If you are here, you are clearly interested in making some changes in your life. To Grow and to Be Happy - as we all do of course. Well, most of us do!

We are here because we don't want to just 'settle' in life. Many of us have been through some hardships, many are going through some now. Searching for help.

Why should we 'settle' for a life of 'mediocrity' when we all have the inbuilt capacity to grow and develop - to become the best person that we can be - that we are meant to be, as we face the many challenges that life confronts us with.

We all want to be happier, healthier and financially free? Yes? Or are You Happy the Way things are? Treasure this if you are!

But sharing our experiences, whether they be negative or positive, can often alleviate any pain - just knowing that there is somewhere to go where people are willing to listen, to really listen - and to provide as much support as we can.

Why should you come here though? Perhaps it may help to read my 'Bio' and for you to know that I am/have:

- trained and experienced in psychology and social assessments

- self aware, an avid and ongoing reader of self help books (and aspiring writer!)

- learned from many challenges and hardships in my own life (and feel free to share your story - it does help in some small way, knowing that you are not alone in this, that you can get through this)

- continuing to grow and want to be the best that I can - and will continue to learn

And that I especially want to help others in their own personal and professional journies of life.

To faciliate this, I have also created a Place where we can build a supportive, safe and sharing community at: http://selfhelp4growth.blogspot.com

Please always feel welcome there! I recommend many great books, write articles, and provide you with lots of freebies in my 'Goodies Basket' policy. Lots of resources, information and tools to help you in your journey of life!

So, remember that old saying:

'Life is not a dress rehearsal: we only get one chance at it'

Each challenge, no matter how small or large, matters in our growth. We need to remember and reiterate this - that rather than viewing issues as a 'problem', try treating these life confrontations as challenges and opportunities to grow, to learn and to become stronger, like the butterfly.

Dream Big Dreams because Dreams Can Come True!
We can Learn much from the Butterfly.... As you will soon see, in the next postings! :-)

BUTTERFLIES AND STRENGTH

Did you know that a Butterfly, before it flies off into the sky, has to battle its way out of its cocoon? This takes great strength and struggle. And it is this struggle that enables the butterfly to have the strength to survive and to fly up and to rise high. This struggle out of its cocoon makes the butterfly strong.

Without this struggle and strength, the butterfly would never fly.

We too must undergo these struggles. We too can leave our 'cocoons'. Such struggles also make us stronger - each time, through each challenge, we learn, we develop insight and we SURVIVE.

We begin to understand that no matter what may happen in our lives, that 'WE CAN HANDLE IT'! Why? Because we have before, and because we are here right now.

WORRY AND AVOIDANCE

Despite this, we often worry and fret over problems in life, both personal and professional - future problems, short or long term - and we forget to live in the 'now'. That nagging 'inner chatterbox'...

What this means is that we are 'pre-living' the future, often without acting (avoidance of pain behaviour) - whilst forgetting about the 'now', the important time in our lives.

Importantly though, our minds often don't know the difference between 'reality' and our 'perception' of reality. So if we 'prelive' the future in our minds - where are we? In an unnecessary state of being. Live in the NOW. Because many of our worries for the future never come about.

And as you have probably discovered, avoiding problems can actually make the consequences worse - if only we had acted on a problem immediately! Yes, it may be painful to act at the time, but the action is usually not as painful as the outcomes of avoidance (as a simple personal example - recently, I was unable to pay 3 parking tickets due to my illness - I could have made more of an effort, but it was the last thing on my mind. The result - an initial fine of $60 ended up in penalties of nearly $1,000 - yikes! I certainly learned my lesson there!).

This could have been avoided. So, if we act immediately, then we can feel proud of ourselves, our accomplishment, large or small. And we can avoid such penalties in life. Just take it one step at a time.

And note that, as suggested, about 90% of the things we worry about - the 'what ifs' in life, actually do not happen!

THE ROCKING CHAIR SYNDROME!

Also, when we worry and 'live' in the future, which has yet to come - its like sitting on a rocking chair - rocking and moving, but getting nowhere - there is no need to worry so much. Who knows what will happen in the future? Who can predict with any certainty? Lives can change in an instant, for the better.

Worry is usually about fear of change and uncertainty. We all like stability and certainty - but this can never be possible. There is one certainty in life - that is - 'change'. The unknown. So, even though we all like our comfort zones, sometimes, fear and worry can be good for us in 'healthy doses', in that they force us into action.

But we need to take care, because often our 'negative inner chatterbox' starts nagging away at us. It can become detrimental to our physical and mental health - the stress can sometimes be overwhelming.

We have the strength of the butterfly so we can fly, but let's all try to make this flight as enjoyable as possible!

ALWAYS REMEMBER - about 90% of the things we worry about do not happen! We can learn to be at peace with this acceptance, be assured, live in the 'now' and leave the future to run its course.

.... coming soon with Some 'Little Secrets' to be Happy Now!

I want to share some 'Little Secrets' with you today - to inspire, to perhaps help during a time of worry. They are not really 'secret' of course - they are merely 'common sense', but sometimes we just need to be actively reminded! They are very simple techniques that actually work for some strange reason.

It is my hope that they may help in a moment of self-doubt or fear, or worry or sadness, or despair. And remember - you are not alone. And, that you can also be your own greatest friend :-) Because we all talk to ourselves internally...

So here we go ....

'CONTROL' AND 'RESPONSE-ABILITY'

We often do not have control over most life events -they just seem to 'happen' (although we can 'attract' these events into our lives) - but what is most important, is that these 'events' are 'neutral' - and we do have control over how we respond to those events - and I mean 'respond' and not 'react' impulsively.

The MAIN things in life we have control over are

1) our thoughts
2) our emotions and
3) our behaviours - and each of these are interrelated.

Only 'we' have control over these things, nobody else. WE ARE UNIQUE. THERE IS NOBODY ELSE LIKE US. THUS, WE MUST TAKE CONTROL and be kind to ourselves. Treat ourselves in the same way we would our own true friends.

Hence, it makes also sense, that we also take "response-ability" for our actions - No blaming of life events. Again, they just happen; they are 'neutral'.

If we focus on changing those three aspects - our emotions, thoughts and behaviour, then our view of life events can gradually change. Our emotions change; and our behaviour changes.

WE TAKE MORE CONTROL in our lives. When we have control, we begin to feel that we can trust ourselves more - because sometimes we don't trust ourselves, our self-discipline, especially when we want to avoid something. And that is when the fear factor kicks in! This approach is similar to the saying...

'Please grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change; the courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference'.

I am sure many of you have heard this before?

This little phrase helped me to get through a very difficult experience recently. I could have 'reacted' and got angry, but I kept repeating this phrase to myself. The experience turned into a positive one, purely by controlling my thoughts, hence my feelings, and hence my actions - again, all are interrelated.

Remember - 'respond' to events, control and think about your 'response', and try not to impulsively 'react' - because sometimes such quick reactions are inappropriate and are cause for regret. And we can all learn to respond appropriately, in controlling our thoughts, emotions and behaviours... it just takes time and practice :-)

Wait for Part 2 of our 'Little Secrets'!

In part 1 of our 'Little Secrets', the emphasis was on control over our mind, emotions and body. Did you also know that our physiology, our physical movements can influence our emotions? The best analogy for this is exercise.

If we exercise (it might be a bit painful for those lazy ones of us- just at first!), our body releases powerful chemicals, endorphins, which cause feelings of pleasure (this is why some people become 'addicted' after passing the 'pain threshold').

It has even been claimed that some of the chemicals released in this 'physical' response are actually more powerful than morphine! Wonderful huh? Our own natural pleasure stimuli! Who needs drugs when we create our own internally!

This leads me to another LITTLE SECRET (if you don't want to exercise of course!). This is a simple little exercise - and it actually works! Why? Because it is almost impossible for the brain to feel both positive and negative feelings at exactly the same time.

If you are in a moment of despair or worry, no matter what the circumstance, try to Stop for a moment. Sometimes all you need to do is to intentionally 'force' a SMILE on your face! Lift those cheeks up, lift those lips up, move your face up, up, and up....SMILE!

:-]

No, that's not good enough - really SMILE

:-D

Imagine you are 'happy'. These 'physical' movements can actually trigger an 'emotional' response!

If you pay direct and conscious attention (which we don't often), you will notice, during a time of fear or worry, that your facial muscles, your jaw, everything is clenched up, stressed. But if you release that stress, amazing things can follow with your emotions.

So just try smiling. A simple smile - put a big grin on your face :-D - and somehow, you feel a little better. But only so long as that smile is up there!

Smile and all of a sudden - because your body usually associates smiling with good things - you do actually feel better - it cannot be helped - you cannot avoid it! You have absolutely no choice about it!

Smile - and this physical act - any positive physical act (standing taller, straighter, walking faster, more energy) - will usually have a direct and immediate impact upon your emotions - and hence, your thoughts and your behaviour.

I can't say this enough - simply try the SMILE TECHNIQUE - AND IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO FEEL AS BAD AS YOU DID A MOMENT AGO!! :-)

Stay tuned for Part 3 of our Little Secrets....

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."
- Abraham Lincoln

"Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot."
- famous quote by Jim Rohn. :-D

"If you simply read affirmations as statements or quotes, they become mere CONTENT. That is: Neutral Thoughts of the Mind.. Thought and content without energy and emotion, bring nothing. To achieve them, You must really believe and FEEL your affirmations and dreams - with great ENERGY.

Everything in life is made of energy, down to the smallest atom. So draw upon this energy of the Universe and really Believe and Feel your desires ... Your Dreams ... with energetic and positive passion... like a small child who wants something ever-so badly and is not afraid to show it!"
- Me :-)

Carrying on from Part 2 of "Some Little Secrets' and the Effects of our Physiology-Body on our Mindset, another 'little secret' is one we all know about.

Probably most of us know about the value of Positive Affirmations - ie. trying to think positively and make positive statements to replace our negative thoughts with positive ones.

Howevever, for some reason, we have been conditioned towards the negative thoughts - they seems easier to believe (except for those lucky few who always seem to be happy and carefree!!).

Thus, whenever something negative happens, we tend to think - 'see, it is true, I am a failure, or similiar'. We are reinforcing the negatives in our lives, our beliefs about ourselves (or at least our 'perception' of ourselves, which is often at the sub-conscious level).

Strangely, we do not focus as much on the positive experiences we have had in our lifetimes. We tend to skip over those (unless again, you are a naturally positive person!).

In truth - it is much easier to focus on the negatives, because we don't have to take responsibility. We can become the 'victim'. And we 'confirm' our subconscious beliefs which have developed over time.

In trying to change this, however, as you may know, positive affirmations are often associated with 'visualisation techniques'. You visualise what and where and how you want to be in the future - your dreams, visions and goals. Where you are now and where you would like to be (unless you are already there - lucky person!).

Most, if not all of you, will also know about the power of visualisation in this respect. If we practice and believe in it, visualisation can be a powerful tool, because -

'LIFE IS AN ILLUSION NOT A FACT'

Did you know that your mind does not often know the difference between 'reality' (what is happening, life events now) - and our 'perceptions of reality'. In other words,

"Life is an illusion, not a fact; What we see is merely a reflection, or a mirror of ourselves looking back". This is Our Own Unique 'Perception' of Life'

Thus - if we practice visualising what we want in our lives (just like 'visualising for an exam' to prepare yourself) - your mind begins to read this as 'actual' experience! It apparently does not know the difference.

And if you visualise strongly enough and really believe - it becomes your mind's reality!

Imagine the power of positive affirmations and visualisations in creating your own destiny!