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From the lens Sarah: The Suicide of Our Adult Child.

  • crazy_anna May 22, 2012 @ 1:49 am | delete
    so sad. im sorry =(
  • Gloriousconfusion May 13, 2012 @ 8:53 am | delete
    Angel Blessings seem almost inconsequential for such a thought-provoking personal story. Thank you for telling this
  • AnnMarie7 May 11, 2012 @ 6:20 am | delete
    What a sad tragedy. I just read your lens on Jason last night, and had no idea that his sister had died also. I have great respect for you and your husband for the wonderful home you provided for these two children. I believe that God sent them to you for a reason, and that they are both now with our Heavenly Father. Thank you for sharing and may God bless you.
  • cynthia-ann-leighton May 6, 2012 @ 8:08 pm | delete
    Thanks for sharing your family's story. Blesssing to you all.
  • earthybirthymama Apr 25, 2012 @ 3:17 pm | delete
    What a difficult story to tell. my heart goes out to you and your family. Many Blessings
  • spellbindingsisters Mar 29, 2012 @ 1:48 am | delete
    Our hearts go out to you & your family.
  • Annamadagan Mar 24, 2012 @ 5:12 pm | delete
    Wow, such hard loss. God bless you! *Squid Angel Blessed.
  • davespeed Mar 18, 2012 @ 12:26 am | delete
    Barb, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult losing a child must be.
  • J-Ellen Mar 16, 2012 @ 9:29 pm | delete
    A difficult subject and you have done well to present it. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you continue to heal on this journey.
  • jsr54 Mar 14, 2012 @ 10:36 pm | delete
    You have been through this tragedy for some reason unknown to us. I feel the same way. I am so proud for you to put it all down and out there for others to hopefully live and learn. God Bless you always.
  • siobhanryan Mar 11, 2012 @ 10:10 pm | delete
    Poor you, the grief and pain must have been unbearable and poor Sarah-may she find the peace she craved in life. This lens is both a tribute to yourselves and Sarah and Jason as well. God be with you.
  • SmartyGirlRenee Mar 5, 2012 @ 8:21 am | delete
    thank you for this lens about the hardships of a young woman and the love of her adopted family
  • heluvaguy Feb 25, 2012 @ 8:02 pm | delete
    Gog Bless you and your family and may his comforter give you the pease that supasses understanding.
  • egosney78 Feb 12, 2012 @ 8:49 am | delete
    Such a sad story, not only of Sarah but Jason too. My heart goes out to you.
  • debnet Feb 9, 2012 @ 1:51 pm | delete
    I remember chatting with you on Tagfoot (I think it was) shortly after this happened. My heart went out to you then and it still does now. ~~Blessed~~
  • Zut_Moon Feb 7, 2012 @ 5:22 am | delete
    Hi Barb: I have added this lens to The Dangers of Non-Communication, Problem Avoidance and Suppressed Emotions. I lost a daughter because of suicide and it is so important for us the share our stories with others for healing and so others don't find themselves in the same route. Thanks again.
  • Zut_Moon Feb 6, 2012 @ 11:12 pm | delete
    It is extremely important to get these stories out in the open. I have 3 lenses devoted to self-help/emotions. They are: Self Destructive Behaviour, The Dangers of Non-Communication, Problem Avoidance and Suppressed Emotions and The Key to Happiness. I just "blessed" this lens and also ask you permission to feature your lens in the first two mentioned above, if you feel that your lens will fit appropriately in them. Let me know and Thanks.
  • BarbRad Feb 7, 2012 @ 12:56 am | delete
    Anyone has permission to feature or link to this lens. Thanks your for wanting to do so.
  • DeannaDiaz Jan 30, 2012 @ 2:16 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing Sarah's story, even though it is sad. Abuse can cause life long damage and I feel so sorry for the pain that she must have felt.
  • lisadh Jan 30, 2012 @ 12:24 pm | delete
    I'm so sorry for your loss of both of your children. I wish Sarah had been your child from the moment of birth because I think her life would have turned out so differently. It's tragic that the scars from her early years haunted her for the rest of her life. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.
  • veryirie Jan 28, 2012 @ 2:47 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing a little bit of Sarah's story with us. I'm so sorry for you folks and for Sarah for the way she left this earth, but I have no doubt Sarah felt your love. God's blessings!
  • PastorCher Jan 22, 2012 @ 1:57 am | delete
    I am sorry to be reading a lens like this. No one should ever have to bury a child (or children), but sadly it happens. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you comfort and that your stories about your children will aid in your healing and bring hope to others who read them.
  • Frischy Jan 16, 2012 @ 7:31 am | delete
    I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, twice. There are no words to express what I am feeling right now after reading about Sarah. It is tragic what happens to some (too many) children early in life, and then there is another tragedy in that no one knows how to really help them once they have been removed from that terrible situation and into a family that loves them. I am so sorry!
  • Donnette Jan 15, 2012 @ 12:29 pm | delete
    Sarah was blessed to have you and Kosta in her life... Thank you for sharing your story with us.
  • collettehrock Nov 17, 2011 @ 5:33 am | delete
    What a sad story, the memories that she had as a child before she even came into your care would have haunted her throughout her life, it is really hard to say anything, know child should ever have to be put through what she went through in her early home life, I don't know what the answer is and it doesn't matter how much comfort you gave, nothing will take away what those children went through, I applaud you for having the courage to take those children into your home
  • ouriloilo Nov 5, 2011 @ 9:37 pm | delete
    Despite all your effort, people with suicidal instincts could never be "normal" until they get to know Christ as their Savior.
  • BarbRad Nov 5, 2011 @ 11:39 pm | delete
    ouriloilo, no one but our Lord really knows whether Sarah was depending upon him for salvation. At some points in her life she claimed to be a Christian. Only God knows for sure. Did she fail to trust him when she pulled the trigger? I'd say at that moment she was not trusting him. Would her life have been happier and less lonely if she had been able to trust him in all things? Certainly. I prefer to trust him as her judge, since only he completely knew her heart and the state of her soul.
  • tokyonights7 Oct 22, 2011 @ 9:46 am | delete
    I am so sorry about Sarah. You gave your all, and I am sure that deep down, she knew and appreciated that.
  • JanTUB Sep 29, 2011 @ 11:57 pm | delete
    What a wonderful way to document a troubled girl's journey. Thanks you for taking her in, and thanks for sharing.
  • GroovyFinds Aug 11, 2011 @ 5:38 pm | delete
    My husband & I are also foster parents adopting older children. It's an eye opening experience. Blessed
  • sousababy Aug 3, 2011 @ 8:10 am | delete
    Oh, and so glad to see this has a purple star . . it should have more purple stars. Thank you, you may not realize just how much this lens will heal others. And spare lives, I am certain.
  • sousababy Aug 3, 2011 @ 8:07 am | delete
    Oh, I don't know how you found the strength to write about something so painful. I am crying, I am so sad about the loss of your beautiful child. I don't know what else to say. I am so moved by your writing. I know you will help many, many others. In my family, there has been 2 suicides. Thank you for sharing this. Liked and Googled +1'd. Take good care, Rose
  • MomwithAHook Jul 24, 2011 @ 10:34 pm | delete
    Didn't know this - I first read your work on Hubpages with your husband. It is odd hearing from the point of view from the family because I was one who almost ended her life on a number of occasions.
    She is precious and I am glad she no longer has to suffer the darkness of what haunted her.
    Blessings and Prayers to you.
  • javrsmith Jul 7, 2011 @ 12:24 am | delete
    Found this lens again and it's as moving as ever. My thoughts are with you and all of the others affected by the terrible after effects of suicide. Blessed.
  • Annamadagan Jun 8, 2011 @ 4:17 pm | delete
    I am praying for you. That must have been very hard to take in.
    ~God Bless~
  • giftskingdom Apr 26, 2011 @ 9:15 am | delete
    So sorry to hear this story, I feel pain...god bless you.
  • wordstock Apr 20, 2011 @ 11:39 am | delete
    I am creating my lens for the top ten lenses that I think are the best in my SquidAngel topic of Children. I have added this lens and the one on becoming a parent. All of your lenses are powerful and tell a story of love and hope. I realized that I had not blessed this lens so I did that too.
  • lizziehumphreys Apr 13, 2011 @ 10:14 am | delete
    such a beautiful lens, God bless you and your family xxxxx
  • Irenemaria Apr 2, 2011 @ 5:03 am | delete
    Your pain is in my heart! I am an adopted child too. Living with Dysthymic disorder. Sometimes we get fractures in our soul that mend wrong. Not always there is somebody to blame. Life is not easy at all! Blessings from me!
  • Mar 21, 2011 @ 10:01 pm | delete
    Many blessings to you, Barb, as you continue on your journey.
  • kajohu Mar 20, 2011 @ 7:12 pm | delete
    This is a heart-wrenching story -- Sarah was indeed a beautiful girl and young woman. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!
  • Ruthi Mar 15, 2011 @ 1:18 pm | delete
    What a heart grabbing tribute lens... tragic lives, but love exists, then and now. Warm blessings to you.
  • Dinostore Mar 10, 2011 @ 9:43 am | delete
    This is a very touching lens, thanks for sharing your story. Thumbs up and fav'd.
  • seashell2 Feb 28, 2011 @ 8:20 pm | delete
    Thanks for sharing this, what a touching story... and so sorry for your loss, your family has been through a lot! God Bless you...
  • Pinkchic18 Feb 18, 2011 @ 11:06 am | delete
    Blessed by a SquidAngel. May your heart continue to heal, this is a very touching story.
  • Dkprincess6 Feb 16, 2011 @ 11:39 am | delete
    Wow! What a story! It's very moving, and God bless you for doing what you could for a very troubled child. Blessed by an angel.
  • karendd123 Feb 16, 2011 @ 8:57 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing your story. Maybe it will help someone else.
  • AdrianaCopaceanu Feb 10, 2011 @ 6:52 pm | delete
    I am so sorry about your loss. It's such a sad story....
  • xenoc Feb 9, 2011 @ 4:47 am | delete
    really tragic story, i'm sorry about your daughter..always praying to god mydear BarbRad
  • PrettyWorld Feb 6, 2011 @ 10:26 pm | delete
    Very moving story. I am so sorry for your loss.
  • JeremiahStanghini Feb 4, 2011 @ 10:46 pm | delete
    Seems like it was quite a process for you to write this lens. I hope you got out of it what you wanted.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jeremiah
  • Miriam2008 Feb 4, 2011 @ 9:40 pm | delete
    Amazing story. My heart is with you.
  • PaulOnBooks Jan 31, 2011 @ 7:41 am | delete
    Rest in peace, Sarah and Jason.
  • miaponzo Jan 24, 2011 @ 4:14 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing! :) This almost happened to me, but we saved my child from doing it.. I hope for good!
  • ajgodinho Jan 23, 2011 @ 7:46 pm | delete
    Wow, I can't begin to imagine what you guys went through and still going through with all that's transpired. So sorry to hear about losing your loved ones, even though they were adopted. May the Lord heal all wounds and thanks for openly sharing your story in so much detail...God bless!
  • jptanabe Jan 20, 2011 @ 4:53 pm | delete
    Came back to bless this really amazing lens.
  • ShandiGP Jan 16, 2011 @ 8:10 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing this.
  • rlivermore Jan 16, 2011 @ 5:00 pm | delete
    I can't imagine losing even one child, much less two. How difficult things must be for you as you live a life that is no doubt very different than you hoped or planned.
  • Mujjen Jan 16, 2011 @ 8:59 am | delete
    Thanks for sharing. You did all you could for Sarah and Jason, more than many would!
  • hayleylou Jan 15, 2011 @ 10:41 pm | delete
    Thanks for sharing your very emotional story. **Blessed** and featured on My Time as a Squid Angel :)
  • AnnaleeBlysse Jan 13, 2011 @ 4:07 am | delete
    I hope that your sharing this tribute will help someone in need get through their own difficult times.
  • KokoTravel Jan 3, 2011 @ 4:43 pm | delete
    Unbelievably sad... such a crime that children are abused. The effects of these acts are difficult to overcome. I am so sorry that Sarah could not get beyond them.
  • Nightowl_John Dec 30, 2010 @ 6:45 am | delete
    I honestly don't know what to say about this very beautiful, albeit sad, lens. I have had tears in my eyes through my reading of it. Squid Angel blessed.
  • darciefrench Dec 30, 2010 @ 1:31 am | delete
    Thank-you for sharing Sarah's life. It is obvious how much you loved her and wanted the best for her. Praying she's found peace.
  • wordstock Dec 26, 2010 @ 9:12 pm | delete
    We know about torment and I want to thank you for posting such important information. Angel blessing this lens. It doesn't mean much in the face of your tragedy but it means a lot to me. Please accept my sympathy. You may help more people than you realize. I will be forwarding this on to those who need. it. Well written.
  • jeanwolf50 Dec 25, 2010 @ 4:38 pm | delete
    What a beautiful tribute. I am sorry for your pain and for the pain that tormented Sarah. You were and continue to be a wonderful parent.
  • Momsbusy247 Dec 21, 2010 @ 11:34 pm | delete
    What do I say? I am so sorry for your loss, for your daughters torment, for a young life cut short. You were great parents and wonderful people who tried so hard to help a desperate little girl who could not deal with her demons.

    Bless you and I hope that you have found some solace by writing this lens. It deserves every trophy that Squidoo has.
  • tvyps Dec 19, 2010 @ 2:07 am | delete
    Wonderful tribute and you know that this will help MANY others....many prayers & blessings to you.
  • amandaquerque Dec 12, 2010 @ 9:51 pm | delete
    What an amazing and touching story. It is beautiful that you chose to adopt an older child and gave her a childhood. I am touched and so sorry for your loss. I am so glad you had the strength to share her story. This lens has been blessed by a Squid Angel and I am sure it is blessed by a real angel, Sarah, as well.
  • capriliz Nov 29, 2010 @ 10:09 pm | delete
    Barb, Thank you for sharing the story of your daughter. I am so sorry that she could not find peace here with her family. My brother took his life when he was 20, many years ago. The sadness is always with us.
  • javrsmith Nov 5, 2010 @ 5:15 pm | delete
    Very moving story. My condolences.
  • MissMerFaery Nov 4, 2010 @ 7:35 pm | delete
    This is a beautiful tribute to Sarah and so brave. So sorry for your sad loss. I know the pain of having lost a friend to suicide so goodness only knows how painful it must have been to lose someone you had parented, my love and light to you.
  • Margo_Arrowsmith Nov 2, 2010 @ 2:37 pm | delete
    Very brave lens.

    I have worked with adoptive families with both infants and older kids, both have issues, but the adoptive kids come with so much baggage, it is so hard.
  • spritequeen Oct 22, 2010 @ 10:07 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing such a touching story. So sorry for your loss.
  • LisaAuch Oct 21, 2010 @ 8:59 am | delete
    I came back to vist your dedicated page for Sarah. :-)
  • LisaAuch Nov 2, 2010 @ 2:59 am | delete
    I always said if I was ever a SquidAngel I would come back and Bless this lens, I am honoured to be able to do that! Blessed.
  • BarbRad Nov 2, 2010 @ 3:38 am | delete
    Lisa, thank you for making a special trip back to do this. I really appreciate it.
  • JJNW Oct 20, 2010 @ 4:03 pm | delete
    SquidAngel Blessings on this lens in appreciation of your angels, your story, and the love you brought into the lives of these children. I think this will touch many people.
  • BarbRad Oct 20, 2010 @ 4:39 pm | delete
    Thank you for your angel blessing.
  • JDWheeler Oct 19, 2010 @ 3:28 pm | delete
    After reading this, I feel like a know Sarah and your family. I know it was tough for you to type these words, but thank you for sharing.
  • TheWhistler Oct 8, 2010 @ 4:37 pm | delete
    Wonderful lens. Thank you.
  • Tipi Oct 7, 2010 @ 1:48 am | delete
    I'm at a loss for words. Thank you for sharing your love and your loss.
  • toriphile81 Sep 14, 2010 @ 5:46 pm | delete
    Wow, there are no words. Thank you for sharing such a personal story, you are an amazing person.
  • LisaAuch Sep 12, 2010 @ 2:17 pm | delete
    I have sat glued to my computer reading about Sarah, in many ways she is like me, I too left home at 16 unable to stay, I have now lost my adoptive mother (cancer) and father (suicide), I found my birth mother 15 years ago and its going okay, but I miss my mum! The comfort it has brought me knowing there are many people who have been affected by these issues is really overwhelming, I suffer from severe depression, although to the outside world you would never know, I believe your life journey happens for a reason and that reason is only known to the great God above.
    When my father died my friends daughter innocently said "maybe God needed another angel," and maybe he needed Sarah and Jason too. What a tremendous woman you are being able to write about your experiences to help others.
    Lisa
  • VickiSims Sep 11, 2010 @ 5:07 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing such a personal tragic story to help others who have gone through something similar or who are trying to help a troubled child. How wonderful for Sarah that you cared and tried to help her.
  • Teenages Programs Jul 24, 2010 @ 2:17 am | delete
    I am really sad to know the suicide news of Sarah. Depression is one of the major causes behind the self injury and self suicidal tendency in unmotivated teenagers. Generally parents also get disturbed to look the uncontrolled behavior of their kids and unable to find appropriate programs. There are several counseling centers and treatment centers which deal with the teenage self injury and cutting problems of distressed youths. Therapy programs are designed in such ways that provide high motivation, confidence and self esteem to depressed children. Parents can get detailed information on teenage self injury prevention with the help of site.
  • WeddingZazzle Jul 10, 2010 @ 3:31 pm | delete
    Sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing. Blessed by a SquidAngel :)
  • Jolene_Belmain Jun 12, 2010 @ 7:44 pm | delete
    So sad....
  • Spook May 23, 2010 @ 4:36 am | delete
    I really don't know what to say, except she was lucky to have you and your husband.
  • skiesgreen May 20, 2010 @ 12:12 am | delete
    Its a very sad story but many foster kids have so much to deal with. We just don't understand all they go through. Blessed and featured on Sprinkled with Stardust.
  • d-artist Apr 29, 2010 @ 8:05 pm | delete
    5* my heart is heavy reading this, I pray God heals your loving and kind heart.
  • The-Java-Gal Apr 29, 2010 @ 2:22 pm | delete
    I have more tears than words. There are so many influences that make people "broken" and even though we do the best we can, in reality, God does the final healing. Suicide has to be one of the hardest situations for surviving friends and family. Hopefully your heartfelt outpouring will touch others just when they need it the most. Beautiful lens on an extremely painful subject - 5*s
  • windygig Mar 11, 2010 @ 1:37 pm | delete
    very, very moving. thank you for sharing
  • SoyCandleLover-Maker Feb 25, 2010 @ 3:23 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing such a touching story about your Sarah. Not that it had the same result, but my cousin also named Sarah, was a foster child adopted by my aunt (my mom's sister) and uncle. Even though she was less than 2, her adjustment was very difficult. I don't know all the details as I was young myself and my mother, who knew more of Sarah's story, has since passed away. The only thing I knew for sure was that before my aunt adopted her, she was placed in foster care with nuns because she was "unused to men". By that I mean she screamed her head off whenever in the presence of any man. I now have to wonder if she had been sexually abused as well. It took a very long time before she was comfortable with my uncle and I believe he must have had the patience of a saint. Her life continues to have it's serious ups and downs.

    Thank you for sharing such a touching and heart wrenching story about your Sarah. I wish you peace, health and happiness.
  • BarbRad Feb 25, 2010 @ 4:41 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing about your cousin. I'm glad she is still alive to grow and have ups and downs. She still has a chance. I wish your aunt and uncle the patience and love it will take to nurture her through good and bad times.
  • Gladdmo64 Jan 22, 2010 @ 10:27 am | delete
    AWESOME Lens, I was not looking for this, just visiting different lenses out of curosity and this one caught my attention.. You have done an outstanding job, I hope this excellent chornicle of your daughter's life help to bring healing to you and your family.
    GG
  • Norma_Budden Jan 19, 2010 @ 12:22 am | delete
    Well, Barb, I told you I'd be back. I saw the title of this lens a few days ago and knew I'd return to read it. In appearance, Sarah grew into a beautiful young woman; it's too bad so much psychological damage had been caused at such an early stage in her life.

    Sometimes I imagine how I may feel if one of my children went missing (involuntarily) and it drives me crazy. At other times, I shudder at the thought that one of them may grow up and commit suicide because of situations in life later on.

    This is heartbreaking - made especially so because I knew the end result at the beginning. Nonetheless, I kept pulling for her - hoping she would overcome the negative influences of her youth.

    Tears flood my eyes now; I'm sorry but I just cannot make any further comments at this time, though I do wonder how Wes dealt, and is dealing, with this...regardless of how much time may have passed.

    Very touching lens...when you feel really low, consider visiting When Darkness Settles In..
  • WindyWinters Jan 15, 2010 @ 12:35 pm | delete
    Congratulations on your Purple Star and for sharing a difficult story.
  • Ladymermaid Jan 2, 2010 @ 6:28 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing this very touching story about Sarah's life.
  • MysticTurtle Jan 1, 2010 @ 9:32 pm | delete
    Such a moving lens, beautifully written. I can't begin to imagine what it is like to lose someone to suicide. Thank you for sharing with us.
  • Treasures-By-Brenda Dec 29, 2009 @ 6:34 pm | delete
    A sad story, but your daughter Sarah was very lucky to have you and your husband.
    You have put a ton of work into this lens & it is blessed by a SquidAngel.
  • Shibamom Nov 24, 2009 @ 4:19 pm | delete
    God bless you and your family. Thank you for sharing this tragic, yet beautiful story.
  • CoolFoto Nov 17, 2009 @ 5:20 pm | delete
    May God bless you and your family. Your discussion should be helpful to others.
  • lasertek Nov 15, 2009 @ 6:48 pm | delete
    This is really sad. I commend you for your courage in sharing your family's story.
  • Carol Nov 13, 2009 @ 11:37 pm | delete
    Dear Barb, this is so beautiful, even in its sadness. I lost my mom, I believe, to suicide. But it does not compare with the loss of one's dearly loved child to it. May you and Kosta be comforted in your grief, and know that your love for Sarah is not lost, that there is meaning to the time Sarah and Jason spent with you, and that the legacy of your love for them will go on. The kids are your witnesses in heaven.
  • 24websurf Nov 13, 2009 @ 10:31 pm | delete
    Barb, I know from experience just writing about it helps some. I wish there was I could do.
    ~ Blessed by a Squid Angel ~
  • LoKackl Oct 25, 2009 @ 10:39 am | delete
    So sorry - Barb - - Suicide child is a wonderful memorial, and a wake-up call for anyone who cares about young people. 5*/fav/fan/roll to free-bereavement-verses and begin-again.
    Thank you so much for sharing your sweet child with us and your honesty about her "wide wound."
    "A not admitting of the wound
    Until it grew so wide
    That all my Life had entered it
    And there were troughts beside -

    A closing of the simple lid that opended to the sun
    Until the tender Carpenter
    Perpetual nail it down -"
    (by Emily Dickinson)
  • a_willow Oct 24, 2009 @ 12:04 pm | delete
    This is really sad story to read. And it must have been very hard to write. I'm really sorry she decided to end her life in this way. I can only hope you'll find your peace with sharing it. Blessed by an Angel!
  • Sojourn Oct 20, 2009 @ 9:36 pm | delete
    Barb, what a sad and touching story and I'm so sorry for your loss. Your daughter was beautiful and it sounds as if you tried beyond measure to help her deal with the horrors delivered on her at such a young age. Sometimes we cannot fix what has been broken; we can only ease the journey. You and Kostas did so with your whole hearts. No one could have asked for more. Excellently written and filled with insight into the difficulty of raising troubled children whether they be adopted or not. Sincerely, Erica
  • dagsmith Oct 19, 2009 @ 8:33 am | delete
    What an amazing story - hopefully your sharing not only helps you with the grieving process but maybe helps or inspires another parent or potential parent.
  • Jewelsofawe Oct 18, 2009 @ 1:40 am | delete
    Wow! What a sad story! I am sorry for the sadness. It is good you were in her life.
  • The_Party_Animal Oct 17, 2009 @ 8:29 pm | delete
    Wow I do not even know what to say - I am just glad you are able to get it out and writing being very helpful. My jaw is still on the floor - this was tough to read - you must be a very strong woman. I have blessed this lens and will watch for more of your writings - no doubt they are straight from the heart.
  • stargazer00 Oct 13, 2009 @ 2:21 pm | delete
    Such a beautiful girl and such a tragic life. It makes me so sad to see children like this who have been deprived of a normal life and normal relationships by those who are supposed to love and take care of them. It is obvious to me that you and your husband gave her and her brother the best life possible. I'm sad that it ended this way. Squid Angel Blessings.
  • GrowWear Oct 11, 2009 @ 5:34 pm | delete
    Dropping in on my new Angel wings to bless this deserving lens...a blessing dedicated to Sarah, who is gone too soon. Love.
  • hlkljgk Oct 7, 2009 @ 9:04 pm | delete
    thank you for sharing your story. i have always been interested in adopting older children.
  • Brookelorren Oct 6, 2009 @ 5:30 pm | delete
    So sad... you did the best that you could though. Even though she wasn't able to heal completely, you probably did make her life better because you cared.
  • theraggededge Oct 5, 2009 @ 2:32 am | delete
    So heartbreaking - it was as though Sarah was sand... however hard you tried, she was never going to remain in your hands. You gave her a great gift - love, and I'm sure deep down she knew that. I applaud you for having the courage to share your story and also for having the courage to open your lives to these two beautiful children. Many stars to you.
  • Evelyn_Saenz Oct 4, 2009 @ 11:20 am | delete
    I can't imagine being able to write this lens let alone live through the difficulties you have been through. You and Costa are very special people to have taken these two children in and I can tell that you did the very best for them that you could have.

    I hope that your lens helps other families dealing with these issues. Thank you for sharing.
  • BarbRad Oct 2, 2009 @ 1:50 pm | in reply to debnet | delete
    Actually, as I have been gathering the pictures for this lens and the some of the others, such as my lens on our Parenting Years, I was reminded of all the good times. WE did a lot of fun things as a family -- vacations, traveling, learning and reading and playing together. Those have brought happy memories. Things didn't really start to be traumatic until Sarah turned 14 or 15. Up until then we had the usual problems I assume most families have when raising children, but we also had many happy family times. We were able to see Sarah and Jason united again under the same roof. We watched them play together and even fight with each other as siblings do. If we had it do over, we would still adopt Sarah and Jason -- we just might, if we had access to the hindsight we have gained, change some of the way we handled things.
  • debnet Oct 2, 2009 @ 12:13 pm | delete
    I just read every word... every single word. I work on emotional wellbeing with children just like Sarah, and all I can say is thank heavens for people such as yourself and Kosta. Sarah's story is tragic. And even if she was unable to show you, I'm sure the years she spent with you were the most secure and loving she'd ever encountered in her younger life. She just didn't know how to let you in to her world. I hope you can also reflect on the some positive times with Sarah, even thought they may not have been plentiful, and take pride in the knowledge that you were there for her. I salute you.
  • azpoppy Oct 1, 2009 @ 6:28 pm | delete
    What a heartbreaking story. It is so sad that, even as hard as you tried to provide a stable home life for Sarah, it wasn't enough to overcome the psychological damage that was done in the early years of her life. Thank you for sharing your story.
  • rms Sep 30, 2009 @ 10:40 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing Sarah's heartbreaking story with us.
  • boshemia Sep 28, 2009 @ 3:37 pm | delete
    What an emotional story... a story that needs to be told. Some people carry scars that the rest of the world can't see, but you chose to love her anyway and that is the greatest gift you could have given her. You have a strong heart, and a gentle spirit...
  • SherryHolderHunt Sep 24, 2009 @ 10:50 am | delete
    As I read this lens my heart aches for you and your family and for Sarah. She was very beautiful and your love for her comes through strongly. I hate that she suffered so much pain at a very young age. I pray the hurt you feel will lessen with each day.
  • TrinaSonnenberg Sep 24, 2009 @ 5:39 am | delete
    Thank you for sharing your story. You are a very courageous woman. My oldest son just went through a suicide tragedy recently. His roommate killed himself at their residence. So sad.
    Sarah was a beautiful girl.
  • jeanne Sep 21, 2009 @ 8:16 pm | delete
    Barbara, there is nothing I can say. My heart breaks for you and Kosta when I think of the tragedies that happened for both of your children, and for the grief it has brought you. I am sure the resources you have listed will be helpful for others dealing with adoption and suicide.
  • KarateKatGraphics Sep 19, 2009 @ 7:24 pm | delete
    How awful, and a waste of a beautiful young woman's life. My heart breaks for you.
  • Val_Bonney Sep 15, 2009 @ 5:23 am | delete
    Barbara - this was a most heart-breaking lens to read, and I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to write. You say it is part of your grief work and I dearly hope it helped in your journey of recovery from this unbearably painful experience.

    My heart aches for Sarah's sad life, unable to recover from her early traumas despite the love and care she received ... and for Jason, whose life was also cut short and who must have suffered terribly from divided loyalties and the burden of his sister's difficulties ... and for you and Kosta, for all you gave and all you suffered.

    Thank you for sharing this in the way you have - honestly, openly and with helpful suggestions for others facing similar issues. Bless you xx
  • momto4 Sep 11, 2009 @ 5:42 pm | delete
    I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child. It must have been hard for you share your story with everyone.
  • luvmyludwig Sep 11, 2009 @ 7:52 am | delete
    This is so very heart wrenching. I left a comment on your latest lens for rocketmoms about it sounding like you have done a wonderful job as a parent. This statement holds true for me. I know that you did everything you could have done and I hope that you know this also. It is amazing how well you convey your feelings.
  • MarinaKuperman Aug 26, 2009 @ 10:26 pm | delete
    This is one of the most powerful lens, or pages I have read. the fact that you can describe her pain so intensely is amazing. The poor girl, kids are so not responsible for who the were born to. It is such a shame what people do. Yet, you and your husband are truly wonderful people and I feel have given this girl some happiness!
  • Heather426 Aug 20, 2009 @ 3:57 pm | delete
    I cried my eyes out. I had a friend commit suicide and that was bad enough, this is really hard. So Sorry you went through this.5*
  • EverythingMouse Aug 5, 2009 @ 7:36 pm | delete
    This lens really does have me lost for words Barbara. Blessed by a Squid Angel
  • susannaduffy Aug 3, 2009 @ 5:44 pm | delete
    Thank you for this story of love, It's an excellently crafted lens but I hardly had time to notice your skill as I was so deeply moved by the unfolding story. Blessed by an angel today (squidoo.com/more-angel-blessings)
  • Angel Aug 3, 2009 @ 5:08 pm | delete
    I read your story & it brought me to tears. Thanks so much for sharing it on redgage.
    Excellently written. I felt like I got to know Sarah while reading this.
    I am very sorry for your loss.
  • mbgphoto Aug 3, 2009 @ 7:34 am | delete
    This is a beautiful tribute..my condolences to you in this difficult time.
  • LaraineRose Jul 29, 2009 @ 3:49 am | delete
    I shed a few tears while reading this. I could tell that you loved both Jason and Sarah. Death is certainly our enemy. It is so sad when a young person dies. 5*s for this tribute to a lovely young person.
  • sandyspider Jul 28, 2009 @ 9:47 am | delete
    Sorry for your loss of Sarah. You have beautifully put this story together. I know it must of been hard for you. 5*
  • cjsysreform Jul 24, 2009 @ 2:52 pm | delete
    This is a lovely memorial. I am so sorry for your loss of Sarah.

    I've linked back here from my teen drug abuse lens; thanks for the lensroll.
  • Momtothezoo Jul 22, 2009 @ 9:47 pm | delete
    I was a foster mother for five years. We adopted one 13 year old and were planning to adopt her best friend of 12 years old. However, the 12 year old was a runaway and we could not get her to stop. It affected the other teen so we had to give her up. Our adopted daughter came to us at the age of 11. I can totally understand what you have gone through and it is very hard to handle. We were luckier...she is now 21.There are problems still but she did bond with us and, after finding her birth mother, is very glad she was with us. She still has issues but is trying to work through them...is hoping to join the Armed Forces by the fall and wants to go into her adopted father's field of Air Traffic Control. She, better than anyone, would be able to understand Sarah, I am sure. My heart goes out to you and your husband I, too, have written our child's story, at her insistance and with her help. http://www.squidoo.com/audreys-story It is in three parts..first lens will lead to other two.
  • GrowWear Jul 22, 2009 @ 9:24 pm | delete
    Condolences to you and your family for your heartbreak and loss. As much as you could, under the circumstances of how her life played out, you've given Sarah a voice with this beautiful tribute.
  • Joan4 Jul 22, 2009 @ 7:59 pm | delete
    Thank you for sharing your story. I know this had to be very difficult to write. I hurt with you.
  • OhMe Jul 22, 2009 @ 7:11 pm | delete
    My heart goes out to you and your family. You have done a beautiful job putting it all together for this lens and I feel sure it will touch all who read it.
  • needatitleokc Jul 22, 2009 @ 5:19 pm | delete
    My mother told me once it is the hardest thing there isto go through in losing your child. She lost her son in an airplane accident and it seemed harder for her than losing my father. I can not even begin to tell you I know how you fee. I am sorry for your lose. Carolyn Cecil www.squidoo.com/needatitle
  • BarbRad Jul 22, 2009 @ 12:47 am | in reply to Dianne | delete
    Dianne, how did you ever find this? Where are you now? Last I knew you were overseas somewhere. At the top of this page is a row of icons. There's a duplicate of it at the bottom of this page. Right next to the smiley face is an envelope. Please click it and let me know what else is going on with you and how you happened to find this page. When I do the Jason page and the CBS pages, you may find yourself in them. Won't have time to do that for a while, though. I'm glad you found me, and thank you for your kind words. God works in mysterious ways. Are you on line anywhere?
  • Dianne Jul 21, 2009 @ 5:08 pm | delete
    Barb, You've been on my mind for a while now. Now I understand why the Lord brought our friendship to mind again. I'm so grieved for your and Kosta's loss and for the loss of what Sarah could have become. My husband is a Chaplain at a rescue mission and works with damaged souls daily. The pain caused to defenseless children in their early childhood can sometimes be irreparable. I know you both did your very best. I was in your home numerous times and witnessed your love and the devotion for those two wonderful kids. July 20th marked 21 years ago that I went to Family Camp with you for the first time!! Many blessings and hugs go out to you from me.
  • paperfacets Jul 14, 2009 @ 12:17 pm | delete
    Your story is riveting and I am so sorry. This is a hard story to tell, but I believe it is good to
    write about it. Telling Sarah's and your story will help some else, I think.
  • Deb Jul 8, 2009 @ 5:23 pm | in reply to BarbRad | delete
    Barb - I am so sorry that Edie said what she did to you. As the mom of 5 adopted kids - all of them older except the last - I know that you're not trying to justify yourself. We didn't cause their problems and often it seems there's little we can do to solve them. If you haven't been there, you can't understand.
  • LindaJM Jul 8, 2009 @ 1:46 am | delete
    Barb, I'm so sorry... it looks like you and your husband have been through the mill. Adoption is a very difficult thing for all involved, I know. This is so sad that their mother abandoned them. I'm sure Sarah could just never get over that. Emotional scars are deep and lasting. You did all you could.
  • worktogetby Jul 6, 2009 @ 11:38 pm | delete
    My mother and her brothers and sisters were all adopted. She and her sister were adopted as babies where her two brothers were older. Her oldest brother who I have never met was adopted at the age of 9 like Sarah. He ran away at the age of 16 and has never been seen since. Her other brother was adopted at age 6. He never recovered from it. After 10 long years of only hearing from him every few years our family is just not seeing him on a more regular basis. I went to dinner with him a few months ago and although he seems changed there is still something off about his character. Adoption is a tough thing. We want to think we can do something for the children but in the long run we may never be able to "fix" them after so much abuse.
  • dc64 Jun 30, 2009 @ 11:36 am | delete
    It seems you did everything you could for Sarah. You provided a stable home, which is important, you enrolled her in extra-curricular activities to give her something of her own, you invited children her age over, and you took her to a therapist. You can second-guess yourself until you are blue in the face, but what good does that do? I applaud your efforts, it was much more than was done for me as a foster child, and even from my parents after foster care (no therapy, no extra-curricular activities, no sleep-overs, no chance for college, etc.) Some people just never learn to deal with the horrors of their past. Why some of us do, and some don't? I'm not sure....
    Lensrolled to my Life as a Foster Child-thanks for the comments BTW.
  • BarbRad Jun 27, 2009 @ 6:25 pm | in reply to Edie | delete
    Sarah's birth mother died by her own hand two years before Sarah did. She had taken both children to the county before they went into foster care. They weren't taken from her. She also never once wrote to the children while they were in foster care, She remarried and had another child. Sarah was already taking responsibility to keep an eye on Jason when she was only six. It would have been a nice fairy tale ending if Sarah and Jason's birth parents had not destroyed their family and it could have stayed intact. We were the second set of foster parents for Jason and at least the second set for Sarah. Whether we had adopted the children or someone else had, or whether they had remained lost in the system we found them in, they would not have been reunited with their parents. Maybe if someone else had adopted them, Sarah might have turned out differently. That's something we will never know. We already know we weren't perfect parents. Were you adopted yourself?
  • Edie Jun 27, 2009 @ 5:39 pm | delete
    What a shame;Sarah looks just like her real mother and if she could have stayed with her, things would have been different. You are trying to justify yourself....
  • Troy Jun 27, 2009 @ 1:43 pm | delete
    This shows your love for all, not just your daughter. Thanks for trying to help and adopting. Thanks for your work in helping others with your work here!
  • Ginger Jun 25, 2009 @ 10:32 pm | delete
    This was very meaningful to me, especially since my daughter adopted two similar
    special needs children/brother and sister when they were 3 and 4 yrs old. There were very rough years at first, but the children are now doing well with home schooling. They are 12 and 13, and I wonder about their teen years and future, I pray that God will protect them. Thank you for sharing Sarah's story, Barb. You did all you could. I will pray for you.
  • Booklady-Jane Jun 22, 2009 @ 5:49 pm | delete
    What a wonderful, yet heart breaking memorial. Very educational. I hope it will help many people.
  • Sandra Jun 17, 2009 @ 11:39 am | delete
    How moving, Barb. You've done a beautiful job of celebrating a life that was difficult and ended too soon. I look forward to any updates you decide to include.
  • fanfreluche Jun 14, 2009 @ 4:17 am | delete
    Such a moving story.
  • Sharon Jun 11, 2009 @ 12:36 am | delete
    Oh, Barbara, you and Kosta have been through so much together. I do not understand why your children's lives did not turn out to be this amazing testimony of God's love transforming them into healthy, loving adults who cope. I do believe that every single day they experienced your love and therefore God's love, and that your willingness to love them made a difference. I dread to think what would have transpired if they had not been with you. All the kindness you showed them is recored in Heaven. You and Kosta were wonderful parents to take in these hurting kids! You are nurturers! I am praying for you. You've done a fabulous job with this!
  • Comfortdoc Jun 10, 2009 @ 10:41 am | delete
    Welcome to the Grief & Loss Club.
  • Kathy Tabakman Jun 10, 2009 @ 2:03 am | delete
    Dear Barbara,
    This is a wonderfully, detailed chronology of Sarah's life and will be very helpful to others who are grieving or who may have a troubled child. Our regards to Kosta.
    Sincerely,
    Kathy and Jon Tabakman
  • Jimmie May 27, 2009 @ 1:47 am | delete
    Wow. What an amazing testimony to your daughter's life. I hope that creating this lens will help you heal.
  • BevsPaper May 25, 2009 @ 5:25 pm | delete
    I am so sorry for your loss! I do know from experience your pain. Thank you for submitting your lens to "Grieving Souls of Suicide".

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BarbRad

I've played many roles in my life -- student, public library clerk, English teacher in public school, elementary teacher in private schools,card buyer... more »

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