Seizures versus Demons

It happened again! Sunday morning, I had to miserably sit through a sermon listening to a priest compare a scripture in the Gospel according to Mark regarding a person rigid of body, foaming at the mouth, and described as possessed by a demon. (Mark 9: 17,18,20 "And one of the crowd answered Him, "Teacher, I brought You my son, possessed with a spirit which makes him mute; and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him to the ground, and grinds his teeth, and stiffens him out. And I told your disciples to cast it out." And they brought the boy to Him. And when he saw Him, immediately the spirit threw him into a convulsion, and falling to the ground, he began rolling about and foaming at the mouth.")

The priest went on to state, "Looks like epilepsy." I writhed in my seat, but was able to contain myself. I shortly thereafter left the service knowing there was work to be done in his shortsighted and damaging viewpoint to the hundreds sitting in that congregation.

For years, most of my life, I have lived with epileptic seizures, usually of the complex partial nature, minor in form, but always disrupting to the activity I had had on hand before onset. Staring, fidgeting, and inability to communicate is usually my worst function with a few minutes to an hour of rest required thereafter. On the other hand, I have known generalized convulsions a time or two in my life, and this is usually what the public thinks of when someone makes reference to demonic possession. Writhing, foaming at the mouth, rigid body shaking, and possible sounds like grunting can be manifested in this form of seizure. I have been cognizant when having a generalized seizure, and believe me, it is not fun, is horribly scary to the one having the seizure for the fear that it will never end. I can only imagine how it appears to others in public, but I have had fingers pointed at me a time or two.

The damage done by that priest in the front of the congregation in spreading the mindset that epilepsy is demonic possession or akin to it is an utter step back in time. In my case, I have a scar on my brain near where my right temporal lobe was removed for the cessation of weekly seizures. At this point, I have far healthier control of seizures. Yet, I cannot forget the finger pointing, the congregational judgment, the pastoral and church authority blame associated with an epileptic seizure in public.

As recently as five years ago, I was run off from a local church when I had a seizure one evening with forewarning, removing myself from the room for privacy. The following week I was told not to come back again! The lead pastor of the group touted himself as compassionate and full of understanding, yet he was fast to reject me as fearful to children. Instead of teaching others to assist them in understanding, he furthered their misunderstanding about a frightening sight, and thus furthered the stigma about epilepsy.

On the other hand, I believe in demon possession, but discount the equality with epilepsy obviously. Demonic possession can take many forms, many psychological, and often obsessive. In the case of Mark, there may well have been a convulsive spirit causing foaming at the mouth and rigidity of body, but to instantly equate this with any seizure activity being demonic is shortsighted and misleading to say the least.

Some disorders are scarier than others, I thoroughly understand. Do we instantly run from those that we do not understand? Do we turn from fear and act like cowards rather than embrace differences? Compassion and understanding demand strength and openness, a willingness to learn and accept. They do not disregard because another is different. I have a member of my family who chooses to live a lifestyle totally different than the style I choose. Yet, my door is wide open and my arms embrace openly whenever we are together. Is not this the love of Christ? Choosing to label and judge another through ignorance is outmoded, derived from fear, and denies neurological understanding. May the collar please take notice, and open the church doors to those who have seizure disorders without judgment of demon possession. Compassion embraces with no judgment. Jesus did this for me.

As you may have guessed through reading this lens, I have been torn about this matter ever since it happened. There has been no commmunication with the priest involved nor from the superior one in that church. It grieves me terribly particularly since I have a long-standing relationship there as well as my entire family.

However, the Lord is always the victor, and so He was this very morning. I was attaching my Daughter's cross (I am a member of the Order of the Daughters of the King) to my clothing when I heard a faint whisper. Let's call that a nudge, but I had to suddenly stop myself to really listen to that small voice.

It was a line from a song I knew in a congregation I was deeeply involved in years ago. The song, simple and childlike, had worked its way deep within, and was now surfacing by the Spirit's nudging. Take note that this happened as I was attaching my Daughter's cross which reads "Magnanimitur Crucem Sustine" (With Heart Mind and Soul Uphold and Bear the Cross).

The line that started to drift through my mind by Beverlee Paine states, "But I say unto you, love your enemies and pray for those you hurt you. Give to those who ask, don't turn away......If you forgive each other, so will God forgive you...." These words are from Be Like Your Father which Beverlee wrote in 1979. It is a cherished song in many places, and the Lord definitely used it once more this very morning as I was able to still my spirit and listen to His voice. I knew instantly that His message to me was to forgive the harm done to me by the priest. Although I have known that intellectually ever since the occassion, I have not been able to accept it into my heart until this very morning when I heard these words.

In my profile, I stated that I am open and share my victories. Sometimes, openess in questionable to others who wonder why share the trial. But if you can value anything of the struggle and the final resolution, than it is worth every word given. It is the Lord who wins the battle, not me!