stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them.

Help is available to assist you through this difficult time. (805) 204-7315

Bipolar (Manic Depression)

Bipolar is a psychological disorder affecting an estimated 6 percent of the population. Bipolar disorder equally affects people of all races and backgrounds.

What is Bipolar ?

An imbalance of hormones (seratonin, noradrenline and
dopamine. There is a strong genetic link which most often can be traced back to a parent or grand-parent.
Bipolar disorder is a condition in which periods of extreme euphoria, called mania,alternate with periods of severe depression. Bipolar disorder is sometimes also called manic depression.

Diagnoses

Diagnoses is difficult and on average takes 8 years after initial consultation. One reason for this is that the afflicated rarely seek medical intervention when in a "Manic State". Medical help is generally sort during a "Depressive State" when antidepressive medication is prescribed. Unfortunately, antidepressants can initiate a manic episode and cause a cycle of mania/depression.
During a manic episode, an overwhelming feeling of wellbeing is experienced but judgement is impaired. Instances of overspending, sexual infidelity, gambling and eratic sleep patterns occur.

Treatment.

Bipolar can be managed with medication, psychological treatment and caring from family and friends.
Medications can consist of: anti-psychotics, mood stablizers and antidepressants. Reaching the correct balance of drugs is usually difficult but can be achieved within 2 months providing correct doses are prescribed.

Prognosis

The prognosis today is extremely better than previous times because the stigma of the disease is deminishing.
Early intervention by a Psychiatrist will alleviate an enormous amount of pain and suffering.

Summary

Bipolar can be managed but not cured. Sufferers can live a rewarding life. Education, acceptance and early medical intervention are keynotes for the best management practices of Bipolar Disorder.

Know someone who may benefit from a new investigational treatment? Maybe you're just curious to see what new horizons are being explored in the medical field...

ClinicalConnection.com

Clinicaltrials.gov

Centerwatch.com

Clinicaltrials.ucla.edu