You can find out more about my work as a coach on my main website www.dougwoods.com
There you will find details of relationship coaching and other coaching which I offer. Please pop by and have a look sometime. If you are interested in coaching to improve your relationship, please drop me a line.
If you, too, are a Life coach or Relationship Coach, please do contact me.">

Coaching has certainly become big in recent years. There are coaches to help sort out your life, your career, your finances and now there are coaches to sort out your relationships. Is relationship coaching just a gimmick or can it really help you?

Relationship coaching is really a form of life coaching that focuses upon your relationship. Unlike traditional life coaching, relationship coaching can be done as a couple rather than just as an individual.

In a relationship, two people have come together to share life and experiences. Each of you, however, will have a past, a history, a wealth of experiences. Each will each also have your own personal core values, your own beliefs, your own aims and expectations. While each person's past and experiences may be easy to identify, it is often the effects these have had upon the person that are most important. Sometimes these effects can be hidden and may then cause issues in a relationship. Bringing these effects to light and helping people deal with them, is often central to relationship coaching.

In addition, you and your partner are also bringing your own values, beliefs, aims and expectations into a relationship. Often people are not fully aware of their own core values and beliefs, sometimes you may find it difficult to express your aims and expectations. All of this can cause problems in a relationship and it is part of the role of the relationship coach to help each of you identify your values and beliefs and also to clarify your aims.

In a relationship, of course, your partner too has their own values, beliefs and aims. These may often be unknown to you and could cause friction. Bringing each partner's inner values and beliefs into the open is part of relationship coaching. The coach will help you and your partner recognise each other's values, beliefs and express your aims. You can then start to find ways in which you can support and nurture each other to support and develop those values and aims.

A relationship, though, is not just about two people. It often involves children, who may grow and develop their own values and ambitions. Issues surrounding the upbringing and the relationship between parents and children are often what persuades couples to come to a relationship coach.

One key difference between relationship coaching and, say, marriage guidance is that there does not need to be anything wrong in a relationship for a couple to benefit from relationship coaching. Even a 'perfect' relationship can benefit from coaching to help keep it that way or even improve it further.

The only key to benefiting from relationship coaching, is a desire to improve your relationship. So if you have that desire then please contact a relationship coach and see how they can help you.

Douglas Woods is a life and relationship coach. You can find out more about his work on his website at http://www.dougwoods.com

Why Do Men Cheat?
By Douglas Woods

In my relationship work, this question is probably the one I hear most often. It is not an easy question to answer. The usual glib answer; "because they can", is really not good enough. People, particularly women, want to know the reason why men cheat, or more particularly, why their man cheated.

Different women have a different view as to what constitutes 'cheating'. For some women, for the man simply to look at another woman may be regarded as cheating, for other women it is being intimate with another person that constitutes 'cheating, and there are some women who appear able to accept flirting and even intimacy with another person but it is an emotional involvement that constitutes 'cheating'.

So let us try first to establish what is 'cheating' and what might be considered 'normal' behaviour in a man. First of all, there needs to be some degree of commitment and exclusivity between the two partners, furthermore, this commitment needs to be understood and agreed by both people. Without this there can be little question of 'cheating' on behalf of either party.

Obviously, marriage, engagement, living together would constitute a degree of commitment. Regularly dating for a period, may also be seen as constituting a commitment. It is here that the confusion starts to arise for a man may not feel he is committed to another person until he has said so to her, for the woman the simple fact that he dates her regularly may be seen as a sign of commitment.

It is where there is a disagreement as to the level of commitment involved, that most problems occur. The man may feel he is free to see another person without it being considered 'cheating' but the woman (his first partner) would be more likely to consider it cheating.

Also, there is a degree to which a man separates the physical act of lovemaking from the emotional attachment to another person. A man is able to perform the physical act without becoming emotionally attached to the woman. A man may often cite that a fling or an affair was 'purely physical' and that it does not mean that he is not now physically and emotionally attracted to his first partner. For a man, this is often true and is not simply an excuse. However, the woman is likely to view the situation differently.

Very often, a woman who suspects her man of cheating wants some evidence or proof of it. This is often to satisfy and corroborate her belief. However, the woman often has not thought through what she would do if the evidence became proof of her man's infidelity.

For the woman, proof of her man's cheating brings emotional hurt and anger. It will often also bring about feelings of distress, loss of self esteem and a feeling that she was to blame. This creates a dilemma for the woman; should she try to repair the relationship out of belief that somehow she has been to blame for his infidelity or should she end the relationship acting out of anger or emotional distress?

The emotional consequences of a man's cheating are not usually apparent to the man, certainly not prior to his act of cheating. It is only afterwards that a man may have some feelings of guilt. However, if he is not found out, then these may subside and the man comes to believe that he can get away with the cheating. Even so, if he tries to continue and to get away with his cheating, he still knows that at some point he is likely to be found out. At this point, it can become a contest, how far can he go without being found out?

To some men, having many partners is seen as a symbol of their status. Even when in a committed relationship, they may think they have a need to boost their status, esteem or ego by cheating. The loss of love, affection and support as a result of a simple thrill, does not occur to them until too late.

In their hearts and minds, men know that cheating is wrong, yet often their egos, their physical needs and, quite simply, the temptations overrule their hearts and minds.

So has this article answered the thorny question of why men cheat? Probably not. This is a complex issue and the causes or reasons will vary from instance to instance. No one can tell you unequivocally why your man may have cheated, not even your man himself.

In such circumstances what you, the two of you, have to decide is whether you want to repair the relationship or end it.

Douglas Woods is a qualified life coach, teacher and counsellor. You can read more about his work at http://www.dougwoods.com. He is also a contributor to Singlescene.net a website for single people.